Extroverts that just don't understand (after you tried)

 Every introverted soul has had to deal with someone who, no matter how much you tried, won't understand your introverted nature. Today you and I can look into how to cope with the extroverts who just don't get it. 

This is directed toward extroverted natures to whom you tried to explain this to. Extroverts are humans just like us. Assume from here on out that we refer to people who are confused by your nature or just plain don't understand despite your attempts. If you are an extrovert reading this you are on the right track to understanding your fellow humans. I applaud you.

There are two types of people that I will reference. Person 1 is the human you love, for reasons of family or friendship. Person 2 is a stranger or acquaintance that isn't emotionally attached to you. You treat these people with respect as much as possible, both 1 and 2, but person 2 is someone you don't have to deal with repercussions of much if they get mad because they think you're being rude. Person 2 is also easier-ish to dodge. 

There are also two situations that are referenced. The first situation is when you have the option to walk out of the room. The second is when you can't leave. When the first comes along you have a gift from God and you should take it with a thank you while making your quick exit. Situation two is when you work with someone, carpooled, have to keep up good relations socially with someone......etc. So, social traps. 

I am not referencing children here, in case anyone was looking for that. I can do that in other blogs. I just don't refer to children today. Also, I don't advocate avoiding all social contact - just make sure you take care of yourself.

Our Introvert Zones

When you enter our spaces for privacy, you see a look on someone's face that tells you to get out or that they are mildly annoyed. Some extroverted souls don't get it and even seem to not see this expression on your face. They intend well and interrupt your flow or alone time with no clue that they did so. Depending on who they are and how often they do so, there are several things to consider. 

Option 1 - Make it clear that you are busy in some way. Do something, anything, to make them believe you are always busy in that space and can't be disturbed. 

Option 2 - Find another space to introvert and destress in. Seriously, change up privacy zones. If you need to, rotate zones. Make it hard to find you when you need alone time. They can't find you and they can't interrupt you. 

Option 3 - Keep an eye out for them before you enter your space. Be vigilant. If they are around, take up option 2 and if not, do your normal thing. 

Above all, give grace. They might not have a sense of your personal zones, that's true, but if you love them or at least acknowledge them as loved by God they should be respected. 

Too Much Conversation

We all know that being trapped in conversation is the worst thing for anyone to be, especially on low social battery. There are several options here that might appeal to you, but some need a friend attached. 

Option 1 - If unable to leave the party, pull out an ebook and discover the quietest room. Tell your ride to text you when they are ready to leave (if carpooling). Physical books are good, too, but phones are better. Why? Because many humans take books in physical form as a conversation starter. Phones are not taken as those, for whatever reason. You blend in staring at a phone.

Option 2 - Have a friend rescue you. Let them give you an excuse to leave the conversation or party entirely. This requires help. Have this arranged ahead of time. Make cues or have them text you. 

Option 3 - If you need to fake a phone call or text make sure the person won't peek at your phone to read it. Be careful on this one. If you say you need to go home and do laundry, literally go do laundry. If you do what you say you will, they won't have a reason to be upset. Don't lie to anyone.

Option 4 - Read the other human's patterns and see how long they can talk before they run out of words. If they are the endless conversationalists who don't get subtle hints you might be in trouble and need a rescuer. Waiting long enough may give you an escape route and you can recover once they wear themselves out. It depends entirely on the human you are with. Observe patterns as you see them around.

"I said no!"

The most oblivious extroverts will insist that you need social contact and try to force you out in social settings on their terms, all intending well. Often this ends the same way it does for Dr. McCoy in Star Trek. McCoy says no multiple times and still ends up on alien planets because Captain Kirk ignores him, while McCoy complains the whole time. That can happen to you just as easily. While I make no guarantees, here are some ways to potentially avoid the alien planets. 

Option 1 -  Tell them you have plans already and can't make it. Whatever your plans are, make them happen so they can't catch you lying. Don't lie, just do what you said you would. If you need to go visit your grandmother and surprise her with flowers or study hard for finals week to get out of the social engagement do it. 

Option 2 - Tell them straight that you don't want to come. Say it firmly enough and you might actually get through to them. 

Option 3 - If you need support do option 2 with a few friends and have your friends that you like go out with you. This means you socialize on your terms, and if you don't live with the human trying to force you into their plans, you can literally go back to your house and chill with your closest friends. Win-win! 

Option 4 - Don't start a conversation with someone you know will try to drag you out while your battery is on low. It is shockingly simple, but I'm saying it. You spare everyone's feelings if you don't present yourself to talk to in the first place. Talk to people when you have the social energy to do so. You're in a better mood that way, anyway. 

If you can be respectful in this, do so, but I will say this; offending someone who is clearly not respecting your boundaries is okay to do, as long you don't harm them. A strong relationship should come with respect and they should learn after a while, even if they don't understand your introverted tendencies. People who can't respect your boundaries to the point of trying to manipulate you are toxic - cut them off. 

The connotation of the event above is that you don't have the energy or will to go at all. Please do have some social life balanced with your alone time. Even extroverts have some time alone (just shorter periods of time). 

Required Events

Work or commitments you made while in a good mood can come back to exhaust you. School events you have to go to (networking events in person, debates....etc.) are not made for introverted people. Most schools, as I have said often, are formulated for extroverts because our world is based on extroverted tendencies. There may be a few random societies that are introvert-based, but that isn't common. Try this when you have to go somewhere for work or school.

Option 1 - You are not alone! Find the human that is just as uncomfortable as you are and bond with them. The coping mechanism goes both ways. You help them, then they do the same for you. Suffer together. Make a new introverted friend. 

Option 2 - I said read an e-book before. If you can do this here, as well, go for it. 

