Christianity and the case of what is "causing a brother to stumble"

 Today we tackle an issue that is referenced by Paul in his letters to fellow Christians. I'm going to try to look at every angle I can on this front. Grab your shovel and dig in! 

Courtesy of Pastor Rick's Daily Hope

First, let me show you the passage that I am referencing. Look up 1st Cor. 8 and 10, as well as Romans 14. Here, here, and here are the Biblegateway links to these. All you really have to do is click the links to read it, so feel free to do so. 

Before we go any further I am going to tell you how I have been taught when it comes to this subject, and what I have picked up on. This is how I understood it before I dug into this topic in depth. It has been told to me that Paul is saying we shouldn't hinder someone from their faith by arguing about tiny issues. From what I understand, the "weaker" in faith doesn't mean a new Christian, but instead someone who does not feel sure on a subject. In this case, Paul might be telling us that one person that feels okay with one thing may meet someone who isn't sure of that same thing. The concept is simply that we don't force them to compromise their values, even if we think what they avoid is perfectly okay. In some cases, we may even forgo doing something to be sensitive to the person with us (and we can do whatever that is later by ourselves or with friends who can handle it). The idea is that we don't hinder someone's faith in Christ because we don't agree with their personal rules. 

Now we dive into the research that I found and see if I am proven right or wrong. 

The Research

There are two extremes that exist on this topic. One is being apathetic to someone and saying "I don't care what you think", while the other is the exact opposite and you hinder your own faith journey by compromising too much and living under everyone else's rules. Worrying about offending someone these days seems to hit everyone, mostly because of the fear for your reputation, which social media amplifies. Still, the other extreme does happen a lot, mostly when one is pushed too hard. 

The "weaker" one is not only someone who is not sure of something, but one who abstains from things they feel are wrong (whether you agree or not). They may be sure of several other issues, but be weak on a few, too. Weak on one thing does not make you an immature Christian. We all struggle with certain topics. These are deep, personal problems that go beyond the surface. For instance, porn, alcohol, and any addictions they might have to anything (because any earthly object or action can be an addiction).

Courtesy of Pinterest

There are plenty of people who just want life their way and try to order others around, but they don't qualify for this. They are not "weaker" because they are merely uncomfortable with you getting a tattoo, watching a certain genre of movie, or going to the secular section of the book store (which, I will point out, doesn't impact their lives if all they do is point fingers at you). No, these people are simply rude. "Offended" and "Struggling with past sin/issues" are not the same at all. You will never, ever live your life without offending someone around you. Making another human uncomfortable comes with the territory of diverse surroundings. Pleasing everyone is not an option and it can't be done. If you cause them to sin they are weaker in faith in some category, but simply offending someone by a choice that doesn't even impact them is just being a busy body. 

Making someone stumble is like putting a rock in their way for them to trip over. Trapping someone purposely to do something they have sworn never to do or forcing them into a situation where they can't say no to a hindrance is mean. You wouldn't force a Playboy into the hands of a past porn addict (and if you would, you are not nice), for example. This is going beyond accidentally making another look at you strangely or fidget in their seat. This is causing someone to sin or fall back into bad habits they gave up. The love of Jesus is not condemning those who mess up, but instead welcoming them back in with forgiveness and a fresh slate. Those that walk around acting like their way is best and act perfect have pride to deal with and care more about reputation than their faith. 

We all have personal rules in our lives. For me, I don't write cuss words and I try not to say them (even if they pop into my brain here and there). I create phrases for myself such as "flip cheese", "cheese and crackers", and maybe a few more that I don't use as much. My point? Feeling okay to say words I won't say doesn't make you any less Christian or cause me to hate you. My conscience tells me not to do x,y, or z and yours tells you not to do a,b, and c. God gave us all different callings and lives to live. You follow Christ's leading on your personal quest and I'll let you freely do so as long as you go within His will. 

 

That said, we need to be sensitive to those whom we know have personal issues, without being ruled by other humans' standards. People around us who can easily fall back into bad habits or return to addictions need our support. Be supporting of people. I, for instance, won't pull out certain movies around some individuals. The simple solution is given to us by logic - you can do it later around those who aren't sensitive to it. If you know someone is trying to avoid something, do it or play it later. This premise can go for any action or media. Read the room and the people in it. Be aware of what someone can and can't handle. If you need another example, I can't watch horror. Yet, one person convinced me to watch it and I am personally scarred by the content of that to this day. Don't force someone to compromise their values (that they hold firmly) just to please you. When you do that is a stumbling block. We should, out of love, be loving our brothers and sisters in Christ by respecting the personal rules that God gave them. 

