Unburying Yourself From Your Personal Projects

 We've all taken on more than we can handle at some point in time. We got too excited by our hobbies or thought we had more time than we did, but now we have to unburden ourselves from our projects one finished project at a time. Let's grab our shovels together. 

Courtesy of design-fixation.com

First, you will need an open word document, piece of paper and pencil, or excel sheet. Whatever you prefer to use to organize your thoughts will do. Before I talk about prioritizing and figuring out what to tackle first we need a comprehensive list of your projects. I'll start by giving you an example. 

My projects:

Freewriting Story draft - long range, commitment, unsure how close to end I am

editing next book/novella - long range, commitment, unsure how close to end I am

diamond dots painting - long range, leisure, about one fifth through it

counted cross stitch - long range, leisure, about 90 percent through it

playing dredge - short range, leisure, three fifths through the game plot

playing harvest moon - medium range, leisure, close to through the main storyline

reading Lonesome Dove - medium range, leisure, a little more than two thirds through 

prewriting new blog series - long range, leisure, 80 percent finished

The example above follows this pattern: (project) - (long, medium, or short range) (commitment, due date, or leisure), (how finished the project is)

Take a minute and go through this for yourself. What do you have on your plate? You'll get a good overview of what you actually need to finish and what can wait. 

Prioritizing your list

Now pull out that list and look for commitments and due-dated projects. How many do you have? Maybe you can put a lot of projects on a backburner list, where you can pick them up again at a later time. I highly suggest making a backburner list for the purpose of focusing on what needs to be done. You can pick up the backburner projects one at a time and unbury yourself that way. 

Commitments and due-dated projects go on the top of your list, organized based on what is due when. For me, my writing is a commitment, which makes the story draft and editing process the top tier of my list. The next tier down is going to be what you prefer to finish soon or what is nearly finished, your choice.  For me that is the blog series and Lonesome Dove. What is left goes on the bottom of your list or the backburner list, which is entirely your call to make. 

In summary, the first tier is anything you committed to, the second tier is what you prefer to finish/ what can be finished soon, and third is whatever is left. There is also the option of having a backburner list and leaving projects put away until a later date. 

Long, medium, and short range

To clarify, let's talk about the time a project will take. I've taken on two ambitious projects at a time and stressed myself out. It does actually matter how big your project is, in time and sometimes in size. If you have no time to work on it and it takes hours of crocheting to finish you should put it on your backburner. When you have nothing but time, you can pick it up and conquer it. Basically, be aware of what your project requires of you (time, materials, money). 

Courtesy of Pinterest

In that spirit, I define long-range as something that takes a lot of your time and energy. You can't crochet a large blanket in one day, nor can you do a larger counted cross stitch in two days. Many long-range projects take supplies, too. My blog series I'm working on is actually on the back burner because it requires I take a lot of time during the week to game, which takes time out of my writing time. All these referenced projects are long-range. 

Medium-range isn't going to take boatloads of your time and energy, but it will take some time from you. A longer book can go in this category, or crocheting a baby blanket will. Energy is taken, yet not so much that you take months to finish the craft, game, or book. My current video games can fit into this category, especially games like Harvest Moon that are near impossible to speed run. Dredge and Legend of Zelda seem to fit here, too, though some games can fit into the next category. 

Short-range is a speedrun-able videogame, an easy-to-read and short book, or something that takes a day to crochet. In other words, you can finish off the project within a week or less. It doesn't take forever. Chronicles of Narnia books can fit in this category easily, mostly because they are actually written for younger readers.  My Marlowe collection and Nancy Drew collection can also fit. For you, this may mean all you need to do is devote a few afternoons to something you haven't finished yet. 

When I wrote out my list above these are the working definitions I went by. If all your projects are long-range I'd suggest putting a few on your backburner list and knocking them out one by one. Short-range may just take a few afternoons every few weeks. 

Leisure and commitment

Picking up a project for kicks and giggles is not the same as promising to make your niece a birthday gift. The most important distinction is commitment. My counted cross stitch is more enjoyable when I'm not constantly racing to finish it. It will be finished faster, believe it or not, if I am truly enjoying myself. I'll want to pick it up more when I'm having fun doing it. That doesn't mean you won't have fun making a birthday gift for your relative. It just means that you need to remember the difference between a "for fun" project and an "I promised this to someone" project. 

Courtesy of paradisefibers.com

The truth of the matter is that I'm guilty of putting leisure too high on my priority list sometimes. I have to adjust it quite regularly so I'm focusing where I need to be. Harvest Moon, Dredge, and my counted cross stitch are not at the top of my list, and if they were I'd never get any writing done. I'd be behind on blogs daily if that were the case. Many of us forget that our leisure shouldn't necessarily be the top priority in our lives. It is a blessing to have it, but it's a side quest in the long run. 

This is the ideal place to write out the back burner list. While your back burner list may never end, at least you didn't try to do it all at once. One at a time is a real way to get a lot of fun projects done. Finish what you started and put all your focus on one goal at one time. It'll be a better outcome when you are not trying to multitask (something science says you can't do).

A plan of action

What do you tackle first? Where do you start? Pull out that list. The first commitment you see will be your starting point. Anything on the first tier is coming first. Once you've got most of the first tier tackled, you jump to the next one. Finally, the last tier can be conquered. 

The thing is, though, that you are going to find other side quests coming up to tempt you. The back burner list is where these should go. Once your list is down to only a few projects maybe you can pick one up. This is going to take time, depending on how many projects you buried yourself in. 

Another way to think about this is progress; making it a goal to make progress on something can go a long way. Schedule out time to knock out a few short and medium-range projects, while also scheduling out time every week or so to make forward progress on long-range projects. Forward motion on something weekly will finish off at least one or two things on your list. The goal is to unbury yourself. Plan and schedule all that out as much as you can. 

