Monday, February 28, 2022

Scott Pilgrim vs Emotional Abuse

 What do this movie and graphic novel series have to do with emotional abuse? A lot! Take one look at Ramona running from Gideon and tell me what you see. Today I'm going to talk about why this series and movie do an excellent job of illustrating emotional abuse in a unique way I've never seen before.

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The plot of Scott Pilgrim Vs The World is not all about Ramona because it focuses on Scott defeating her seven evil exes, yet the whole situation is clearly all about Ramona's love life and past. Gideon makes it impossible for her to easily move on with life after their break-up by contacting six of her exes (not ex-boyfriends, exes) to create a league. This league then has to be defeated by anyone who wishes to date Ramona (counting Gideon as the seventh ex).  This is what Scott runs right into when he meets Ramona and is enthralled by her. She has already run away from New York to Canada to avoid Gideon and her past. Still, we see it catch up with her all thanks to Gideon. 

There are several points that show Gideon was emotionally abusive to her. For one, Ramona references that he paid no attention to her when they were together. When she left he became possessive of her. In the books he actually dresses Envy up like a dress-up doll and treats her badly, too. Envy, too, is a victim of Gideon because he manages her later on in the books (post -Todd being defeated). He even put a chip in Ramona's head (film version) to control her right back to him. The evidence is overwhelming. The league is more than enough to show you what lengths he'd go to to keep her with him. 


Inside Ramona's Head

Here is where the people who only watched the movie miss out on imagery. Scott sees inside her bag (insides her head) twice. Once was an accident and she was highly embarrassed. Twice was the last battle against Gideon, in which the parts of Ramona, shown as duplicates of her, finish off Gideon. What Scott sees is a part of Ramona that is sitting at Gideon's feet in sexy underwear and later shackles. Gideon himself is on a large throne in a dark corner. That image speaks volumes on how much damage Gideon had done already and how she wasn't quite mentally past him. As shown in the last book, the other duplicates of Ramona had just about had it with Gideon (demonstrating her attempt to try to move on). 

This is all significant for two reasons. The first is that she is sitting chained at Gideon's feet, revealing that she is not free of Gideon and he holds control over her. They even showed her at a level just below Gideon at the end of the movie (chaos theatre as Scott enters). It explains why she'd go back to him after running all the way to Canada to get away from him. Also, she is wearing sexy clothing which indicates that he uses her instead of loving her. The way he treats Envy Adams tells me he plays with women like toys and doesn't like to share. 

Photo by Comic Pow
The second is that Ramona has to defeat Gideon on a mental plane. In order to truly be free of the man, she has to deal with all of it mentally. The movie ending didn't do this (because I suspect it is easier to draw in a book than film). That is the only real difference between the two forms of Scott Pilgrim, other than the chip. Either way, we do see Ramona take a shot at Gideon. She kicks him in the balls in the movie and Scott does the defeating with Knives because Gideon kicked her down the stairs. No matter what, though, she did defeat him in her head in order to take a shot at him. The book is a better ending, but I digress. 

The League

We need to talk about the league itself in all this. Gideon went to the trouble of doing "two hours" of research to get contact information, contact her exes, and get them to agree to this whole fiasco. The book says one wouldn't agree to it, if you look, so at least one of her exes wasn't ridiculous. This involves slander. Yes, Ramona didn't end things well with the majority of her exes, but to go this far requires some form of slandering her. This is talking behind her back and plotting to destroy her love life forever, at the risk of being killed and turned into quarters. 

Did Gideon consider that he was destroying her life as all this happened? No. He didn't even consider it. She was an experiment to him. While I will point out that some exes contacted him in the book, he didn't have to go this far. Not only this, but the book goes farther than this, showing that Gideon freezes and collects his girlfriends so he can thaw them, then date them at his leisure whenever he wants. His plan was to add Ramona to his collection, as well, and possibly Envy.

Also, Gideon alters Scott's memories, too. He damages Scott and Ramona to sabotage the relationship. He is pure, unadulterated evil. People are just pawns in his mind. He uses his powers to manipulate everyone. The paragraph below, from the Scott Pilgrim wiki fandom, describes it perfectly.