I'm going to give you some examples of putting a stumbling block in another human's path. Causing drama over a past mistake, making life difficult for them on purpose, or leading someone who doesn't know what they are doing down the wrong path are excellent ones to use. Drama examples include gossip over something highly unnecessary or long past and spreading slander because you dislike someone or want to manipulate a situation. Verbal words can be stumbling blocks the size of Texas if they spread and people believe the slanderer/gossip. When it comes to making a task purposely hard to do, this can be any kind of sabotage possible to hinder their faith or mental health, like emotional or physical abuse. Leading a person to the wrong pathway is like taking a blind man up a mountain and leaving him/her there, only in this case that is only an analogy for misguiding someone to bad decisions. I think you understand the concept by now. By the way, none of these are accidental. These are acts of cruelty that can't be avoided. Peer pressuring or tempting someone to do what they believe is wrong is not an accidental occurrence. 

Maturity in Christ is a concept in which one could not handle something when weak, but as we grow we can handle it later (unless it is straight-up sin). Some matters don't change, though, so it depends. Think of this like teaching kids; kids can't handle everything that an adult can, but later they grow up and become adults. Maturing in Christ is the same way. If an individual feels unable to handle regular TV because of the content and their current state of faith we should form an awareness of that and let them choose the media while they are around. Logically, it makes sense and shows them Christ's love. When we grow up in faith there are objects and content in life that does and doesn't hinder us as we follow Christ. If one media source hinders us while we are young and doesn't affect us when we are years older that is normal. 

There is freedom in Christ. This means we are free to serve God and live for Him, loving others as ourselves. While we may be okay with doing a specific activity, others may not. We are not supposed to use our freedom to make others fall into sin, or put an issue in their way on purpose to make them fall. Don't lead those who aren't sure or are not strong into areas they can't handle. It all boils down to being aware and understanding around our fellow human race. We are free to do what The Word does not clearly forbid. 

Conclusion and Summary

That was a lot. Let me just condense that for all of you who are in a hurry. 

We have the freedom to do what isn't forbidden by the Bible, but if one believes it will hinder their faith or is wrong we shouldn't force or encourage them to do it with us and go against their conscience. Christians are called to be understanding and put whatever it is aside while being with that person. Being a stumbling block is not accidental and is it not offending people. It is a purposeful, unavoidable blockage that trips up fellow believers in some way.

I am a stumbling block when I: 

1. lead someone purposely astray

2. make someone do something outside of their personal rules

I hope I made sense to anyone looking for answers.

Bonus!

Women's clothing has always been an issue in society. Seriously, even the biblical times had that problem. Some of this had to do with pride and getting attention, others not so much, but throughout time what women wear has been commented on daily. 

The concept above is connected to this dilemma. I did a blog on men's wiring, which you can find right here. I'll let you read that through for reference on what I mean by visual men. You shouldn't need to, though, if time is short. What women should and shouldn't wear will never, ever leave the earth's list of growing problems because there is nothing new under the sun. God wired men to be turned on simply by looking at a woman (and I can prove this by pointing to my husband), so naturally, we should be aware of men's visual functions, as women. 

First point, why do you dress like you do. 

If you are trying to get the male attention in the room (from men who are not your significant other or men whom you don't want a relationship with) STOP. Your personal liberty is invading theirs. If you are dressing in outfits you hate to please someone, STOP. If you are so pleased with your looks that you dress so that everyone in the vicinity notices you, STOP. Pride and dressing to please someone are not a reason to dress in overly modest or overly showy clothes. Yes, I did say overly modest. That gets just as much attention as showy clothing.

Comfort, freedom of movement, and sports are all okay reasons to wear clothing that is a bit tighter. Dance requires freedom of movement, as well as running and most other sports that aren't Chess. It depends on your sport dress code. This is a hard area to navigate, but you are not a stumbling block to those around you when you don't dress for pride or vanity, at least not by the standards of Paul. Most women have to deal with clothing in sports and dance carefully. If it is a required uniform and you need freedom of movement you are okay. Some might disagree (depending on where you are), but as long as you don't do anything other than practice or perform in it you're good. If you decide to practice far away from someone who has a lust issue/porn issue out of respect you are reading the room correctly and being understanding. If you flaunt it in front of that individual, STOP. I will also note that by "a bit tighter" I do not mean transparent clothing and showing off your everything to anyone who looks at you; I mean the standard dance and sports attire you see at Dunhams or Dick's Sporting Goods. Sports require freedom of movement and that is an indisputable fact. 

Second point, how do we dress if men are visual

My research from the men and visuals blog led me to the conclusion that we should be wary of how deep our v-necks are and how tight our leggings are, but men will always look at women and not much can be done. If men didn't do that we'd all be single ladies or would never have been born at all. God knew what he was doing when he wired us. He wanted us to have sex and reproduce. Given that information, I have some guidelines that don't sound like an old lady wrote them. 

Rule of thumb, dress for the occasion. If you are going to a church sport try to be modest and functional, if possible. (Sports shirts that breathe work fabulously for that, in case you were unsure of how to do that.) Keep a one-piece for mission trips, if needed. When running alone and in unpopulated areas, you can have your cut-off, sports bra, and shorty shorts to your heart's content. When you are with your husband (in my case) at home you are free to move about in whatever you please. I think you get my drift. Read the room. Dress smartly and based on location. You don't have to dress like a nun unless you are one. Men will look at you no matter what you have decided to wear that day. Simply be considerate of the dress code and the people around you. If you accidentally offend someone (and you will, I guarantee it), it was an accident and you are fine. Offending someone is not putting a blockage in their path. They will live. 