Projects vs perpetual tasks

Projects that lead to perpetual tasks are not what I'm talking about. Blogging, promoting my book, managing my social media, and writing are never going to end for me. The tasks that I speak of in this post specifically are projects with an ending. 

Another thing to consider is when your hobby is not going to end for you. Diamond art, as long as I have the next one on hand, is also perpetual. Books and puzzles are perpetual, too. You might want to take what you do for fun over and over again off of the top priority list and focus on what isn't perpetual. Unburdening yourself of what you do only once may give you more time to do the hobbies you love. 

From now on

This will happen again. I'm just telling you now. Yet, personal rules may be set in place to make it less overwhelming to handle. For example, I don't take on more than one long-range sewing or crochet project at a time and force myself to finish reading the book I'm on before starting another one. Setting that boundary is worth it for your mental health. 

It may be that you don't generally plan out projects and what they'll require. Maybe you should be doing that. Remembering how long a counted cross stitch usually takes may color how often you pick one up in the future. Looking at the instructions and size of your project will help you figure out if you have time to do it right now, or if you need to put it on your back burner list for later. 

Courtesy of University of Toronto

Creative souls tend to overbook themselves because they have ten million ideas. A million dreams are keeping us awake. We want to make all the things for all the people for Christmas. We want to do all the stuff on our cat crochet Pinterest board. Every embroidery and cross stitch looks adorable. I, personally, would love to try out every Stardew Valley farm and name it something fictional every time. You get the idea. I need not continue listing all my ambitions. I am no stranger to overbooking myself.  I did, however, set personal rules for myself to stop me from doing this. I may not read every book on my shelf, but I can try. 

There is another element that makes it a promise that you'll have to do this again. Boredom is the enemy, dear readers, and an empty mind wanders. After you finish getting the list down you may start to get bored again. Depending on how much you had on your plate before this, it may not happen, but you may just find your hands itch for something to do with themselves and you want some new adventure. Put those personal rules in place. You'll need to do that if you don't want to unburden yourself of 10 projects you started and got overwhelmed over. 

I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Stardew Valley Vs. Harvest Moon

 I now own both Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley, specifically a modded Stardew Valley game file and Harvest Moon Light of Hope. I'd like to compare the two, which are similar and yet different. 

Courtesy of The Xbox Hub

If you don't know these games, I'll explain their basic premise. They are casual games that include rebuilding a community of people by doing their sidequests and restoring their physical buildings. Take Legend of Zelda and get rid of the main villain, leaving only sidequests, and you'll find something remarkably similar to Harvest Moon. Stardew Valley is a farming game with some battle opportunities in the mines, so still similar to Legend of Zelda, but with more farming and fishing. 

What makes these different? Mostly artistic style and storyline. Harvest Moon Light of Hope is about saving the lighthouse and fixing all the ruined homes so villagers can return. Stardew Valley is about choosing between fixing the community center or supporting the major commercialized store (which makes all the people hate you). Stardew has you moving there to get away from the city and Harvest Moon has you shipwreck onto the island. Harvest Moon has a similar artistic style to Legend of Zelda DS games, while Stardew looks a like an older, pixel-like gameboy game. That is where most of the differences are spotted. 

Today I'll talk about the gameplay differences and what is nearly the same. Surprisingly, they are their own entities, even if Harvest Moon did come first. 

Differences

I already explained the setting and art style differences, but let me go into more detail. Stardew Valley could pass for an older video game than it is. I could totally see someone passing Stardew off as older than Harvest Moon, but that'd actually be incorrect. The art style of Harvest Moon, on the other hand, reminds me strongly of Legend of Zelda toon link characters. Even the music and sound effects continually remind me of the DS games I still own (Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks). Your character doesn't speak, much like toon link. All you get are facial expressions (maybe five, at most). 

Courtesy of PCGamesN

Settings for Stardew Valley are pixelated, yes, but you get more town than country. Stardew is also not an island. Harvest Moon is definitely an island. The map is also different in Harvest Moon, as you have to unlock areas, as opposed to Stardew Valley (completely explorable first day, for the most part). This makes it harder to play Harvest Moon quickly, forcing you to unlock areas to get items and tools. Stardew gives you all the tools at once.

Now we hit on another difference. The gameplay includes clearing your farm, but while Stardew gives you every tool you need at once, Harvest Moon does not. It frustrated me, at first, to deal with being unable to clear the rocks on my farm. Harvest Moon forces you to slow down. Stardew can be speedrun. I don't think Harvest Moon can be speedrun nearly as quickly. 

The amount of mods that Stardew can handle is shocking. This game specifically was someone's pet passion project for a long time. Concerned Ape takes their time creating the game itself, which makes it so stable that it has dozens of mods available. I have the extended game mod, the bins anywhere mod, and the tractor mod. My husband has even more mods on his. Harvest Moon Light of Hope has maybe one mod, which my husband has already, and he couldn't find more than that. Yep, Harvest Moon is less likely to be modded. And even with the cheat mod, my husband still has a challenge on his hands. 

A sword. Nowhere in Harvest Moon have I had to use a sword or be provided a weapon, at least not yet. Stardew hands you a sword for the mines. I have seen no sign of monsters in Harvest Moon, but no shortage of them in Stardew. If you want to fight monsters and get rewarded for killing "x" amount of them later on, Stardew is what you want. 

Courtesy of navigames.es

Harvest Moon steers you into the storyline constantly, while Stardew lets the player do what they want from the start. It is a slight difference, but should still be noted. You have a lot of independence in Stardew, which even extends to customizing your home and layout (see next paragraph for discussion). 

