This one is a bit of a joke for kicks and giggles. Can we find proof of time travel in old photos and other goodies? Let's go hunting.
Courtesy of Cracked.com
Today we're going to look at some photos. I have chosen a few of them for us to view. The rest are in my sources. Before we go there, let's talk about the possibility that it is or isn't possible to travel through time.
According to one source, it is possible to travel through time - just not to change it. It suggests that anything you try to change would be altered back in order to avoid a paradox. The grandfather paradox is the idea that if you kill your grandfather by going back in time you're never born, yet, who would kill the grandfather? According to physics events could move in a circle and the ducks would all come into place to correct the paradox. Something would always get in the way of you killing your grandfather or your grandmother would already be pregnant to prevent the paradox.
Richard Muller maintains that since we are forever creating the future, we can't go there. He says time is expanding to create the future, thus logic says we can't get to the future because "now" is forever in the way. It all sounds very complicated and simple at the same time. He's written a book about it. He's studied Einstein's work to come to this conclusion, but so did the previous paragraph's source...so believe what you want to.
Another article I found maintains the viewpoint that time travel is breaking the space-time continuum. They think that articles of past and future were dropped and people got whisked to different time periods on accident temporarily. What? He has a whole bunch of pictures to prove it, allegedly. A woman was also found with modern shoes - and she'd been buried for at least a thousand years! Andrew Basiago tells about project pegasus, which is allegedly government-funded time travel experiments done in secret (allegedly during the 1960s-70s). The jump room was apparently where this all happened, where a device that allowed time travel used to exist. No proof has surfaced of this room. There is also a story of a hotel being stayed in (the couple finding it oddly old-fashioned) and then it not existing (and the proof going missing). Another incident involved a stranger getting a tap on the shoulder just in time to save him from being run over by a truck (and the stranger showed up just in time, too).
The Pictures Worth A Thousand Words
Before we go on let's talk about Photoshop. You can bet your boots that Photoshop is likely to be the culprit in some photos believed to be time travel proof. I need you to remember that even way back when they painted on negatives and portraits to make waists thinner. A good artist could take a portrait and make it look real.
1. The 1962 World Cup
What you need to notice is directly in the middle of the photo at the bottom. Is that a flip phone? It sure looks like it to me.
2. 1928 on the set of silent film "The Circus"
Is that a woman talking on a cell phone? In 1928? Maybe not and maybe so. The world may never know.
Some have come to the conclusion it was a hearing aid being held up to her ear, not a cell phone.
3. 1860
What is this woman holding? Is this a cell phone again? This was from 1860, so quite possibly not, but still looks like it. It could be anything, really, so believe what you like.
4. Marilyn Monroe
Apparently, someone wanted a selfie with Marilyn Monroe, but is that a smartphone in their hand? Is it a mirror? A digital camera? Her eyes look like they are on the screen. It could be a mirror or a screen.
5. Celebrity look-alikes from way back when
I'm going to show you some disproven and questioned pictures that look like they could prove actors time traveling. The Nicolas Cage one has been messed with, for reference, and the same is possible for all of them.
Nicolas Cage
Conan O'Brien
Eddie Murphy
John Travolta
Matthew McConaughey
Peter Dinklage
Most of this is probably just genetics at work. Seriously, I look just like a relative on one side of the family and the resemblance is uncanny. My grandparents showed me her picture. It isn't unlikely that genetics could do this type of thing.
Conclusion
This one was just good, clean fun. I don't know if time travel is wise, even if we could do it. I'd advise we maybe don't. I think it'd do more harm than good. What if you can't get back? That would be concerning. What if you go too far or die? Oops. At any rate, let's not mess with our own heads any more than we already have. I'd imagine it'd get messy socially. How do you explain your 2023 perspective to the people? You might end up in an asylum.
Create a great future for yourself out there, readers!
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Everyone who knows me well and sees me at work says "How can you read so much?". To this I say anyone can do it; you just have to know what you like and don't like. A good story can have you sitting on a couch or chair for hours on end. You'll look up at the clock and realize that the time just melted away.
