Life Updates

 I have some life updates to give you, readers, which will explain the absence of new content over the last few weeks. Tune in and I'll give you the big news!

Courtesy of Meme Creator

There are two things going on in my life that are monumental right now. I'll start with the one that deprived you of a blog post or two. 

**drum roll**

**fanfare**

I am married! My new last name is Baker and I am updating all my social media to reflect that. Be prepared to see the name change on all my social media. I was married beginning of July, while the blogs had stopped. As you probably assumed, that is why the blogs were put to the side for a brief two weeks. A new chapter has begun in my life. For obvious reasons, I won't be telling you too much personal info on this post (internet safety.....), but you do get to see some of my engagement pictures courtesy of  Envision Photo. Enjoy!

In Other News.....

Big news number two is that I am in the two final stages of finishing a suspense novel. It is called Wrenville and is about a private investigator who is running from his past case. Jack, my main character, ends up in Wrenville, Illinois to avoid a female assassin network he discovered while working a case. It all catches up with him as he begins to get comfortable in this small town. He now has to worry about everything - including the woman he is attempting to date. 

I have been editing this for months. I wrote this a good while back and hired an editor named Vaughn Foster (an excellent editor), who has collaboratively edited this novel. I'm having three beta readers going through the final draft as you read this. The last step is to have Vaughn go over it one last time after that before I release it. I'm beyond excited, but the promotion of it (should I have to do it all by myself) will be time-consuming, thus, I decided to wait to release it until after the wedding and honeymoon are over. Which is now whenever the editing is done. 

Rest assured, you will hear about the release of it when the time is right. I want to do this the right way and make it all look good, so I'm not rushing the editing process. You will all be one of the first to know all about its release. 

games for introverts

Gaming for extroverts and introverts is different. The style of games that we choose is not the same. What games do introverts prefer? Keep reading.

Screenshot for Nancy Drew Sea of Darkness

It seems that we like games that have a story, puzzles, and plotline. Why? Because we can focus for long periods of time alone. Most puzzle games are done solo, thus we recharge while playing. We pay attention to everything and that makes the plotline more fun. Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't play online multiplayer games and role-playing games, but we are less likely to recharge our batteries with a game that requires communication with other players. We like to build our own worlds and create characters, then explore it all. Competitive games are not going to draw introverts. Time spent in games where we can create our own worlds will be long, focused hours. Introverted nature makes it appealing for us to disappear and create the world we want to see. The attitude about gaming when it comes to introverts is interesting. We might tell ourselves we should be doing more important things. Some gamers think they might be wasting time. 

Typical Introvert Games

Sims Screenshot

I have a few favorite games that introverted souls might enjoy. Since I'm a Nancy Drew nerd it shouldn't surprise you that I suggest the Herinteractive Nancy Drew games. They are puzzles, have plotlines, and you can play them solo. They are so fun and I adore them. 

Sims games are commonly known for world creation and a lot of Nancy Drew players also game with Sims. There are so many types of these that you can find anything you want. The Sims have been around forever. 

Speaking of the plotline, the Kyle Hyde games (Hotel Dusk and Last Window) are living novels that I know well. I love them because you have some challenge and a book in one game. Try them sometime. You might have to spend some money on these because they are from a gaming company that is out of business, but it is so worth the money. They are Nintendo DS games. 

The obvious worldbuilder here is Minecraft. Hours of time can go into your mansion and you can even fight zombies. Time passes with no effort. Before you know it, you spent five hours on your computer. 

Dungeons and Dragons and roleplaying are an ideal way to create a character, explore a world, and play along a storyline with trusted friends. An intimate group can do this for hours and escape any stress that comes with the real world. Additionally, any games that allow this type of gameplay are ideal. 

Hilariously, there is a Pet the Pup at the Party game that you can get free. In this game, your goal is the find the dog at the party and avoid the people. You can unlock dogs and their bios as you play and you have a time limit to find the doggy. Did I mention it is free? Pet the Pup Game website Here!

Games that aren't videogames

I stumbled upon some sources talking about nonvideo games. In case you are not a gamer at all, here are some sports that introverted people can have some fun with. 

Poker, strangely, is a game where you can be in a group and not speak a word other than "call", "fold", and any other poker terms you say out loud. Uncomfortable at a party?  Pull out a deck of cards and see who wants to play. 