Photo by thecoli.com


"In many ways Gideon is a typical case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: he possesses a highly grandiose, idealised and very unrealistic view of himself, and reacts with extreme anger and defensiveness whenever reality even slightly contradicts his illusions. His entire perception of the world is filtered through his ego, and this extends to his relationships, which are emotionally abusive, over-demanding, and devoid of any real affection. Instead, he views the girls he dates as accessories to his greatness, giving them the bare minimum emotional attention and otherwise neglecting and exhausting them, yet his messed up ego causes him to react violently when they dump him, wanting to punish them for suggesting he is anything less than amazing."

As you can see, Gideon isn't quite right. He is likely a high-functioning sociopath.

Emotional Abuse Defined

Looking at all of the above, let's take a look at the definition of emotional abuse and the ways it shows itself. Psychology today says the following:

"Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior in which the perpetrator insults, humiliates, and generally instills fear in an individual in order to control them. The individual's reality may become distorted as they internalize the abuse as their own failings."

First of all, the image of Ramona at Gideon's feet is literally internalized abuse. Already we see this definition come into play. Another thing about abuse is that the person gets in the way of your personal goals, and what better way to do this than sending your other exes after your current boyfriend. Jealousy and being possessive also come into play here, which reminds me of the bio frozen exes of Gideon. He watches Ramona in both the book and movie. A huge red flag is that he also dresses Envy up like a doll.  This guy takes abuse to a whole new level with his mind powers, as well, so he has already defined himself as the worst abuser Ramona, Envy, and the frozen exes in the ceiling could ever meet. I think my debate here is finished. Ramona will forever be a hero for defeating him with Scott at the end of the series.





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Monday, February 21, 2022

Why we don't notice everything

 Just how much of our world do we pay attention to? Do we truly notice everything we should? Let's find out. Below is my research on this topic and how it impacts us. 

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While technology does not help the lack of observation some humans show, it is not all to blame. Our psychological mind has to filter out what it deems unimportant or we'd be insane by now. You have to train yourself to remember observations like Shawn Spencer. It isn't all our devices' fault. Schools also don't put this at the top of the list sometimes, because even logical deduction is sometimes low on the list and the two do connect.

To put it simply, our brains can't focus on everything at once. We filter out what is unimportant and prioritize even within our own minds. Sherlock is not neurotypical. If you wish to get some of his skills you have to learn logical deduction. He can pay attention to so much because he is not quite normal (making him a bit quirky). Most people can't do what he does. Today I explore the average observation levels of average people. I will, however, touch on the exceptions to the rule.

Common Occurrences

What do you see every day that you don't notice? Plenty, actually. For one, your brain will autocorrect words sometimes. For another, the common objects that we see almost every day no longer show up on our radar, especially if we haven't needed them for an extremely long time. Also, if someone does the exact same thing for a long enough period of time, your brain will consider it normal and won't draw your attention to it. This was proven when one of my roommates in college cleaned the room every Friday and I never noticed - at all (but not because she did a bad job -she did a good job). 

Photo by Blogspot.com
Another thing about us humans is that we focus on ourselves more often than we know. Introspective people can get lost in their own minds, for example, and not notice that their roommate cleaned every Friday, even as that person watched her clean every Friday while doing homework. This is why people who fade into the background get a lot of information from conversations (servants, people wiping tables.....). There are many people, like cleaning workers, that actually can become invisible to many people because they do the same thing every day. 

The summary of this whole section is this; if it is common and happens daily, we won't take much notice of it. 

Choosing What Is Important

There are times that we choose to focus on something and tune out what is unrelated. For instance, I could do a puzzle and ignore the time on the clock. We do this all the time. In a busy street, we turn our attention to the sign that says when to walk or the shops we pass. We don't stop to focus on every single detail. It is all filtered mentally into two boxes - important and unimportant. It is called selective attention and it stops us from going absolutely insane. We select what goes in important and ignore the rest. You probably don't remember what color the driver of a car was wearing unless you have been trained to observe like Shawn Spencer (who was taught to do this by his father early in life). 