In short, Harvest Moon Light of Hope won't let you abandon the major plotline and Stardew will give you free rein from the jump. Ruin the farm? Stardew cares not. Several YouTubers make a living messing around on Stardew Valley farms.

Customizing is a luxury Stardew Valley will give you. Want your barn by your house? Go ahead. Want your silo by your greenhouse? Sure. From Character details to even the farm type, you get your choice. Is the furniture placement not your favorite? Change it. Harvest Moon does not let you do that. You fix the barn and coop where they are. You get the cabin, but no choices on furniture. I was kind of sad about that. Your character gets one outfit. No customizing options exist for your character in Harvest Moon Light of Hope, at least that I've seen. 

Storage is not the same. You need bins in Stardew Valley, but never need bins in Harvest Moon. You have a limit of 99 or 100 items in Harvest Moon. Stardew items stack (most of them, at least). Stardew makes you consider your backpack space, while Harvest Moon doesn't. Bins anywhere mods make this problem easier to maneuver around in Stardew, which makes it easier to haul loads in the mines. Harvest Moon is nice because I don't have to worry about backpack space.

Oh, and one last thing. Fishing mechanics are entirely different. One feels too easy and the other takes a lot of learning to pick up. Almost too much learning, really. Harvest Moon fishing is too easy after attempting the fishing in Stardew Valley and getting it down pat. Stardew at least gives you crab pots, though, so I think they know fishing is a struggle. Once you get it, though, you get it, which leads to lots of money in your pocket.

What remains the same

Relationships are a big part of these games, including dating (if you want to, only if you want to) and marriage. You can get those heart levels up by giving gifts, talking to them often, or doing favors for them. Several characters need to be buttered up so you can do sidequests (mayor lewis' purple pants) or upgrade tools (Carol in the flower shop). Harvest Moon makes you become friends with the locals. You give gifts to them and they give you all of the side quests all of the time. Take them, do them, and reap the rewards of free items. 

Farming, fishing, and mining are all here. In fact, you need to do all of it to finish the village in Harvest Moon or the community center in Stardew Valley. You can buy stuff, but not all of it. The whole game begins with you farming for money with starter seeds. Then you get the pole from a character and can fish, which is where the real money is made. Seriously, sell fish. 

Cut scenes galore is normal for both, especially after big community quests. Don't forget that higher hearts mean more cutscenes that can ambush your time. Stardew at least lets you skip. You can learn more about the villagers at this moment. 

Courtesy of taigame.org

Health bars are a real concern (unless you have the cheat mod for both of these games to make you invincible). Eat and sleep for more energy. Check out the hot springs, too. When mining, make good food. You need it to make it farther down into the mines, which requires extra energy to find down ladders. In this way, Stardew has a harder and yet easier mining situation. Monsters aside, you at least have a better method of finding the exit down in Stardew. 

Conclusion

Both of these I highly recommend playing. Grab them both when the next Steam sale comes up. They are excellent games to own and play, especially if you like casual farming games. I know not everyone wants to farm via their laptop, but I do. My husband and I got them and were hopelessly addicted for at least a week or more. 

The ultimate answer is no, they aren't the same game. I think one took inspiration from the other, though. I do like the similarity to the Legend of Zelda games. This category of games is built for the people who probably loved Farmville way back when, as well as those that want to forget their troubles for a few hours after work. Try these out if you get the chance and feel you'd enjoy it. 

And.......if you feel so inclined, try out something else, like my book. I wrote this in college and have finally put it out into the world. I would greatly appreciate those that pick up a copy in paperback or ebook. Like it? Leave a review on amazon!  I can't do this without you, my faithful blog readers and friends. Click here to go straight to my Amazon book page. 

Review - Music Boxes

 Today I am posting my review of Music Boxes, a middle-grade suspense/thriller. I'm going to start with a synopsis, so you know what this is all about. I'm doing this review spoiler free, which means you only get to hear about the ending once you check out the book for yourself (please do, it is worth it). 

Courtesy of Pinterest

This book is about a ballet dancer named Lindsey, who has been uprooted by her family's move to New York. She runs into a woman offering classes only if she performs in the midnight shows. There is a sinister twist to this offer. Madame Destinee, the teacher offering the classes, calls students to her office who never come back. After they aren't seen again, a music box with their costume and face is seen on her shelf of music boxes. Lindsey must figure out what is going on before she becomes a music box herself. 

I give this five stars. Nothing bumped me out of the story. I read it in one shot. It took about three hours to read (give or take any distractions that find you). If you need a book to last one evening, pick this up and let it transport you into its world. I got lost in the storyline and hooked on the story after one chapter. It does have a Night Gallery-like plot with a creepier edge to it. No, it won't give you nightmares, but yes, it does leave you on the edge of your seat. I got a lot of emotions from this short novel, which indicates a good, compelling book. 

Going into detail on what I thought of the book will take three categories. I'll talk about the characters and plot, the foreshadowing and themes, and then the reading level. Let's dive in. 

character and plot line

The characters in the book have real emotions. Lindsey is dealing with the reality of being uprooted. Her parents are catering to her sister's needs since her sister Bridget has been enrolled in Julliard pre-college classes due to her violin talents. Lindsey wasn't even allowed to pack her ballet stuff because they had to make room for a music box that could have broken on the moving van. You can feel her dislike of the situation in the way she describes New York and talks about it in the first chapter. 

Dialogue between characters is organic, meaning it feels like a real person could say it in real life. Nothing in the words exchanged lacks emotion. You can feel the emotion spilling out between the words on the page. I can't say that about every book I read. 