Option 3 - Do you have to be on time? If not, come late. Do you have to stay the whole time? Leave early. Why not both, should you be able to get away with it. There is less social draining and you still fulfilled the requirement. Way to go!

Option 4 - Decide what is worth your time. If there is no penalty for not going stay home or find a reason to not be available for the event. What is worth your time is super important or has a penalty for not being there (work-related events do).

Option 5 - Weirdly, if you set a goal of what to do at a party you might not be so miserable. Your goals can be to eat snacks and greet two specific coworkers and then leave. Still, you came. 

Option 6 - Bookending is ideal. Create time to recharge before your event and then after the event. You might actually enjoy yourself if you have a full social battery. Paired with option 5 this is a good tactic.

Please be there for other friends and family. Person 1 humans (close people) are not to be ignored. Go to their parties and support them. You need human contact to some degree. Keep a select group of friends for your social needs and you will do well. 

Roommates

Here is where this gets messy. Extroverted roommates are not easy to deal with when they clearly don't understand you. In this situation, you have tried to explain and have gotten nowhere. This can go for family members in the same household, too. I did some research and found this advice.

Option 1 - Discover when they are not home and use that time for your recharging. Figure out how long they remain out for the day or night, too, and you won't often be interrupted. You might even be energized when they get home.

Option 2 - Put on the headphones and look busy. This is magic. They will leave you alone. 

Option 3 - Pick a room to look busy in while you do option 2, should they bring friends over too often. 

Option 4 - Create house rules that allow you alone time, such as the rule that you must knock and ask for entrance to a bedroom. You can also dictate what times people can be at the house or dorm room. This understanding may not help them understand why you want to be alone, but it leaves you space to recharge so that you can be energized for them. I can't emphasize this enough - try to understand how they tick. Be considerate toward your roommate. If one or both of you are truly going insane move. 

A word of caution

Again, be respectful. God values every individual and you should, too, even if they prove to be the most draining person on earth. Extroverted or introverted we are all human. Try to explain your nature. If you can't, this stuff can help you cope. Please pick roommates and friends carefully. This helps you not need the advice above. 

The difference between "toxic" and "misunderstanding your nature" is a fine line, but let me try to explain. Toxic doesn't come with a label of introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. Toxic people are just plain mean, manipulative, or nasty. Disrespect to you on a consistent basis is a huge tipoff. Run. Cut them off. It is okay to do that. They can eat at someone else's table, just not yours, and they will be fine. 

Photos:

Our Mindful Life

Septima Lupus

Meme

Happier Human

the Chive

Sources:

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-survive-a-party-or-social-gathering-as-an-introv-1619955860

https://www.truity.com/blog/survival-guide-introverts-who-live-extroverts-and-vice-versa

https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-guide-dealing-roommates/

https://mmusingsblog.com/2018/01/22/the-toxicity-of-introvert-culture/

Introvert coping mechanisms

 Introverts are dealing with an extroverted world, so naturally, we have to develop coping mechanisms. Let's dig into that. 

If you don't believe me, look at reality TV shows and the way schools are run. The loudest of causes are the heard causes. You can imagine how introverts of quieter nature find that hard to deal with. Being forced to learn extroverted traits because introversion ("shyness") is treated as an illness gets old, fast. 

We can act like an extrovert, however, it gets too exhausting to keep up the charade. Our coping mechanisms are the way we deal with our extroverted, overwhelming, loud world. Somehow the world can ask us why we're so quiet and we can't ask why they are so loud. 

The difference between the extrovert and introvert can be explored and explained more in the blog link here:click here!

The best thing that an extrovert can do is learn more about the introvert-kind and not try to change us into extroverts. You are in the right place for that. I also suggest Introvert Dear, if you want more information on introverts of many types. 

How We Cope In Healthy Ways

A good way to cope is to let the extrovert do the talking, without bothering to keep up. While eye contact can be hard for us, making it with passing people is a nice gesture, so some do. We tend to find extroverted friends and travel around the party with this person. Going to parties of people we know is a tactic that seems to work out socially, as well. Not coming to a party is always an option. We may come early and leave early, driving ourselves so we're not trapped. Driving ourselves guarantees we can leave when we want, freedom that aids us when our social batteries are dying. 

If you know someone well enough you can be straight with them and tell them you are socially exhausted. This only works with close friends. Others will likely find this rude, sadly, so make the friend first before attempting. If they clearly don't understand this, introverts would be wise to limit time with this individual and have a friend give them an exit excuse. Friends are great ways to make an escape without appearing rude. Any reason to leave is wonderful. Read the room and you will start to identify who will understand and who won't. Choose your close friends wisely. 

Bringing a book to the party is a thing that makes us look antisocial, but yet, it makes our world so much easier to deal with. What gets annoying is when it gets taken as a sign to strike up a conversation by other party-goers. Similarly, we also befriend the animals of the house at parties. This is always, always acceptable. The animals, if good-natured, are your friends.

Learn about yourself. Understanding what overwhelms and overstimulates you as an individual helps you find social environments that you can handle. If you are sensitive to loud noises and voices you can avoid those triggers, most of the time. Not going to places that overwhelm you is a good strategy. Learn your limits and leave before your stress levels reach the ceiling or your social battery hits the negatives. Friends can give you an excuse to leave if you have a cue system in place. Any friends who understand can be of aid and will likely do a lot for you. My fiance is that person for me when a large group and loud noises are too much and I'm showing stress signals.

Negative Ways to Cope

Some people talk too much to compensate for their social anxiety. That doesn't mean everyone has social anxiety and introverted traits together, but it is a mechanism. The unfortunate thing here is that once one gets comfortable the chatter ends and an extrovert gets confused by the quieter side of us.  

