Self-Coddling vs Self-Care

Do you know the difference between self-coddling and self-care? Let's look at this together. 

Self-care is caring for yourself. Self-coddling is the act of excessively pampering yourself to the point of avoidance (of challenges) or indulgence. Self-love is a term people throw around like confetti. Let's see if it is actually what you think it is. 

First, I'm outlining the signs of Self-coddling, then going into what self-care and self-love truly are. 

Self Coddling

The signs of self-coddling include only doing what is comfortable, downplaying or refusing to acknowledge flaws, thinking you are not able to do something due to low self-esteem, being entitled, and only doing what is relaxing. Some of this is created by parenting styles (like helicopter parents) and removing every obstacle from a child's path. A quick note to parents, let your kids learn to do things on their own. By removing any challenges from the child's path you will teach them they can't handle it on their own and affect their self-esteem. Helicopter parents who give their children everything they ever want all the time create entitled adults, which is something our society and many Youtubers make fun of. It isn't cute. 

Self-coddling also goes under selfishness. Me! Me! Me! Entitlement (I did a whole post on this alone in 2023) is not good. Parents can nurture this awful trait in their kids by presenting everything on a silver platter. Read my link in this paragraph for the whole infodump on entitlement. Parents can also model bad behavior in front of kids. 

Care vs coddling is the difference between sleeping to avoid responsibility and sleeping for health, or creating healthy boundaries or just saying "no" to everything. The difference is simply whether you are the center of your universe or not. Everyone is linked together. Entitlement ignores those links entirely. 

What people think self-care is includes the following: spending lots of money, binge-watching, binge-eating, instant gratification activities, luxury vacations, alcohol and drugs, and perfecting by any means necessary. None of these are actually self-care. There is no harm in two of these (binge-watching and luxury vacations) every once in a while, but some of these over time are bad ideas. I'm not saying you can't go on vacation or binge-watch your favorite shows and movies, but I am saying binge-eating, drugs, alcohol, and only instant gratification activities will be bad ideas over time. 

Instant gratification is too prevalent in our society. I think it needs to leave mobile gaming in particular. It makes people throw money at a game to play more of it. This scam is one of the worst and can ruin someone without the maturity to recognize this is wrong. The players who won't throw money at a game are less likely to be kids or addicts. What kids learn when someone throws money at a problem and it goes away is far worse than the mobile games scam, though. People who are taught they can do anything and get away with it because they are rich get away with far too much. These individuals become dangerous. 

Courtesy of helpfulprofessor.com

Coddling is essentially overprotection. Many people unknowingly coddle emotions. Coddlers often edit their responses to not upset others, take on unnecessary stress to lighten loads, view someone as fragile, deny or avoid difficult conversations, experience growing resentment that goes unaddressed, and say nothing - then complain to someone later on. Coddlers protect the feelings of others rather than be honest. A considerate listener should be honest. 

A coddler is so focused on not hurting someone they don't say anything. Do you see yourself here? Just be aware of it. You are allowed to say what you feel, respectfully and kindly. Society taught us to coddle and I'm well aware that many of us do this without thinking about it. What isn't okay is rudely saying your thoughts. Respectfully and clearly speaking your mind is the best way. It isn't always pretty, but at least if you say it kindly and respectfully you are not blowing up on someone. You can converse and discuss from there if the person is open to it. People who tend to people-please will fall into the coddler hole easily. If someone can't handle any honest feedback you should not be pursuing a friendship with them. You are not responsible for their response (again, respect and kindness). You can only control yourself.

Emotional coddling will hinder someone from knowing what a real, honest relationship is. They could develop anxiety because they are so used to being protected. Entitlement then enters the picture and produces ugly results. Again, we find that doing something for someone teaches them they can't do it (low self-esteem). Boundaries are later not respected and can confuse this individual later on. Coddling in any form creates a person who can't stand on their own. This is dangerous to that individual. Let someone experience their emotions. Let them try stuff on their own. You need to stand on your own in this present society or you'll be controlled by someone else. 

Self-love and Self-care

Facing challenges in life is the reality of life on earth. We need to be able to face these on our own and learn that failure isn't the end of the world. Sometimes this means self-love is doing what is hard. Face those challenges and try to do new things in the world. Just because you might fail isn't a reason to not do it. 

If you can step back and look at your physical, mental, and emotional needs you probably understand self-care. It is bettering yourself and facing flaws, fixing what needs to be fixed. Maybe going to therapy and learning new skills to help you become more. According to The Human Being Project women gravitate toward self-care and men go toward self-help. 

I'm including self-help in this because my sources often reference it in comparison to self-care. Men may tend toward self-help. Self-help requires guidance from outside sources, while self-care is taking care of your whole being. Men are taught by society to not ask for help and to take control of a situation. Setting goals, bettering yourself, and learning new skills get the term "self-help", but still go under self-care.