Modest, according to an article I read recently, can be generally followed with the 40 percent rule (which means avoiding being too modest and too immodest). It seems to work out well for those who use it. Still, read the room around you, but if you dress in what looks nice, feels comfortable mentally and physically, and doesn't make you stick out you are approachable. Be you. Different cultures see modest in different ways. Europe modest is not the United States modest. Wherever you go be aware of what people don't bat an eye at and stick to that (which ties into dressing for location). Want to read my source? Find it here! It has biblical backing and is rather interesting. 

Courtesy of Dreamstime.com

Ladies, the standard of what women could wear and shouldn't wear has changed countless times. The laws of fashion are not important. Our society can't make up its mind. Wear what you want, even if society calls it outdated or odd. It might come back in style, anyway, so just be aware of the location and who is there to see it. One day the laws of fashion will die and that day we won't care what we wore at all. What the magazines sell you as beauty is only beautiful to them for a short time. Dress for God, not the world around us, but remember that you don't have to be covered head to toe in fabric to be modest. The 40 percent rule works. 

Sources:

https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/2012/09/11/what-does-it-mean-to-make-a-brother-stumble

https://pastorhistorian.com/2006/04/03/do-not-cause-your-brother-to-stumble-exposition-of-romans-1413-23/

https://www.compellingtruth.org/stumbling-block.html

https://churchleaders.com/worship/worship-blogs/170470-what-does-it-really-mean-to-cause-someone-to-stumble.html

https://www.openbible.info/topics/causing_your_brother_to_stumble

Self Care 101

 The average human, myself included, does not do the best job of taking care of themselves. Our society has become so busy and loud that we don't take a day or so to chill and care for our bodies and minds. While doing only this every day is probably not workable (if you are a working adult with a full schedule), you shouldn't neglect self-care. 

Courtesy of Pinterest

After missing your day of rest during the week you are usually painfully aware of your exhaustion. Sometimes you did it to yourself. Other times you had no choice in the matter. Whatever the reason, you are due for a self-care day. Today I will guide you into a, hopefully, better day. I make no guarantees because I don't know who will read this. You'll at least be healthier for it. 

water, sugar, and sleep

As crazy as this sounds, most of this should be common sense, but I forget to do this. Drinking water and eating full and balanced meals makes a world of difference in your mental health. Sleeping at a healthy schedule and doing so every night is enough to impact you, as well. I will add that sleep deprivation will kill you faster than food or water deprivation. Our basic needs affect our mental capacity to think. 

Courtesy of Philadelphia Magazine

How do you tell if you are dehydrated? Easy, go pee and look at the color. Gross? Yes, but if it isn't clear you need to drink a few cups of water next time you pass the fridge or sink. Soon. The more hydrated you are, the more your body takes care of itself, and the more clearly you think. When it comes to water, you need it to cool down and breathe. 

Blood sugar levels are important. Ask any diabetic and they will prove that to you rather quickly. You can die if they are too high or too low. Some diabetics have (I know one that did). If it is low your mood and energy may slow. High sugar means you can't sit still, from my experience, and water helps this along with sources of protein. Low sugar means you make yourself a peanut butter sandwich and pour yourself some orange juice (or any juice). Balance this and you won't regret it.

Sleep is highly necessary to the healthy functioning of the body. You rest and heal in this state, dream in this state, and can die without it. I once went two weeks with stress that affected my sleep and became someone that I hadn't ever been before. My emotions were unhinged. I couldn't stop crying until I slept for 5 plus hours and missed the pictures for the musical my senior year of high school. I screamed at one poor soul about lighting in my scene (and apologized profusely later). It was bad. Please, sleep, or you will regret it highly. 

In the general sense (minus some factors like mental illness), you can fix some mood issues by eating balanced meals, drinking water, and sleeping healthily. It was actually a form of torture to deprive someone of sleep, food, and water at one point (obviously, illegal). People died without giving up information or they gave in just to get their basic needs. The true patriots were silent as the grave and ended up in graves. 

prioritizing and backburner list

Mental health rule of thumb, dial it down to what is most important and leave what isn't on a back-burner list. You can come back to beat your high score on a game, for example, but your relationship with your wife/husband is probably not going on the back-burner list. I live by lists, and one of them is projects I can come back to later. This means that I can focus on urgent tasks (hopefully finishing started projects), then start something new. That way I won't have 2 million projects on my list and overwhelm myself to death. 

Courtesy of Stationary Nerd

Let me break down what is and isn't back-burner projects. Ask yourself these questions and you will be able to figure it out from here.