When stressed in social situations, we tend to get a bit short in response. While I will try to curb that, it still doesn't come across well when in a work situation or an "impressing someone" situation. That is a neon sign for social exhaustion. We might snap at someone if pushed too far into the negative digits on our social batteries. This is when it is better to excuse yourself than to stay. 

Trying to ignore someone is considered quite antisocial and goes over badly often. You appear cold and mean to do this. If you cannot handle someone it is perfectly acceptable to leave the room instead if allowed. If you can't leave a room appear busy and wear some headphones, at the very least. All that said, clear communication to someone who understands is far better than ignoring the presence of another human. If you can't handle a conversation with them just don't draw attention to yourself. I know some people force themselves into your space and conversations. Just acknowledge them as people before you scheme your way out. 

Avoiding social interaction at all costs is natural to some of us, especially when it requires social energy from us and our tank is empty. This is probably dangerous to some of the more reclusive types of introverts. We do need social interaction at lower levels. We do need love and touch. Reclusive types are prone to depression. No social network at all makes complete reclusion something to avoid. Note that reclusion is having almost no social contact with anyone, not a small group of loyal friends. There is a difference. Having a few close friends is perfectly okay. Your tribe can be three people or six; either way, you are not reclusive if you have a tribe. 

Not responding to texts, calls, and messaging is so, so common. We sometimes don't have the energy. Unfortunately, we do need to be contactable for work, friends, and especially if you are part of a large event or party. I am guilty of letting my phone die and then getting a million messages afterward. Because of this blog, I keep an eye on my messages online, but my cellphone? It usually just gets in my way. Reclusive tendencies in introverts make it hard to reach out to them for much of anything. While there are times that it is okay to turn off your phone and devices to recharge, constantly being unreachable is probably not a good thing. Note that constant is when someone doesn't answer anything for long periods of time.

When Bad Coping Skills Happen

The thing about the negative coping skills listed is this; those are stress reactions and happen when we need time away from humanity to recover. I, personally, start to smile and nod, speak shortly, and cue and hint with my eyes toward my fiance. I might try to silently cry out for us to leave the party by hanging on his arm. If I came by myself I will leave. 

The real problem is when we can't leave or are required to do something that makes us exhibit these. Exhausting us by social standards that push us to the negative digits of our social batteries is not society's best moment. This depends entirely on where you are and who you are with. Some groups will understand your battery life more than others. Good coping mechanisms are practiced and require some balance of social and private time to work well. Fellow introverts, take a few moments a week to chill. Take that time to balance yourselves and you will thank yourselves for it. Don't let anyone judge you for needing space and quiet time. 

Pictures:

Slide Shares

Story Behind The Cloth

Pinterest

Ranker

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201302/7-success-tips-introverts

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/nine-signs-you-re-really-introvert

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-introverts

https://www.payscale.com/career-news/2017/07/workplace-coping-mechanisms-introverts

https://dickmillet.medium.com/introversion-anxiety-and-coping-mechanisms-cc3125872406

http://mechanicsofwhy.com/problems/others/coping-as-an-introvert-in-an-extrovert-world/#:~:text=Once%20again%2C%20the%20primary%20way,behave%20in%20an%20extrovert%20way.

Agatha Christie's Life

Agatha Christie is a genius of a woman. She created complex, realistic characters capable of murder, suicide, justice, and hope. Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple are, to this day, known to most mystery readers. Today we dive into her book themes, her life, and that one time she disappeared.

Christie was born in 1890 - yes, that long ago - and wrote 66 detective novels, 14 short story collections, and a lot of plays. She wrote under the name Mary Westmacott, as well. She learned to read at age 5 - by herself. The pharmacy education she had gave her a good handle on what drugs can do to someone. She was married twice, divorced once. She is a Dame (female equivalent of knighting and becoming a Sir).

The disappearance

When she found out her husband was cheating on her she became a bit unhinged. Early in December she left her daughter in the care of the housekeeper and took off without telling anyone where she was going. Her car was abandoned miles away beside a lake. The search went as far as dredging the lake and lasted 11 days. She was recognized at a spa, The Harrogate Spa Hotel, and was going under the name Theresa Neale (the name of the woman her husband's mistress). She didn't remember who she was. She never discussed that time in her life with anyone. She lived apart from her husband after that and eventually ended the marriage. All this happened around 1925 to 1927. 

There was no evidence she was in an accident. There was a spring where a few kids had drowned and she was thought to have done the same in an act of suicide. The body was nowhere to be found. Her book was doing well, so they dismissed the suicide theory. Other mystery novelists, policemen, and civilians were brought in on the search. Arthur Conan Doyle took her glove to a medium to try to get any information at all. When they found her at the Harrogate she was in no hurry to leave with her husband and even left him waiting in the lobby. It is possible she was in a minor car accident with a concussion or she was in a state of fog caused by depression and trauma. She never figured out what she did in those 11 days she lost. After the fog lifted she no longer tolerated her husband's cheating and left him. 

Her Main Characters

Hercule Poirot, Miss Marple, and Tommy and Tuppence were her three main series. I'll go one by one.

1. Hercule Poirot - He is a Belgian detective with OCD and high standards. He uses the "little grey cells" to solve his cases. His sense of justice is clear and part of his character. His mustache is quite famous. His ego is rather large and he takes pride in his clothes and looks. He often works with Captain Hastings and Ariadne Oliver (a mystery novelist).

2. Miss Marple - The small village of St. Mary Mead is blessed by this older woman who gardens until her doctor tells her she can no longer bend down to do so. She eavesdrops, gets her info from her housekeeping help, and spends most of her time figuring everything out in her own house. She also complains about her gardener doing everything wrong and she can't do much about it because she can't bend down to do it herself. Her housekeeper Cherry and her husband live in the cottage behind her house.