Plot-wise, it is perfectly paced. It doesn't drag or go too fast. It doesn't feel like it takes forever to get to the good part. There isn't unnecessary fluff anywhere. It is linear and makes sense. The foreshadowing within the plot also gets woven in perfectly as the story goes on. 

foreshadowing and themes

The amount of foreshadowing in this novel is staggering, but it isn't too much. The foreshadowing of events and revealed truths are spread out all over the dialogue and images in the novel. A reader could put together what is coming or predict some events based on the evidence strewn through the book. It is consistent, every fact tying together in a flawless bow. Even if you didn't put together everything, there is a revealing scene to explain it all. 

Courtesy of Ohio

Apples are everywhere, for reasons I won't explain. It has to do with the ending. I'll say this, though; it is vital to notice the apples. It reveals an ending fact that I suspected as soon as I read the first half of the book. The other theme is jealousy, which runs from the beginning to the end. It's the core of the story itself. Lindsey is jealous of the attention her sister is getting. Madame Destinee is jealous of every dancer with talent (read the book, I won't explain this one). Jealousy is the reason that Lindsey gets taken into this situation in the first place. Lindsey has to combat her jealousy to defeat the evil going on. 

reading level and speed

Experienced readers could consume this book in one evening. It is written for upper elementary through middle school readers, but still appeals to me as an adult. That is a high compliment. For this reason, it is easy to read in one sitting. Only have half a day to read? Pick this one up. You won't regret it. 

The chapters are not super short, nor are they super long. They are just the right length. Twenty-one chapters is about the length of a cozy mystery, give or take one or two chapters. It never felt too long or too short. Someone had excellent judgment when deciding the chapter and book length. 

conclusion 

To make a long story short, I'll give the basic reasons to drop by your local bookstore for a copy. It isn't going to take you forever to read it. The foreshadowing is brilliant and the darker, creepier tone is good enough to be an episode of Night Gallery or Twilight Zone. The characters were amazing and I cared about them, to the point of deep emotion. Go check it out and you'll see. You'll be thinking about it for a few days after, too. It was that good. 

No, I didn't forget about my own book in writing this review. Clickhere to reach my amazon page. My first suspense novel Wrenville is available in paperback and kindle ebook form. Check it out!

Entitled

We like to make fun of entitled people on Youtube and social media worldwide. What does entitled mean? Let's discuss.

Courtesy of Odyssey

According to the dictionary entitled means one of two things. Either you believe you inherently deserve a privilege or special treatment or are legally told you are entitled to *fill in the blank*. Better Help says this: "an unrealistic, unmerited, or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others." Simply stated, you believe you should get special treatment and privileges, and you can be mistaken. 

A great example of entitlement is shown in Charlotte Dobre's Youtube channel, which constantly reacts to Reddit stories of entitled brides, grooms, and the general population. It is fun to watch, but you do need to remember real humans lived these out. We are sheep, ladies and gents. Social media will also blast these people (Karens, if you will) who do behave badly in front of store clerks, waitresses, and neighbors. In a way, society is punishing them for their off behavior and simultaneously making them a source of entertainment. Humans like to watch a good dumpster fire when it comes into view. I don't know how to feel about that, but yet again, I openly admitted to watching Charlotte Dobre's videos. 

Why Are They Entitled?

Good Question, and sometimes it comes down to getting everything they want all the time at home, only to come out into the real world and get smacked with a cold blast of reality. In this situation, they react by blowing up on other people around them. This blowup is what gets blasted on social media, including whole Reddit categories on entitlement. In other cases you'll see that someone didn't get enough of something at home, then will demand it from others. Overcompensating for the past is a way this entitlement happens, too. 

To be fair to those struggling with personality disorders, I'm going to mention that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) do exhibit these symptoms. These are people who have serious struggles affecting relationships and human interaction. I'm not going to say every "Karen" you see mistreating someone has a disorder. I also won't neglect to mention it here, lest anyone forget that invisible illnesses are real. 

The overall effect of lashing out when you don't get what you want can come from a place of insecurity. It ends up isolating those  "Karens" from the rest of society, which doesn't lead anyone down a stable mental path. In short, you lose friends for all those times you lash out. You need those. You can spiral without mental support. 

Overcoming Entitlement

You thought I was just going to roast the entitled? Nope, I'm not. If you find you are lashing out, losing friends, and feeling convicted by my research I have some advice for you - before you get blasted all over Reddit for a neighbor dispute or bridezilla incident. 

You need to remind yourself you are a unique individual and don't need to compare yourself to others. Take some time to write out goals with steps you're willing to take to get there. Remember that if you fall down get back up. Doing it yourself comes with the satisfaction you did it. Do it because it is the right thing, not for the reward in the end.  Lastly, put yourself in their shoes and try to see their point of view, and empathize. Better Help found at this link can be of service to you, should you need to overcome this. 

Very Well Mind has some advice, too. They suggest you recognize your sense of entitlement and squash it before you act on it. You are entitled to nothing and should learn the difference between a need and a want. Based on the situation, focus on what you can control and practice gratitude. Take a good, hard observation of how your entitlement has and could affect the people around you. Last and most importantly, be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, and only you can do that. They suggest you find a mental health professional to guide your journey into a balanced life. Want the whole article? Check it out here.

Traits of the entitled

The traits of entitled people aren't pretty. For instance, empathy goes out the window and they are the center of their world, expecting the world to owe them everything. They won't earn it themselves. 

Do you know someone who expects special favors? Maybe, maybe not, but the entitled in the world see nothing wrong with this. Even if they think they can skirt the rules because they don't apply to them. Even if they mistreat serving staff and waiters who are just trying to get through the shift. These are the humans demanding freebies and not wanting to pay for art. 

Thinking you are a million dollars of fabulous and should have a great life, with no effort made on your part, is a delusion. This is when you see some influencers elevating themselves above others. You do need to make an effort to make your life better. You can't just let others do all the work for you. 