1. Can it wait? If yes, backburner

2. Is it urgent or has a deadline attached? If yes, not backburner

3. Is it a hobby that is for my own enjoyment/sanity? If yes, backburner

4. Is this project a gift or assignment for someone/something? If yes, not backburner

I think you understand from here. I'll answer the "why" at this point. We, as humans, take on too much sometimes and need to go back to what is truly urgent, important, and priority. A priority and back-burner list can help you focus your energy on the highest priority tasks, while still allowing you to plan future projects (yes, artists and hobby people, I'm talking to you). You'll get more productive if you do this successfully. It may not work for you, however, so try it and see what happens. 

faith centering

I speak from a Christian perspective. I believe that knowing who you are in Christ is the most important thing in the world, far above anything else. So, to that end, I will talk about faith and centering yourself in who you are in Christ. If you don't agree, you need not comment or complain - just pass this section and read on past it. 

Now that you are warned, I go on. I find it calming, and helpful, to pick a time of day to read God's Word, pray, and spend time with God. Cut the time out of your busy life to do this and pick a time of day to be alone or with a spouse. I find the Youversion app to be a great way to do this, since it will read to you, thus allowing you to do dishes or other necessary chores while you listen to the Word. I also sit in God's presence for at least a few minutes each day to listen for God's voice/message for that day. Whether I get anything or not, I find it calming to do so. 

Courtesy of Quora

Why does this help? In my experience, God has given me direction for that day and a moment to catch my breath before I jump into the day itself. It orients your thoughts in the right direction as you start the day off. It makes it easier to handle whatever comes at you. I don't claim God makes every day a cakewalk. Focusing on Christ at least gets you moving in the correct path and prepares you for the events you are going to experience. You get out of it what you put in, too, so if you plan to do this you shouldn't be too distracted. No matter what you have a new day every morning and can try to create this habit in time. It will take some time, so start any day and try to keep it going all week. 

No idea how to start? What you can start with is giving God all your stress and worry. It makes it easier to dial in on the Word for the time you have set aside. The next step is praise and thanks to God and what He's done already. This is the part where you could open your Bible (and reading plans help here) and read/listen. After this, you pray to ask for direction and remain silent for five minutes (at least) to open your ears. You can close with a prayer of any type and go on for as long as you like. This is only a suggestion, so you can do this with a journal or any device you want to, and in any order at all. 

taking a day for self

Courtesy of LinkedIn

Mental health days are good. Go do your hobbies for a bit. It keeps you sane and makes you relax for at least one day of the week, which I recommend planning ahead. Plan one day to relax -just one- and you will thank yourself for it. When I said that we overbook ourselves and need to stop and prioritize, this is part of that. If you need to hide your laptop or devices all day, do it. No one should fault you for time to yourself. 

I have a few suggestions for days of recharge. First of all, your social media is actually kind of exhausting. You might want to avoid it all day. Second of all, the devices that you overuse (like a laptop or tablet, in my case) might need to hide for the day or be only used if you have a purpose for them. Lastly, pick up those hobbies you didn't have time for before. Go read that book you started and play your favorite game. I give you all full permission to pull out what you miss doing as a kid. It helps you destress and chill. As long as every day is not a self-day, you are totally cool to do whatever. 

cutting unnecessary projects

All you artists out there understand exactly what I mean - myself included. You have a million ideas, a full Pinterest account of things you want to do, and no time to do it all. Go pull out that back-burner list and see what you can do later on. Look at the amount of time you have in your schedule. I'll give you some guide questions to do this with.

1. Do you have time to do it well? If no, back-burner or don't even put it on your list

2. Do I have at least five more projects ahead of this one? If yes, pass on it. 

3. Is this a gift for someone? If no, pass on it.

4. Are you excited to do the project? If no, take it off your lists entirely. 

5. Is it required by work or school? If yes, go put it on your priority list. 

You probably know the answers to those questions instinctively. If it is not required, it isn't exciting to you, and you have no time to even look at a project you can delete it off all lists. If you have to, go delete it off your Pinterest board. You can even organize your boards on there by back-burner and priority.  Do what works best for you. Don't overwhelm yourself with your own passions and hobbies. 

Courtesy of Creative Twilight

what you eat

Lastly, let's talk about the average human's meals. Balanced meals aren't easy to get in the habit of doing with all that junk food we keep in our desks and kitchens. Quick meals are not always bad, but they have to sustain us until the next meal or we reach for a snack later. I'm going to give you the simple breakdown of a healthy plate, according to Harvard T. H. Chan. Part of this is still exercising, so keep your body moving in whatever fashion you can along with this guideline. 

From what I read on that page, you need 1/4 of healthy protein, 1/4 grains, 1/8 fruits, the rest of the plate vegetables (a bit more than 1/4), plant oils in moderation, and drinking water (while avoiding sugary drinks). I am summarizing, but I'd bet most of us would have a higher grocery bill if we followed their advice to the letter. I have the website here for you to read in full. Basically, just eat sustaining food and don't over-sugar or starve yourselves. It isn't that hard if you also stay active (unless you already have health issues). If you have complicated health issues you may need more help in this department.

Conclusions

There is a lot here, but it boils down to focusing on Christ, eating good meals, staying active, drinking water, sleeping, and prioritizing your activities. Still a lot, but yet, if you build the habit it becomes second nature. You will thank yourselves for taking care of your bodies and minds. All of your bodies are connected together and created to work with every part of you. It is a bit like an analogy of how the Church is supposed to work. If one part is not working, the rest of you doesn't work as well. Take care of yourselves out there and God bless!