Women are taught to tap into emotions, while men are societally taught to not be emotional. This means women gravitate to self-care. It helps many women deal with stress in their daily lives, as women tend to put others first (especially moms). Men being taught not to deal with emotions, I believe, is something that is inherently wrong and should be fixed. Men have emotions, too. They need the ability to ask for help and talk about their emotions. Society's standard that only women can be emotional needs to fly out the window and land in the garbage can. 

In terms of self-help and self-care, they are the same according to MrDepression.com. The Human Being Project put them in two categories and said we need a balance of both by doing the following: making time for fun things, setting goals and working toward them, allowing rest, focusing on accomplishments, celebrating victories, connecting with people, and caring for your physical health. Neither source is wrong. 

Self-care is caring for your body and your mind. This sums up everything in this section quite beautifully. Showering is self-care. Journaling is self-care. Even making yourself eat lunch before work is self-care. 

Ways to exercise self-care

We have several categories here. Physical, mental, relationships, and spiritual. Spiritual is referring to anyone with a faith (Christianity, in my case). 

Physical care is not to be disregarded. Take care of the body God gave you. Shower, eat well, drink water, exercise, and sleep. If you need a doctor, go to one. Your brain and body are connected. Don't neglect your body. If it needs rest you'll get sick and be forced to rest. 

Mental care means taking time to do what brings you joy, managing stress, stimulating your brain with new skills and puzzles, and generally doing what you enjoy. When you take the time to mentally rest you give yourself time to breathe. This is vital if you work with people and deal with people. Since we all deal with people, this is vital to everyone. 

Courtesy of reddit.com

Relationships are a need. You may think it isn't, but think again. The pandemic lockdown of 2020 took its toll on lots of people - me included. Introverts and extroverts need human contact. We were created for it. Connecting to your community and going out with friends is self-care. Volunteering is even a way to meet this need. Your family is there for a reason (unless they are toxic). Toxic humans are classified as abusive humans (emotional, physical, financial...) so if a person only irks you they are not toxic. If someone is harmful to you please don't seek them out. 

Spiritual, in my case, is regularly praying and reading the Bible. I am a Christian. Spiritual self-care is also connecting with a community in this scenario. I work at the church I attend. (For personal safety, I won't be revealing the church name here.) I enjoy the people I study the Bible with. I firmly believe that Jesus died for our sins and that He (Jesus) cares for me. I'm not going to force you to believe this. I am simply illustrating what spiritual care looks like for me. It is hard to explain this concept of spiritual care to others. 

All of the above has the possible effects of reduced stress levels, higher self-esteem, and (it depends on where you are) a feeling of belonging. Long term you can manage chronic conditions, prevent illness, reduce stress, have healthy relationships, have a good work-life balance, reduce burnout, and have an improved quality of life. 

A Word To Parents

I thought it'd be a good idea to put some signs you are coddling your kids down here. I'm not saying every parent coddles. In case you were concerned that you were, here they are. One of these will drive your child farther from you than you ever thought possible later in life. 

If you intervene before the child can solve it themselves you are coddling. I understand why you want to shield your child from all harm. You love them. I know. But what this leads to is your child never learning to solve a problem themselves. You cripple them in problem-solving abilities. They will be asking you questions they could answer themselves for as long you coddle them. This'll get annoying fast.

If you do everything for them, you are coddling. If all they have to do is stand there and you clean their room or their mess they never learn to take care of themselves. Independence and responsibility are vital to adult life. Catering to every whim leads to entitlement. This is harmful going into adulthood. 

If you micromanage activities and friendships you are coddling. They need to make decisions on their own. Furthermore, you will find they move out as quickly as they can and they will not like you. Stop! This is control and not love. Let them make mistakes. The parents who do this lose contact with their kids in most cases - because their kids cut them off. 

If you discourage your kids from doing what makes you uncomfortable you are coddling. Your child branching out in interests is not the end of the world. Do your research if you are concerned. In the unlikely event that they would legitimately be trying to join a cult or do something harmful, you should do something. But aside from the unlikely events of cults and meeting up with serial killers in parks, you should support them if they want to play baseball instead of soccer or have an interest in acting instead of other degrees. They are their own person. Let them try out new things. 

