Face Pareidolia is not a phrase most people utter, but yet it happens daily to most of us. What is it? It is the ability of the brain to see faces in everyday objects. Let's dig into the concept.
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Have you ever stared at your bathroom floor and seen what you think looks like a face or an outline of a dog, or an outline of an object? I have. I continue to see various shapes in my bathroom floor linoleum pattern, as well as several faces of different types in the wood grains of doors. This is a real thing.
I do know that it's just my brain making sense of the world and that it's not really a face. I understand such things. You have no reason to question my sanity in this scenario if you were concerned by the previous paragraph. The human brain is finding patterns where there are not patterns. That's the real reason you see a face pattern in a light switch or bathroom linoleum.
Why our brain does this
Many reasons for this exist, including looking for predators and the social instincts of humans. Imagine you are trying to hide from a tiger. If you see its face first you'll live longer. That's the idea behind seeing faces in other things. When anxiety levels are higher you see even more faces. We need to know friend from foe, so it is much safer to mistake something that isn't a face for a face than the other way around. You'd get killed by that tiger, otherwise.
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Your eyes send a signal to the brain, which then translates what you see. Seeing what looks like two eyes, a nose, and a mouth will come back as a face. Another consideration is what you expect to see. If you were told a face was in the image, you'll see a face most of the time - even in static. An experiment was done that proved this. You'll see it in the first source link. "Jesus in toast" is the name of the study.
What we know as a friend is shaped by early face shapes in life. We see familiar face shapes and features as safe. This is what we take into account without even realizing we do it. It's a survival instinct. Combatting racism, for instance, can be done in early development by showing an infant all races of people in the first nine months of life.
The brain assigning meaning to the world around us happens every minute of our lives. We do it automatically. It makes sense that we'd see shapes and faces in wood grains, flooring, outlet covers, rock formations, and other surfaces. Confirmation bias influences what we see. Not everyone sees the same shape in the clouds or the shape of a mustache in the flooring.
Other types
Motion pareidolia is a real thing, too. Did you see motion? Was it really there? Maybe you didn't really see it. Your brain can be wrong. If you are already keyed up and freaked out, you'll think something moved. This is why you don't watch horror films or creepy videos alone.
Sometimes this can feed right into superstitions. Superstitious people who see what they expect to see can take it as a "sign" and be wrong. There are times that something is a sign, but there are also pareidolia moments full of confirmation bias. Double-check your "signs" with people you trust. You might be off a little. Or not. It's never a bad idea to ask those you trust for wisdom.
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You also give emotion and personality to faces. Think of emojis. This is how emojis actually work and provide meaning. You can see a sinister face in wood grain or a friendly laughing face in a pot hole, or a shocked face in an outlet.
Another thing to take into account is how much you see faces in stuff. High anxiety causes this to happen more. Schizophrenia causes this to a very high degree. No, you are not crazy if you see faces in wood grain and other pictures. All of us see it, but many who have disorders related to Schizophrenia see it so much more than others.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
I had a fabulous time reading four books. Let me tell you all about them. On this week's TBR we have With A Mind To Kill, Role of Honor, Only To Sleep, and The Rising Sea. All of which come from a series of books. I'll get into what series in my four sections of reviews. Let's dive in.
I read four books in a week. Upon finishing them, I can recommend all of them. Below I'll outline exactly why I loved the book and who would most love it. Let's get to the reviews.
With A Mind To Kill by Anthony Horowitz
The premise of this book requires you to have some knowledge of previous books (Ian Fleming books), but he does explain in the first two page what you need to know. It is set two weeks after Scaramanga was killed in Jamaica. Before the events of Scaramanga in Jamaica, James Bond had attempted to kill M because KGB brainwashed him while he wandered with Amnesia. This plot sends Bond back to the people who brainwashed him in order to get more information (after he's been recovered and fully himself again). He's replacing an informant who was found out and was hammered to death. I'll stop there and let you read it yourself.
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It picks up the style of Ian Fleming, with less sexism. The ending is not to be spoiled. This is the third Bond novel Horowitz has written. I give it five stars. I want this one to be made into a movie. I would watch it in film form in a heartbeat. Please, make this one into a film! It'd be worth the money.
The main reason I loved it was the high stakes. It had high stakes all through it, due to the mission only being known about by M and M's Chief of Staff. Bond has to pretend to be brainwashed this whole time and make it look good. He nearly slips up at one point. His own service (minus M and Bill Tanner) don't know he isn't brainwashed anymore. This means he's almost on his own. The High Stakes of the mission leave you on the edge of your seat. He's practically solo and could have been found out at any time.
If you love James Bond films and books, you'll love this one. If you like high stakes, top secret missions, cold war espionage, and spy thrillers you'll want to the pick this one up. I'd also get acquainted with the Ian Fleming Bond if I were you. You'll see lots of references to those (though you don't need to know all of them to understand the plot).
Role of Honor by John Gardner
Another bond book, this one by Gardner, who picked up the series after Ian Fleming died. Several authors have done the same. Bond could live in fiction as long as Scooby Doo, which is to say as long was people will read him. And they do. Author aside, this one has a similar concept to the first but a different plot. Bond is on a mission for M and Bill Tanner that eventually involves Spectre. It takes place in the 1980s. We hear all about computers and war gaming (which sounds like risk and some of the war games I see ads for). The basic gist of it is that Bond has to pretend to leave the service and be for hire. He came into money after an uncle died and M saw that as an opportunity to break into a group, a group that uses it's tech simulations to train criminals (so, think some plotlines of Grand Theft Auto, only its really a tutorial for a real heist).
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I give this one five stars, too. The stakes are also high. Again, only M and Bill Tanner know he's not leaving the service. Again, he has to look bad and play the role of a man for hire. He has the challenge of getting word out to M of what is going on, but still not being found out. He has to use other agents he encounters to help him. His telephone in his car is eventually disabled by Spectre and the main villain, giving him no or limited ways to contact M. He was forced to get creative in order to get to his car phone before it got disabled. It ended badly for the lookout, but he did get there.
I'd recommend this to any Bond fan. Gardner has several books, all of them excellent. I'd go in order, maybe start with Fleming's work and go into Gardner's collection. This one doesn't require you to have any previous knowledge of Bond history, with the exception of knowing what Spectre is. Even that can be figured out by context. You won't be confused by anything if you don't know what Spectre is. Gardner makes it clear it's a rival organization, which is really all you need to know.