Visual attention goes two ways - spotlight and zoom-lens. Spotlight works exactly like a spotlight, where the most important is in the middle and the rest get put in the margins from there. Zoom-lens works like a camera lens, zooming in to laser-focus on something or zooming out for the big picture (which takes more time to process). Auditory (hearing) attention has to do with the volume of the conversation. Cocktail effect makes it so you can hear only tidbits of the conversations at a time. If a change in volume happens you will notice, but the language could change mid-conversation and the volume could stay the same, yet you might not notice.


Getting Lost In Our Heads

So, I mentioned getting lost in your mind earlier. I do that all the time. Someone can easily sneak up on you and scare you that way. It can easily happen to introverts or introspective types, as well as literally everyone on the planet.  For now, let's talk about our thoughts. 

We wander everywhere in our minds and don't stay in the present near enough. Don't believe me? Tally how many times you are thinking about the future or travel back into the past in your thoughts. It is shocking how much time we spend in our brain ignoring our present moment of life. Wandering thoughts actually give us stress. If you start to take notice of this and correct yourself, you'll see so much you didn't before. Writers who sit in cafes and observe people see quite a lot of human nature. You should try cutting time out of your day to observe the public population around you (preferably in a safe place) with a journal. 

How do you stop yourself from getting lost in your head? Well, it's hard. We do it so often that we are blind to it most of the time. Introspective humans are especially guilty of this. It all starts with recognizing that you are wandering. After that, you bring yourself into the present and focus all your attention on something happening 'now'. Not later, not in the future - now! This temporarily shuts off autopilot. You will have to do this repeatedly, but after a while, it gets easier to recognize when you wander off into your own head. It is worth it. 

The Exceptions To The Rule

Introverts, as much as we get lost in our heads, pay attention quite a bit so we don't have to ask verbal questions. Yes, you heard me, we notice more than what we voice. This requires logical deduction (whether it is at Sherlock Holmes level or not is up to you). For instance, at work there are many people at tables with nametags. Helpers and nurses take orders to tables, but often ask where someone sits if they don't know. Even with table numbers on the order (which did help after that was included), some will still ask who sits where. Anyone with logical deduction skills won't need to ask unless someone doesn't have a name tag. The tags go unnoticed by many due to being common items that are always there. Using logical deduction saves time and means I don't have to have to point out where everyone sits. 

Those with mental illness also pay attention more, but for social cues. Appearing normal is a major reason to observe those around you. Keep this in mind when you see someone who looks like a fish out of water. They may not be a person with mental illness, but the concept still remains because we all want to be approved of and look normal (mostly). Still, those that deal with mental illness will be paying extra attention. 

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Observant people can do many things. For one, they can tell if you are lying sometimes (being human we're not always right). Bodily cues give off whether you are uncomfortable or lying. These people see introvert zones and are often good friends to introverted people as a result. They will take in details about places and people that they often have to play dumb to (because irritating someone like Sherlock does is not the best thing to do). Also, some people are seriously spooked by you knowing more about them than they shared. In general, good and fully engaged listeners are good observers, too. Speaking of being fully engaged, they are also more situationally alert. They also have their stuff organized in such a way that when it is moved they will notice. This is because it was there for a reason and placed for maximum productivity. They are usually analytical types. Landmarks also pop out to these people, meaning they may actually know where they parked or by what shop you entered the mall at. These observant souls also have a lot of factual information in their pockets. As if all this wasn't enough, they are better judges of character, have great critical thinking skills, and people watch. If you see a perfectionist, think of the observant. They will find something new in their old favorites, too. They are better at relationships due to noticing facial expressions and stress or changes in people.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, we are human. We have a brain that can't pay attention to everything at once. It has to filter out some of it so we can function correctly. Quite frankly, most of us are not Sherlock, but we can develop our ability to stay in the present instead of checking out. We can logically deduce and train ourselves to notice life around us. Try it today and you'll see a whole new world. You may even be able to figure out more by yourself and find more independence. 

As for our technology, it is an inanimate object that we can use for good or evil. With boundaries it is good and without it, well, you'll be mastered by it. Any type of technological addiction can be stopped with healthy boundaries and accountability. Remember that your devices do not have to rule over you. If you need to take a day and leave them on their chargers unopened, go ahead. I used to once every week and it was marvelous, especially during the editing process I was going through. Devices are designed for the tasks you use them for. If you find yourself surfing the web out of boredom put it down and go find a personal project or book. 