Golf is quiet, done solo or in groups. It is common courtesy to not be loud out there while someone is putting. Physical activity and focus are combined. Fun and peaceful golf outings are a good way to recharge. 

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

The other blogs are here and here too.

Sources:

http://introvertdaily.com/do-introverts-and-extroverts-like-different-video-games/#:~:text=The%20idea%20of%20building%20your,or%20sports%20and%20racing%20games.

https://introvertspring.com/awesome-games-for-introverts/

https://aguideforyour20s.com/the-best-party-games-for-introverts/

https://www.montecookgames.com/gaming-introverts/

 https://www.mindofb.com/video-games-for-the-classic-introvert/

Pictures:

Adventure Gamers

Computer History Museum

VNDB

The Guardian

Baseball Etiquette

 It is summer, and baseball is in active swing. Going to a game anytime soon? I'll give you the basics on how to be a good fan. 

There are plenty of people who come late and only come for the fireworks, move seats even though the tickets say a specific seat number or just plain stand up and sit down so often you can't enjoy the game. Lots of things shouldn't be done at a ballpark for the sake of other fans that came to watch the sports. Plainly spoken, if you can't focus on the game at a ballpark go watch the game at home.

Today I give you the means to help someone else have fun at the game. If you truly like watching baseball you will thank yourself and anyone who follows these rules of etiquette around you. Grab your favorite ballpark snacks and let's go. 

What You Should Do

The national anthem is a big thing. You should remove your hats as you stand and listen to the singer with respect while facing the flag. If the flag was brought onto the field you don't sit down until it is off the field. Yes, you can sing with the singer. 

Please, only speak of what you know. Fans who try to explain what they know nothing about only confuse their friends and family. A fan around you will be fully aware that you are not knowledgeable at all. 

Take your breaks between innings, which are normally marked by promos such as T-shirt tosses and trivia segments. The 7th inning stretch is a good time, too, but you may have a long line to wait in. The reason for this is that people getting up and down so often inconveniences the groups around you. They have to move so you can get out of the row (if you aren't on the end). Speaking of being in the middle of the row, stand and allow those who are getting up to come and return swiftly. It is a common courtesy. 

Be on time and leave after the game is over (not in the middle). Does this sound like common sense? Yes, but it happens every single baseball game. If you are late, seat yourself during an inning break. Know where your seat is so that you can take your snacks right to your seats and have fun. 

Profanity is not what other patrons come to see, not anywhere, so keep your words in check. Children are all over ballparks and sports events like this. Be aware of that. In this vein of thinking I will also add that getting drunk is also not what patrons came to see. 

Respect everyone, including the opposing team fans and players. Yelling out cheers onto the field is perfectly fine to do and that is called "chatter". It is part of the atmosphere. In this same way, cut the negative pessimism so that we can all focus on our sports. 

Cell phones are not part of the experience. Yes, you can take a few selfies, but don't do so at the risk of receiving a line drive to the face. Watch the game. Your cell phone can wait until you are at home, minus the obvious exception of emergencies. 

Did I mention paying attention to the game? I did? Great, because that is the leading cause of people getting the aforementioned line drive to the face. If you are not focused on the field you have a far higher chance of getting a concussion. Even then, I can personally tell you it is possible to get hit (just ask my grandmother, who was paying attention!).

Place your children behind a netted section of the ballpark, especially when young. They can't always focus like you can. Look out for them and keep them close to you. This is one place kids are forever welcomed. 

Stay in the stands unless allowed onto the field by staff. Obvious? Yes. Do people run onto the field anyway? Sadly, yes. Most of the time they are drunk when it happens. Security quickly escorts them out of the stadium. 

Why Is It Important?

Coming to a live sports event means that you have other fans around you. Should you get drunk and start screaming profanities at the other team the fans around you will probably call an usher and that human will force you out of the ballpark. Respect for other patrons is vital for having fun here. I'm sure that if you are bringing your kids to a game you expect a safe, light atmosphere. These rules allow you to feel safe taking your son or daughter to a ballpark. 

Additionally, season ticket holders (like my family) take baseball in person seriously. We come to have fun and get our baseball fix and food. We love our sports. It helps us and everyone else have fun when etiquette is followed. The ballpark experience is, like theatre, unique every game.  

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

My other two blogs are here and here too.