Only To Sleep by Lawrence Osborne
Any fans of the Philip Marlowe series (by Raymond Chandler) will be thrilled to find out that many have continued the Marlowe series in standalone. I loved this one. I collect both this series and the James Bond series. The main plot of this one starts off with a retired Marlowe, who comes out of retirement to look into a sketchy life insurance case. A man died in Mexican waters and the life insurance company is in doubt about the whole thing. They think they were scammed. Marlowe bribes some locals in the area to find out that the man found dead wasn't the man named by the police. His ID didn't match his face and the man who "died" and gave his widow money was very much alive. He spends the rest of the book chasing the man and the "widow".
Courtesy of audible.co.uk
I give this one five stars. I loved it for many reasons, one of which being Marlowe's wit. It had the same feel as the Chandler books. The more Marlowe did on the case, the more the old wit came back. The sarcasm of Marlowe is one reason I love the series.
If you like sarcastic private investigators whose cases start simple and get complicated, you'll love anything Philip Marlowe. If you love the trope of the investigator being told to go home and walk away, and they don't, you'll love Marlowe. I'd suggest reading the original Raymond Chandler Marlowe before reading this, just to get the feel for what your main character is like. Retired Marlowe had lost some of his spark at the beginning of the book and had regained that spark as he finished the case.
The Rising Sea by Clive Cussler and Graham Brown
The NUMA files are a series I also collect, all of them great and exciting adventures. The plot centers on NUMA, the National Underwater and Marine Agency, investigating the reason the seas are rising rapidly. The plot also ties in the history of two swords and the legend that went with them. The Chinese are mining with robots and making them more and more human this whole book. Like every NUMA files book I've ever read, the prologue ties into the plot perfectly, intersecting with the economic disaster NUMA is trying to prevent. Our main characters Kurt Austin and Joe Zavala are amazing, as usual. It's easier to read the book to understand how all this comes together. I won't spoil it for you.
Courtesy of audible.ca
This is another five star read. The reason I loved it so much has a lot to do with loving the characters. You care about them and their adventure. Their banter is funny, the excitement doesn't end, and the end is satisfying. Everything ties neatly into a bow, creating a satisfying ending.
If you like tidy endings, economic disasters, fantastical plots, political intrigue, fight sequences, and general adventure and antics you'll love this. It has some spy plot aspects to it. It's not a spy novel, but behaves like one at times. Lovable heroes make the whole thing fun to read.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
I did men writing women. It is only fair I do women writing men. Strap in and let's go.
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Men have been written wrong, too. Today we explore that and hear what the men think about some women writing male characters. Not much else to say here, so we're jumping right in.
Physical Attributes
Height has its' drawbacks. Do we put that in our writing? Sometimes not. Maybe we don't think about it. If someone is 6'5" they don't fit in beds. They might hit their head off low ceilings or be uncomfortable in tiny cars. You can fix this by having them hit their head on a low ceiling in a cave or complain about being in a tiny car. Maybe they have a custom bed or they hate the bed in the tavern or hotel. Be realistic with tall people in general. Apparently, it is common to have tall men in books, but not address the awkwardness of leaning down to hug short people or hit their heads on doorframes. Be aware of your character's height and you'll easily fix the issue.
The common 6'2" man with abs, a deep voice, and olive skin is out there. It's a fantasy. It'll probably be in most romances you've seen. An author might add something about his jawline or eyes here, too. Men fantasize women and women fantasize men. We're both guilty of this. Add to these traits that he's rich and does everything right, somehow knowing exactly what the woman wants. That's not realistic. This can happen in all genres, but romances are more likely to be doing this type of thing. Try to not create your perfect man on paper in your writing, unless of course your character is doing that in her head and that is the intention. Then it is okay.
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Learn anatomy. Women and men need to know their own and the other's anatomy, no matter what sixth-grade me thought when I blew off studying it. Maybe you can't label all the parts, but at least know what men and women do during sex if you insist on writing it. You'll need it if you yourself do anything sexual. I suggest not writing sex unless it is necessary to the plot (like the book Grace In Thine Eyes) and you've actually had sex.
The guys with six-packs for days should be seen in gyms. They should be going to the gym. If they have abs and don't go anywhere near a gym it doesn't make sense. How did they get and maintain those abs the whole book? Think about that if you want the character to be built like an athlete. An athlete works for their abs and their muscles. The character should do the same.
Brooding and tall (a description) are not personality traits that should be their whole personality. We need a real personality put into male characters. YA fiction likes the tall brooding men. Controlling can also be added as a personality. Please don't. It isn't a good example to the young emotionally charged women. Let's put healthy men into the storyline, or at least a story arc where they change for the better in a realistic way (by growing up).
Personality
Men's roles in women's writing go into several categories according to men. These include rescuers who aren't vulnerable, swearing never to fall in love because parents divorced, and his ex cheated on him. According to what men in real life think, these characters never think "life happens" and you don't have to swear off love and sleep with random women out of anger.
Romance is a fantasized genre. It can absolutely be emotional junk food. One role fictional men have is being the CEO of a company, who then has an interest in a woman. So far this isn't the whole problem. The problem is they suddenly have all the time in the world for just that woman. This is clearly fantasizing. It isn't what real men do. If you want to write real men, don't do this.
Sometimes bad writing of a character is bad writing. Men can do this with women, too. Men driven by lust, anger, or duty is a common trope. Men with no agency is bad character writing. Anyone in your storyline with no agency is not a well-written character. Bosses sometimes have a goal and it's never established why. That is also bad writing. Ask why while writing a backstory to avoid this mistake. Everyone should have agency.
Anger in men is so common you can point to it in several novels. Anger is an emotion every character has; that isn't the issue. The issue is when men only show anger and lash out at bad news. It's bad in real life, too. The thing is, though, that men are taught it isn't cool to show emotion. They'll usually just internalize it and mask it instead. It has to be the last straw to lash out in anger, or they need to have a hot temper. Watch real men show real emotion before writing it in your novel.
The idiot husband/boyfriend is not okay. You see it in sitcoms all the time. Men are tired of it. Men don't need to be Sherlock all the time, but they aren't stupid. Please write someone with intelligence. If someone is supposed to be slow on purpose that's different; it simply shouldn't be a pointlessly gendered trait.
Every character has flaws, or should. Unless you are writing a fantasizing sequence on purpose, showcase the flaws of the man with as much depth as the woman's flaws. No perfect human is currently on this earth (not counting Jesus). Let's embrace that and let the men have their emotional depth. I actually think Lonesome Dove is a good series to read for this one. It was written by a man, but women can certainly learn from it. Woodrow Call's emotional issues are explored in ways you wouldn't expect. Oh, and men can cry. Let them!