Flaunting power, influence, and money is a toxic trait. Not everyone has to bend over backward to make the life of an entitled human easier. We don't all have to do something for someone because of their power and influence. I'd go so far as to say we need to stand up to those who bully others with their money and power. Let them fall down on their butt and build themselves back up. If you floated on the backs of others to get somewhere, then do nothing for the others who got you there it is not something to brag about. 

Gratitude is a virtue much appreciated. Entitled people generally don't have it. Saying thank you is a skill lost to them. Tipping? Nope. When they do lose it, though, they'll be sad they didn't say thanks. The fact of the matter with the entitled is they are the most important thing in their own mind. This is why they care not whether you need time to work out personal issues. The empathy is not there. Entitled individuals will act this way across the board, most of the time. 

Victim mentality is what Charlotte Dobre often references when looking at the stories of the entitled, which is truly sad. The delusion they are the victim when you won't give them what they demand is real. She's hit the nail on the head. They aren't taking responsibility for their own lives, instead expecting everyone to carry them through life. They seem to need constant praise, too, which explains some entitled influencers' behaviors. The truth behind that is a massive amount of secret insecurity, which they may need to seek help about, but often don't. 

The focus on self-image is common with the entitled, who wear a metaphorical mask constantly. They are likely to experience chronic disappointment, expectations unmet, and a cycle of behavior that puts them in social and psychological harm on a daily basis. It is harmful to be like this. Seek help, for your sake and ours. 

Children and Entitlement

We see this in kids first. Where? Let me show you. If you've seen a toddler wanting candy at a store and having a meltdown, you've seen it. Blaming a teacher for a bad grade is also a good example. Being uncomfortable with frustration, like complaining you didn't get what you want, is a sign. Expecting something you feel you have a right to is another example. 

Can parents cause this toxic trait? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Maybe it is a disorder in specific cases. Parenting is hard. All the same, doing what is stated below may encourage this in children - who grow into adults. 

1. Being your child's friend is not the job of the parent. "Because I said so" is a valid answer to why they have to do something. You are not their peer; you are their parent (or legal guardian). When you behave as a peer it encourages them to be entitled. Saying "Bath time in five minutes" will still give a child time to transition to another task, as opposed to "Do you want a bath?". Wording matters and you can word things in a way that says you - the parent - are in charge. "We leave for school in five minutes" is one positive example of such wording. Adult children are their own entity and can be your friend and child, but barring that situation you need to establish you are making the decisions. 

2. Equal say in decisions can encourage entitlement, too. Again, you make the decisions because the child has not developed fully. Can they say their thoughts on the decision or matter? Sure, they can, but you make the final decision and your say goes. I don't advocate not listening to your child, because I know that later they talk to you more if you listen to them speak, but doing everything they want you to do tells them they are the center of the universe. They are not. Don't allow them to think they are. 

3. Bribing is a tactic that rewards bad behavior. Reward and bribe aren't defined the same. A bribe rewards bad behavior, while a reward is an incentive toward good behavior. For instance, Stillwell runs all over the bus causing chaos during the movie A League of Their Own, and gets a candy bar as bribery to behave and stop being chaos. In comparison, my mother-in-law homeschooled both her children and offered the incentive of money when they turned in homework - a reward for good behavior. Simplified down to one statement, it is this; reward the behavior you want to encourage. 

4. Remember the participation trophies nobody worked for? You showed up and got rewarded for it. While this may be a good thing for those who tried and didn't win the league, many didn't do anything except show up and stand in the outfield or soccer field. You notice that goes away as the ages rise, and for good reason. You earn rewards for doing more than showing up in the real world. It is highly debated whether participants should get a trophy for simply entering the building. 

5. Saying no is vital to parenting. No means you can make a child upset, but wouldn't you rather they learn not to run into traffic? The spoiled ones who get all they ever wanted and more take this for granted all the time later in life. They learn their parents are genies or ATMs. You are the parent. Say no when you need to say no. You are the authority figure and they need to learn the world will sometimes say no. 

6. Modeling good behavior is also vital. What you do speaks louder than what you say and tell them to do. If you model that you can bully someone into getting what you want, they'll do likewise. Entitled behavior gets modeled to a child and they will mimic that. They repeat TV shows and movies, so why wouldn't they look to you for how to behave in society? Your child is not fully developed. They will pick up on what you do and say. Cussing? They'll repeat it. Entitlement? They'll show you what you look like. If you see they are mimicking you and you hate how it looks, change. You can control you. 

Teaching Kids Resilience

Above all, teach your kids resilience (capacity to deal with diversity) because if they can't deal with challenges they'll find ways to cope that aren't positive. 

What can you do to help them build better lives? Below we explore that. 

1. Responsibility and accountability are major. You can give kids chores as early as age 3, according to science. Make it clear they are accountable for their actions. This can mean caring for a pet, doing dishes, or even just setting the table. Little tasks are still chores. Later you can teach them cooking and mowing, but once they are of age. 

2. Resilience can be taught by making a child ride out a situation (as long as it is not an abusive one). My parents made me stick to T-Ball, which was fun but not so fun I'd sign up for coach pitch. Making them finish homework and do their responsibilities despite that new video game release can teach this, too. Life doesn't always line up perfectly. Teach them doing what they don't want to is part of life, at times. Kids who find the working world "doesn't care if they want to" get a rude awakening when not taught resiliency. 

3. Teach a child to write thank you cards and say thank you. Gratitude taught is a skill that sticks with you. You'll notice those with low income are especially thankful for little things. Even without being low-income, you can be thankful for all God gave you. Gratitude goes a long way in people skills. 