Source:

https://thehometownallstars.com/baseball-fan-etiquette/

https://www.baconsports.com/rules-for-proper-baseball-watching-etiquette/

Pictures:

Twenty20

Quickmeme

Twitter

The Eyes

The eyes are the window to the soul, some say. Is that true? Read on and we'll find out. 

Apparently, your pupils change size with emotion. It is the honest cue to social interest and attraction. Involuntary pupil size will be a dead giveaway to whether someone is truly interested in anyone to any degree. You may even fake a smile, but you can never fake the size of the pupils. 

How do you know what you are seeing in someone's eyes? Afraid you are seeing hate? Let me give you some guidelines. Bright, elongated eyes are indicators of feeling good. Full attention is open and penetrating gaze. Sadness is eyelids and the lower edge of the eyebrow raised. Arched eyebrows can be anger. Narrowing of eyes can mean we don't understand or don't agree. Half-open eyes are clearly tiredness. Dilated pupils are sexual desire or anger. If the eyebrows go up and down upon seeing you they are happy to see you. One eyebrow raised is skeptical. Eyebrows raised and held suddenly can be worry or surprise.

Even the Bible agrees with me on this. Matthew 6:22-23 reflects that the eyes are the lamp of your soul and that healthy eyes will make the whole body shine. Where your eyes go, your focus is. 

Matthew 6:22-23

Eye Contact

It is deemed extremely important in our society to make eye contact. Many reasons for this are given. Aside from society's rules, let's talk about what making eye contact does for us socially. 

Lack of eye contact is seen as disinterest, disconnection, and not wanting to draw attention to oneself. A lot of eye contact can be many things, such as anger, threat, attraction, or disrespect (especially in Japan). 

Introverted souls know this struggle well. We don't like to make a lot of eye contact. It makes people think we are disconnecting and being rude on purpose. That is an outright lie. Introverts see much more in your eyes than others - they see who you are and read you. That can be kind of scary for both of us, thus we don't make as much eye contact unless you are close to us. It's an intimacy thing, really, so extroverted souls need to understand that. When we do stare into space we are somewhere in our mind palaces or brains, and then we stare unintentionally through anything around us.

You can, generally, tell if you are talking to an introverted or extroverted human by eye contact timing. How? Extroverts make eye contact while talking and look around when listening, but introverts break eye contact when they talk and give solid eye contact when listening. That is not a for-sure rule (as I tend to listen and not make eye contact on odd occassions as an introvert), but it is somewhat proven. Introverts are also less likely to look at an angry individual, too, which is proven. 

Extroverts are more about eye contact for another reason as well; they get social energy from other people. Eye contact is a connection. Introverts can and will lose energy giving consistent eye contact to everyone. Extroverts? Nope, they love it. The intimate gesture of eye contact in an introvert is a great, beautiful compliment because the individual is comfortable with you. They saved some of their social energy for you every time they make direct eye contact. 

Gender and Eye Contact

Does it make a difference if you are talking to the opposite sex? Yes. Why else do women wear eye makeup? We want to draw attention to ourselves and the eyes will get more admiration and signal interest. It is a flirting tactic to make eye contact for a long period of time. 

Women get more eye contact and staring in society for several reasons. We are seen as nicer and might respond nonverbally, for one, or we are considered weak. The victorian ideal that said "women can do no wrong" didn't totally disappear. Men will stare at women. We have boobs, curves, and legs that men's wiring can't ignore - and we know when someone has been staring at our butts or our legs. Some men try to hide the staring (the ones who don't want to be seen as creepy) and then some just can't or don't. The predators are easily discernable, largely because they have a look in their eyes that tells you so. It makes you feel extremely uncomfortable and you will not be able to ignore them. Go with your gut on that one. 

Men will also get more eye contact at some points due to status. Yes, status, because if the individual finds men superior to women they might even ignore the woman present (especially in the east). That is frustrating to womankind, but it still happens. Children will find the same problem when doctors talk to adult parents about medical anything. The person getting the eye contact is the one with the most attention and power. People who don't like men at all may decide to give women more eye contact. 

