We like to make fun of entitled people on Youtube and social media worldwide. What does entitled mean? Let's discuss.
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According to the dictionary entitled means one of two things. Either you believe you inherently deserve a privilege or special treatment or are legally told you are entitled to *fill in the blank*. Better Help says this: "an unrealistic, unmerited, or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others." Simply stated, you believe you should get special treatment and privileges, and you can be mistaken.
A great example of entitlement is shown in Charlotte Dobre's Youtube channel, which constantly reacts to Reddit stories of entitled brides, grooms, and the general population. It is fun to watch, but you do need to remember real humans lived these out. We are sheep, ladies and gents. Social media will also blast these people (Karens, if you will) who do behave badly in front of store clerks, waitresses, and neighbors. In a way, society is punishing them for their off behavior and simultaneously making them a source of entertainment. Humans like to watch a good dumpster fire when it comes into view. I don't know how to feel about that, but yet again, I openly admitted to watching Charlotte Dobre's videos.
Why Are They Entitled?
Good Question, and sometimes it comes down to getting everything they want all the time at home, only to come out into the real world and get smacked with a cold blast of reality. In this situation, they react by blowing up on other people around them. This blowup is what gets blasted on social media, including whole Reddit categories on entitlement. In other cases you'll see that someone didn't get enough of something at home, then will demand it from others. Overcompensating for the past is a way this entitlement happens, too.
To be fair to those struggling with personality disorders, I'm going to mention that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) do exhibit these symptoms. These are people who have serious struggles affecting relationships and human interaction. I'm not going to say every "Karen" you see mistreating someone has a disorder. I also won't neglect to mention it here, lest anyone forget that invisible illnesses are real.
The overall effect of lashing out when you don't get what you want can come from a place of insecurity. It ends up isolating those "Karens" from the rest of society, which doesn't lead anyone down a stable mental path. In short, you lose friends for all those times you lash out. You need those. You can spiral without mental support.
Overcoming Entitlement
You thought I was just going to roast the entitled? Nope, I'm not. If you find you are lashing out, losing friends, and feeling convicted by my research I have some advice for you - before you get blasted all over Reddit for a neighbor dispute or bridezilla incident.
You need to remind yourself you are a unique individual and don't need to compare yourself to others. Take some time to write out goals with steps you're willing to take to get there. Remember that if you fall down get back up. Doing it yourself comes with the satisfaction you did it. Do it because it is the right thing, not for the reward in the end. Lastly, put yourself in their shoes and try to see their point of view, and empathize. Better Help found at this link can be of service to you, should you need to overcome this.
Very Well Mind has some advice, too. They suggest you recognize your sense of entitlement and squash it before you act on it. You are entitled to nothing and should learn the difference between a need and a want. Based on the situation, focus on what you can control and practice gratitude. Take a good, hard observation of how your entitlement has and could affect the people around you. Last and most importantly, be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, and only you can do that. They suggest you find a mental health professional to guide your journey into a balanced life. Want the whole article? Check it out here.
Traits of the entitled
The traits of entitled people aren't pretty. For instance, empathy goes out the window and they are the center of their world, expecting the world to owe them everything. They won't earn it themselves.
Do you know someone who expects special favors? Maybe, maybe not, but the entitled in the world see nothing wrong with this. Even if they think they can skirt the rules because they don't apply to them. Even if they mistreat serving staff and waiters who are just trying to get through the shift. These are the humans demanding freebies and not wanting to pay for art.
Thinking you are a million dollars of fabulous and should have a great life, with no effort made on your part, is a delusion. This is when you see some influencers elevating themselves above others. You do need to make an effort to make your life better. You can't just let others do all the work for you.
Flaunting power, influence, and money is a toxic trait. Not everyone has to bend over backward to make the life of an entitled human easier. We don't all have to do something for someone because of their power and influence. I'd go so far as to say we need to stand up to those who bully others with their money and power. Let them fall down on their butt and build themselves back up. If you floated on the backs of others to get somewhere, then do nothing for the others who got you there it is not something to brag about.
Gratitude is a virtue much appreciated. Entitled people generally don't have it. Saying thank you is a skill lost to them. Tipping? Nope. When they do lose it, though, they'll be sad they didn't say thanks. The fact of the matter with the entitled is they are the most important thing in their own mind. This is why they care not whether you need time to work out personal issues. The empathy is not there. Entitled individuals will act this way across the board, most of the time.
Victim mentality is what Charlotte Dobre often references when looking at the stories of the entitled, which is truly sad. The delusion they are the victim when you won't give them what they demand is real. She's hit the nail on the head. They aren't taking responsibility for their own lives, instead expecting everyone to carry them through life. They seem to need constant praise, too, which explains some entitled influencers' behaviors. The truth behind that is a massive amount of secret insecurity, which they may need to seek help about, but often don't.
The focus on self-image is common with the entitled, who wear a metaphorical mask constantly. They are likely to experience chronic disappointment, expectations unmet, and a cycle of behavior that puts them in social and psychological harm on a daily basis. It is harmful to be like this. Seek help, for your sake and ours.