Life Updates

 I have some life updates to give you, readers, which will explain the absence of new content over the last few weeks. Tune in and I'll give you the big news!

Courtesy of Meme Creator

There are two things going on in my life that are monumental right now. I'll start with the one that deprived you of a blog post or two. 

**drum roll**

**fanfare**

I am married! My new last name is Baker and I am updating all my social media to reflect that. Be prepared to see the name change on all my social media. I was married beginning of July, while the blogs had stopped. As you probably assumed, that is why the blogs were put to the side for a brief two weeks. A new chapter has begun in my life. For obvious reasons, I won't be telling you too much personal info on this post (internet safety.....), but you do get to see some of my engagement pictures courtesy of  Envision Photo. Enjoy!

In Other News.....

Big news number two is that I am in the two final stages of finishing a suspense novel. It is called Wrenville and is about a private investigator who is running from his past case. Jack, my main character, ends up in Wrenville, Illinois to avoid a female assassin network he discovered while working a case. It all catches up with him as he begins to get comfortable in this small town. He now has to worry about everything - including the woman he is attempting to date. 

I have been editing this for months. I wrote this a good while back and hired an editor named Vaughn Foster (an excellent editor), who has collaboratively edited this novel. I'm having three beta readers going through the final draft as you read this. The last step is to have Vaughn go over it one last time after that before I release it. I'm beyond excited, but the promotion of it (should I have to do it all by myself) will be time-consuming, thus, I decided to wait to release it until after the wedding and honeymoon are over. Which is now whenever the editing is done. 

Rest assured, you will hear about the release of it when the time is right. I want to do this the right way and make it all look good, so I'm not rushing the editing process. You will all be one of the first to know all about its release. 

games for introverts

Gaming for extroverts and introverts is different. The style of games that we choose is not the same. What games do introverts prefer? Keep reading.

Screenshot for Nancy Drew Sea of Darkness

It seems that we like games that have a story, puzzles, and plotline. Why? Because we can focus for long periods of time alone. Most puzzle games are done solo, thus we recharge while playing. We pay attention to everything and that makes the plotline more fun. Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't play online multiplayer games and role-playing games, but we are less likely to recharge our batteries with a game that requires communication with other players. We like to build our own worlds and create characters, then explore it all. Competitive games are not going to draw introverts. Time spent in games where we can create our own worlds will be long, focused hours. Introverted nature makes it appealing for us to disappear and create the world we want to see. The attitude about gaming when it comes to introverts is interesting. We might tell ourselves we should be doing more important things. Some gamers think they might be wasting time. 

Typical Introvert Games

Sims Screenshot

I have a few favorite games that introverted souls might enjoy. Since I'm a Nancy Drew nerd it shouldn't surprise you that I suggest the Herinteractive Nancy Drew games. They are puzzles, have plotlines, and you can play them solo. They are so fun and I adore them. 

Sims games are commonly known for world creation and a lot of Nancy Drew players also game with Sims. There are so many types of these that you can find anything you want. The Sims have been around forever. 

Speaking of the plotline, the Kyle Hyde games (Hotel Dusk and Last Window) are living novels that I know well. I love them because you have some challenge and a book in one game. Try them sometime. You might have to spend some money on these because they are from a gaming company that is out of business, but it is so worth the money. They are Nintendo DS games. 

The obvious worldbuilder here is Minecraft. Hours of time can go into your mansion and you can even fight zombies. Time passes with no effort. Before you know it, you spent five hours on your computer. 

Dungeons and Dragons and roleplaying are an ideal way to create a character, explore a world, and play along a storyline with trusted friends. An intimate group can do this for hours and escape any stress that comes with the real world. Additionally, any games that allow this type of gameplay are ideal. 

Hilariously, there is a Pet the Pup at the Party game that you can get free. In this game, your goal is the find the dog at the party and avoid the people. You can unlock dogs and their bios as you play and you have a time limit to find the doggy. Did I mention it is free? Pet the Pup Game website Here!

Games that aren't videogames

I stumbled upon some sources talking about nonvideo games. In case you are not a gamer at all, here are some sports that introverted people can have some fun with. 

Poker, strangely, is a game where you can be in a group and not speak a word other than "call", "fold", and any other poker terms you say out loud. Uncomfortable at a party?  Pull out a deck of cards and see who wants to play. 

Golf is quiet, done solo or in groups. It is common courtesy to not be loud out there while someone is putting. Physical activity and focus are combined. Fun and peaceful golf outings are a good way to recharge. 

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

The other blogs are here and here too.

Sources:

http://introvertdaily.com/do-introverts-and-extroverts-like-different-video-games/#:~:text=The%20idea%20of%20building%20your,or%20sports%20and%20racing%20games.

https://introvertspring.com/awesome-games-for-introverts/

https://aguideforyour20s.com/the-best-party-games-for-introverts/

https://www.montecookgames.com/gaming-introverts/

 https://www.mindofb.com/video-games-for-the-classic-introvert/

Pictures:

Adventure Gamers

Computer History Museum

VNDB

The Guardian

Baseball Etiquette

 It is summer, and baseball is in active swing. Going to a game anytime soon? I'll give you the basics on how to be a good fan. 