I can change him. This is a sentence that needs to die in a hole, in real life and fiction. No, you can't, ladies. He's his own person. This trope should leave and never come back. Fiction using this trope isn't healthy. Stop. We're teaching the younger women they can fix abusive individuals. They can't. Don't encourage it.
Real Life Men
You know those long-winded conversations about girls that show up in movies? Throw it all away. It doesn't happen. How they feel is determined by how they act when everyone is together. A long conversation about feelings isn't the typical male response. Society has not encouraged that in men. I don't even know if gay men would do this. I won't say they do, lest I be wrong. Comment if you have an opinion here. I'd love to hear it.
Men smirking is not a trope that works. It is so common but so wrong. Most of the time they'll have a neutral face, maybe even blank. Edward Cullen and other characters like him are a fantasy someone created. Keep that in mind. Any romance lead can be a fantasy and reflect what they want (whether it is disturbing or not).
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Inner monologue is not the same in men and women, according to other men. Someone can tell if a woman wrote a man because the man's inner voice is too analytical. Women look at many different angles while men are quick and concise. An example given is about a table leg. Most men will jump straight to the solution and grab the hammer and nails, even if they don't quite know how to fix it. Men and introspection are not incompatible. Make it come in short bursts. Also, they want to fix it rather than discuss it (most of the time), but it depends on the man.
Men are driven by sight. The "men are more visual" that comes from the women who judge the shorts at summer camp are not wrong (even if some of them do go overboard on modesty-policing). I did a whole blog on men and visual minds (link to the blog is here) that might help you get into a male viewpoint. You are seeing more in a male perspective. Some men can also turn images in their heads (my husband) and visualize what they want in a creative project. My husband can pack the car and dishwasher better than I can. I let him do it because if I put something in the car he'll rearrange it to pack more in.
Thinking about nothing is possible. My husband has described his nothing space to me. He says it's relaxing. I don't have a nothing space. I can't imagine having a nothing box. It'd drive me crazy. Men sitting in their nothing box need that downtime. Women writing men don't take this into account. You can sit and coexist with your friends mindlessly. It has no deeper meaning. Nothing means exactly that.
Men in society horse around with each other verbally and physically. Sometimes women don't know where that line actually sits. Some groups are established with hierarchy and rigid dominance-based behavior, but this isn't accurate. Knowing where that line between hurtful and playful joking is will go a long way toward creating real men on a page. Catty and passive-aggressive dominance is hard to believe, unless the men in your story buy into the "alpha male" stuff (please don't buy into it).
Introspective thoughts for (most) men don't usually veer toward feelings of others and motives. According to what I found, it sounds more like making elaborate future plans, replaying a cringy moment, or weird and unlikely hypothetical situations. I don't think this a gender problem, though. You see, I do this too and I'm a woman. I think it depends on personality type and gender combined. Some personalities (men and women) are super feelers who feel everything, so this isn't every man represented in this statement. Talk to real men and see what you can find out for yourself. That's my advice.
Emotion is something men are taught to hold in, thus we see men giving other men space. Most don't want to overstep the emotion boundary. It's likely they'll only do so if the other shares first. They know the emotions are hidden for a reason. It's kind of a standoff within conversation. No one yields and no emotion is revealed. Fear of showing weakness also prevents openly struggling. For this reason, they can be made to look like barbarians or "turn the other cheek" too much. This isn't accurate.
Locker room talk? It doesn't exist in mature men. It's either a teen trying to look cool by saying "I had sex with (name)" and that's it, or a complete weirdo. No one wants to hear about it. Maybe past men did this. Right now in this era, they don't. Sex in detail isn't the priority when you are just getting ready or showering after a sport. The same goes for barber shop talk. It's mostly sports.
Women who write men reacting to every little thing are projecting their experiences onto male characters. Really, men don't do that. They refreshingly say what they think to your face. It's so nice to see it. They say what they think about you. They don't backstab (most of the time). While there are a few who do backstab, most just tell you straight. After a fight, no one makes all that big a deal over it. It was entertainment. Or the whole situation was disarmed by a crude joke.
Some men don't know as much about their friend group as we women think. They might not know the name of someone else's girlfriend (of 2 years). Men in my experience tend to do stuff. While they do converse on hobbies and about life in general, this makes sense. When you do more than talk you'll focus on that one topic. They'll fish for hours and talk for only one hour of the four-hour trip. How close men are can be sensed by how "mean" they are to their face and how well they speak of someone when they are not present.
When someone a man's into asks a question, they don't suddenly become vulnerable types. According to one of my sources (Yahoo life) one of two things can happen. They acknowledge it jokingly or dance around their emotions if it is a heavier topic. Straight answers don't just come out. To get that type of answer in an emotional topic they need to be vulnerable before that.
Do men think about sex? Yes. Do they think about their penis every minute? No. Get a balance. Talk to a real man and get an idea of what their thoughts are like from there. Make it someone who won't brush you off, like a husband or boyfriend. Men are connected with physical touch and women connected with emotion. Keep that in mind for your perspectives.
Men have conversations on "do penguins have knees" topics. Do vacuums suck because they suck or suck because they don't suck? How strong are gorillas? Could I pick up Thor's hammer and be worthy? Men can discuss that at length. Men can be late to a date because they decided to debate a comic book topic or talk about the insane film theory of Mort (Madagascar). Put this in your next romance novel. It happens all the time.
Details? No. Big picture? Yes. They won't know the brand of shoe their date wore or the brand of dress. The take in bigger picture and not the tiny details of the scene. The exception to this is when they have a hobby they deeply care about. Basketball stats, book plots. videogames, electronics, train setups, woodworking, and other examples like it are all in-depth hobbies. My husband can go on and on about 3D printing and electronics projects (none of which make sense to me, but I'm happy because he is). My brother in law knows exactly the models he needs for his next project. Unless they are deeply interested, don't go into details in your male POV descriptions. Good character work in general will have a character of any gender paying attention to what is important in their eyes. Maybe your character (gender aside) will ignore some of the room because nothing else interests them.
The Best Advice
If I had to give advice on how to write men, talk to one or two. Talk to a dozen men about what is and isn't accurate in fiction. Glean the knowledge and run with it. Observe the men in your life, take notes, and roll with what you observe. Write fleshed out, real people. Gender be darned, just write people.
One of two extremes tends to happen (source:Jeune authors). Either you wrote a woman in a man's body or you hit the nail on the head. Usually it doesn't hit middle ground. Below are common mistakes women have made writing men.