3. Tommy and Tuppence - This pair is without work after WWI and finds all the trouble that they can to fill their time. They formed Young Adventurers LTD and all the adventures they want fall into their lap. They marry after the first book and make a life together. There are fewer books in this series compared to the previous main characters. 

                                                    Themes In Her Work

After watching hours of Poirot I have noticed little things that happen more than once. Suicide is common in her work. Disturbing? Quite, but if she wrote some of this close to her disappearance it isn't surprising. Trauma in life shows up in the books she wrote. Another reason I think she had a blue period for a while in Poirot's series is the one-after-another frequency of suicide or double suicide endings. 

Justice is another theme I see. Poirot embodies this, as well as other novels. And Then There Were None is all about people who did wrong and the law can't touch them, who now die one by one. The idea that justice is important enough to murder for shows up in Murder On The Orient Express. 

One of the most interesting themes is that any human can commit murder when pushed far enough. In Curtains, we see Captain Hastings almost do so at the psychological manipulation of another person. Poirot is willing to do so in the same book to save others from this psychological manipulator. Even Poirot committed murder. Killing another human for money, revenge, or any other reason is, according to her books, scarily easy. I'm fairly certain that she isn't wrong, especially when someone has abused another person for a long time. The worst, most prolonged, cruelest murders are the ones done because someone else suffered at the victim's hands or was abused too often. 

If you see cheating husbands and wives in her books you shouldn't be surprised. Agatha herself was cheated on and she knows all too well how that feels. With that experience and the human nature she observed, no one should be shocked when several characters are cheating on each other. It is sad that she put up with her husband for so long. While she did remarry and travel happily with her next husband, I'm sure it still hurt years later. 

Lastly, here are the general patterns other readers found in her books. Some people have noticed that she made doctors murderers in several books. Trains also seem to interest her and several settings are trains. Detectives never getting a true vacation is not new to the mystery section. It shows up here. Casual past events brought up are rarely irrelevant. Usually, uniformed servers are ignored. Also, generation gaps, remaining in the past, and general mistrust are all there. One theme that comes up in a lot of women characters is the nonconforming manner of them. Basically, they are told they have to do one thing and do something else instead. This is in several books. 

Sources:

 https://www.agathachristie.com/about-christie

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Agatha-Christie

https://www.historyextra.com/period/20th-century/Agatha-christie-disappearance-mystery-facts-Poirot-miss-Marple-detective/#:~:text=On%20Friday%203%20December%201926,Christie's%20own%20'whodunnit'%20mysteries.

https://www.agathachristie.com/characters/hercule-poirot

https://dailytimes.com.pk/268145/agatha-christies-writings-tell-us-murder-is-easy/#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20recurring%20themes%20of%20her%20books%20is%20that,Hercule%20Poirot%20and%20Miss%20Marple.

https://www.librarything.com/topic/20848

https://community-archive.agathachristie.com/discussion/1086/recurring-themes-in-christies-work

Pictures:

Goalcast

Agatha Christie Wiki-Fandom

KidsKonnect

Pinterest

Theatre history and etiquette

Theatre has been hit hard by Covid 19. We all know this. In honor of the opening and lifting of regulations due to Covid, let's dive into some theatre facts you didn't know before. 

Theatre (live theatre) is an art form that created the modern films you know and love. Why is it important? Look around you and tell me what DVDs and TV shows you love most, then imagine that live theatre never happened and acting was never a profession. Most of our entertainment stemmed from live theatre. Let's honor and give that fact some respect with some wacky, strange, and weird trivia. Go buy tickets to the next live show you can see, too. Support the live theatre experience as much as you support our movie theatres, please. Without the live theatre experience, you would never have modern theatre and your Netflix favorites. 

Broadway

For those who don't know, off-broadway is not based on geography. It is actually based on the number of seats. Shows move from off-off-Broadway and move up to Broadway if they are considered good enough. Broadway has 500 seats, off-Broadway has 100-499 seats, and off-off-Broadway has less than 100 seats. Some shows that are produced don't make it all the way to the Broadway stage. 

Women In Theatre

Today we show women on the stage regularly, but there was a time when women were not allowed onto it or were scandalized by being on it. The church forbid it for a while. Shakespearean plays had young boys in corsets to play women. A select few theatres offer the true Shakespeare experience, but they don't do that anymore in most places. It makes it a little uncomfortable to know that Juliet is a young boy kissing a grown man. King Charles II made it a requirement that women fill women's roles later on.

The Renaissance actors were only men, exclusively. December 1660 was the first known actress in Othello, playing Desdemona. Opera opened up more opportunities for women, mostly. So did Burlesque. They were still being told "no" by culture, but they no longer cared. Women in the theatre lost their reputations and gained some sort of social freedom. Women were supposed to be home, not in public oftentimes.

Odd Superstitions

There are some odd beliefs in theatre communities, and one of which is not to say "good luck". Because it was believed there were creatures in the theatre that tried to sabotage things, you say the opposite of what you want to happen. Weird? Yes, but it still exists as a theatre rule today. 

Theatre "ghosts" are common, weirdly. I'm not sure why. Sometimes to "appease theatre ghosts" a single light is left on all the time. Also, some theatres have seats permanently opened for theatre ghosts. Why this place attracts ghosts may be a constant mystery, but I do know that theatre ghosts are somewhat common. I have seen unexplainable things in two theatres or heard stories about apparitions in theatres I've attended, so we may never know what is supernaturally going on. 