There are plenty of people who come late and only come for the fireworks, move seats even though the tickets say a specific seat number or just plain stand up and sit down so often you can't enjoy the game. Lots of things shouldn't be done at a ballpark for the sake of other fans that came to watch the sports. Plainly spoken, if you can't focus on the game at a ballpark go watch the game at home.

Today I give you the means to help someone else have fun at the game. If you truly like watching baseball you will thank yourself and anyone who follows these rules of etiquette around you. Grab your favorite ballpark snacks and let's go. 

What You Should Do

The national anthem is a big thing. You should remove your hats as you stand and listen to the singer with respect while facing the flag. If the flag was brought onto the field you don't sit down until it is off the field. Yes, you can sing with the singer. 

Please, only speak of what you know. Fans who try to explain what they know nothing about only confuse their friends and family. A fan around you will be fully aware that you are not knowledgeable at all. 

Take your breaks between innings, which are normally marked by promos such as T-shirt tosses and trivia segments. The 7th inning stretch is a good time, too, but you may have a long line to wait in. The reason for this is that people getting up and down so often inconveniences the groups around you. They have to move so you can get out of the row (if you aren't on the end). Speaking of being in the middle of the row, stand and allow those who are getting up to come and return swiftly. It is a common courtesy. 

Be on time and leave after the game is over (not in the middle). Does this sound like common sense? Yes, but it happens every single baseball game. If you are late, seat yourself during an inning break. Know where your seat is so that you can take your snacks right to your seats and have fun. 

Profanity is not what other patrons come to see, not anywhere, so keep your words in check. Children are all over ballparks and sports events like this. Be aware of that. In this vein of thinking I will also add that getting drunk is also not what patrons came to see. 

Respect everyone, including the opposing team fans and players. Yelling out cheers onto the field is perfectly fine to do and that is called "chatter". It is part of the atmosphere. In this same way, cut the negative pessimism so that we can all focus on our sports. 

Cell phones are not part of the experience. Yes, you can take a few selfies, but don't do so at the risk of receiving a line drive to the face. Watch the game. Your cell phone can wait until you are at home, minus the obvious exception of emergencies. 

Did I mention paying attention to the game? I did? Great, because that is the leading cause of people getting the aforementioned line drive to the face. If you are not focused on the field you have a far higher chance of getting a concussion. Even then, I can personally tell you it is possible to get hit (just ask my grandmother, who was paying attention!).

Place your children behind a netted section of the ballpark, especially when young. They can't always focus like you can. Look out for them and keep them close to you. This is one place kids are forever welcomed. 

Stay in the stands unless allowed onto the field by staff. Obvious? Yes. Do people run onto the field anyway? Sadly, yes. Most of the time they are drunk when it happens. Security quickly escorts them out of the stadium. 

Why Is It Important?

Coming to a live sports event means that you have other fans around you. Should you get drunk and start screaming profanities at the other team the fans around you will probably call an usher and that human will force you out of the ballpark. Respect for other patrons is vital for having fun here. I'm sure that if you are bringing your kids to a game you expect a safe, light atmosphere. These rules allow you to feel safe taking your son or daughter to a ballpark. 

Additionally, season ticket holders (like my family) take baseball in person seriously. We come to have fun and get our baseball fix and food. We love our sports. It helps us and everyone else have fun when etiquette is followed. The ballpark experience is, like theatre, unique every game.  

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

My other two blogs are here and here too.

Source:

https://thehometownallstars.com/baseball-fan-etiquette/

https://www.baconsports.com/rules-for-proper-baseball-watching-etiquette/

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The Eyes

The eyes are the window to the soul, some say. Is that true? Read on and we'll find out. 

Apparently, your pupils change size with emotion. It is the honest cue to social interest and attraction. Involuntary pupil size will be a dead giveaway to whether someone is truly interested in anyone to any degree. You may even fake a smile, but you can never fake the size of the pupils. 

How do you know what you are seeing in someone's eyes? Afraid you are seeing hate? Let me give you some guidelines. Bright, elongated eyes are indicators of feeling good. Full attention is open and penetrating gaze. Sadness is eyelids and the lower edge of the eyebrow raised. Arched eyebrows can be anger. Narrowing of eyes can mean we don't understand or don't agree. Half-open eyes are clearly tiredness. Dilated pupils are sexual desire or anger. If the eyebrows go up and down upon seeing you they are happy to see you. One eyebrow raised is skeptical. Eyebrows raised and held suddenly can be worry or surprise.

Even the Bible agrees with me on this. Matthew 6:22-23 reflects that the eyes are the lamp of your soul and that healthy eyes will make the whole body shine. Where your eyes go, your focus is. 