Women tend to read others with their eyes and bond using eye contact. Men use it to assert themselves. Both use it to flirt. Ladies, be aware that lowering eye contact does not help in power-dynamic situations. Look at Judi Dench compared to a woman who is merely an assistant. As M in James Bond films, Judi Dench is a woman that challenged men with direct eye contact and firm, strong words that aren't fluff. Watch Bond movies looking for her eye contact. Do you want her power? Make that eye contact! Men, make sure your women feel you care by not overpowering them and bonding with your eyes. We need to know we matter. Attention and admiration (without leering and staring, of course) are extremely appreciated. When done well, we get a boost in our mood and you get more attention in return. 

The gender of the person is actually important to where your gaze goes. We women often look at the left side of the face. This is proven by an actual study of 500 people, so this is not a myth on the interwebs. While they couldn't be sure of some things, they can be sure of this; women read lips better, as well as body language in general.

Conclusions

The fact that a woman can feel the eyes of a man who is checking them out from across the room is further proof of the eyes being the window for the soul. I, personally, have felt that kind of stare before, just like every woman you have ever run into. That goes into the subject of mens' wiring, of course, but if you want information on that click here. I wrote a whole blog on that. 

My point here is that if we can read other people by their eyes there is something to that phrase. There are doctors who read stress levels off of the eyes of patients (a good medical practice). The invisible connection between two humans making eye contact is amazing. I have no words to explain how that is possible. Some individuals can have a whole conversation with their eyes (and be understood!). There is something supernatural about it (not paranormal, though). 

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

The other blogs are here and here too.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201512/your-eyes-really-are-the-window-your-soul

https://exploringyourmind.com/eyes-windows-soul/

https://writingexplained.org/idiom-dictionary/the-eyes-are-the-window-to-the-soul

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206%3A22-24&version=VOICE

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/read-people-eyes/

https://introvertatuni.wordpress.com/2014/06/10/explaining-eye-contact-an-open-letter-to-the-extroverts/

https://www.mikebechtle.com/are-you-talking-to-an-extrovert-or-an-introvert/

https://introvertzone.com/eye-contact-wears-this-introvert-out-faster-than-anything-else

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201009/the-politics-eye-contact-gender-perspective

https://www.thrillist.com/health/nation/differences-between-men-women-eye-contact

Pictures:

The mirror

Social Pro

Power of Eye Contact

how to mess with your main character

 Every writer you know does the worst things to their main character. It creates more conflict and that drives your plot. Today we dive into every way we can mess with and create issues for your characters. 

There are several levels of issues. There are minor issues, major issues, and serious traumas. You can inconvenience your characters or cause them issues beyond repair. Your main character could end up in a psych hospital if you do enough fictional damage. It depends on what you want to make them do and see. 

Minor Issues

These are, like I said before, inconvenient and short-lived. They don't last all book long. It might be mentioned later, but won't be a big deal for more than a few chapters. Many minor issues can build up to something bigger, however, so they can be built up to more if rapid-fired at someone by the same person or group. 

Stress from an outside source is ideal for this. Put them in uncomfortable circumstances. Press their buttons with pet peeves. Try to make them mildly irritated. Roommates can do this easily, just like siblings or anyone they don't like. Put them in social groups they are not okay being in. Trap them in stressful situations. Based on their personality, stress could be anything from moving their stuff to not cleaning the dorm room to gossip. 

Weather is one way you can throw someone off their groove. Extreme weather actually causes mental distress to us, especially in winter. Heat exhaustion in summer can make it hard to sleep and impossible to think. Crummy weather can bring us into an odd mood. A full moon can make everything weird in nursing homes and schools, as well as other places for some weird reason. Foul weather conditions can mess with anyone, and I mean anyone. 

Basic needs are more vital than you think. If you lack sleep for two weeks or have interrupted sleep, like I did while I was stressed over a theatre performance, you become someone you normally aren't. Lack of sleep can actually kill you, and after that lack of water kills you. Lack of food then kills you. Emotions and the state of your brain are deeply connected to your basic needs. Balanced people probably take care of themselves. Unbalanced people may have sugar problems, too, so diabetics don't see this as minor because it can kill them. 

Being overwhelmed by circumstances can disorient someone into a state of distress. They can't organize their brain. People who don't understand cause more problems on top of this. If you can't think your emotions scramble into a mix of unbalanced, strange reactions. You can react in many ways to this, including anger, tears, screaming......etc. It all depends on how much distress you put them through. 

Major Issues

Mental illness is right at the top of my list. Making daily tasks hard to do in various ways makes your character suffer. If you desire to make them unable to handle reality without help this is ideal. You can make them able to cope or not, your choice, but if you need to show a mental illness of some sort do good research on the disorder you are giving out. Take into account that some disorders are not simple. High functioning or not is your choice. 