4. Service projects are great opportunities. Growing up in a church? Go volunteer for that mission trip or family service project they talked up Sunday morning. Even going to help with a one-day church event as a prayer warrior or set-up person is a service opportunity. Your kids see you modeling this or go on that mission trip to find that it holds a high mental reward. They see someone's eyes light up at their new floor, painted bathroom, or hot water plumbing. It goes a long way. 

5. Own up to your mistakes as a parent. We are all humans raising humans. Why else is society so wonky? The least we can do is raise our kids to be honest, humble human beings. Modeling this is going to do even more than you think. I have respect for my parents for this reason. It means they were real with me. They apologized when they made a mistake. Be real with your kids and they will thank you later in life. In fact, they may stick around and tell you more about their lives in the long run. 

6. Simple conversations about wants versus needs, working hard, self-control, focusing on what you can do, and the reality of privilege is vital. You can model it, but talk about it, too. When your words match your actions you'll make a massive impact. Please talk to your kids. Be open to life's questions. They need our help. In fact, we all need help. If we didn't, Jesus wouldn't have come to us. Society is in serious trouble and has been for centuries. 

Like my writing? I wrote a book! Find my book at this link.

Sources:

Entitled Children: Strategies for Improving Behavior | Pepperdine Online California

What Is a Sense of Entitlement? (verywellmind.com)

The Psychology Behind Sense Of Entitlement (betterhelp.com)

Wait, that's their natural voice?!

Today I want to lighten the mood and talk about four actors' voices. I'm speaking of the voices of Piglet, Frosty the Snowman, KITT the car, and Yzma. The actors voicing these characters are using their natural voices. 

Courtesy of Eric Juneau Books

Today's blog isn't complicated. I needed something quick to write up and thought this was rather fascinating. It still breaks my brain to hear the voice of KITT outside of the TV show Knight Rider. Without much introduction, I'm diving in. 

KITT

Anyone who isn't familiar with KITT the car never watched Knight Rider, or at least didn't watch more than two seconds of the show. The voice of the car is William Daniels, also known for TV shows Boy Meets World and St. Elsewhere. He's voiced KITT even up to the year 2020, according to IMDB. The video below is Michael Knight/Long being introduced to KITT in an unexpected twist. 

Does that voice sound synthesized to you? It did to me too, but let me show you a clip from Boy Meets World and break your brain. Listen carefully.

Yzma

Watching Emperor's New Groove is a brainless, yet fun experience. Yzma is voiced by Eartha Kitt, who is known for playing Catwoman and being a singer. She had a rough life. I don't mean that she had a hard time rising to fame, either. No, she was given away by her mother and treated horribly. She danced her way out of poverty. She wasn't treated well in her younger years. Let me direct you to a video by Kaz Rowe, where she goes into great detail on the awful experiences Eartha Kitt went through. Click here if you want more information on Eartha Kitt.

Right now I'm moving on to the main topic, her voice. Below is a clip from Emperor's New Groove. She is known for her distinct voice.  

I had a hard time deciding what clip to put in of her speaking naturally. I decided that I'd put in a compilation of Catwoman and let you listen. Though the purring is added for the character, the rest of it is purrrfectly genuine. 

Piglet

Winnie the Pooh is a classic. I loved it as a kid and it is still wonderful. The movie Christopher Robin is just as good. What you may not know is Piglet's voice (up to the year 2005) is the natural voice of John Fiedler. The man is no longer living to voice Piglet and others have taken over since the year 2005. Do you want to hear the original voice? Let me show you. Keep in mind you've heard him as more than Piglet. He voiced the man who threw off Cuzco's groove, was in a Columbo episode, and voiced a porcupine in The Fox and The Hound. While he was mostly Piglet, he also acted in other films.

Alright, you know the pattern by now. I'm going to show you a video of the man speaking in person. You can't mistake which one John Fiedler is. 

Frosty the Snowman

My husband watched a Night Gallery and found the voice of Frosty. He couldn't quite place the voice, but he knew it for sure. Then he looked up the actor and discovered why it was so darn familiar. Jackie Vernon voiced Frosty the Snowman. He voiced the specific episode of "make me laugh" in Night Gallery, in case you were going to search for it later. You know I'm going to put a clip of Frosty to be sure you know the voiceprint, yet I'm sure I don't have to. 

Night Gallery is not something my brain needs to latch onto, so I'm not going to post the segment here. I'm going to have his standup, instead. 

Conclusion

While I can think of three more, I'll save those for another day. Not every voice actor can use their natural voices for roles, but these did. 

Oh, and I can't forget to tell you about my book, Wrenville, available on Amazon. Click here for a Kindle or paperback copy.

Inappropriate Comments - How To Respond

 When you encounter someone who makes an uncomfortable, rude, or off comment it isn't uncommon to not know what to do. I dug into the research for you. We shall now dive into what an inappropriate comment is and what to do about it. 

Courtesy of Evening Standard

We all put our foot in our mouths, but I'm not talking about accidental insensitivities. I'm talking about the "do you hear yourself?" and "who didn't install a filter in this human?" level of uncomfortable. There are three scenarios to consider. The three categories are when you can leave the room, when you don't want to leave the room but are highly uncomfortable, and when you can't leave the room. All require different strategies. 

But first, we define inappropriate. This is harder than you think. It depends on your relationship with someone, what your culture deems appropriate, and your friendship status. What you can and can't say to someone is determined by how relationally close you are. Again, I am talking about more than accidentally putting your foot in your mouth; the level of inappropriate I'm referencing is when one decides to speak something deliberately. Examples of inappropriate comments include cat-calling at strange women or men, commenting on someone's body or response in a mean or lustful way, or being utterly insensitive with no sign of stopping. 