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/metacognition-and-the-mind/201806/why-we-stop-noticing-the-world-around-us

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-selective-attention-2795022

https://www.inc.com/nate-klemp/harvard-psychologists-reveal-real-reason-were-all-so-distracted.html

https://kids.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frym.2017.00023

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/15-things-only-incredibly-observant-people-would-understand.html

https://courses.lumenlearning.com/boundless-psychology/chapter/introduction-to-perception/


Monday, February 14, 2022

Writing Research Vs Stalking Online

Researching characters using real people you know is a fine line and involves a lot of playing dumb, as well as making sure you don't smash that like button. Writers, we've all done it. Even people who aren't writers do this out of boredom. Let's look at where the fine line is - you know, the one you cross and people start suddenly screaming. 

Photo by Social Media Marketing - RG Pacific


Stalking is defined as:

1. to pursue or approach stealthily (hunting and animals,  so unrelated to us)

2. harass and persecute someone with unwanted and obsessive attention

3. stride somewhere with a proud, stiff, angry manner ("she stalked off into the room.")

Only one of those definitions should be avoided by researching writers. The online definition of this is getting hazy due to social media. You can now look months back into someone's profile in a mere click or two. Technically, it is public information if posted on a public profile. You don't need much more than an hour to find months of posts, maybe even years. This is where we find the fine line getting a bit blurry. Curious people can stumble over it out of boredom, character research, or pure curiosity about how someone has been doing. Today I highlight the differences between legit stalking on social media and just looking around. 

One Time or Ten Million Times

If this person has indeed friended you and you need to know the colors they commonly wear for the sake of a Christmas gift or character profile you are not suddenly an evil stalker. Scanning through their albums at one point for a bit less than an hour thinking about what colors to make their Christmas sweater is not legal stalking. No lawyer can put you in jail for that. 


Photo by kiles.homeunix.net
What is wrong is checking the profile of a stranger, ex, or anyone else every minute of the day to keep track of what they are doing when. That is abuse. Stop. That isn't research, so don't call it research. The bottom line is that it has to be constant and obsessive to count as stalking. Most of us do not obsessively research like this when writing a character to life. If you do, go get counseling. 

Use of Information

What are you using the info you found for? Color of wardrobe? Assessing the character of the person you just agreed to date? It matters what you are using it for. If you are using it to track someone this is unhealthy. If you are using it to create a likeness of someone in your next novel and only look at their photos when you are writing the character profiles out, you are fine. Just play dumb later or you might freak them out. Looking for information only when you need it is definitely research and is not constant, not unless you are the FBI and someone is wanted dead or alive. Detective agencies are a whole different ball game.

Social media is also a lot less creepy if you are friends on the platform. Seriously, just hit follow for your writing inspiration. The posts come to you, straight to your newsfeed. It is easy and takes less effort. I said in a previous blog that people-watching can also lead you over this fine line, so I'll repeat some of that information here. Do not ever tail anyone you people watch. Never is that acceptable. Never even consider it. You wait until after they leave the coffee shop, finish your drink, then go home. Follow someone on their social media, not to their work or their home. 

Everyone Knows Vs Hush Hush

It helps to be upfront and ask friends while researching something. Also, being friends on the platform means they know you are looking at their page. Open and honest is far better than hiding in the walls like Bruno (I only know about Bruno from the hype about the movie, FYI). You can even tell them you are basing a character off of them and consult with them openly, if you are that close. 

Did I mention playing dumb earlier? Yes, but you can stop playing dumb to something when someone tells you the information you already know. I will tell you right now that some humans don't like when they have been analyzed based on their social media or people-watched. Some are a bit easy to spook. Avoid those humans when researching. You will run into that at times, but remember who you need to not spook. 

Spooking vs stalking is a matter of how often you people-watch and research. Again, tailing someone daily is stalking. People-watching while you eat lunch is not stalking. Spooking someone happens when they suddenly notice you and get the wrong impression. It happens. That is when you avoid that person. Even then, they might still be spooked by you. Just try not to let it happen. Artists are people who aren't easily spooked, generally. 