Protective instincts are not thought about. They are subconscious. Rarely does someone think "I must protect her/him". Men just do. They rush in on instinct. Thoughts? Who has time for that? No one. Not one person. Write how he takes action, not what his thoughts are.
Selfless heroes should at least notice what they get out of a situation. Real people aren't saints. Only Jesus was perfect. Make them think like real people. Make him selfish to some degree, even if he acts selfless. This goes for every character you ever write, but I'm saying it; what is their motive? Not everyone is Captain America. Some men act on the motivation "it's the right thing to do" but correctly timing that motivation is a problem. Know your character flaws and agendas. Write someone with a motive to do the right thing, while acknowledging they have "what's in it for me?" thoughts alongside their good act.
Sometimes we write men who are too sensitive. One way to fix this is by adding arrogance. It isn't hard to do. We see this in both genders all the time. Men can be sensitive, yet the sensitive man is hard to write correctly. It can wander into wimp/sissy territory according to Jeune Authors. Men tend to hide emotions more than express them. If they say something, it's serious. Make a sensitive character at least put on a mask of confidence and arrogance, even if it isn't truly how they feel inside. Guys like to feel in control. Yes, exceptions exist, but you'll see this more often.
Sensitivity in men is a big topic. Men don't focus on feelings, in fact, some (not all) are kind of clueless. They think about what others are planning and thinking, but feelings are not the top of the list. General rule of thumb, women are interested in people and men in things. Based on this rule, men look at how things work. In my husband's words (and he's a great, loving, attentive husband) emotion gets in the way of decisions. You can make men trying to be sensitive a little awkward (depending on your character and personality type). Maybe he'll misinterpret how a girl feels about him.
When writing sensitive men you can make attempts a little rough around the edges. Woodrow Call is actually a great example of this, since his character isn't emotionally expressive or good at emotional expression (written by a man, but still a good example). Men use humor when a touchy subject is on the table. Try adding some jokes. Sharing emotions can be a hard thing for some men, so try making it hard to speak their true emotions. They can stumble on words or they come out all wrong. If you can have their mental filters stop working while trying to be sensitive that works.
Male friendships are hard to grasp for us women. Three basic ideas should be heeded. The first is that men don't want to get vulnerable (share their feelings about their friends) with other men because they fear a loss of respect. They'll share only after someone respects them no matter what, and even then it's terrifying. Second, they do care deeply about their friends, but not the same way we women do. They ask about success and status, not feelings. Someone got promoted? That'll dominate the conversation. New favorite toy (power tool, 3D printer...)? That'll be a conversation starter. New truck or tractor? Big news. They are interested in the conquests of those they care about. Third, respect - with a capital RESPECT. This creates competition, one-upping, and insults (playful or not). The level of friendship directly correlates to respect levels. No respect for someone? Forget friendship.
"Every single time a man approaches another man, instincts older than time are present. He will size up the other man, even briefly, to figure out if the guy is a threat or not. Six thousand years of instinct have taught men that ignoring each other’s strength is a guaranteed way to lose everything you value...When you write a male friendship, look for their inequalities and see if they can build a relationship out of mutual respect for each other's different strengths. This can be a lot more interesting than two chess champions who have more of a rival relationship but no real differences. It can be much more fun to watch a mismatched pair: maybe a klutzy dude who is brilliant in the English language and his Mexican friend who speaks broken English but has a master's degree in mechanical engineering and is brilliant with his hands. The two could respect the heck out of each other and team up for their escapades, playing off each other's strengths and roasting each other's weaknesses. " - Joshua Sword
Conclusion
To sum all this up, get to know the men in your life. Ask questions (directed at the trusted people you know). If you can observe real behavior you'll find a better wire skeleton for your character and have a fully developed one. Behavior in real life modeled on a page is more believable. People-watch and make new friends with men in your life. You'll learn a lot.
From what I've read, I think I've won some respect from male friends. I'm looking specifically at the basketball guys. I observe them and see they take me seriously the better I get at basketball. Am I a pro? No, but I listen to their advice and act on it, making me a better player. I get high fives and encouragement from these guys. I've once again gained more information on my own male friends through blog research. While researching men's attributes, you might get to know your loved ones better. I'd highly suggest it.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Just for fun (I don't actually believe it'll happen) I'm devoting a post to what could theoretically happen if the zombie apocalypse hit right here, right now. We'll assume the zombies have the same ability as the humans here. Buckle up and prepare your shelters!
Courtesy of Pinterest - from the movie Shaun of the Dead
First, what we assume to be true must be established. We're not at World War Z or old movie zombie speeds. Let's assume and establish the zombies in my scenario can move at the speed of a real human - not at supernatural speed or unearthly slow. Second, let's assume people behave like they do today. We don't idealize the nature of humans here. We know people can and will shove others down to live. It depends on who we are talking about. As a coworker pointed out, any emergency or crisis can cause similar results to the zombie apocalypse, minus a few zombie hordes here and there.
Where you live
The overall picture of city life vs country life comes into play. We have distance between houses out in the rural areas, as well as farms that people live on. In the city, though, we have lots of people crammed in buildings and living on top of each other - typically depending on the grocery store (though country people do, too). It'll look different wherever you live. It may even touch the rural areas only later on (like the depression did).
Another aspect of city life is a lack of gun ownership. Why should you care? Because rural folks have more defense and less chance of dying via zombie. When everyone owns a gun you'll live longer. Think on that. Your city folks that carry are better off, too, but only if they can make it past their apartment building doors and survive their neighbors. One's willingness to shoot something is something to consider, along with the ability to even use a gun.
Courtesy of istock
Communities in both areas can band together to survive either way. The country is probably where you want to be, though. The reason is food supply and distance between homes. You may need to take a few trips to town, but the farms can provide supply for a short time, depending on how large they are. The more self-sufficient you are the better. Cities that require you to survive the street zombies to reach your food supply give you a lower percentage of survival. Zombies also have to travel longer distances to reach homes, and even then most rural homes have guns somewhere. I predict that if it ever happened cities would become death traps.
Social media and other news sources
It'd be all over the internet in hours. We all know this. Mass chaos would ensue. Work? Who cares? I'm not risking my neck. The world would lock down and come to a standstill. No one would want to leave their homes and many would not answer doors. Guns would be placed in prominent places all over the homes of anyone who wished to live.