Please try to work out issues with people. Speak up and they may stop. Or not, then you get support from others and go from there. Foot in the mouth is one thing, but one who won't stop being inappropriate is another ball game. Don't invalidate your own gut instinct. Take a moment to think about why the comment upset you. Anger is a secondary emotion.

You should be aware of two things; you are not responsible for correcting their behavior and despite consequences, speak up. When you speak use "I" statements and explain, rather than accusing someone (just in case they did put their foot in their own mouth on accident). It can be helpful to make them explain their joke or ask them to repeat themselves. 

When you can leave the room - Situation One

Well, ladies and gents, this is the ideal situation. When you can leave the room it is a great idea to do so. This can prevent you from blowing up on the person in question, relieving you of accidentally losing control of your tongue. You can take a deep breath while outside the event until they leave. 

I am assuming this scenario allows you to leave the event, but if it doesn't you can at least take a long moment for yourself while you leave the direct presence of the filter-less, inappropriate human you least like. Stepping outside or leaving the event can directly take you out of the situation at hand. This is the ideal situation and it doesn't happen often. It is your choice to exit stage left, should you decide to. 

When you can't leave the room - Situation Two

I can't express how uncomfortable this is. The location of this scenario could be working directly with someone for a whole shift or day, sitting in a classroom or mandatory social outing, or any scenario where who you sit with is not your choice to make. Taming the tongue at this point in time is not so easy. You can try to work this out and I suggest you do so, if at all possible. I'm going to continue as if you can't, but do try to work out the issue whenever possible. It'll eliminate most of the tension if not all. 

You need to evaluate whether talking to a human in charge is needed (unless you are in charge, then you act). You start by processing your emotions. Stop and clear your head. Consider what they said and decide what to do. Assuming they had good intentions, were actually joking, or just didn't know you had a sensitive situation you can talk to them privately. Should you find out they weren't joking or didn't have good intentions, that's another story. Tell another human what happened, preferably one who can change your seating arrangement or keep the person in line with their authority. Sometimes you have to tolerate their presence and keep an authority figure updated. Other times you'll get lucky and get to change lockers or shifts. 

Courtesy of Pinterest

The type that tends to make life extremely uncomfortable is rarely going to see subtle cues. It might take "you touch me and you lose your hand" to drive the point home. There are ways to deflect comments, however, anyone in danger should not be subtle. Get to a safe place when unsafe and, as stated above, tell someone. Get help and support. The advice below comes from a female pastor who states these are for verbal situations, not physical:

Believe it or not, laughter is a weapon - but only when it is a loud victory guffaw. It says "I'm not afraid of you and I won't keep it a secret". To quote Carol Howard Merritt, 

"Use it when someone is trying to take away your power. You can even grab the person next to you, and say loudly, "Did you hear what he just said?" Then say something like, "How awkward was that?" Or, "Can you imagine saying that to your pastor?"

Another weapon in your arsenal is ignoring someone until they actually use your name. "That's not my name" is a valid response. When in danger, don't do this. Only fools ignore a situation that could get them hurt.

When you must speak, make sure you practiced in your head. No joke, rehearse your lines in case you have to defend yourself. Taking the power out of harassment is partly taking the shock moment out of it. As alarm bells go off in your head and the odd behavior seems suspect, prepare yourself to get help and respond. Friends can also be a good alarm bell and aid you in spotting a threat. You need friends who trust you, too, so make sure you can trust those friends when your head alarm is ringing. Try to be in a room of witnesses. The more people who hear it, the better. 

Are you angry? There's the alarm bell. Use that in your defense. Power comes in anger, too. Don't downplay an inappropriate situation. You are allowed to express anger.

Body language says more than we can verbally. So, you should turn your back on someone and pivot yourself. When you can't remove yourself you can't physically pivot away, yet you can give someone the cold shoulder. You can also refuse to share information. Who said they need to know anything about you? Say you are uncomfortable out loud with a strong vocal tone. 

When you think you need to be around a large group, do it. Go find a large group of people, so it can deter or expose the person harassing you. 

When you don't want to leave, but can leave

I paid to go to a convention at the Palace theatre. Dressed in a Christmas red dress as Charlotte Thornton, I went in alone. I soon spoke to people in a friendly way and picked up a tail, a man with interest in me. He decided to follow me around. I suspect he was not hostile, just special needs, but I didn't appreciate him following me in that small, crowded theatre. This scenario is what you call an internal conflict. I paid to come in here and see two movies while in cosplay. Why would I leave? Yet, I don't like that I got tailed half the convention. I don't go alone to conventions anymore, never again. 

Another scenario? Basketball is fun. Our casual basketball game during the week is the highlight of my Wednesday, just like my prayer meeting that morning. When someone comes in and makes a safe space suddenly unsafe I'm understandably upset. Yet, I didn't leave. No, I stayed and played game after game. You can't chase me away from my mid-week basketball experience. I packed a bag for it and intend to play every Wednesday I can. 

These are both real scenarios. Weighing the pros and cons of stepping out and staying in is vital here. Let me outline when it is not safe to stay. I was not in physical peril in those situations. I was merely annoyed and angry, as opposed to being in direct danger of being harmed. Below is a list of questions. If the answer is yes, you leave. When assaulted you obviously yell for help and call 911. 

1. Are they touching you?

2. Are they aggressive toward you? 

3. Are you in danger of sexual assault (basically, are you being attacked)?

4. Are you alone with someone your guts says you shouldn't be alone with?

5. Do you desperately want to leave the situation? 

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Conclusion

Be safe out there. To be clear, a foot in the mouth is one thing and a deliberate inappropriate comment is another. When in direct danger of assault do not ever stay if you can leave. You can defend yourself, ladies and gents, so please do. Don't be afraid to ask for support from friends, whom you should be able to trust. Your mental alarms are not to be ignored. 