Matthew 6:22-23

Eye Contact

It is deemed extremely important in our society to make eye contact. Many reasons for this are given. Aside from society's rules, let's talk about what making eye contact does for us socially. 

Lack of eye contact is seen as disinterest, disconnection, and not wanting to draw attention to oneself. A lot of eye contact can be many things, such as anger, threat, attraction, or disrespect (especially in Japan). 

Introverted souls know this struggle well. We don't like to make a lot of eye contact. It makes people think we are disconnecting and being rude on purpose. That is an outright lie. Introverts see much more in your eyes than others - they see who you are and read you. That can be kind of scary for both of us, thus we don't make as much eye contact unless you are close to us. It's an intimacy thing, really, so extroverted souls need to understand that. When we do stare into space we are somewhere in our mind palaces or brains, and then we stare unintentionally through anything around us.

You can, generally, tell if you are talking to an introverted or extroverted human by eye contact timing. How? Extroverts make eye contact while talking and look around when listening, but introverts break eye contact when they talk and give solid eye contact when listening. That is not a for-sure rule (as I tend to listen and not make eye contact on odd occassions as an introvert), but it is somewhat proven. Introverts are also less likely to look at an angry individual, too, which is proven. 

Extroverts are more about eye contact for another reason as well; they get social energy from other people. Eye contact is a connection. Introverts can and will lose energy giving consistent eye contact to everyone. Extroverts? Nope, they love it. The intimate gesture of eye contact in an introvert is a great, beautiful compliment because the individual is comfortable with you. They saved some of their social energy for you every time they make direct eye contact. 

Gender and Eye Contact

Does it make a difference if you are talking to the opposite sex? Yes. Why else do women wear eye makeup? We want to draw attention to ourselves and the eyes will get more admiration and signal interest. It is a flirting tactic to make eye contact for a long period of time. 

Women get more eye contact and staring in society for several reasons. We are seen as nicer and might respond nonverbally, for one, or we are considered weak. The victorian ideal that said "women can do no wrong" didn't totally disappear. Men will stare at women. We have boobs, curves, and legs that men's wiring can't ignore - and we know when someone has been staring at our butts or our legs. Some men try to hide the staring (the ones who don't want to be seen as creepy) and then some just can't or don't. The predators are easily discernable, largely because they have a look in their eyes that tells you so. It makes you feel extremely uncomfortable and you will not be able to ignore them. Go with your gut on that one. 

Men will also get more eye contact at some points due to status. Yes, status, because if the individual finds men superior to women they might even ignore the woman present (especially in the east). That is frustrating to womankind, but it still happens. Children will find the same problem when doctors talk to adult parents about medical anything. The person getting the eye contact is the one with the most attention and power. People who don't like men at all may decide to give women more eye contact. 

Women tend to read others with their eyes and bond using eye contact. Men use it to assert themselves. Both use it to flirt. Ladies, be aware that lowering eye contact does not help in power-dynamic situations. Look at Judi Dench compared to a woman who is merely an assistant. As M in James Bond films, Judi Dench is a woman that challenged men with direct eye contact and firm, strong words that aren't fluff. Watch Bond movies looking for her eye contact. Do you want her power? Make that eye contact! Men, make sure your women feel you care by not overpowering them and bonding with your eyes. We need to know we matter. Attention and admiration (without leering and staring, of course) are extremely appreciated. When done well, we get a boost in our mood and you get more attention in return. 

The gender of the person is actually important to where your gaze goes. We women often look at the left side of the face. This is proven by an actual study of 500 people, so this is not a myth on the interwebs. While they couldn't be sure of some things, they can be sure of this; women read lips better, as well as body language in general.

Conclusions

The fact that a woman can feel the eyes of a man who is checking them out from across the room is further proof of the eyes being the window for the soul. I, personally, have felt that kind of stare before, just like every woman you have ever run into. That goes into the subject of mens' wiring, of course, but if you want information on that click here. I wrote a whole blog on that. 

My point here is that if we can read other people by their eyes there is something to that phrase. There are doctors who read stress levels off of the eyes of patients (a good medical practice). The invisible connection between two humans making eye contact is amazing. I have no words to explain how that is possible. Some individuals can have a whole conversation with their eyes (and be understood!). There is something supernatural about it (not paranormal, though). 

A Quick Note On Future Blogs

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Given that, there are two more new blogs released with this one that will be linked below. I'll see all of you readers when I get back and I'll have some fresh content for you. God bless!

The other blogs are here and here too.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201512/your-eyes-really-are-the-window-your-soul

https://exploringyourmind.com/eyes-windows-soul/

https://writingexplained.org/idiom-dictionary/the-eyes-are-the-window-to-the-soul

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206%3A22-24&version=VOICE

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/read-people-eyes/

https://introvertatuni.wordpress.com/2014/06/10/explaining-eye-contact-an-open-letter-to-the-extroverts/

https://www.mikebechtle.com/are-you-talking-to-an-extrovert-or-an-introvert/

https://introvertzone.com/eye-contact-wears-this-introvert-out-faster-than-anything-else

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201009/the-politics-eye-contact-gender-perspective

https://www.thrillist.com/health/nation/differences-between-men-women-eye-contact

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Power of Eye Contact

how to mess with your main character

 Every writer you know does the worst things to their main character. It creates more conflict and that drives your plot. Today we dive into every way we can mess with and create issues for your characters. 