The stores. Oh, the stores. If you thought Covid was bad...Stealing and a mad rush to buy supplies to last you weeks and months would ensue. Supplies would run out. You'd be fighting for baked beans and bread. I imagine we'd all be running for gun ammo, too. It'd be an awful mess. The zombies would probably swarm the stores later on. Not only do you need more food, but you'd also risk zombie status going into town. Would anyone even be manning the store? Maybe not. Think Fallout. We might be building bunkers.
Social media brings out the worst in some people. It can make someone do something stupid, or step out onto an unsafe ledge to do a selfie. You've probably seen the woman who hung off a building by her friend's hand to get a cool picture. That's a real scenario and not fake at all. Some have died for the selfie on the ledge. It's not a joke to do that. In this way, social media challenges and the need for a selfie might kill people who want the zombies in their pictures. One second of a selfie could kill you. If I did write this concept in a story form this would definitely be in the storyline somewhere.
Courtesy of Facebook
The elderly and weak
I work at a nursing home kitchen. What would happen to the elderly? It's a real question. I think some staff would stay and defend, but I really do think some people would bail. Elders of the community would die of medical care neglect and zombies. I also think confused residents would die faster than the ones who were only physically weak. They'd wander out and be eaten faster than anyone else, with the exception of infants and young kids. And suicidal individuals who walk out into zombie hordes to die. I know that sounds dark, but if you really did want to die it's the same concept as walking into the desert without water (which people do all the time).
Courtesy of Revista
Physically weak anyone would die faster. Who are we kidding? Can't walk without help? Better hope you can be carried. Blind? Dead faster than your white cane hit the zombie's foot. People are selfish. You could be injured trying to escape and die when someone tramples you to live. Any medical condition like diabetes could kill you. Medical supplies would be hoarded like food. Young or old, if you need medication to live you could die of medical need before you even get attacked by a zombie. Hospitals could have flighty staff, too. Any care facility can have staff who bail on their people.
Doomsday preppers
We know these people can be prepping bunkers. Some have bunkers and some places had bunkers from the fifties already on the property, including a hotel with a bunker in West Virginia (prepped so the gov't could still run while down there). These people will be fine. Anyone they take in will be fine. Whatever they were prepping for aside (from Russians to liberals to people who did prep for zombies), you can't deny some people will go underground and emerge from their vaults after this blows over. And the population is much lower.
The average population might not be doing this. Some will laugh like they saw Noah prepping the ark with no bad weather in sight. Yet, to be a Noah is good here. You'll have a higher chance of living after all this. And probably your neighbor's yard and property when they die. Again, dark, but realistic.
Places to gather
Where you'll likely find the people who reach out to help is the church and relief organizations. Places like this are built to help people, worked by people with big hearts. People who care about other people will stay. There will certainly be more praying. It stands to reason that places with extra food will be sought out. Churches were deemed essential during Covid. Why would they not be in this scenario? People would want to know what is going on and seek answers. If the Zombie apocalypse isn't a call to cling to God with reckless abandon, what is?
Any building with supplies is a neon sign for people to come. Really, that's the truth. People banded together can survive together. Churches are just one example. Community centers can be like this, too. Depending on the risk and how many zombies there are, you could all meet to make a community plan. Small towns where everyone knows everyone would likely do this.
Travel
Going anywhere is suddenly dangerous. You need to check with someone in the area to ensure you don't walk into a newly-swarmed town and die. Keep your toddlers and infants in your arms and on leashes. If you don't keep an eye on those kids they might be zombies later on. Getting gas will be vital. Charging your car will also be vital. Don't get stranded. Depending on where you are, it's possible you don't have someone near enough to pick you up. The only problem with cars is their sound.
Walking any distance is a peril in this scenario. Biking might be better, but only if you have no car. A lockable car is far safer than walking out in the open. I imagine most people carry weaponry in this present scenario. Be sure you have a backpack of supplies and only what you need. Cars can carry more than a person on a bike.
Stranger danger will be a real problem in your travels, depending on where you are. If everyone has a weapon, it stands to reason that unstable people are out there using it on more than just zombie hordes. Serial killers have historically taken advantage of war-torn places. There are friendly people willing to help, but there are also the desperate and crazy. You take the gamble when you greet a traveling party. It's on you to feel out whether you can sit around a fire with them or you need to move on. Maybe you need to run whenever they come within your sight range.
The Aftermath
Alright, everyone, let's calm down. Once the virus has passed and the zombie horde has been eradicated (or at least trapped and under control) we need to restart society with the living members left. We have to get the doomsday preppers out of their cellars, find the survivors, and get some law and order back online. That'll take months. The first step is sending the safety signal to those that hid in their homes the whole time. You do that and maybe some will crawl out immediately. Others will wait a few weeks to ensure this isn't a trap.
Finding survivors requires a party of people willing to do double-duty. Our posse is also our law and order. I'm assuming society is lawless right now. Some areas might have control due to military and police presence (cities mostly), but out in the country we have less of that. The posse or posses must be willing to lay down the law like the old marshals used to. Rescue workers might step up for this job. They'll need to bring medical experience with them to succeed. Between medical workers and law, the posses'll easily be formed.
Towns and buildings'll need some TLC after all this chaos. Putting towns back in shape is a major task. This'll take months, too. Depending on who's left, some places could have multiple abandoned homes and a lower population compared to the number of built homes. Also, factories and powerplants are currently not being worked and no one should go into one without caution and the protection of chemical-proof clothing. Radiation is not harmless.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Internet safety is never a bad thing to write about. So here I am, giving you all a refresher course on today's internet safety. Let class begin.
Courtesy of katiecouric.com
Nowadays you have to consider scammers, what is safe to post on social media, and how to identify fakes. Along with the basics of not blasting our contact information publicly and not posting personal information like bank accounts, we have to worry about AI too. It's a bit different than when you first learned it. Scammers get more clever and AI doesn't help.
I'm putting it in three categories for easy navigation. The first is scammers, the second is social media, and the last one is what you need to know about AI. The bell just rang. Let's start class.
Scammers
Let's talk about psychological warfare. You need to know what they will try to do. Random phone calls asking for little things can lead to big things. The more they know about you, the worse it is. Don't engage. The more casual tidbits they have, the better their chances of actually saying something to convince you of a lie.
Sense of urgency? They use that too. There is no urgency. If they try to pressure you into it and get upset when you want to double-check something yourself, hang up or stop messaging them right now. Block and report them. They are trying to make you rush into something without thinking.
Any computer pop-ups about viruses that say "click a link" or you have to pay to get it removed are scams. Ignore it. Take it to Best Buy if you need to. Best Buy at least won't scam you. What a scammer can do if you go to the scammer to remove the virus is use the leverage to get information later.
