Every introverted soul has had to deal with someone who, no matter how much you tried, won't understand your introverted nature. Today you and I can look into how to cope with the extroverts who just don't get it.
This is directed toward extroverted natures to whom you tried to explain this to. Extroverts are humans just like us. Assume from here on out that we refer to people who are confused by your nature or just plain don't understand despite your attempts. If you are an extrovert reading this you are on the right track to understanding your fellow humans. I applaud you.
There are two types of people that I will reference. Person 1 is the human you love, for reasons of family or friendship. Person 2 is a stranger or acquaintance that isn't emotionally attached to you. You treat these people with respect as much as possible, both 1 and 2, but person 2 is someone you don't have to deal with repercussions of much if they get mad because they think you're being rude. Person 2 is also easier-ish to dodge.
There are also two situations that are referenced. The first situation is when you have the option to walk out of the room. The second is when you can't leave. When the first comes along you have a gift from God and you should take it with a thank you while making your quick exit. Situation two is when you work with someone, carpooled, have to keep up good relations socially with someone......etc. So, social traps.
I am not referencing children here, in case anyone was looking for that. I can do that in other blogs. I just don't refer to children today. Also, I don't advocate avoiding all social contact - just make sure you take care of yourself.
Our Introvert Zones
When you enter our spaces for privacy, you see a look on someone's face that tells you to get out or that they are mildly annoyed. Some extroverted souls don't get it and even seem to not see this expression on your face. They intend well and interrupt your flow or alone time with no clue that they did so. Depending on who they are and how often they do so, there are several things to consider.
Option 1 - Make it clear that you are busy in some way. Do something, anything, to make them believe you are always busy in that space and can't be disturbed.
Option 2 - Find another space to introvert and destress in. Seriously, change up privacy zones. If you need to, rotate zones. Make it hard to find you when you need alone time. They can't find you and they can't interrupt you.
Option 3 - Keep an eye out for them before you enter your space. Be vigilant. If they are around, take up option 2 and if not, do your normal thing.
Above all, give grace. They might not have a sense of your personal zones, that's true, but if you love them or at least acknowledge them as loved by God they should be respected.
Too Much Conversation
We all know that being trapped in conversation is the worst thing for anyone to be, especially on low social battery. There are several options here that might appeal to you, but some need a friend attached.
Option 1 - If unable to leave the party, pull out an ebook and discover the quietest room. Tell your ride to text you when they are ready to leave (if carpooling). Physical books are good, too, but phones are better. Why? Because many humans take books in physical form as a conversation starter. Phones are not taken as those, for whatever reason. You blend in staring at a phone.
Option 2 - Have a friend rescue you. Let them give you an excuse to leave the conversation or party entirely. This requires help. Have this arranged ahead of time. Make cues or have them text you.
Option 3 - If you need to fake a phone call or text make sure the person won't peek at your phone to read it. Be careful on this one. If you say you need to go home and do laundry, literally go do laundry. If you do what you say you will, they won't have a reason to be upset. Don't lie to anyone.
Option 4 - Read the other human's patterns and see how long they can talk before they run out of words. If they are the endless conversationalists who don't get subtle hints you might be in trouble and need a rescuer. Waiting long enough may give you an escape route and you can recover once they wear themselves out. It depends entirely on the human you are with. Observe patterns as you see them around.
"I said no!"
The most oblivious extroverts will insist that you need social contact and try to force you out in social settings on their terms, all intending well. Often this ends the same way it does for Dr. McCoy in Star Trek. McCoy says no multiple times and still ends up on alien planets because Captain Kirk ignores him, while McCoy complains the whole time. That can happen to you just as easily. While I make no guarantees, here are some ways to potentially avoid the alien planets.
Option 1 - Tell them you have plans already and can't make it. Whatever your plans are, make them happen so they can't catch you lying. Don't lie, just do what you said you would. If you need to go visit your grandmother and surprise her with flowers or study hard for finals week to get out of the social engagement do it.
Option 2 - Tell them straight that you don't want to come. Say it firmly enough and you might actually get through to them.
Option 3 - If you need support do option 2 with a few friends and have your friends that you like go out with you. This means you socialize on your terms, and if you don't live with the human trying to force you into their plans, you can literally go back to your house and chill with your closest friends. Win-win!