Courtesy of inclusiveteach.com
Warning: reading can be addicting! I'm not joking. I have shelves of books all over the apartment, double stacked in two layers. And furthermore, I don't have enough space to put more shelves until I move into a house (at which point my carpenter father has plans to make me a book chair). I also read all of the book types (audio, ebook, and physical versions).
Today I'm going to get you started on your book dragon journey (whether you have your books stored in the online cloud or they are double stacked on shelves). There are three types of books; you have audiobooks, ebooks, and physical turn-the-pages books. Genres of books fit all different kinds of people. We'll talk about that, too.
Genre
Do you know what you like in TV and movies? Take that preference straight to your local library. Seriously, it is that simple. You can even try out some different genres and test the waters on all kinds of books. Don't like horror? Try suspense or romance or historical fiction or fantasy. Try it all out if you have the time. It might surprise you what you like.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Genres go under several umbrellas, which then become more specific subgenres. I'm going to give you the umbrella genres and let you explore from there because the number of subgenres here could go on for days. We start with Nonfiction (informational) and Fiction (made-up stories). Nonfiction is anything factual, like biographies, history, crafting how-tos, and cookbooks. I think we can safely focus on Fiction without anyone getting confused about that.
Fiction goes into Action/Adventure, Children's, Classics, Comics/Graphic Novels, Young Adult, Fantasy, Western, Thriller/suspense, Historical Fiction, Horror, Romance, Science Fiction, Short stories, Poetry, True Crime, Mystery, Coming-of-age, and Drama.
Again, what you like in movies and TV can be a guide to what you might enjoy in books. If you don't know if you like it, go visit a library. Test drive it until you know what you think. Test before you buy. My own published book is in the Carrollton Libary System.
Where To Find The Books
Libraries are a wealth of resources. Here's to them! They house 3D printers (some, not all), computers for those who need them, normal printers, crafts and activities during the summer months (summer reading programs), kid's rooms with coloring books, mini museums (for some), books, DVDs, audiobooks, ebooks and audiobooks online, and nice librarians who can help you find or library-loan any books you could need. Be kind to your local librarians today!
Did I mention library apps? Not yet? Well then, let me introduce you to Libby, a library app for ebooks and audiobooks from any library connected to the app. You only need your phone number or library card to rent them right from your phone, tablet, or laptop. All you need to do is find the free app to get started.
If you love the book and want it, try Amazon's Audible and/or Kindle (Amazon in general) for good books. Another app for good ebooks and audiobooks is Kobo (lesser known, but just as good). Look up used books online for great prices, especially when you are on the Barnes and Noble or Books A Million (BAM) websites.
Buying books from hole-in-the-wall stores is the best! You see, families running a bookstore charge less for books a lot of times. I can highly suggest a few bookstores, including one in New Philadelphia, Ohio called The Bookman's Cafe. It has an attached tea shop. I can also highly suggest one from Mayfield, Ohio called Half Price Books, which sells more than books - games, video games, puzzles, notepads, and DVDs.
Book Types
In case you haven't noticed, the physical book is not your only option. All of it is reading. Don't let anyone tell you differently. We absorb books differently and in different situations. Let me go over the best options and the situations for you.
Physical books are good for when you have space and bookshelves, or you can't read screens well at all. I know someone who can't read the ebook form of a novel. Writing physical annotations in books is a habit for some, so if that's your game go for the paper versions. If you love to see pretty covers giving a room personality this is a great option. If you want a book that isn't affected by a power outage or lack of batteries this is perfect. Don't read in the dark, though; buy a book light or grab a flashlight.
Courtesy of Getty Images
Ebooks can be read on e-readers or tablets/phones/laptops. If you are constantly on the move it may aid you to keep books on a device for your train travels or waiting rooms. If you keep your devices full on battery this is great, but if you don't I suggest the physical book be your first option. Ebooks are also great options for those with no book space. The cloud takes up no space in your small bedroom or apartment or dorm room. You can digitally annotate your novels, as well. Highlighting passages and searching on your device for annotations is easy. You can also change lighting, font, size of font, and highlighting colors on some devices and apps. Tracking progress? Easy, it shows the percentage. You'll also never lose the book while you're packing and moving. As long as you have access to the cloud you have a book in your hand. In conclusion, you can annotate and carry your whole library with you as you go about your day. Just make sure that the device is charged or you lose access to your whole library.