The use of authority figures is common leverage. For instance, claiming to be tax people or a manager to get someone to pay a bill they don't owe. Or, like some of my church experienced, pretend to be the head pastor and say you want to "reward hard work" by giving gift cards. People are then asked to get said gift cards.
Verify if someone is who they say they are. Know what someone's contact info is and check it. If Amazon sent an email, go straight to your account instead of clicking the email link. Some people are tricky and change font on one letter to make an email look credible. It's not easy to spot. Go straight to the website you can verify is real. Contact the person the scammer claims to be (manager, pastor...). Don't trust any link unless you know the person who sent it. Deep fakes are also possible. Check with the person via contact info you already had. If they say they didn't ask for money, block and report the imposter.
Sanity checking is running something, anything by another person. Go grab a family member to check if it is normal for (fill in the blank) to (fill in the blank). This will help you avoid scams. Fast conversations where the other person doesn't want you to check the facts are huge red flags. Hang up, stop messaging, report, and block.
Common scams for 2024 include student loan forgiveness, phone related scams (robocalls, impersonations, malicious apps, QR codes, SIM swapping, OTP bots), texts, zelle, cryptocurrency, romance, online purchases, employment, and check fraud. Lots of things to keep an eye out for. Use common sense to avoid these. Don't scan every QR code you find or click every link. Be skeptical of all callers you don't know. Do your research on what you invest in, lest they take your money and run. Don't pay with gifts cards, money order, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency. Create a password or safe word for your family and friends, one that can verify if someone is really who they say they are. Give no personal info out to strangers.
Did you fall victim? Here's what you can do. Report the scam and scammer first thing. Then, get your device checked out (for clicked links and QR codes). Change your passwords up before you do anything else. Freeze any money sources you need to.
Sure ways to spot scams are pressure to act now, being told to lie, being told not to tell anyone else, "do this or you'll be arrested" in any form, and the words "don't hang up". A scammer will tell you to move money to protect it, withdraw money and buy gold bars, withdraw cash and give it to someone, go to a bitcoin ATM, and buy gift cards. To report go to this link: ReportFraud.ftc.gov
Social Media
We've all, hopefully, been taught we shouldn't post our SSN, phone numbers, addresses, full names, pictures of IDs, and other personal information on social media. We also don't give out passwords and bank accounts. Basically, don't freely message and post personal information that could take your identity or get your house robbed while on vacation. Post vacation photos when you come back, because when people look for houses to rob vacation time is the best time to break in. Hopefully, we all know this by adulthood. If you don't, you now do.
What you need to remember about social media is that anything you publicly post is public knowledge. Private accounts aside, you don't often have to hack someone to find out where they had their vacation, went to a New Year's party, or went out with friends. Be aware that people are online chronically trying to scam people or stalk people. I wish I were joking. I'm not. If you are a public internet celebrity you can be stalked. Ask Kall Me Kris, who moved at least once because of stalking. What can people learn from your social media? Ask yourself this when you're about to post. It may make you think twice.
If you have kids you need to make sure they know what to keep to themselves. Keep half an eye on their social media. Teens don't have a fully developed brain. We know that because we cringe at our teen posts. I literally took down my Twitter to restart because of this fact. I needed it for public posting about my book. It was embarrassing. At any rate, you need to keep an eye on teens for more than this reason. Social media scams and creepers are out there. Internet friend Timmy might be an old man in a basement. Gamer Gerry might be creeping on teens, too. You never know anymore. It's scary out there.
Going private is a great idea. I can't because I'm a blogger and an author, but you can. It means only friends see your posts. Only friends can access your content. This is not feasible for promoting things, but works very nicely for people who want only friends to see their content.
As always, protect passwords. Someone hacking you can ruin your day faster than an avalanche. Two-factor identification is also a great thing to set up. This is common sense, I think, but good to remember. Vary passwords for good measure.
Posts can be set to public or friends only. It can even exclude one or more people from seeing it. It's nifty. I set my book stuff to public and my other posts to friends only. In addition to private profiles, you can set it so your friends are not seen from the public side.
Location information is a real thing we need to keep in mind. In some apps, like Instagram, you have that feature available. It can be turned off. Turn it off. You can add location to tweets on Twitter (X). Don't do it.
The block button is nifty and helpful. Creepy people and others who decide to comment weird things get blocked all the time. I also ghost creeps. It's suggested by experts to not engage with the creepers online. DMs or public posts, don't engage.
Creepy guys and gals are out there. Creepy is a relative term. Some people on dating apps and social media don't think they are crossing lines. Sometimes people send pictures and messages so inappropriate that they have to be illiterate to not understand it's creeping. It happens to me all the time because I'm online trying to promote a book or a blog post. I hate it. I block every single one. They are out there. Online predators are out to find us. Some clear ways to identify them are below. Keep an eye on your kids. They could become secretive and hide their screens, deleting conversations at random.
Online predators:
1. overly friendly and digging for details 2. wants locations 3. always available to talk
4. want to be kept secret
AI
It is 2024. AI is everwhere. What do you need to know? This category is going to scare you. Bots are everywhere, too. AI can create more convincing messages, deepfakes, and impersonations. Don't fall for AI. Sanity check and verify identity. If you need to create a safe word, do it.
Voice cloning is possible. This is why voice actors and actors are not into AI. Not only can it replicate famous voices, but also your grandmother's voice so some awful scammer can make you panic into paying her ransom. This is not a joke. Someone can replicate someone's voice asking for travel money. This is why you need that safe word.
Personalized Pinterest pages are great. Personalized scams are not. Custom scams, targeted to you and you alone, are out there to get your money. AI can track habits, purchases, and common places you buy from. This is another reason to go to the real, official Amazon page to check your notifications, rather than trusting a link that might lead you to a scam.
Deepfakes are not just NCIS plotlines. They are real. Your voice, face, information, and habits can create a fake you. This is identity fraud. Make sure you are protected. Multi-factor authentication is the best way to do this. Pay attention to log-in emails.
A scam called revenge porn is out there. Using deepfakes, you can put a face on a body and animate anything. You can guess what this scam is. It's blackmail for a fake image. "I'll release it if you don't pay" is the whole scam in a nutshell. It is hard to fight back on. Call the police anyway. It is the idea of putting your face on a porn film scene and it isn't you. Don't pay, just call the authorities. The scene is likely to be obviously wonky with no identifying marks. This will help someone realize it isn't really you.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Creative introverts or people with unique perspectives might all have a shared experience of being invisible in plain sight or not being taken seriously. At my old church invisibility was a reality every youth group meeting and I felt it didn't matter whether I was present or not. I'm not alone in this. I can even point to a movie reference - Alan from the Barbie movie. Let's talk about this.