 Betrayal is heartbreaking and can get your character killed physically in the right circumstances. It can also break their heart to the point of not loving again or not being able to trust someone else for a long time. Emotional distress can even cause physical pain. This is one way to make someone fall to pieces, temporarily or permanently being your choice.

Plot twist! Here comes an unforeseen situation that makes it impossible to do something. While this can also be minor, it is major, too. This can be major when you make the situation something so stressful that it just keeps getting worse as they react and try to navigate through. Percy Jackson being accused of stealing the lightning bolt is a good example because for all his trying to fix it, he gets blocked at most turns. Throwing a character the audience thought was done (like Irving Figgis in Live By Night) in your main character's path will surprise everyone - when written correctly. Monkey wrenches in well-made plans are perfect when you need extra conflict. 

Death and grief can be traumatic or major, but it is never minor unless your character is without conscience. Grief can make someone disappear, whether it is the death of a person or a relationship. The grieving process makes someone sensitive. Anything can remind them of the human they long to see and hear again. Anger can be part of this process, in some specific characters. Culture will tell you whether they mourn quietly or wail. Either way, they hurt and may hurt for a long time. 

Trauma

Here is where you can send someone to a psych ward or hospital for physical or mental injury. This is when you want to take your main character and break them. Serious physical injury is hard to recover from. Mental recovery is even longer of a process. The stability of your character will dictate how long this takes. 

Battle and war, whether you are a doctor or soldier, imprints on your brain. Seeing so many people die, doing meatball surgery, and generally seeing too much violence is damaging. PTSD and survivor's guilt are not something you recover from in a few days or years. Your character will likely never be the same. Some attempt or succeed in committing suicide. The war can kill someone even after it ends. 

Abuse is so traumatic that it can psychologically mess someone up for years afterward. Anyone who's experienced abuse understands. When you have one character abuse another prepare to show aftereffects all book long. In the case of Agatha Christie, she used it as a motive to have someone killed slowly, which any abuse victim also understands. 

Sexual trauma, such as rape, is abuse to a higher degree. Being invaded against your will is never forgotten. The memories of such things come back without warning. This is never a minor issue, ever, and that is a fact. If you include this be careful how you write it. Just know that this is trauma to a horrible degree. 

Conclusion

When you write your plots make sure that you don't add trauma just to add it. It has to fit within your plot and have a point. Write so that it makes sense. Your character should be believable (unless you make them ridiculous on purpose). Write backstory that works for your main or supporting characters. 

Pictures:

Meme

Writers Block Is Mean

Reddit

Extroverts that just don't understand (after you tried)

 Every introverted soul has had to deal with someone who, no matter how much you tried, won't understand your introverted nature. Today you and I can look into how to cope with the extroverts who just don't get it. 

This is directed toward extroverted natures to whom you tried to explain this to. Extroverts are humans just like us. Assume from here on out that we refer to people who are confused by your nature or just plain don't understand despite your attempts. If you are an extrovert reading this you are on the right track to understanding your fellow humans. I applaud you.

There are two types of people that I will reference. Person 1 is the human you love, for reasons of family or friendship. Person 2 is a stranger or acquaintance that isn't emotionally attached to you. You treat these people with respect as much as possible, both 1 and 2, but person 2 is someone you don't have to deal with repercussions of much if they get mad because they think you're being rude. Person 2 is also easier-ish to dodge. 

There are also two situations that are referenced. The first situation is when you have the option to walk out of the room. The second is when you can't leave. When the first comes along you have a gift from God and you should take it with a thank you while making your quick exit. Situation two is when you work with someone, carpooled, have to keep up good relations socially with someone......etc. So, social traps. 

I am not referencing children here, in case anyone was looking for that. I can do that in other blogs. I just don't refer to children today. Also, I don't advocate avoiding all social contact - just make sure you take care of yourself.

Our Introvert Zones

When you enter our spaces for privacy, you see a look on someone's face that tells you to get out or that they are mildly annoyed. Some extroverted souls don't get it and even seem to not see this expression on your face. They intend well and interrupt your flow or alone time with no clue that they did so. Depending on who they are and how often they do so, there are several things to consider. 