The Fine Line

Let me give you just a few rules of thumb before you stop reading. 

1. Only look when you need the information and don't like any posts you find.
2. Never use the information you find to track anyone or anyone close to them. 
3. If a person is easy to spook you should not be researching them. 
4. Be sure they are your friends and be open about what you are doing and why. 

These four guidelines will keep you from crossing that fine line, a line that gets harder to see as we post more online. Be careful out there writers. 

 Using Social Media Responsibly

Social media is an inanimate object we use daily. We have a choice of using it for good or evil. Stalking is misusing it. Research is not. Looking at someone's profile over social media and doing nothing cannot be held against you in court. It is when you use it to track someone or harm someone that you will be in trouble. Please be mindful of what you post publicly online. Everyone can see it. You have the power of good or evil in your hands. Be responsible. 





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Monday, February 7, 2022

Corsets Worn Correctly

 Shaping devices are nothing new. They were also complicated. Some people also misused them or gave them a bad name. Not everyone tight-laced and most did not. After some deeper research on the topic, I'm going into the upsides and downsides of corsets.



I did some deeper diving into this. While there are downsides to this type of support, they were not as toxic as some humans portrayed them. Part of the reason for this is that we see people in edited photos and forget that padding was sold for body shaping. Also, women-owned businesses were often in the fashion industry and men going against suffragettes did not like that. That doesn't mean all women liked corsets, but those going against them screamed their message to the world. 

Modern corsetry is careful to size corsets to you, but way back when they sized them, too. Waist training is common now. Wearing corsets for cosplay is also common. Cosplayers will tell you to only wear them for so long. People with back problems wear something similar to a corset. We see ball gowns with support in them on the red carpet. They have not died. Are they the same? No, but they have not completely disappeared.

The Correct Way to Wear a Corset

First of all, there is a way to break them in. Second, they are sized to you or should be. Third, you should be able to breathe in it even if you can't move as freely. Fourth, wear a layer of fabric underneath it. 

To put one on (after you have sized it to you!) Hourglass Angel brand of corsets suggests this:

"It’s a little tricky to lace up in a corset, so we advise using a mirror or getting assistance from someone. First, gently unroll the corset so that the laces are facing up. Pull them apart, loosening the X’s starting from the center. When you put it on, you know that the correct side is up when the hooks that clasp in front are on your right. It should be very loose when you clasp it; never pull or tug on the hooks when you fasten the front. Next, pull the laces starting at the top and bottom and work your way towards the middle, pulling the loops as you go. The pull loops should be at the natural waist. Tie them when you’ve reached the desired tightness."

Again, tight-lacing for long periods of time is dangerous. Though the myth that all corsets are dangerous is not correct, there is some medical evidence of young women who tight-laced and pushed lungs into ribs. Don't do that. Please only tighten to a safe waistline. Women wore pads and other undergarments to get to the shape they wanted to be, so it wasn't all the corset. Hourglass Angel also suggests that if you feel pain, shortness of breath, or that it is not comfortable after tightening and seasoning to take it off immediately. 

As for breaking it in, "seasoning", you start by not pulling it as tight as it will go. Wear it an hour each day or 2 to 3 days to allow it to adjust to your body. Then you can lace it tightly (but not so tight you can't breathe or it hurts). Your body should become used to it. There is a lot of compression. For this reason, people who wear corsets unlace them slowly and allow their bodies to adjust to the lack of compression as they take them off. Don't just throw it off from the front or your body and the corset will not react nicely (depending on corset type). The video below will show you visually how to take off and put on a corset correctly.

You will find that waist training and tight lacing are different. Some people will tell you tight lacing can be done every once in a while for only short periods of time. I advise you just don't do it at all, but you are making that choice for yourself and taking on any risks that includes if you do. Tight lacing is around 4 inches in reduction or more, approximately. Waist training is just a few inches and wearing consistent corsets for a period of time. I'm going by Lucy's Corsetry advice. She recommends custom fit for daily use due to health safety and comfort.

Not all Corsets are okay to wear

Modern corsets, for medical or fashion reasons, are not the same as the old corsets of the 18-1900s. Different designs evolved and changed as fashion and propriety shifted. Short version, not all of them were safe then or now. Buy it custom, please, and do your research. I'll let someone else explain it in their words. She tells the reality of corsetry better than I can.