Macbeth is never said by name because the production is said to come with bad luck. It is "the Scottish play" in a theatre. Also, some believe the curses in the play from the three witches are real witchcraft. The cleansing ritual for saying the name of the play in the theatre is to leave the theatre and spit over your shoulder, spin and brush yourself off, or recite a line from another Shakespeare play. 

Don't whistle backstage. The fly system used to be controlled by sailors that were hired by theatres. A whistle poorly timed could kill an actor. Whistling came before the computer systems to control what is done when. 

Apparently, when you have a bad dress rehearsal you will have a great performance. You perform better as you make mistakes. It may or may not be actually true, but it is a theatre superstition nonetheless. 

Odd Theatre Terminology

If you hear something about going down to "Hell" or up to the "Heavens" it is referring to the trapdoor in the floor or the ceiling of the theatre. You are not really going to Hell if you exit the stage through "Hell". 

Stage blocking is also not what you think. See the diagram below for the basics. 

Etiquette

I have these rules of etiquette burned into my soul, and this applies to concerts and movie theatres (in some cases), too. The performing arts should be treated with respect. Actors are sensitive creatures who need reassurance of their importance and their ability to act well. Therefore, the below rules are to be applied to everything live theatre and live performance. 

1. If you must leave, do so at intermission where the actors won't see you. If you know you can't come to the whole performance - DON'T. Should you urgently have to use the restroom and intermission is over, do it at a scene change and come in at a scene change (and hurry up in silence). In the case of a musical concert, you can leave or come between musical pieces/songs. This rule does not need to be followed in a movie theatre, where actors can't see you and you can buy the movie later after release (though it is still annoying for a crowded theatre). Live theatre is not a movie theatre and you can't replay a scene later because you had to leave for work.

2. Unless audience participation is part of the performance, remain silent. This rule can be applied in movie theatres, too. Nothing is worse than someone talking through a live theatre show and you not being able to rewind, thus live theatre is a place this rule applies doubly. You can laugh at the comedy, ooh and ah at scenes, and cry at sad parts - just don't interrupt the flow of the performance by yelling at actors. Frankly, this rule applies to any preacher or speaker you ever encounter. 

To be clear, I have seen a pastor get their flow interrupted by a churchgoer yelling a retort that was uncalled for. That pastor is someone I work for. It made me angry for more than one reason, but one reason I was angry was that this rule was burned into my being due to all my life experience in the arts. The only thing anyone should yell up at a pastor is "Amen!". Additionally, no actor should have to deal with drunken people interrupting a show by screaming at actors onstage. That, too, is wrong. Show respect to your speakers and actors of any type. I don't care what they said, what they look like, or how badly the actor is acting - you need to respect anyone speaking to or performing for you. 

3. Put the phones away. Your text can wait. This applies to any speaker, pastor, movie theatre, musical performance, or live show. If you truly have a life emergency that is an exception. Most people who are going to shows are not in that situation (give or take first responders and police). This is a common courtesy and theatres of any kind tell you to turn them off in the first place (no, not vibrate - off!). Don't call your friend in the middle of the show, either, or an usher might escort you out. If you must call someone for news of an emergency, go out to the lobby at the next scene change. Come back at the scene change after you return. Actors can see you come in and out, as well as your shiny phone screen. In the case of movie theatres, it just disrupts everyone else. Don't be that human. If a phone does go off, don't respond with loud annoyance, because that is worse than the phone.

Also related to phones and devices is the matter of illegal and pirate recordings. Yes, please turn off all devices that aren't medical and don't pirate shows online (as much as people like to watch them). We arts people have to make money somehow. Tickets have to be sold. Broadway will scream at you for it. 

4. Snack quietly and don't bring a full dinner to a show (unless it is served to you at a dinner show). Believe it or not, some have brought a full meal to a live show. Movie theatres might discourage this, too, but they might not know if you do this. Also, unwrap things before the scenes begin to avoid crinkling during quiet scenes because slow unwrapping does not make it better. If you snack clean up after yourselves. 

5. Come on time. You can't rewind anything. You will disrupt the seated people who are on time if you come late. Give yourself time to get your snacks, drinks, and read the playbill. At lights down be seated. 

 

6. Get tickets ahead! You will thank yourself when the performance gets sold out and you have one. Those who don't heed the warning have to wait and see if someone doesn't show up. Covid will increase the need to do so, I guarantee it. This goes doubly if you are bringing a large group. Have those group tickets before the seats are all taken up. Be a Boyscout and be prepared. Ticket staff and ushers will thank you for your consideration. 

7. Don't block aisles. Why? Because often actors use them in the course of the show. Nothing is worse than being an actor who has to rush down an aisle, only to trip on a woman's purse or man's jacket. Keep your stuff at your feet. Don't throw anything onstage, either. 

8. Use the restrooms before you get into the theatre, during the intermission, and after the show. I understand if you have health issues that make it impossible to hold your bladder but do try to. If you know you can't make it through a show because of this, maybe just get a DVD or stream a movie instead of seeing live theatre.

Sources:

https://www.blaketheater.com/theater-etiquette/

 https://www.whatsonstage.com/london-theatre/news/20-amazing-theatre-facts_34626.html

https://dramatics.org/why-do-theatre-people-believe-weird-stuff/

https://www.folger.edu/shakespeares-theater

https://nctheatre.com/blog/women-theatre-historical-look

https://www.radford.edu/content/cvpa/home/theatre/current/know/etiquette.html

https://broadwaydirect.com/theater-etiquette-dos-donts-attending-broadway/

https://www.whatsonstage.com/london-theatre/news/women-in-theatre-eight-facts_45974.html

https://www.writerstheatre.org/blog/gender-shakespeares-stage-history/

Pictures:

The British Library

Memes

Stage Faves

Movies so bad they're hilarious

You heard about The Room? Well, it was not watched for quality. Some films get watched for mocking purposes. The Room was truly a disaster that was shown again for laughs (when it wasn't actually a comedy!). How many other disaster artists are there? Let's dive into that. 