Option 1 - Make it clear that you are busy in some way. Do something, anything, to make them believe you are always busy in that space and can't be disturbed. 

Option 2 - Find another space to introvert and destress in. Seriously, change up privacy zones. If you need to, rotate zones. Make it hard to find you when you need alone time. They can't find you and they can't interrupt you. 

Option 3 - Keep an eye out for them before you enter your space. Be vigilant. If they are around, take up option 2 and if not, do your normal thing. 

Above all, give grace. They might not have a sense of your personal zones, that's true, but if you love them or at least acknowledge them as loved by God they should be respected. 

Too Much Conversation

We all know that being trapped in conversation is the worst thing for anyone to be, especially on low social battery. There are several options here that might appeal to you, but some need a friend attached. 

Option 1 - If unable to leave the party, pull out an ebook and discover the quietest room. Tell your ride to text you when they are ready to leave (if carpooling). Physical books are good, too, but phones are better. Why? Because many humans take books in physical form as a conversation starter. Phones are not taken as those, for whatever reason. You blend in staring at a phone.

Option 2 - Have a friend rescue you. Let them give you an excuse to leave the conversation or party entirely. This requires help. Have this arranged ahead of time. Make cues or have them text you. 

Option 3 - If you need to fake a phone call or text make sure the person won't peek at your phone to read it. Be careful on this one. If you say you need to go home and do laundry, literally go do laundry. If you do what you say you will, they won't have a reason to be upset. Don't lie to anyone.

Option 4 - Read the other human's patterns and see how long they can talk before they run out of words. If they are the endless conversationalists who don't get subtle hints you might be in trouble and need a rescuer. Waiting long enough may give you an escape route and you can recover once they wear themselves out. It depends entirely on the human you are with. Observe patterns as you see them around.

"I said no!"

The most oblivious extroverts will insist that you need social contact and try to force you out in social settings on their terms, all intending well. Often this ends the same way it does for Dr. McCoy in Star Trek. McCoy says no multiple times and still ends up on alien planets because Captain Kirk ignores him, while McCoy complains the whole time. That can happen to you just as easily. While I make no guarantees, here are some ways to potentially avoid the alien planets. 

Option 1 -  Tell them you have plans already and can't make it. Whatever your plans are, make them happen so they can't catch you lying. Don't lie, just do what you said you would. If you need to go visit your grandmother and surprise her with flowers or study hard for finals week to get out of the social engagement do it. 

Option 2 - Tell them straight that you don't want to come. Say it firmly enough and you might actually get through to them. 

Option 3 - If you need support do option 2 with a few friends and have your friends that you like go out with you. This means you socialize on your terms, and if you don't live with the human trying to force you into their plans, you can literally go back to your house and chill with your closest friends. Win-win! 

Option 4 - Don't start a conversation with someone you know will try to drag you out while your battery is on low. It is shockingly simple, but I'm saying it. You spare everyone's feelings if you don't present yourself to talk to in the first place. Talk to people when you have the social energy to do so. You're in a better mood that way, anyway. 

If you can be respectful in this, do so, but I will say this; offending someone who is clearly not respecting your boundaries is okay to do, as long you don't harm them. A strong relationship should come with respect and they should learn after a while, even if they don't understand your introverted tendencies. People who can't respect your boundaries to the point of trying to manipulate you are toxic - cut them off. 

The connotation of the event above is that you don't have the energy or will to go at all. Please do have some social life balanced with your alone time. Even extroverts have some time alone (just shorter periods of time). 

Required Events

Work or commitments you made while in a good mood can come back to exhaust you. School events you have to go to (networking events in person, debates....etc.) are not made for introverted people. Most schools, as I have said often, are formulated for extroverts because our world is based on extroverted tendencies. There may be a few random societies that are introvert-based, but that isn't common. Try this when you have to go somewhere for work or school.

Option 1 - You are not alone! Find the human that is just as uncomfortable as you are and bond with them. The coping mechanism goes both ways. You help them, then they do the same for you. Suffer together. Make a new introverted friend. 

Option 2 - I said read an e-book before. If you can do this here, as well, go for it. 

Option 3 - Do you have to be on time? If not, come late. Do you have to stay the whole time? Leave early. Why not both, should you be able to get away with it. There is less social draining and you still fulfilled the requirement. Way to go!