As the lovely human above explained, it is complicated. Historical dramas have, thus, gotten it wrong on many occasions (like every costume department often has in Hollywood). Women did adjust to their body shape and use pads to create optical illusions. Even puffy sleeves helped that illusion. Remember this when attempting a body that has a tiny waist. Also, altered pictures don't help us create accurate costumes. Real women had real bellies and real boobs. 

Is this woman scrunched in like a wasp? No, she's not, and she looks perfectly wonderful. And she is wearing a corset. Little Women didn't show women looking like wasps, either, though they did leave out some undergarments when it came to characters that were tomboyish. What I'm saying is that the Gibson Girl was not always the fashion and not everyone wore it. If you did you likely had servants and were rich. Women in the position of the March family needed functional clothing. It was considered a functional undergarment for most women and it had a variety to it. They even created dance corsets.

Many YouTubers will tell you all about how inaccurate the corset myths in Bridgerton and many other dramas are. Just look it up and you'll find it. 





The Most Common Inaccuracies

If you can believe it, some have shown actresses wearing them backwards and upside down. Oops! People don't know what is up and down when it comes to corsets on some sets. That just sounds dumb, truly, but Westworld was the one that dressed their ladies with upside down corsets, so, let's go check on their wardrobe department. 

Another one you see in Bridgerton is no undergarments under the corsets. One, you ruin the corset faster that way, and two, that looks like it hurts. Anyone who knows how to wear a corset has underneath slips for it. That was what layers of undergarments did (as well as body shaping). 

Another one is using the wrong time period corset. Another oops. Most viewers won't know the difference at all. I won't know the difference. Just the historical experts will know the difference. This is why Hollywood often doesn't worry about it unless they are dealing with an intense fandom. It is the lowest priority on their list and where liberties are taken, especially if no one will notice.

Similarly, corsets in time periods that didn't use them are a common whoopsie. Again, only historians will notice. It is something your common audience won't notice while they sit in the theatre. Only history buffs will be upset. Liberties will be taken vigorously for the sake of sexy costuming. Look online and you'll see so many sexy costumes with corsets worn incorrectly.

The myth that all corsets are bad, as broken by the research of people who have worn them correctly, is there. Tight lacing is shown in several movies to be painful. What has been said, though, is that a filming schedule does not allow time for seasoning corsets. Unfortunately, this makes it somewhat painful for the actresses. If you can't season a corset to fit your body you will likely not like wearing it. Some feminists will also claim it is oppression, but I have no opinion on that because I'm being objective here. Also, women made them, so I'm not so sure that's correct.

What About The Medical Evidence?

Yes, medical evidence, let's get to it. I'm going to surprise you with what I found. Corsets got the blame for a lot of medical problems, yet, we cannot prove all those problems to be corset-given medically. Tuberculosis was originally thought to be corset issues and - ta da! - they were wrong. Breast cancer caused by corsets? Nope, still exists and most of us are wearing bras. 

An actual ribcage of a tight-laced
woman
What can be said is that tight lacing is not a good idea and they condemned the practice. The use of elastic started to take hold around this time. Front laced corsets were also medically endorsed to help posture without causing injury. Highly laced corsets also caused some back problems, which made you depend on the corset for your back because it weakened muscles. Tight lacing was mostly what concerned doctors due to the constriction of it. 

Tight lacing was a bad idea for a real reason and I don't like to see anyone try it for even short periods of time. "Chicken breast" is not just a meal for dinner; it is when ribs fractured and you got lung atrophy, which required healing via being immobile. The pressure of the corset could cause this. Despite this, doctors did not believe women who came for treatment of corset injuries. Organs did move around and women in the time were told to be pale and frail to be attractive. The louder men shouted about corsets, the more some women tight-laced. Did it cause ribs to compress? Yes, it did. We have skeletons to prove it. It was said to have caused trouble giving birth, but I don't know if that was just genetics on some ladies or the effects on soft tissue and tight lacing. Childbirth and pregnancy are not quite proven as parts of tight lacing by medical evidence.
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