Audiobooks are great if you have an mp3 player on hand, a cd player in your car, or even a tape player in your (ancient) car. You can also get adapters for whatever your audio needs are. I suggest looking into that if your car is old. Libraries have CD and mp3 options for this. Tapes of audiobooks are often in resale shops. Nowadays you can connect your library app from your phone to your Bluetooth wireless what-have-you. Best of luck finding tapes. Form of media aside, this is perfect for road trips that are long. I used to consume audiobooks rapidly when I was driving 45 minutes to and from work. It is also great for when you are doing laundry or mindless tasks. I find it helps me focus. I don't suggest tuning out the world entirely in some areas, so listen responsibly. Noise-canceling anything in dangerous areas is a bad idea; be aware of your surroundings. I don't suggest this for times when you need to pay attention to surroundings, but instead for places that are safe (running in the middle of nowhere, an apartment, your own house, or any place you are sure to be safe from harm). Summarized, these are great (for places you are safe) while doing mindless tasks and going on road trips.
Conclusion
Take this information and run with it, straight to your local library or bookstore. Local authors sometimes sell books at events or flea markets. Seriously, we can't do this without you. As a local author, I can attest to the reality that we are under the shadow of major authors, trying to sell books to people who don't know who we are. Take a chance on a local author or two. Take a chance on me, while you're at it. If unsure, check out the Carrollton Library system to read through the library copy.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Bad romance, indeed. Let's talk about what some romance novels tell you is romantic, but shouldn't be.
Courtesy of imgflip.com
Today it has come to my attention that our romance novels tell us toxic behavior should be a turn-on - not all, though (just some). When I plugged "toxic traits in romance novels" into Google it immediately brought up the Young Adult (YA) genre. It's hardly surprising, with Twilight being YA, but I'm also going to talk about the books spawned from it (Fifty Shades of Grey and 365 Days). There are also erotica novels that just drip with toxic relationships. You already know it is going to be particularly bad when you pick it up.
We also need to make a distinction between erotica and romance novels. Erotica's point is arousal. Romance novels focus on a relationship between two people. Now that we've established that, we'll move on. The main difference is usually one has a plot (romance) and the other is unapologetic sex on a page (erotica).
Why This Is A Problem
It depends on entirely on why you pick up the romance novel and your age. To be clear, I do not read erotica but do enjoy well-written romance novels with good plots. Without it, I abandon the novel faster than Bella should be abandoning Edward. Young women's minds (especially when younger than high school) are shaped by what they read. If the example is an abusive relationship romanticized to be normal we're all in trouble. Young women chase what they find romantic. Adults picking up novels should know the difference between abusive and loving relationships (sadly, some don't). Some adults are also porn-addicted. Picking up a novel for entertainment vs picking it up to get off on it is a bold italic difference. Young men also figure out what is normal through books; The fact is most women pick up romances instead of men.
bokoris.blogspot.com
As for why bad romances get read, erotica is a great example of why bad romances with no plot and lots of sex sell. People get off on the stuff. It is porn in words. Some people call it women's porn. Erotica is porn for sure, but I guarantee some author is making money on bad writing. The stuff shouldn't be out there. Fifty Shades of Grey is bad for you and horribly written. It shouldn't have made it past the editing process.
Sex in fiction has a place. I've talked about this before. One sex scene (less is more is a good rule) does not make something erotic. Read Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove series for sex scenes that are the most unromanticized I've ever seen. It may be part of the plot. When a badly written sex scene is thrown in at 70 percent through the book (murdering the plot in the process) and it lasts 12 pages the book becomes dumpster fire trash in my eyes. If it feeds directly into the plot itself (like in the Lonesome Dove series or Bridgerton) I'll keep reading. That is the key difference. Don't throw sex into a book without actually tying it into the plot or readers like me won't finish it. Also, Lonesome Dove is not a romance novel; it is about the Texas Rangers and the old west's unique rules. Not every book with sex is a romance novel.