There are several levels of issues. There are minor issues, major issues, and serious traumas. You can inconvenience your characters or cause them issues beyond repair. Your main character could end up in a psych hospital if you do enough fictional damage. It depends on what you want to make them do and see. 

Minor Issues

These are, like I said before, inconvenient and short-lived. They don't last all book long. It might be mentioned later, but won't be a big deal for more than a few chapters. Many minor issues can build up to something bigger, however, so they can be built up to more if rapid-fired at someone by the same person or group. 

Stress from an outside source is ideal for this. Put them in uncomfortable circumstances. Press their buttons with pet peeves. Try to make them mildly irritated. Roommates can do this easily, just like siblings or anyone they don't like. Put them in social groups they are not okay being in. Trap them in stressful situations. Based on their personality, stress could be anything from moving their stuff to not cleaning the dorm room to gossip. 

Weather is one way you can throw someone off their groove. Extreme weather actually causes mental distress to us, especially in winter. Heat exhaustion in summer can make it hard to sleep and impossible to think. Crummy weather can bring us into an odd mood. A full moon can make everything weird in nursing homes and schools, as well as other places for some weird reason. Foul weather conditions can mess with anyone, and I mean anyone. 

Basic needs are more vital than you think. If you lack sleep for two weeks or have interrupted sleep, like I did while I was stressed over a theatre performance, you become someone you normally aren't. Lack of sleep can actually kill you, and after that lack of water kills you. Lack of food then kills you. Emotions and the state of your brain are deeply connected to your basic needs. Balanced people probably take care of themselves. Unbalanced people may have sugar problems, too, so diabetics don't see this as minor because it can kill them. 

Being overwhelmed by circumstances can disorient someone into a state of distress. They can't organize their brain. People who don't understand cause more problems on top of this. If you can't think your emotions scramble into a mix of unbalanced, strange reactions. You can react in many ways to this, including anger, tears, screaming......etc. It all depends on how much distress you put them through. 

Major Issues

Mental illness is right at the top of my list. Making daily tasks hard to do in various ways makes your character suffer. If you desire to make them unable to handle reality without help this is ideal. You can make them able to cope or not, your choice, but if you need to show a mental illness of some sort do good research on the disorder you are giving out. Take into account that some disorders are not simple. High functioning or not is your choice. 

 Betrayal is heartbreaking and can get your character killed physically in the right circumstances. It can also break their heart to the point of not loving again or not being able to trust someone else for a long time. Emotional distress can even cause physical pain. This is one way to make someone fall to pieces, temporarily or permanently being your choice.

Plot twist! Here comes an unforeseen situation that makes it impossible to do something. While this can also be minor, it is major, too. This can be major when you make the situation something so stressful that it just keeps getting worse as they react and try to navigate through. Percy Jackson being accused of stealing the lightning bolt is a good example because for all his trying to fix it, he gets blocked at most turns. Throwing a character the audience thought was done (like Irving Figgis in Live By Night) in your main character's path will surprise everyone - when written correctly. Monkey wrenches in well-made plans are perfect when you need extra conflict. 

Death and grief can be traumatic or major, but it is never minor unless your character is without conscience. Grief can make someone disappear, whether it is the death of a person or a relationship. The grieving process makes someone sensitive. Anything can remind them of the human they long to see and hear again. Anger can be part of this process, in some specific characters. Culture will tell you whether they mourn quietly or wail. Either way, they hurt and may hurt for a long time. 

Trauma

Here is where you can send someone to a psych ward or hospital for physical or mental injury. This is when you want to take your main character and break them. Serious physical injury is hard to recover from. Mental recovery is even longer of a process. The stability of your character will dictate how long this takes. 

Battle and war, whether you are a doctor or soldier, imprints on your brain. Seeing so many people die, doing meatball surgery, and generally seeing too much violence is damaging. PTSD and survivor's guilt are not something you recover from in a few days or years. Your character will likely never be the same. Some attempt or succeed in committing suicide. The war can kill someone even after it ends. 

Abuse is so traumatic that it can psychologically mess someone up for years afterward. Anyone who's experienced abuse understands. When you have one character abuse another prepare to show aftereffects all book long. In the case of Agatha Christie, she used it as a motive to have someone killed slowly, which any abuse victim also understands. 

Sexual trauma, such as rape, is abuse to a higher degree. Being invaded against your will is never forgotten. The memories of such things come back without warning. This is never a minor issue, ever, and that is a fact. If you include this be careful how you write it. Just know that this is trauma to a horrible degree. 

Conclusion

When you write your plots make sure that you don't add trauma just to add it. It has to fit within your plot and have a point. Write so that it makes sense. Your character should be believable (unless you make them ridiculous on purpose). Write backstory that works for your main or supporting characters. 

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