Courtesy of Vulture.com
It's happened to me before. I'm trying to tell a story. I'm coming to my point. I had a point. Someone interrupted and now the subject has flown off the table and into the trash can. Were they even listening? Maybe one person was. I'll now seek the lone listener out and talk to them alone. In fact, one on one is better than a group conversation because there is less chance of interruption. The person who interrupted? They won't hear my voice. The person who listens will hear my voice far more than the person who didn't let me finish. That's why some people say "why don't you talk more?" and then don't get our viewpoint verbalized in their general direction.
To clarify, you can say "let's table this, I have stuff to do" to me and other introverts (depending on culture and country). "Let's put a bookmark in this and continue it later" in genuine honesty is not an interruption I am disturbed by. In fact, it reflects respect. You care what I have to say to the point you want to focus on it later. That's miles apart from someone walking by and the person speaking to me flying off to run after them without an "excuse me, let's table this". Courtesy. It's a real thing you need to heed.
Alan from the Barbie movie had a lot to say. Had he been heard, the whole film would have changed plot. No one listened to him. He sided with the Barbies and even the Barbies didn't really listen. The video below will explain it better.
You'll see exactly what I mean by invisible if you watch the above video. We do so much, know so much, and foresee so much only to be brushed off. It's been said that INFJ personalities in particular have been accused of "causing problems" by bringing up what could be a future problem, then they watch as people go headlong into that same problem. The problem could have been solved early on if the rest of the group had listened. I don't think only INFJs have that issue, but it's been said that type is prone to this situation.
It's no wonder we don't speak up more often when no one listens. I'm not saying the whole world is against you. It's not, especially if you've found your tribe or found family. Or your family has always been there for you. This is not a reason to say "battle stations ready!". Please don't. Find your tribe instead. Where do you not feel invisible? Where do people care about your voice? Prioritize them and move on from the ones who don't seem to care. And sometimes when you do that, they start to miss you. Strange, isn't it? It's like you were the wind and now they missed the breeze.
Do people realize they hurt us by not listening? Maybe not. If I'm honest, I know some of the people who brushed me off weren't trying to be hurtful. Some of my peers have come to the conclusion I didn't care about something because I was quiet. I've had that said to my face before, sometimes with an "I was wrong" attached to the end of the sentence. People find out how much you quietly care and are shocked. Most brush-offs are not hurtful on purpose. They may not agree in some scenarios and decide not to acknowledge your idea at all. That's more hurtful than anything else. While there are exceptions to every rule, I'd bet that many are just stuck on themselves, like us humans tend to be.
Humans focus on self more than you think. We think about what is best for us all the time. Catch yourself doing it. You'll find you do it all the time without thinking about it. When a voice says "You're wrong" sometimes we tune it out. Introvert or extrovert, you do it. Don't say you're a paragon of virtue. You're not. You're no better than anyone else. And while I'm at it, everyone can be wrong about something. I will not claim all my ideas or your ideas are the best ideas or they are right. We're human. We all do stupid things. That's why Jesus is coming back. That's why Jesus came in the first place. We can't do it right despite all our attempts to do so. We're sheep. If you've worked with sheep you understand that being called sheep is not a compliment. They are stubborn, stupid, easily scared creatures who follow the herd even off cliffs. Jesus came to stand at the edge of that cliff to stop us from self-destructing. End of soap box. I'll get back on topic now.
Traits of introverts that cause some people to not listen could be that you don't agree with the rest of the room. You could easily be steamrolled by everyone else validating a take on the world you don't agree with. That's when I'm tempted to say goodbye to a group and walk out. Some individuals have walked out of places because no one was hearing them at all. This scenario is an example of social deviance, where your perspective doesn't fit the group's mentality. Personality type aside, it can happen to anyone. We react by either becoming one with wallpaper in silence to avoid the rejection or speaking louder and deciding to go rogue. Going rogue is generally because we feel no one else is on our side. We may even want to prove ourselves and make them see they were wrong. Beware of the creatives that suddenly stop talking. They've decided they are wasting their breath to verbalize their thoughts, especially if they are ignored entirely. They will leave if you don't remedy the situation or you don't validate their thoughts and feelings.
Or you have a creative mind that connects two things together that no one else connected. Trying to explain that and getting "what?" and looks that say "are you nuts?" without the words will shut down ideas fast. That's why some introspective individuals stay quiet in places they don't feel safe. I have read peer reviews of my ideas in class only to find they thought I was off base, which hurt. They didn't understand. They were not trying to be hurtful. I know that. But yet, those words can silence introverts in large groups faster than anything you know. Again, beware the silence.
Being cut off has a special section for a real reason. Some of us creative individuals take a while to land the ending. Some of us get to the point. Others have abstract ideas that require some clarifying questions. When you do say something it means you have a thought so important it is urgent. When someone asks a question and you answer it with an answer they didn't like, and then they cut you off, that is a special type of silencing. It happened to me in a college class. It was hurtful. Just because you get an answer that isn't what you expected doesn't mean you should cut someone off. Let them finish. Then move on. Courtesy should be heeded.
While I understand class time is an issue in many classrooms, teachers should remember that if they want people to share in groups they need to encourage a safe space to share. Cutting a student off when their ideas don't match the group is going to teach the student their ideas don't matter to the teacher or the group. If you want participation in class, you have to create an environment where they can share their thoughts. Unless those thoughts are ideas on how to murder the world, I don't think it does any harm to hear someone out. Yes, you do have limited time, so if you desire to make sure all the class shares around the circle have a courtesy phrase to use, such as "We only have so much time, so we need to move on to the next person". This phrase is a great way to say their ideas do matter, but we need to move on to other ideas. This is a courteous way to validate and move on, or get someone to land by summarizing their ideas.
When introverts and creative individuals give up there are people who will notice. Others are oblivious to this, only focused on themselves and the world around them. The introverts who give up really don't care at a certain point. We've tried to say something, tried to scream into the void, but you won't listen. What's the point in wasting energy? We stop talking. By the time this happens it is too late to get their thoughts unless you do some serious work in including them and giving them space to talk uninterrupted. At this point they may leave at any time. Drop a class? Walk out of a meeting? Decide to stay home from a social event they usually go to? Not go to that convention for work? Yeah, all that is possible. If this is a work situation they might quit. Sometimes employers find out all they did behind the scenes and clamor to have them back. Sometimes their work still goes unnoticed even then. Either way, they got tired and stopped fighting to be heard. It's strange to hear that people miss you when you felt invisible and ignored by them. Most times, the introvert or individual that was ignored never comes back.