Fun fact, there is a filmmaker by the name of Neil Breen that is truly something else (and by something else I mean.....just interesting). I once showed a professor (one who knew how to make good films) a clip of Breen's work. He had no words. The filmmakers I'm talking about today produced movies that are so bad they are hilarious. It was never intended to be a comedy and we are laughing at it. 

Manos: The Hands of Fate

I'm actually going to start with one that is so bad this mere clip is enough to leave me laughing at the quality of it. If you can sit through this whole movie you are stronger than I. 

The clip above is from Manos: The Hands of Fate. I'd imagine that you couldn't fake this laughing stock of a movie if you tried. The plot itself is a reason not to waste the hours you can never get back. 

The plot is that a family gets lost and trapped at the home of a devil-worshipping man and his servant Torgo. This man then wants the mother of the family and wants to deface her with burning hands. It already sounds bad. The acting alone in this clip is enough to leave me wondering if the director was on acid. 

Neil Breen Films

Neil Breen has made several films, and surprisingly, has a cult following. Are any of his films good? No, but they are comedy gold. These films are Double Down, Pass Thru, Twisted Pair, Fateful Findings, and I Am Here ....Now. If you want to watch a man destroy several laptops and comedically focus on distrust of the government you found the right film. 

I don't think a paragraph on Breen will do his awful and comedic films justice. Allow me to show you why. I suggest watching the full movie for the full experience, just to understand the unnatural dialogue flow, bad acting, and writing. 

The Room

This one got put out in theatres again - for being the worst/best movie and so others could watch and laugh all over again. You know it is a bad film if the main character kills himself and the filming is so bad you are too busy laughing at the quality of the scene. Yeah, this isn't an award winner. 

However, if you want to waste a few hours and a whole bowl of popcorn, be aware of sex scenes......and from what others have said, they are truly awful. I did not watch those scenes. Just know they are there. There are nine of them. 

Birdemic 1 and 2

Take The Birds and give it a less-than-college-student budget. Then hire the worst director ever. And edit it poorly. The video below is by JonTron, who does a good job of highlighting the "good" parts. 

Sharknado

Yes, let's not forget this one. Sharks, lots of sharks, and cheesy acting. In fact, let me show you a few scenes.

Conclusion

This has been the so-bad-it's-good movies list. I know many people have different standards of bad, however, these are undeniably bad and inspire laughter, and maybe a cult following. I know filmmaking isn't easy, but....wow.

Sources:

https://screenrant.com/best-so-bad-theyre-good-movies-ranked-rotten-tomatoes-scores/

IMDB.com

https://25yearslatersite.com/2020/10/30/who-is-he-what-is-he-the-films-of-neil-breen/

Pictures:

Vagebond's Movie ScreenShots

Historical Debutante Balls

Bridgerton is all the rage these days, and that leads us to the accuracy of the series. Debutante balls, upscale society, etc.... Without further adieu, let's go into it.

Every series is not without historical inaccuracies unless it is a documentary. Historical fiction is not exact, but close enough. I am not going to compare my research to Bridgerton because of the sheer amount of articles already published on that topic. I'll let you compare my research to the drama on Netflix yourselves. 

Where the tradition comes from 

England is the start of our research journey. The idea was that at a certain age women were presented to society to find a husband of similar or higher social standing. They were often accompanied by a large dowry. The debutantes were debuted in seasons, like when the families were all in the same area. The end goal is to have a ring on your hand and a husband. If you failed to catch a man after 3 seasons and you were 30 you'd be considered a spinster. There was shame connected with this. The season was referred to as marriage marts. 

If you have noticed that debutante balls in movies have women announced with a relative you are seeing an accuracy. The formal entrance is held and dinner is served. There might be speeches. Then there is dancing. Family members of the debutante may give gifts, but guests aren't expected to. 

The thing is that social rules are abundant here, tiny ones that we consider a tad over-polite. Personal compliments, for example, can be made by only personal friends, unless someone was quite old. Aquaintances would comment on dresses and be in bad taste. "Coming out" parties were not associated with homosexuals or bisexuals here, nor would these people have been accepted by anyone. In this case, the young women get flowers at their "coming out" in society. Some parks were good places to get attention and run into the opposite sex. Brothers or fathers would accompany them while riding.

The age of maturity was not a number. If you completed your education and were emotionally ready to come out in society it was allowed. An accomplished woman here could speak several languages, do several art forms like embroidery or musical talents, memorized the members of the monarchy, learned history and geography, learn to host parties, and still give birth to multiple children. Yes, that much, and somehow not go insane. None of these women could be air-heads and get far in life. 

Court Gowns and Dresses

The wedding gowns of white silk look similar to the white silk court gowns that were worn in this period of time when presenting to the Queen. Some women converted these into wedding dresses. Some also were married in darker dresses that could be used another day. The white silk dresses were a requirement - and no cream would do! You had to have gloves and properly heeled shoes. 

Short version - black tie standards for guests.

Dresses in general started with undergarments. If you thought bras were a pain in the butt you ought to hop in your time machine and put on these! Firstly, drawers (capri-like pants) followed by a slip, corset, petticoat, camisole, bustle, underskirt, and skirt/jacket. In this way, the undergarments were the only dirty things to wash. 

Who Could Participate

Alright, so here's the fun part - you had to be elite. In this way, some bachelors married common women who came out at smaller balls and debuted in small parties. They understood all the criteria were nearly impossible to meet and many women carried themselves better, but couldn't meet it. 