Romanticized Abuse
Abuse romanticized into an ideal relationship is not good. We should not be striving to be Joker and Harlequin, ladies and gents. We shouldn't want to be like Bella and Edward. Or Anastasia and Christian Grey. Let's be real about this. It's bad. If you are reading this as an example it is a horrible idea. Reading it knowing a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one is a must. Though, to be clear, Fifty Shades books are horribly written and I don't advocate reading those specific books.
Controlling male leads are common in the YA genre and the romance genre as a whole. This comes with gaslighting, too. Another one is that love is the cure for trauma (not true, work out your issues). A rough background can get used as an excuse for horrible behavior. Fifty Shades even does this with Christian Grey. Forced sex is another abuse that gets glorified here. Stalking is another one that gets normalized in the book series You, which is a thriller genre book. Consent gets passed over sometimes in these novels. Pairing characters off - despite the fact they may have been more than okay on their own - is one trait that people forget about, as well.
If You is any example, we are in trouble. The filmed series fooled some of the audience into thinking the main character (who is stalking someone hardcore) was romantic and charming. If the more alarming aspects of the main character weren't picked up by the audience it illustrates that we normalize some stalking and pursuing behaviors as normal. That series of books is a thriller novel - not a romance!
Courtesy of Pintertest
I'm going to go ahead and rag on Fifty Shades for a solid, thick paragraph. Ana is emotionally, physically, and sexually abused throughout the entire book series. Christian Grey stalks her before he even gets involved with her and makes it a point to control her life circumstances all the time. Another aspect of this is Christian's past trauma - which in no way excuses what he's done - that motivates Ana to try to fix him. She is also supposed to be purely submissive in this relationship while Christian has all the sexual power and sex he wants. Christian makes Ana dependent on him, preferring she not work and that he pay for everything because he wants total control (generosity is not his game). Ana even has to sign a contract with gives him rights to her body and time. She is his object. He buys her gifts to keep her with him, but never fixes the issues he has or acknowledges them. The video below is a theorist on Youtube talking about how Christian Grey conditioned Ana like he was a cult. For real, he totally did. Watch the video below and you'll see it clear as day. There are people who practice BDSM in the world and hate this series, calling it rape and not BDSM.
While we're talking about abusive male leads, let's talk about Edward Cullen, who isn't quite so bad, but literally inspired Fifty Shades of Grey into existence. In case you didn't know, Fifty Shades was a Twilight Fanfic. 365 Days was written because someone felt Fifty Shades didn't go far enough. The main man for those novels makes Christian Grey look like a balanced individual. All three men have control and jealousy issues. All three stalk our main female character. Edward Cullen, vampire or not, is definitely not who you want showing up at your window watching you sleep. Romantic? No, not at all! He could kill you.
Some books may be trying to make a social point in portraying abuse, awakening people to the realities of the situations that happen in real life. If our hero steps up and stands up for themselves you may be reading one of these books. The other side of the coin is that someone gets off on domineering over others. There are people with fetishes out there. The point is, a stance on abuse is important. Do they portray this abuse as negative or positive? It all comes down to whether they are glorifying abuse or portraying it (as in, showing what abuse is for real).
Stalking is a hard issue online, but I do have a blog on that subject here and here. These explain what legal stalking is. The first link is also about writing research and the line between that and stalking. I'm going to dig right into the thriller series You right now. This series is the story of Joe Goldberg falling in love and killing whoever gets in his way. Before the killing, however, he stalks his love interest. What is scary is his mindset; he thinks he's doing good. He did have a hard past, but that doesn't excuse his obsession-stalking. Long story short, one expert (Mary Reiter) has talked about how it parallels college campus stalking (thelantern.com).
