What is adulting? What does it mean to be an adult? While I do see that people are considered adults (by others) upon reaching something close to the American dream (notice, something close to it), I think adulting has a lot to do with learning how to care for yourself and be independent. Let's look at the standard of adulthood together.
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Just from pure observation, I can tell you the American dream never died out, at least not entirely. It is considered adulting to own a home, produce children, and get married. If the American dream is to have a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a dog we've hit at least 3/4 of it (given that you include a spouse in with the house, kids, and dog). Adulting has changed in a few ways, though. Houses are expensive. Some of us have paid rent to or are paying rent to our parents.
Another observation I've hit upon has to do with time. Someone I work with said that we make choices with our time and some things fall away (paraphrased). College gave me more time with friends than any other time in my life. If you thought adulthood would provide more time with friends, consider the work and responsibilities you take on (especially with kids in the mix). Work takes up about half your life. You choose what is more important to you and what pet projects you take on with the remaining time. Adulthood is all about time management skills.
Adulthood Standards
I'm not looking at marks of maturity, although you should be a mature human being. No, I'm looking at what we're told being an adult is. Society's views on when you are an adult have changed, as well as the age we're told we're adults. It used to be that 15 was adulthood (depending on where you are living). 18-21 is the range of transitioning into an adult and anyone over 21 is allowed anywhere (for better or worse).
Independence from parents is a huge marker of adulthood. I said it before and I'll say it again. When you can care for yourself you are an adult. Moving out or paying rent to your parents in some way is adulthood. I know people will say "living with parents isn't adulting", but it depends entirely on whether you are living in the space as an individual or leeching liking a freeloader. Leeching isn't adulting. Working a job and paying rent is renting a space, which is not freeloading. Having your own space is great, though, if you can afford it. Housing is so expensive at this point in time that many are living at home because they can't pay for an apartment alone. It isn't uncommon to have one or more roommates to afford your own apartment. I didn't even mention a full house, just an apartment.
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Taking responsibility for yourself is another one. You care for your food, living space, children, social life, relationships, and faith (if you have it). You aren't dependent on parents, relatives, and guardians for money or basic needs. At its core adulting is the ability to care for yourself apart from others. This is even reflected in animals we see in the wild. The ability to continue creating life is a major adulting milestone, as well, and that requires that you care for your own self first. If you can't care for yourself, it isn't likely you can raise a balanced child.
I'm not going to stress having kids in this space, but yes, that is a marker of adulthood. People pressure that because if we didn't we'd die as a species, and our society pushes us to have families. I know people who plan to adopt and foster because they can't have kids, or they just don't intend to have kids at all. Children or not, you can adult either way. Don't let someone dictate whether you should reproduce or not when they aren't in the relationship.
Working is an adult burden we all bear. Bringing income into the home used to be mostly a man's work (based on the 1950s standard), but now it is on both genders. Working from home or at a physical building matters not. If income is flowing in you are adulting, no matter if that flow is a drip or a waterfall. We all struggle. You can thank Adam and Eve for that. A passion job can be a great thing to have. There is no shame in a survival job, either. I don't care if you are working at McDonald's; you are still working and that is okay. You can work your way up to where you want to be. You don't start there.
College is another major milestone that some people choose to accomplish. Again, you don't have to. Trades and going straight into work are still good options. In my case, it helped me transition to full adulthood as I began to enjoy the freedom of making my own decisions and choices, which my parents had already given me once I'd begun college. I grew into who I am now because I went to Malone University and made the decisions I did. It matured my personal faith in Christ as I learned to manage my own faith. I know it isn't for everyone, but it helped me.
The Transition
Let's dig into a hard subject for a bit. The transition can be smooth, rough, and everywhere in between. It can depend on many factors, one of them being your parents and your education. I happen to know a lot of homeschoolers. The lack of separation between parents and the kids sometimes causes more of a bond to form between parents and kids (whether it forms for one more than the other depends on the situation). It is natural to want more independence as you grow up. Kids in public school or who are sent to school outside the home do have an easier transition into adulthood most of the time. The transition isn't just for the kid; it is also for the parent. Less time together can breed a smoother one because the summer camps, time away with friends, and college slowly transition the parents as much as they do the kid. It is the difference between jumping into the water feet first (homeschool home to adulthood) and walking in slowly (education outside the home to adulthood).
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Adolescence is the in-between state where this begins to happen. Around 10-19 is the current age we see this at. It has been argued that a new life stage has emerged titled "emerging adulthood" that is between adolescence and adulthood. This is characterized by diverse experiences, a lack of long-term commitments, and unstable relationships/employment. I relate to this deeply, as coming out of college is a transition, too. I didn't get married right away after college. I lived with my parents and, in one short period of time, I had three jobs at once. I lost one due to a lack of experience and the fact it was a sinking ship already. I had one for a two-month period while I tried to find the job that ended up being the mentioned sinking ship. I currently work for a church sports ministry part-time and a nursing home kitchen part-time. A lot of us hold down two jobs. "Emerging adulthood" may be a real category. However, people in their 20s are kind of diverse. Some of us have kids already. I have none, in case you ever wondered, but so many of my friends have reproduced already (before and after marriage).
I still didn't explain adolescence correctly, though, so let's dive into that. From age 10-19 you start thinking for yourself. Teen and tween ages are placed here. Puberty happens here. You grow fast and want more privacy. This means helicopter parents tend to get backlash or rebellion in this stage of life, and any other type of parent will get this, too. Between the interest in the opposite sex, dating, and striving for more independence any parent will find out that pulling the reigns too tight causes the horse to buck. My mother said this and it was a wise bit of advice. I was given a long leash and independence was encouraged in me. I did buck at times, but all the same I was not the typical rebellious teen they showed in the 80s movies. A lesson can be learned here; give an adolescent space within reason. Short definition? Adolescence is the beginning of thinking for yourself, which can cause clashes in various relationships in the home.
Conclusion
Adulting is developing as a human, to the point that you can care for yourself and be an independent being. Summed up, society expects you to have a family, a job, an education, and to not depend on parental support. This looks different everywhere. Also, parenting styles can make this transition into adulthood easier or harder.
What I do need to urgently address is this; adulting is not the same for every human on the planet. Every situation, family, and region is different. Different time periods also parented in more than one style, which immediately impacts the transition into adulthood. The 70s free ranged their kids and the 1950s helicoptered to fit tight standards. 1970s kids probably enjoyed more independence than any kid in the 1950s did. Today I can't truly say what the overall theme of our parenting style is. Our society does seem to be more aware of mental health concerns, so I do think it changed. We'll see what happens.
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