Debutantes of aristocracy were expected to be here. Daughters of clergy, military or naval officers, physicians, and barristers were also eligible for the honor of being presented to the Queen for the season. Lots of women came out in smaller parties and tea parties, but were never presented to the queen. Only a handful of women were presented to the Queen and attended court functions.

Callers and Courting

To call on someone you could do as little as leaving your card, as well as take turns on the dance floor with a lady, invite her guardian or father to visit, have dinner with the family, or have a chaperoned walk. Courting could take years or months. Some women started the season with a match lined up. 

Courting has a long list of rules that developed, some of them that weren't established in 1813 and others that were. These crushing social rules weren't all there in 1800s and some were added in 1900s. Keep in mind that not all these were 1800s and I'm not sure what year the rules were established.

1. Never go out alone with a gentleman, especially at night 

 2. Never address a gentleman without an introduction

3.Never receive a man alone - be chaperoned

4. No physical contact

5. Courting men could only offer their hand if the road was rough

6. flirting was done with a fan

7. no night dates, and men can't stay long

8. no walks with gentleman - even in courtship

9. only male relatives in a closed carriage

10. men can't invite women over

11. engaged men kept their eyes only to their ladies

12. no sexual behavior before engagement

13. no politics or intelligence required

Marriage began with courtship, which began with conversation, walks, and company. Next was engagement, which meant walks alone, holding hands in public, and unchaperoned rides. Still no night dates, though. Marriage was last, but it had to be the same or higher status. If we dated like this I suspect divorces would be lessened, yet I don't suggest it for the modern man or woman.

Courting women couldn't accept luxurious gifts from men, but it was acceptable to give books, sugary candies, flowers, and sheet music (my kind of gifts). It was bribery to give expensive gifts to a woman not engaged to or related to you. Men and women had different standards, clearly, so that might be another day's topic, but you get the point. Courting is not a light matter. 

Language of Fanning

Fans were flirting. Believe it or not, Tim Burton used this in Alice In Wonderland. It was a language of women and it was acceptable flirting, unlike the ways we flirt today. 

The list below is how to communicate without words. 

fan fast: I'm independent

fan slow: I'm engaged

fan with right hand in front of face: come on

fan with left hand in front of face: leave me

fan open and shut: kiss me

fan open wide: love

fan half open: friendship

fan shut: hate

fan swinging: can I see you home?

I imagine lots of signals were sent in one ball and we wouldn't notice in our society. Watch time period dramas again and look at the fans. What are the women saying?

Sources:

http://www.katetattersall.com/coming-out-during-the-early-victorian-era-debutantes/

http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/debutante.html

https://www.doulike.com/article-an-online-dating-guide-to-courting-in-the-victorian-era

http://nitsas.com/blog/debutante-season-rules-and-rituals/

Pictures:

Decider

Victorian-era.org

Teaching Introverts

Introverts know all too well that public education, camps, and even society as a whole are based on extroverts. We are tired of being told we need to be fixed. Half the world is introverted, so why are we being taught like extroverts? Teachers, you can help us learn better and be more comfortable in your classrooms and camps. Listen carefully and let me invite you into this discussion.

I understand that you have to teach both extroverts and introverts in the same classroom. I understand that you are responsible for all the kids at camp and that a bored child can become trouble rather quickly. I just want to make it clear that introverts are often overwhelmed with group activities for long periods of time, being called out publicly and put on the spot, and generally being forced into any spotlight. Yes, we learn to do extroverted things, but only because we were forced into it at a young age and we need to survive out in the world. We hate small talk, yet we learn to do it for work and other functions, all while being bored out of our minds and wanting to disappear into books. 

Having trouble identifying the introverts in the room? Look for small social groups. We also take a minute to think, yet we concentrate deeply. We observe more than speak. We avoid large crowds. Introverts are defined as introspective people who need social recharge time. We run our mental processes and thoughts through long-term memory, not short-term, so we need a pause to process and react. We open up and speak in smaller groups and private places. We are not built for long social periods of time. We are half the world. You know an introvert in your life - I guarantee it. We are called shy by those who don't understand that "shy" is not "introverted" and we don't need to be fixed. Shy is anxiety, but introverted is that we need process time. Introverts are often forced to socialize by today's standards of normality when we are running on empty socially, so be understanding when finding these people in your camp group or classroom. If they look socially exhausted leave them to themselves and they may perk up. 

Camps

Camps are full of fun activities and never dull. Constant activities are generally not fun for the introverted personality, who needs time to process and breathe. Yet, counselors have to herd the kids into activities all day because they are told kids left on their own get into trouble. In some cases, I know that to be true, but not all. Please let a socially exhausted child read a book in the cabin, or just sit with them. Unless you know someone is playing you, of course. Counselors are responsible for all the kids that live in their cabin. I know. I was one once. 

Most camps have a choice in activities and some of the time there is the freedom to chill. I'm not saying camps are awful. I enjoyed them. I just know that competitions are also not the most fun for us introverted kids. An over-competitive group will cause stress to a kid that isn't competitive in nature, especially if you are losing constantly and your group generally sucks at stuff. That sounds crude, but it is true of one camp experience I had. I also had the opposite experience, where a leader said 'do your best, have fun, but I don't care how we rank'. Ironically, the latter made us do better in rank than the former. As a counselor or leader, please don't pressure competition, even if you want the trophy. You may just get the trophy without the pressure-cooking, so relax. 

Leaderships should be mixed in extrovert and introvert ratio, ideally. Why? Because introverted kids need a role model on how to balance themselves in the world. An introverted leader can be related to, thus they can ask for advice and have support in hard moments. A leader that is attentive to both personalities (extroverted or introverted is not important here) will do well to lend support to both, unifying the kids under him or her. Friends are created in unified groups. This is the idea of camp groups. Done well, this concept is amazingly good at bonding kids. 