Romance Tropes
The trope of the 'bad boy' character is part of Edward Cullen's personality. This trope also shows up in Grease and countless other movies and TV shows. This isn't just a book problem. The problem with this trope is this; a gentle girl ends up with a toxic guy. In this case, I'm not just ragging on Edward and Christian Grey. Character development sometimes comes at the cost of the female character. He's almost always dangerous with a checkered past. Often they are attractive (which somehow makes up for the bad situation?). The good girl he gets paired with feels she can fix him - a lie if I've ever heard one. In Grease Sandy changes herself, not the other way around. When this is portrayed as "cool" to men, it damages more than women. Men are taught this is how you act and women get taught that this is a healthy relationship. Damage all around.
Courtesy of Blogspot.com
Abduction to love is here, too. 365 Days fits neatly into this. The main man kidnaps a girl for 365 days so she might love him. And then there's butt stuff and lots of sex. I watched a review of it by Amanda the Jedi. Don't, just don't. The review was enough.
The parasitic relationship of "all take and no give" is the idea that one character reaps all the benefits and another gets nothing. One person gets drained of life force. I can think of one nonromantic relationship where this is true; Rapunzel and Mother Gothel portray exactly what this is. Add a romantic element to this concept and it can get scary.
"Clingy partners" is a trope that should die. Constant jealousy is not good for any relationship. Unless you portray this as negative in context, it shouldn't be in our media - especially not for young men and women! Jealous partners don't make for a fun time. Any friendships you have may or may not die if you stay with this person.
Lying is a bad one, particularly if they lied about protection in bed. Also, cheating partners can go under this umbrella. Anyone lying to your face is not your friend and shouldn't be a lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to you. Deception glorified is not right. Please, let's not put this under the heading of "normal".
Abusers in general are not to be glorified in fiction. Read that again. Abusers with fetishes are even worse. Cough cough, Christian Grey, cough cough! If you could take away their wealth and gifts and it looks like an episode of Criminal Minds you've found a bad-boy-rich-abuser romance. It's abuse. The "love martyr" trope feeds right into this by having a character stay with an abuser.
Quirkybyte.com
"I can fix him" is the last thing you should be teaching young women. I say young women because it gets aimed at women primarily. Men are taught they don't have to change by the "bad boy" standard. Women are taught they can make him change by their behavior. Your behavior is your responsibility. Take responsibility, ladies and gents. Teach your kids they can't fix someone. Please end this trope.
Bullying someone you are in love with is not how you show your affection. This trope is done by many books and movies, too many to count. Pulling pigtails in the classroom shouldn't be cute. Stop this when they are young. Don't glorify this in fiction. We need more ladies and gentlemen out there.
Loving an idealized version of someone is potentially dangerous. It leads to blind love, then creates a relationship off-kilter from reality. People shouldn't be idealizing real people. Yet, this trope lives on, creating more problems. It even feeds back into the abuser trope and love martyr trope.
Stalking to love is a bad situation. This is someone stalking one person and the victim finding it romantic. Bella does exactly this in Twilight. Edward literally watches her sleep through her window. No, just no. We don't need to teach young adults this is acceptable.
After all those toxic tropes, I'll bet you're questioning all the YA books you've read in your junior high years. I can't tell you how important it is that we teach our YA audience that abuse is not okay. This doesn't mean we stop portraying it; it just means that we take a negative stance on it. Writers portray reality, so it shouldn't be a wonder that it'll still show up. Let's think about the romances we absorb in our day-to-day reading. Let's read with our brains turned on.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Are there introverts in your life? 50 percent of us are introverts. Yet, the world (though it has changed slightly since Covid) seems to accommodate extroverts more. If you want introverted friends to feel comfortable around you I'm going to share these extra tips.
Courtesy of pinterest.com.mx
Introverts have adjusted to an extrovert-focused world since their childhood. The world doesn't adjust to us introverts very often. They tell us to "come out of our shell" and "be sociable" instead of making us comfortable enough to speak. This, of course, depends entirely on your environment. Some places make extroverts uncomfortable, but not many do.
Today I'm going to show you and tell you how to make your introverted friend speak to you more, and you can do this by making them comfortable. The world may be a broken place, yet you can make an introverted soul's day. Ready?
Time and Energy
The way I schedule my week is unique. I don't pack in as much as I can (unless it is hobby stuff) because I need recharge time. Most of the time I am either at home, at work, or on an outing with friends. A key feature of respecting an introvert is respecting their time, which you can do by planning your social events a week or so ahead. By scheduling our social calendar this way we can make sure we have the social energy saved up. Having that energy can make that social outing that much better and more fun.
