Introvert coping mechanisms

 Introverts are dealing with an extroverted world, so naturally, we have to develop coping mechanisms. Let's dig into that. 

If you don't believe me, look at reality TV shows and the way schools are run. The loudest of causes are the heard causes. You can imagine how introverts of quieter nature find that hard to deal with. Being forced to learn extroverted traits because introversion ("shyness") is treated as an illness gets old, fast. 

We can act like an extrovert, however, it gets too exhausting to keep up the charade. Our coping mechanisms are the way we deal with our extroverted, overwhelming, loud world. Somehow the world can ask us why we're so quiet and we can't ask why they are so loud. 

The difference between the extrovert and introvert can be explored and explained more in the blog link here:click here!

The best thing that an extrovert can do is learn more about the introvert-kind and not try to change us into extroverts. You are in the right place for that. I also suggest Introvert Dear, if you want more information on introverts of many types. 

How We Cope In Healthy Ways

A good way to cope is to let the extrovert do the talking, without bothering to keep up. While eye contact can be hard for us, making it with passing people is a nice gesture, so some do. We tend to find extroverted friends and travel around the party with this person. Going to parties of people we know is a tactic that seems to work out socially, as well. Not coming to a party is always an option. We may come early and leave early, driving ourselves so we're not trapped. Driving ourselves guarantees we can leave when we want, freedom that aids us when our social batteries are dying. 

If you know someone well enough you can be straight with them and tell them you are socially exhausted. This only works with close friends. Others will likely find this rude, sadly, so make the friend first before attempting. If they clearly don't understand this, introverts would be wise to limit time with this individual and have a friend give them an exit excuse. Friends are great ways to make an escape without appearing rude. Any reason to leave is wonderful. Read the room and you will start to identify who will understand and who won't. Choose your close friends wisely. 

Bringing a book to the party is a thing that makes us look antisocial, but yet, it makes our world so much easier to deal with. What gets annoying is when it gets taken as a sign to strike up a conversation by other party-goers. Similarly, we also befriend the animals of the house at parties. This is always, always acceptable. The animals, if good-natured, are your friends.

Learn about yourself. Understanding what overwhelms and overstimulates you as an individual helps you find social environments that you can handle. If you are sensitive to loud noises and voices you can avoid those triggers, most of the time. Not going to places that overwhelm you is a good strategy. Learn your limits and leave before your stress levels reach the ceiling or your social battery hits the negatives. Friends can give you an excuse to leave if you have a cue system in place. Any friends who understand can be of aid and will likely do a lot for you. My fiance is that person for me when a large group and loud noises are too much and I'm showing stress signals.

Negative Ways to Cope

Some people talk too much to compensate for their social anxiety. That doesn't mean everyone has social anxiety and introverted traits together, but it is a mechanism. The unfortunate thing here is that once one gets comfortable the chatter ends and an extrovert gets confused by the quieter side of us.  

When stressed in social situations, we tend to get a bit short in response. While I will try to curb that, it still doesn't come across well when in a work situation or an "impressing someone" situation. That is a neon sign for social exhaustion. We might snap at someone if pushed too far into the negative digits on our social batteries. This is when it is better to excuse yourself than to stay. 

Trying to ignore someone is considered quite antisocial and goes over badly often. You appear cold and mean to do this. If you cannot handle someone it is perfectly acceptable to leave the room instead if allowed. If you can't leave a room appear busy and wear some headphones, at the very least. All that said, clear communication to someone who understands is far better than ignoring the presence of another human. If you can't handle a conversation with them just don't draw attention to yourself. I know some people force themselves into your space and conversations. Just acknowledge them as people before you scheme your way out. 

Avoiding social interaction at all costs is natural to some of us, especially when it requires social energy from us and our tank is empty. This is probably dangerous to some of the more reclusive types of introverts. We do need social interaction at lower levels. We do need love and touch. Reclusive types are prone to depression. No social network at all makes complete reclusion something to avoid. Note that reclusion is having almost no social contact with anyone, not a small group of loyal friends. There is a difference. Having a few close friends is perfectly okay. Your tribe can be three people or six; either way, you are not reclusive if you have a tribe. 

Not responding to texts, calls, and messaging is so, so common. We sometimes don't have the energy. Unfortunately, we do need to be contactable for work, friends, and especially if you are part of a large event or party. I am guilty of letting my phone die and then getting a million messages afterward. Because of this blog, I keep an eye on my messages online, but my cellphone? It usually just gets in my way. Reclusive tendencies in introverts make it hard to reach out to them for much of anything. While there are times that it is okay to turn off your phone and devices to recharge, constantly being unreachable is probably not a good thing. Note that constant is when someone doesn't answer anything for long periods of time.

When Bad Coping Skills Happen

The thing about the negative coping skills listed is this; those are stress reactions and happen when we need time away from humanity to recover. I, personally, start to smile and nod, speak shortly, and cue and hint with my eyes toward my fiance. I might try to silently cry out for us to leave the party by hanging on his arm. If I came by myself I will leave. 

The real problem is when we can't leave or are required to do something that makes us exhibit these. Exhausting us by social standards that push us to the negative digits of our social batteries is not society's best moment. This depends entirely on where you are and who you are with. Some groups will understand your battery life more than others. Good coping mechanisms are practiced and require some balance of social and private time to work well. Fellow introverts, take a few moments a week to chill. Take that time to balance yourselves and you will thank yourselves for it. Don't let anyone judge you for needing space and quiet time. 

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Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201302/7-success-tips-introverts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/nine-signs-you-re-really-introvert

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-introverts

https://www.payscale.com/career-news/2017/07/workplace-coping-mechanisms-introverts

https://dickmillet.medium.com/introversion-anxiety-and-coping-mechanisms-cc3125872406

http://mechanicsofwhy.com/problems/others/coping-as-an-introvert-in-an-extrovert-world/#:~:text=Once%20again%2C%20the%20primary%20way,behave%20in%20an%20extrovert%20way.