Depending on the ages and if your crowd is mixed, you may deal with flirting. Yes, this is important. pay attention to this subject. Notice who is cozy with whom and be aware of the drama that could form into a storm. Introverts and drama are a bad mix, which leads to the introvert becoming overwhelmed and hiding or retracting from the group dynamic. Yes, we may flirt, too, but if we do that is our own fault (speaking from experience), but still talk to that kid and help them learn how to fix it. Teach us young how to avoid drama, please. 

The Classroom

The public education system makes it hard to support an introvert because we are surrounded by people constantly and they try to fix us. We are looked upon with concern if we don't want to play a game or need space. It may be a good idea to create options for big projects that support all personalities. One of the biggest problems include group projects and speeches where we are put in the spotlight or have to deal with a lot of other humans. We like individual projects, in short, where we turn in our paper and don't stand in front of the class with everyone staring at us. 

Theatre is weird. This is one space where I can be someone else for a while and blow some peoples' minds by putting on a performance on stage with no fear. Yet, I can't do a speech without having a mental freeze-up. It's like my mental computer freezes and all my preparations were for nothing, yet if I have a script memorized I can do it almost perfectly. This is because we don't know the reaction of our audience in speeches, but when we go on a stage, everything is going to go how we expect and rehearsed. Predictability makes all the difference. The stage is predictable, but our outside conversations and speeches are just the opposite. Peer reflection that says we "look unprepared" because we mentally froze doesn't help us in any way. Please remember this and be understanding. 

Forced participation is a subject that you need to know about from the start of your lesson plans. Give us several options, please, because the more willing we are to do something the better the project will be. It is human nature that when you require someone to do something they don't want to they won't do anything past the bare minimum. They can even stop engaging, in some cases, so be kind and let us show you what we can do best, simply by giving students introverted and extroverted options to choose from. I also advocate throwing out the participation grade part of your lesson plan or giving us a form of participation that isn't verbal. 

Group projects are hard or easy depending on the size of groups you put us in and the people. Large groups make it hard to get a word in because we want to sound dignified. By the time we mentally rehearse (yes, rehearse) our thoughts the topic is gone or we get interrupted time and again. Small groups of four may be like this if someone takes over, but it is still better to have more openings to speak than fewer. The quality of people makes these worse or better. Either way, it is a million times easier to work alone for us, because we don't depend on the rest of the group for anything. If you do have groups, make them small.

In General

If you described us introverts as quiet, shy, sensitive, or any similar word you probably influenced the reactions toward us. You didn't think about it, I'm sure, but it happened all the same. Presenting us as sensitive makes people treat us carefully and the word quiet makes people approach us like a birdwatcher approaches a bird. I, personally, am hard to offend, so sensitive is not the best word to use for me (though it is true I'm sensitive emotionally to a degree). Kids will treat us differently if you describe us in this way. 

This goes for every student; acknowledge our strengths and what we bring to the table. Please don't do so by bragging about us, however (so uncomfortable!). In this way, a book nook or quiet area of the classroom might not be a bad idea. Truly, that would make indoor recess more fun. Introverts will thank you. Even better, add a quiet part of the day to the curriculum and lesson plans. We pick up on this and hit our recharge button. You get more interaction from us as an added benefit. Show an introvert how to thrive in their element. 

Our thoughts come through less verbal mediums, like journals and social media (yes, that can make you think we're extroverted). Support us and give us time to think before you automatically jump into a large-scale class discussion. Maybe we could journal our thoughts first, or you could give us other options for this project. There are lots of nonverbal ways to hear our thoughts, so let us speak to you. In this vein of thinking, focusing on the quality of the participation is far better. Do us favors - we get enough criticism for our temperament already. Do let us know when we are transitioning into another activity.

Handle issues quietly. Seriously, this means the world to us. Loudly proclaiming our failures or mistakes is humiliating and humiliating a child is probably the worst embarrassment you can hand us. I distinctly remember forgetting my one scrap of paper for the concert, and even though I memorized it they persisted to embarrass me by handing me a paper and insisting on it - which proclaimed my failure to a whole crowd of parents and my classmates. They didn't mean to do this. I know that. Don't do the same to a student in your classroom. One on one private meetings are great places to talk and fix things in quiet. 

Speaking of unnecessary help, let us learn by ourselves at times. Yes, we are students, but if we didn't ask for help and you constantly treat us "special" it can be humiliating (for both reasons of excelling and failure). Let us explore. If we are truly drowning in a subject aid us privately, ideally, or find us a tutor. Proclaiming failure is a bad idea and that student won't trust you, let alone tell you what they need in a classroom to thrive. They will drown further, instead. Trust is everything here. Another point to make here is that when we speak we are often interrupted; don't make us deal with this in an educational environment and prove to us you are further untrustworthy. 

No emotional security means we don't learn well. Should I not feel secure being myself somewhere, I withdraw and learn less. Add bullies and you get a classroom that is not acceptable to introverts trying to learn. Humiliation also takes away emotional security, which can be said as trust. We go into our own world instead. Pay attention to this. It could mean they are bored or it could be they withdrew into themselves. There is a difference, so be prepared to observe further if you see us withdraw.

 Sources:

https://www.weareteachers.com/support-introverts-in-the-classroom/

https://www.ef.com/wwen/blog/teacherzone/tips-teaching-introverts/

https://www.teachthought.com/pedagogy/teaching-introverts-is-different/

https://www.partnersforyouth.org/rubys-story-understanding-introversion-in-a-youth-camp-environment/

Pictures:

John Spencer

Introvert, Dear

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