Courtesy of humansoftumblr.com
Speaking of time, we need time to process our thoughts and respond. If you don't allow a pause here and there, you might not hear our thoughts. We could be bursting with ideas. In large groups where extroverts tend to dominate the conversation without allowing brief pauses, we'll almost never get the opportunity to jump in and speak without the help of an advocate who says "she/he has something to add". Be that advocate or pause to allow us space to hop in. We take a bit to formulate the correct words, thus we sometimes can't share thoughts in large group settings well; by the time we know how to word our ideas the ship has sailed and everyone else is onto the next topic. Maybe it would help to actively ask us what we think before moving on to the next point of interest.
How To Get Us Actively Talking
The first thing you need to do is stop the small talk. Give us a topic we can really chew on, like the mysteries of the universe or why people behave the way they do. My blog is essentially me trying to chew on the mysteries of the universe. Ask us how our passion projects are coming along. Ask us about our favorite book or the book we're currently reading, then clear out some time to listen. If you start me talking about books you'll be here for a while. Lonesome Dove and Comanche Moon? Pull up a chair and you'll be here forever. Bottom line, find the passion point and go from there. This works on everyone, by the way, so try it on extroverts and introverts alike.
Give us your full attention and we'll love you. We frequently get interrupted, cut off, or told to get to the point. Do you want us to talk or don't you? One-on-one conversations are perfect because we can say what we need to say without the risk of someone butting in with an anecdote and not being able to finish our full thought. Even if it isn't a one-on-one situation, small groups are the second-best situation. The less interruptive voices we have in the room, the more we speak. When we feel like we matter and you are listening we speak up. When we feel no one is listening we don't speak up. Again, basic human psychology says we need to feel we are heard if you want us to speak. Allow us that space by doing the above paragraph's suggestion and giving us your full attention. The loudest voice in the room is not always the most important.
Courtesy of Reddit
You may need to make this first step. We don't always know how to start the conversation; we just know that we can keep it going if it isn't small talk. Say hello to us and gauge whether we look like we want to converse at length or no. If we look busy, overwhelmed, stressed, or generally barely vocalize our hello (wave and keep going) let us be. When we're in a chatty mood we'll probably ask how you are doing. Don't be afraid to say hello and test the waters.
Do you want our opinion? Give us a beat before you demand our thoughts. We need to process our thoughts before giving you our full, thought-out responses. Spotlighting us on "what do you think about this?" is not helpful. Give us a warning so we know what to think about. We rehearse our words in our head and in our cars. We're not impromptu on speaking. I love theatre because I like scripted, predictable social interactions. Real life doesn't give us a script. Let us consult our internal rehearsal process before asking what we think about something super important. We risk looking ill-prepared because our ideas and our verbal words don't perfectly connect when under pressure.
Party Time
Sometimes, when I'm at a party, I'm kind of like Scott Pilgrim. I stand awkwardly and decide whether to find the dog and cat at the party or seek human interaction. The only difference is that I'm not making horrible Pac-Man/Puck Man pickup lines. Don't do that.
So, you brought your friend to the party? Great, but don't leave them alone to stand like Scott Pilgrim in the middle of the room. This is why introverts drive themselves to parties. If we know nobody that's a crime. We might leave. If you bring your friend to a party where they don't know many people, introduce them and pull out a board game. This is the perfect way to break the ice. It doesn't involve small talk. No one focuses entirely on you.
If we are ever in a conversation we don't like, please bail us out. Friends we can trust give us escape hatches. We need those. Say what you have to say to get us out of the room or help us leave the party without offending our host or other friends. Any situation where we want to melt into the floor is the time to bail us out. Please, divert the person with us or divert us to another room. When we are so overwhelmed, but socially trapped by social rules, we need your help.