Option 4 - Don't start a conversation with someone you know will try to drag you out while your battery is on low. It is shockingly simple, but I'm saying it. You spare everyone's feelings if you don't present yourself to talk to in the first place. Talk to people when you have the social energy to do so. You're in a better mood that way, anyway.
If you can be respectful in this, do so, but I will say this; offending someone who is clearly not respecting your boundaries is okay to do, as long you don't harm them. A strong relationship should come with respect and they should learn after a while, even if they don't understand your introverted tendencies. People who can't respect your boundaries to the point of trying to manipulate you are toxic - cut them off.
The connotation of the event above is that you don't have the energy or will to go at all. Please do have some social life balanced with your alone time. Even extroverts have some time alone (just shorter periods of time).
Required Events
Work or commitments you made while in a good mood can come back to exhaust you. School events you have to go to (networking events in person, debates....etc.) are not made for introverted people. Most schools, as I have said often, are formulated for extroverts because our world is based on extroverted tendencies. There may be a few random societies that are introvert-based, but that isn't common. Try this when you have to go somewhere for work or school.
Option 1 - You are not alone! Find the human that is just as uncomfortable as you are and bond with them. The coping mechanism goes both ways. You help them, then they do the same for you. Suffer together. Make a new introverted friend.
Option 2 - I said read an e-book before. If you can do this here, as well, go for it.
Option 3 - Do you have to be on time? If not, come late. Do you have to stay the whole time? Leave early. Why not both, should you be able to get away with it. There is less social draining and you still fulfilled the requirement. Way to go!
Option 4 - Decide what is worth your time. If there is no penalty for not going stay home or find a reason to not be available for the event. What is worth your time is super important or has a penalty for not being there (work-related events do).
Option 5 - Weirdly, if you set a goal of what to do at a party you might not be so miserable. Your goals can be to eat snacks and greet two specific coworkers and then leave. Still, you came.
Option 6 - Bookending is ideal. Create time to recharge before your event and then after the event. You might actually enjoy yourself if you have a full social battery. Paired with option 5 this is a good tactic.
Please be there for other friends and family. Person 1 humans (close people) are not to be ignored. Go to their parties and support them. You need human contact to some degree. Keep a select group of friends for your social needs and you will do well.
Roommates
Here is where this gets messy. Extroverted roommates are not easy to deal with when they clearly don't understand you. In this situation, you have tried to explain and have gotten nowhere. This can go for family members in the same household, too. I did some research and found this advice.
Option 1 - Discover when they are not home and use that time for your recharging. Figure out how long they remain out for the day or night, too, and you won't often be interrupted. You might even be energized when they get home.
Option 2 - Put on the headphones and look busy. This is magic. They will leave you alone.
Option 3 - Pick a room to look busy in while you do option 2, should they bring friends over too often.
Option 4 - Create house rules that allow you alone time, such as the rule that you must knock and ask for entrance to a bedroom. You can also dictate what times people can be at the house or dorm room. This understanding may not help them understand why you want to be alone, but it leaves you space to recharge so that you can be energized for them. I can't emphasize this enough - try to understand how they tick. Be considerate toward your roommate. If one or both of you are truly going insane move.
A word of caution
Again, be respectful. God values every individual and you should, too, even if they prove to be the most draining person on earth. Extroverted or introverted we are all human. Try to explain your nature. If you can't, this stuff can help you cope. Please pick roommates and friends carefully. This helps you not need the advice above.
The difference between "toxic" and "misunderstanding your nature" is a fine line, but let me try to explain. Toxic doesn't come with a label of introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. Toxic people are just plain mean, manipulative, or nasty. Disrespect to you on a consistent basis is a huge tipoff. Run. Cut them off. It is okay to do that. They can eat at someone else's table, just not yours, and they will be fine.
Photos:
Our Mindful Life
Septima Lupus
Meme
Happier Human
the Chive
Sources:
https://lifehacker.com/how-to-survive-a-party-or-social-gathering-as-an-introv-1619955860
https://www.truity.com/blog/survival-guide-introverts-who-live-extroverts-and-vice-versa
https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-guide-dealing-roommates/
https://mmusingsblog.com/2018/01/22/the-toxicity-of-introvert-culture/
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