Option 4 - Decide what is worth your time. If there is no penalty for not going stay home or find a reason to not be available for the event. What is worth your time is super important or has a penalty for not being there (work-related events do).

Option 5 - Weirdly, if you set a goal of what to do at a party you might not be so miserable. Your goals can be to eat snacks and greet two specific coworkers and then leave. Still, you came. 

Option 6 - Bookending is ideal. Create time to recharge before your event and then after the event. You might actually enjoy yourself if you have a full social battery. Paired with option 5 this is a good tactic.

Please be there for other friends and family. Person 1 humans (close people) are not to be ignored. Go to their parties and support them. You need human contact to some degree. Keep a select group of friends for your social needs and you will do well. 

Roommates

Here is where this gets messy. Extroverted roommates are not easy to deal with when they clearly don't understand you. In this situation, you have tried to explain and have gotten nowhere. This can go for family members in the same household, too. I did some research and found this advice.

Option 1 - Discover when they are not home and use that time for your recharging. Figure out how long they remain out for the day or night, too, and you won't often be interrupted. You might even be energized when they get home.

Option 2 - Put on the headphones and look busy. This is magic. They will leave you alone. 

Option 3 - Pick a room to look busy in while you do option 2, should they bring friends over too often. 

Option 4 - Create house rules that allow you alone time, such as the rule that you must knock and ask for entrance to a bedroom. You can also dictate what times people can be at the house or dorm room. This understanding may not help them understand why you want to be alone, but it leaves you space to recharge so that you can be energized for them. I can't emphasize this enough - try to understand how they tick. Be considerate toward your roommate. If one or both of you are truly going insane move. 

A word of caution

Again, be respectful. God values every individual and you should, too, even if they prove to be the most draining person on earth. Extroverted or introverted we are all human. Try to explain your nature. If you can't, this stuff can help you cope. Please pick roommates and friends carefully. This helps you not need the advice above. 

The difference between "toxic" and "misunderstanding your nature" is a fine line, but let me try to explain. Toxic doesn't come with a label of introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. Toxic people are just plain mean, manipulative, or nasty. Disrespect to you on a consistent basis is a huge tipoff. Run. Cut them off. It is okay to do that. They can eat at someone else's table, just not yours, and they will be fine. 

Photos:

Our Mindful Life

Septima Lupus

Meme

Happier Human

the Chive

Sources:

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-survive-a-party-or-social-gathering-as-an-introv-1619955860

https://www.truity.com/blog/survival-guide-introverts-who-live-extroverts-and-vice-versa

https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-guide-dealing-roommates/

https://mmusingsblog.com/2018/01/22/the-toxicity-of-introvert-culture/

Introvert coping mechanisms

 Introverts are dealing with an extroverted world, so naturally, we have to develop coping mechanisms. Let's dig into that. 

If you don't believe me, look at reality TV shows and the way schools are run. The loudest of causes are the heard causes. You can imagine how introverts of quieter nature find that hard to deal with. Being forced to learn extroverted traits because introversion ("shyness") is treated as an illness gets old, fast. 

We can act like an extrovert, however, it gets too exhausting to keep up the charade. Our coping mechanisms are the way we deal with our extroverted, overwhelming, loud world. Somehow the world can ask us why we're so quiet and we can't ask why they are so loud. 

The difference between the extrovert and introvert can be explored and explained more in the blog link here:click here!

The best thing that an extrovert can do is learn more about the introvert-kind and not try to change us into extroverts. You are in the right place for that. I also suggest Introvert Dear, if you want more information on introverts of many types. 

How We Cope In Healthy Ways

A good way to cope is to let the extrovert do the talking, without bothering to keep up. While eye contact can be hard for us, making it with passing people is a nice gesture, so some do. We tend to find extroverted friends and travel around the party with this person. Going to parties of people we know is a tactic that seems to work out socially, as well. Not coming to a party is always an option. We may come early and leave early, driving ourselves so we're not trapped. Driving ourselves guarantees we can leave when we want, freedom that aids us when our social batteries are dying. 

If you know someone well enough you can be straight with them and tell them you are socially exhausted. This only works with close friends. Others will likely find this rude, sadly, so make the friend first before attempting. If they clearly don't understand this, introverts would be wise to limit time with this individual and have a friend give them an exit excuse. Friends are great ways to make an escape without appearing rude. Any reason to leave is wonderful. Read the room and you will start to identify who will understand and who won't. Choose your close friends wisely. 