You want another film example? Mirabelle. Mirabelle is the epitome of how I felt at our old church. Mirabelle from Encanto knows exactly what is going on, tries to scream it into the void, is unable to stop it despite all her work, gets blamed for it despite her trying to fix what abuela is ignoring, and then is proved right at the end. She gets an apology at the end, but not everyone does. She walked away and the family had to find her to apologize in the first place. When someone is too tired to fight anymore and you suddenly see someone walk away you might be able to fix it, but you might not. Mirabelle is someone I empathize deeply with because I've felt her emotions. I knew from the start of the film she was the black sheep of the family (I'm not, but she was in the film). So was Bruno. Let's listen to the black sheep of the world. Let's listen to the Jon Snows and Tyrians of the world (while they are sober, obviously). We need perspectives that not everyone agrees with. The ones who are on the social fringes see what many don't want to.
I'm going to say it again. Beware the silence after someone has tried to speak up about a crack in the armor or any ideas. Alan and Mirabelle are prime examples of someone seeing a broken system and trying to fix it. Mirabelle kept on trying to the end. She could have pulled a Bruno and let them all fall. Would anyone have blamed her? No. But she rogued it. Alan joined the Barbies to stop the Kens because the Kens did not listen to him. It could be argued that Barbies didn't either, though, but the point is that Alan was going to leave. People who find they waste their breath to speak their ideas and perspectives slowly stop talking. If you notice this, do something. Repeat their ideas and point them out in the discussion. Announce "so and so has something to say" when they get brushed off. It will discourage brushing off their ideas to have them repeated and spotlighted. Maybe some of the ideas are bad, but if they feel heard the good ideas will come out into the discussion with the bad.
What you can do when you are brushed off
In some scenarios, you might want to leave, but in others you can simply speak louder. You can also harness the power of your extroverted friends to get your voice heard. That's a real tactic. Group conversations are hard. I know. Knowing when to leave and stay is a matter of how long they have ignored you. If you only got ignored once or twice in large group discussions, but you are heard most of the time it might not be a leaving situation. When it doesn't seem to matter what you say or do that's the neon sign to leave. Small groups of people, like tiny five person groups, where people don't really hear you (and you could be anywhere else) will illuminate whether you need to speak up more or you are not seen.
If you don't fit into the group's unspoken rules and seem to break them at every genuine action or thought you have that's the neon sign to find another tribe or group. You don't need to stay where you are a square peg in a round hole. When you are not wanted somewhere you have the free will to leave (depending on whether you actually do have the opportunity to leave). In situations like classrooms you might not be able to do so, though. My best advice here is to find the people on the fringes and make friends with them. They might feel the same way. Suffer together is not a fun phrasing, but it fits here. When you can create your own tribe, do so.
Speaking up is a real thing. It's hard. If you need an ally to spotlight you, phone a friend. Good friends may even do this without you asking. I have a friend who used to ask my thoughts every class group discussion (especially in group projects). It was a way to include everyone. Some people do this naturally and are in tune with those who have a softer voice. They are amazing. If someone is doing this for you and others respond to the ideas, you don't need to leave. Your voice is being heard by someone. When you are spotlighted and ideas are constantly brushed off, you should definitely leave. Only one person is hearing you in that specific scenario. Become friends with your megaphone friend aside from the group dynamic.
You may never get an apology. Accept it. Mirabelle did, but maybe you won't. Not everyone realizes what they've done to you. It could require a heart-to-heart conversation to make someone understand. I've done that before. It is worth it with individuals in large groups, especially if you can't just leave. Help them understand whenever you can do so. If someone responds indifferently you should just let them be. If someone responds with empathy and realization, you made a difference.
What others can do to help
Are you trying to help the invisible creatives and soft voices? Here's your spotlight. What you need to do, first and foremost, is find out who has trouble jumping into discussions. Also, who seems to not speak up despite their faces clearly saying they disagree. Or, someone like Alan who speaks up and is steamrolled over. Who is on the social fringes? Find them. Listen. Make a new friend. Yes, you'll find some odd ducks on occasion, but everyone has value to a group. All perspectives should be heard.
Once you've done that, pay attention to when they want to break into the discussion and spotlight them. Ask what they think and repeat any ideas of theirs that get ignored. It makes them a part of the group to highlight them at appropriate times. You'll learn the silent ones have a lot of ideas to give. They may even prevent a disaster when brought to everyone's attention.
Don't spotlight introverts too much, though. There is a balance to this. Ask what they think when they clearly have something to say. It is written on someone's face when you have urgent things to discuss. Choose that moment to ask their thoughts. When their body language says "pay attention to me" you should pop the conversation in their direction.
Ignored statements should at least be acknowledged. Don't agree? Just say so. Tell us we were heard. If you shut down everything, though, you'll shut them down. Talk about the idea, at least. If it isn't a good one we were at least a part of the discussion. Being ignored will drive them to stop contributing. Maybe when you hear them out you'll like the idea.
Creatives sometimes take time to land. Ask questions to help them land and make sense. Try to understand. Make it a discussion. Even if you don't totally follow, you tried. You listened. You made an effort. We will talk to you in the future. We were seen and heard.
Now for the odd ducks on the fringes. Not everyone there is an odd duck; in fact, you have the Sherlocks of the world socializing there (Nerds and geeks). When you do see a disturbing idea or two, or five, or ten from just one person say something to someone. This is how you find the dangerous individuals in the world (fringes or not). They are the ones you should never ignore and always pay attention to. It pays to listen to everyone. You'll find the people who aren't fully safe before they do something destructive and dangerous. When you listen carefully to people who are ticking time bombs, you'll prevent bad things from happening. Also, listening can give you an indication of whether they are a hazard or simply have a weird perspective. The differences between Luna Lovegood and Tom Riddle are distinct; one is clearly harmless while the other is not.
I realize not all of us read or watched Harry Potter. I will explain what I mean further. Luna Lovegood is a lovable eccentric character who is loyal to her friends. She's dismissed as kind of crazy. Tom Riddle becomes Voldemort (the main Harry Potter villain). Tom Riddle was disturbing even at the orphanage growing up. He was not a lovable eccentric. The Lunas in the world are great friends to have and will always have your back. They are on the social fringes for having a strange perspective on life. Tom Riddles are socially distant because they give off dark, scary vibes. You'll know the difference when you talk to them. Believe me.
I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
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