Looking for a good book to read? Check out Wrenville on Amazon! I wrote it and released it in January of 2023. I just did a book signing for it, too. I hope you were able to join me, but if not I will be occasionally doing book signings at various libraries in the future. 

Want the book? Click here to reach the Amazon page. It is available in Kindle and Paperback. If you liked it leave a review. 

Sources:

How to Respond to Rude or Inappropriate Comments - Long Story Short (meganandwendy.com)

How to Handle Insensitive Comments | Psychology Today

Inappropriate Comments: How to Handle Them with Authority and Grace (2go.com)

Dealing with inappropriate comments | The Christian Century

How To Identify and Address Inappropriate Comments at Work | Indeed.com

Do Animals See Ghosts?

 Do animals have ghosts and see them? Here are some stories I have found that may indicate this. While I may not believe every story here or any of them at all, I thought it was at least an interesting topic to dive into. Easily scared people need not read this.

Courtesy of Rover.com

So, given I have seen cat movement after Big Boy's death (the second to last cat we owned), my mom heard a meow after the death of Emmett (the last cat we owned), and I have seen cat shapes in the house often after the death of Whitesocks (the first cat my family owned when I was a kid) I don't entirely disbelieve some of these stories. I don't know what awaits animal souls after death. I also don't believe making contact with ghosts or supernatural entities that might be demons is a sane idea. Don't make an alter to your cat, dog, horse, hedgehog, fish, rabbit, or any other pet that you might have had. Once they cross the rainbow bridge you can go find them in Heaven after you die, but barring that I don't think seeking them out is a good idea. You can put a memorial stone in your garden, by all means, and keep their ashes to your heart's content. Just don't try to contact the dead, ever. There is a reason you aren't supposed to. If you are, please stop. This has been a courtesy message of warning. Now you can read all the ghost stories. 

As for my research, take it with a grain of salt; in other words, I am not going to claim it to be all true and reliable. Why? We can't prove what animals can and can't see. My sweet Whodunit (my turtle), nor any of the animals that I have loved, can speak words. Do I believe they see what we don't? Yes, but why and what they see can't be proven by anyone except God, so I'll ask God when I get to Heaven, or not since most of the supernatural includes what we maybe don't want to know or see. Be warned and don't take all the research I found as complete truth. We'll never know for sure what they see. 

Pets Seeing Ghosts

Again, don't take this as fact. There are people who believe this to be true. A security dog at Molly Stark (during a change in security systems) would bark down the hall or sit at attention during the three-day patrol. Pets on Roosevelt Island (Blackwell Island formerly) are known to not go down certain stairways and bark at air on occasion in the apartment that used to be a part of the Blackwell Asylum. Both spaces have security guards and law enforcement confirming a haunting (and law enforcement doesn't jump to that conclusion on a whim!). 

Coutesy of  The Spruce Pets

Evidence, you ask? Yes, let's look. Owners have reported pets following invisible something and in specific areas. There is another piece of evidence that goes beyond this, which is growling and making noises at something you can't see (again, could be a mouse or squirrel in your wall or the frequency of some TV or device you can't hear, so don't jump too fast to the conclusion your pet is seeing stuff). Not real conclusive if you can't sense energy there and it only happens once. If it happens in the exact same place all the time - MOVE and have someone pray over your house. Haunted houses are no joke. 

Is your cat ignoring you so it can spend time with a ghost? Some people believe it. Getting the sense your cat is more intrigued by an invisible force you can't see is reported, too. Distracted kitty may be seeing something. Cases where one's cats were playing with an invisible cat have been reported. 

Our eyesight does not include ultraviolet light. Did you know that? I didn't. It is theorized that dogs and cats can see ultraviolet and have better night vision. It is possible ghosts and spirits show up in a lighting scheme only our pets can actually see. 

Ghost Stories

I talked about animals seeing ghosts, but can they be ghosts? Maybe. I'm going to link my source of ghost stories here. If you would like to scare yourself silly tonight, go ahead and read these. I already did and don't feel like rehashing them because I want to sleep.  

Animal Ghosts - Evidence of Animal Afterlife

Grief Hallucinations

I hate to tell you that your ghost of a loved one may be a hallucination, but it could be. Me seeing the shadows of a cat around my childhood home and my mom hearing the meow of our last cat the day after his death could be expressions of our grief. Our brains log every sound and image we encounter. It isn't impossible to understand how this combined with grief could lead to seeing our loved ones appear before us. 

It is shockingly common to see this type of grief happen. Yet, we don't talk about it. We think we're seeing ghosts or we're losing it. We're not; losing someone is hard, pet or human. Usually, this fades as our grief lessens and we move on. If we never move on it may never fade, but I wouldn't encourage your brain to keep the illusion coming. You do need to heal. Grieve in a healthy way. 

Don't forget! I'll be at the Carroll County District Library on March 11th to sign my suspense novel Wrenville. You can buy my book at my Amazon page on ebook or in physical form or at my table on March 11th. For more information on the book signing click here.

Sources:

The allure of Molly Stark: History and ghosts (cantonrep.com)

Molly Stark haunted? Visitors to former tuberculosis clinic say they have witnessed strange, unexplainable happenings (cantonrep.com)

Can Children And Animals See Ghostly Spirits? - Ask Mystic Investigations

Animals and the Paranormal: Can Dogs See Ghosts? (liveabout.com)

Can Dogs And Cats See Ghosts? - Stranger Dimensions

Roosevelt Island’s rich and frightening history  – New York Daily News (nydailynews.com)

The Madness of Roosevelt Island - NY Ghosts

I lived in a former insane asylum on Roosevelt Island (brickunderground.com)

Ghost Stories: Visits from the Deceased - Scientific American