Children and Entitlement
We see this in kids first. Where? Let me show you. If you've seen a toddler wanting candy at a store and having a meltdown, you've seen it. Blaming a teacher for a bad grade is also a good example. Being uncomfortable with frustration, like complaining you didn't get what you want, is a sign. Expecting something you feel you have a right to is another example.
Can parents cause this toxic trait? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Maybe it is a disorder in specific cases. Parenting is hard. All the same, doing what is stated below may encourage this in children - who grow into adults.
1. Being your child's friend is not the job of the parent. "Because I said so" is a valid answer to why they have to do something. You are not their peer; you are their parent (or legal guardian). When you behave as a peer it encourages them to be entitled. Saying "Bath time in five minutes" will still give a child time to transition to another task, as opposed to "Do you want a bath?". Wording matters and you can word things in a way that says you - the parent - are in charge. "We leave for school in five minutes" is one positive example of such wording. Adult children are their own entity and can be your friend and child, but barring that situation you need to establish you are making the decisions.
2. Equal say in decisions can encourage entitlement, too. Again, you make the decisions because the child has not developed fully. Can they say their thoughts on the decision or matter? Sure, they can, but you make the final decision and your say goes. I don't advocate not listening to your child, because I know that later they talk to you more if you listen to them speak, but doing everything they want you to do tells them they are the center of the universe. They are not. Don't allow them to think they are.
3. Bribing is a tactic that rewards bad behavior. Reward and bribe aren't defined the same. A bribe rewards bad behavior, while a reward is an incentive toward good behavior. For instance, Stillwell runs all over the bus causing chaos during the movie A League of Their Own, and gets a candy bar as bribery to behave and stop being chaos. In comparison, my mother-in-law homeschooled both her children and offered the incentive of money when they turned in homework - a reward for good behavior. Simplified down to one statement, it is this; reward the behavior you want to encourage.
4. Remember the participation trophies nobody worked for? You showed up and got rewarded for it. While this may be a good thing for those who tried and didn't win the league, many didn't do anything except show up and stand in the outfield or soccer field. You notice that goes away as the ages rise, and for good reason. You earn rewards for doing more than showing up in the real world. It is highly debated whether participants should get a trophy for simply entering the building.
5. Saying no is vital to parenting. No means you can make a child upset, but wouldn't you rather they learn not to run into traffic? The spoiled ones who get all they ever wanted and more take this for granted all the time later in life. They learn their parents are genies or ATMs. You are the parent. Say no when you need to say no. You are the authority figure and they need to learn the world will sometimes say no.
6. Modeling good behavior is also vital. What you do speaks louder than what you say and tell them to do. If you model that you can bully someone into getting what you want, they'll do likewise. Entitled behavior gets modeled to a child and they will mimic that. They repeat TV shows and movies, so why wouldn't they look to you for how to behave in society? Your child is not fully developed. They will pick up on what you do and say. Cussing? They'll repeat it. Entitlement? They'll show you what you look like. If you see they are mimicking you and you hate how it looks, change. You can control you.
Teaching Kids Resilience
Above all, teach your kids resilience (capacity to deal with diversity) because if they can't deal with challenges they'll find ways to cope that aren't positive.
What can you do to help them build better lives? Below we explore that.
1. Responsibility and accountability are major. You can give kids chores as early as age 3, according to science. Make it clear they are accountable for their actions. This can mean caring for a pet, doing dishes, or even just setting the table. Little tasks are still chores. Later you can teach them cooking and mowing, but once they are of age.
2. Resilience can be taught by making a child ride out a situation (as long as it is not an abusive one). My parents made me stick to T-Ball, which was fun but not so fun I'd sign up for coach pitch. Making them finish homework and do their responsibilities despite that new video game release can teach this, too. Life doesn't always line up perfectly. Teach them doing what they don't want to is part of life, at times. Kids who find the working world "doesn't care if they want to" get a rude awakening when not taught resiliency.
3. Teach a child to write thank you cards and say thank you. Gratitude taught is a skill that sticks with you. You'll notice those with low income are especially thankful for little things. Even without being low-income, you can be thankful for all God gave you. Gratitude goes a long way in people skills.
4. Service projects are great opportunities. Growing up in a church? Go volunteer for that mission trip or family service project they talked up Sunday morning. Even going to help with a one-day church event as a prayer warrior or set-up person is a service opportunity. Your kids see you modeling this or go on that mission trip to find that it holds a high mental reward. They see someone's eyes light up at their new floor, painted bathroom, or hot water plumbing. It goes a long way.
5. Own up to your mistakes as a parent. We are all humans raising humans. Why else is society so wonky? The least we can do is raise our kids to be honest, humble human beings. Modeling this is going to do even more than you think. I have respect for my parents for this reason. It means they were real with me. They apologized when they made a mistake. Be real with your kids and they will thank you later in life. In fact, they may stick around and tell you more about their lives in the long run.
6. Simple conversations about wants versus needs, working hard, self-control, focusing on what you can do, and the reality of privilege is vital. You can model it, but talk about it, too. When your words match your actions you'll make a massive impact. Please talk to your kids. Be open to life's questions. They need our help. In fact, we all need help. If we didn't, Jesus wouldn't have come to us. Society is in serious trouble and has been for centuries.
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