Speaking of events, invite us but don't expect us to come to every single one. Our energy levels are not always high enough to warrant going to every party we receive an invitation for. We want to be thought of; we don't necessarily need to go to every party we see. Let us know you are thinking of us. If we love you we'll try to come to your parties and events as often as we can. Just know that we have to value you highly to be accepting nearly every invitation. From time to time we do need the social engagement. We are not meant to be hermits, nor should we be exhausted social butterflies. There is a balance to this relationship.
Let Us Be Us
Introversion is not a disease to be cured. Yes, all of us do need the extroverted skills in our outer world, but that doesn't mean we need to keep up a pace we can't handle. Don't tell us we need to be a shark rather than a minnow because we aren't forceful and loud. Don't make us keep up a conversation that drains our social batteries. Don't force an introvert to talk to you or shove them into the spotlight in order to "get us out of our shells". The school system did that all by itself, thank you very much, so stop trying to cure us of our introspective minds and let us be us.
We are not projects. The best thing to do is accept we are going to need to recharge after social events and we are already stimulated by our own inner world. Once you stop forcing us into uncomfortable social activities, we'll start to get comfortable around you. This is when you start to see us open our inner world to you. We spend time with people who don't exhaust us, so don't exhaust us.
Courtesy of winkgo.com
In this way, silence is something we enjoy often. Filling that calming silence with loud conversation is the opposite of allowing us to be comfortable- if I have a book in my hand, especially. We don't always want sound. In fact, I am sensitive to loud noises. Loud talking, interruptive sounds, busy environments...I have adjusted because I have to. This means I want to be comfortable and not overwhelmed by sound. Sit with us and give us our quiet zone. We will talk when we're ready to talk. At times we are chatty and energized; other times we want the world to quiet down so we can think and process.
How To Get Close To Us
Extroverts, today is the day to learn how you approach an introvert for a friendship. Your first step is the main point of this blog. Let them get comfortable around you. This means you might wave at them from afar and linger in their environment without saying much. They should get used to you and explore this friendship as time goes on. Maybe greeting them when you see them is a good step, but maybe not much else until they approach you.
It is vital that you pick the right environment. Coffee shop, book store, library, student lounge area while it is unpopulated... Essentially, you just make sure you aren't draining us of energy. We'll avoid the energy vampires like the plague. We're also not at our best while overwhelmed by loud places and people.
Pay attention to what energizes us. If we look unmotivated to keep the conversation going jump into what our passions are. I already talked about this some. What energizes us are our passions and hobbies. We'll open up to you more when you feed into that. Another factor of this is our energy level. If we only have the energy to flop onto our couch and watch cartoons, we're not likely to want conversation or a party. Understand that.
Drop small talk and jump right into the introspective and passion topics. We hear small talk and get bored quickly. A stimulating discussion will keep us there and interested. A topic as deep as a kiddie pool is going to make us want to leave the room. We love a good discussion on deep topics. You might need to get comfortable with silence. Nowadays many are not okay with silence, but I beg to differ. Don't expect a whole sentence in every response. We get wrapped up in our thoughts quite often. Listen to us fully and we'll love it. We speak to those we value, so don't cut us off or treat our words as if they aren't important.
Text or message us, don't call. I would rather not call people and have to push myself to call about appointments. Texting allows us a way to create an eloquent response while calling doesn't give us that luxury. I am one millennial that isn't attached to the phone. As a direct result, my phone is often dead or sitting in my purse forgotten. Message us on our social media or text us.
One-on-one is what you'll want to do for conversation. We don't converse as easily in large groups of people, mostly because we get cut off far too often. Extroverts find this easy, but we don't. Conversation between two people is far easier for us because our companion is giving us their full attention (or should be). Slow down and make it meaningful. Full attention means we should feel heard.
Do we have a reason to speak to you? That makes all the difference in the world. Give us a reason to speak with you if you want us to approach you. Give off good energy and encouragement. Use what you know about us to create a bridge between us. Engage with our hobbies, for example, and we might show you our latest creations.
The best way to make idle conversation with us is by doing something with us. Our eye contact is not constant like an extrovert's; it is an intimate thing for us to make direct eye contact. With our eyes on our task, we will be more likely to converse. Direct eye contact feels like a stage spotlight to us.
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