Bringing a book to the party is a thing that makes us look antisocial, but yet, it makes our world so much easier to deal with. What gets annoying is when it gets taken as a sign to strike up a conversation by other party-goers. Similarly, we also befriend the animals of the house at parties. This is always, always acceptable. The animals, if good-natured, are your friends.

Learn about yourself. Understanding what overwhelms and overstimulates you as an individual helps you find social environments that you can handle. If you are sensitive to loud noises and voices you can avoid those triggers, most of the time. Not going to places that overwhelm you is a good strategy. Learn your limits and leave before your stress levels reach the ceiling or your social battery hits the negatives. Friends can give you an excuse to leave if you have a cue system in place. Any friends who understand can be of aid and will likely do a lot for you. My fiance is that person for me when a large group and loud noises are too much and I'm showing stress signals.

Negative Ways to Cope

Some people talk too much to compensate for their social anxiety. That doesn't mean everyone has social anxiety and introverted traits together, but it is a mechanism. The unfortunate thing here is that once one gets comfortable the chatter ends and an extrovert gets confused by the quieter side of us.  

When stressed in social situations, we tend to get a bit short in response. While I will try to curb that, it still doesn't come across well when in a work situation or an "impressing someone" situation. That is a neon sign for social exhaustion. We might snap at someone if pushed too far into the negative digits on our social batteries. This is when it is better to excuse yourself than to stay. 

Trying to ignore someone is considered quite antisocial and goes over badly often. You appear cold and mean to do this. If you cannot handle someone it is perfectly acceptable to leave the room instead if allowed. If you can't leave a room appear busy and wear some headphones, at the very least. All that said, clear communication to someone who understands is far better than ignoring the presence of another human. If you can't handle a conversation with them just don't draw attention to yourself. I know some people force themselves into your space and conversations. Just acknowledge them as people before you scheme your way out. 

Avoiding social interaction at all costs is natural to some of us, especially when it requires social energy from us and our tank is empty. This is probably dangerous to some of the more reclusive types of introverts. We do need social interaction at lower levels. We do need love and touch. Reclusive types are prone to depression. No social network at all makes complete reclusion something to avoid. Note that reclusion is having almost no social contact with anyone, not a small group of loyal friends. There is a difference. Having a few close friends is perfectly okay. Your tribe can be three people or six; either way, you are not reclusive if you have a tribe. 

Not responding to texts, calls, and messaging is so, so common. We sometimes don't have the energy. Unfortunately, we do need to be contactable for work, friends, and especially if you are part of a large event or party. I am guilty of letting my phone die and then getting a million messages afterward. Because of this blog, I keep an eye on my messages online, but my cellphone? It usually just gets in my way. Reclusive tendencies in introverts make it hard to reach out to them for much of anything. While there are times that it is okay to turn off your phone and devices to recharge, constantly being unreachable is probably not a good thing. Note that constant is when someone doesn't answer anything for long periods of time.

When Bad Coping Skills Happen

The thing about the negative coping skills listed is this; those are stress reactions and happen when we need time away from humanity to recover. I, personally, start to smile and nod, speak shortly, and cue and hint with my eyes toward my fiance. I might try to silently cry out for us to leave the party by hanging on his arm. If I came by myself I will leave. 

The real problem is when we can't leave or are required to do something that makes us exhibit these. Exhausting us by social standards that push us to the negative digits of our social batteries is not society's best moment. This depends entirely on where you are and who you are with. Some groups will understand your battery life more than others. Good coping mechanisms are practiced and require some balance of social and private time to work well. Fellow introverts, take a few moments a week to chill. Take that time to balance yourselves and you will thank yourselves for it. Don't let anyone judge you for needing space and quiet time. 

Pictures:

Slide Shares

Story Behind The Cloth

Pinterest

Ranker

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201302/7-success-tips-introverts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/nine-signs-you-re-really-introvert

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-introverts

https://www.payscale.com/career-news/2017/07/workplace-coping-mechanisms-introverts

https://dickmillet.medium.com/introversion-anxiety-and-coping-mechanisms-cc3125872406

http://mechanicsofwhy.com/problems/others/coping-as-an-introvert-in-an-extrovert-world/#:~:text=Once%20again%2C%20the%20primary%20way,behave%20in%20an%20extrovert%20way.