If you go overboard to protect or console them when they get hurt you are coddling. Kids need to bounce back. Don't introduce new fears into them. Unless they could literally die by doing something, it is okay to let them fall down on their butt every once in a while. Again, keep them from deadly equipment and raging currents in rivers, but do understand that bouncing back is a skill all people need. Equip them to know everyone gets hurt. It's not the end of the world. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Sources:

5 Signs You’re “Self-Coddling”, NOT Self-Love – MrDepression.com

Self-Care Vs Self-Help: Why The Difference Matters (thehumanbeingproject.blog)

Understanding Selfishness Vs. Self-Care | First Step Recovery & Travco Behavioral Health (wecaremoreohio.com)

What Is Self-Care and Why is It Important? (verywellhealth.com)

Connect, Don’t Coddle — Why We Need to Allow People to Have Their Own Emotions — Roots Relational Therapy

5 Signs You’re Coddling Your Kid | Thriveworks

Good books that are a bit odd

Some books you read are not quite the normal fare you expect them to be. For instance, Lemony Snicket leaves you with more questions than answers, expecting an audience can put two and two together to get four. Today I have some suggestions for books that are odd, but excellent. 

Courtesy of Wordpress.com

I'm going to start with books I have read and can fully endorse. The next section is a list of books that the internet highly praised as odd, but good. If you read those books in the second section please sound off in the comments so I have an idea of how good they are. 

Fully Endorsed

Shepherd of the Hills by Harold Bell Wright

This book starts out with a man being hired in the mountain country to be a shepherd. The mountain folk are usually odd. This book also involves what might be a ghost? It is a bit weird. This is also a movie, but I'm only discussing the book plot. They are different. All through the book a mentally ill child (the child of a woman who died giving birth) keeps saying he can hear his mother's voice in the valley. The man we follow seems to spend lots of time with this kid. That's where I'll stop and let you pick up this book. It has plot twists I won't spoil. Read it and you'll understand why it is here on this list. 

Where The Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

This one is about a girl who grows up alone in the swamp area and then gets suspected of murder. It goes back and forth between her growing-up years and the present investigation. It has a twist ending. If you want to cry or be upset, pick up this book. You feel the loneliness reach out of the pages to grab you. I call it a bit odd because of how it is written (past and present and repeat) and the way the girl in the story grows up. 

Be warned, this book includes abuse, rape, and sex. Not something to read to the kids. This also includes child neglect. I wanted to call Child Protective Services every time I read about her upbringing. You'll cry. I promise. 

Courtesy of Pinterest

Anything by Lemony Snicket

I think Lemony Snicket hits a specific niche of people, a very specific fan club. My best friend is not into his work, but I love it. He has a kids' book written about a lump of coal finding an artist on Christmas. A Series of Unfortunate Events is anything but normal. It takes a unique sense of humor to find someone not able to describe the dark and instead put a page of black ink as the description. Or to describe reading the same line over and over as writing the same line over and over. All the Wrong Questions (the series) links to Unfortunate Events as a prequel. Both leave more questions than answers. And the author refuses to answer them. Find an event where he speaks and you'll see this plainly. 

I love this series because of its quirky sense of humor. It is also a bit dark for children's fiction in some people's eyes. Some don't like the aspect of it that includes the abuse of the orphans in Unfortunate Events. That is okay. They don't have to read it if they don't want to. All ages can enjoy it, as long as they have a darker sense of humor. 

Suggested By The Internet

I cannot fully endorse these suggestions because I didn't read them. I know they are considered a bit odd by the internet at large, yet also considered worth reading. The books below are what many people said were odd but good. Let me know in the comments if I should consider picking them up. If any of these interest you your library, a bookstore, or your ebook app of choice probably have them. These are all books I've heard of. 

American Gods by Neil Gaiman 

I found a plot summary from Litcharts.com to explain this one. I know this is a TV show. I don't know if the novel matches the TV show or not. I didn't copy the entire plot here, just in case the plot twists are spoilers. 

Courtesy of Female First

"The novel starts as a man named Shadow Moon is getting ready for his release from prison, after three years inside. Shadow has spent his time practicing coin tricks and reading a copy of Herodotus’s Histories borrowed from his cellmate Low Key Lyesmith. Two days before he is supposed to be allowed to go back to his beloved wife Laura, Shadow finds out that his wife has died in a car accident. He is released early and catches a plane back to his home in Eagle Point, Indiana so that he can attend the memorial. On the plane, Shadow falls asleep and has a strange dream about a man with a buffalo head who tells him to believe “everything.” When he wakes, he meets a strange man who calls himself Mr. Wednesday and offers Shadow a job. Shadow refuses, then gets off the plane early to avoid talking to Mr. Wednesday any more."

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

Once again, I am leaving it up to someone else to describe this book because I have never read it. I know about some of it from friends. I know it has some creepy pictures in it. I know there are strange children. Other than that, I'll leave it to Amazon to tell you the plot. 

"A mysterious island. An abandoned orphanage. A strange collection of very curious photographs. It all waits to be discovered in Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, an unforgettable novel that mixes fiction and photography in a thrilling reading experience. As our story opens, a horrific family tragedy sets sixteen-year-old Jacob journeying to a remote island off the coast of Wales, where he discovers the crumbling ruins of Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. As Jacob explores its abandoned bedrooms and hallways, it becomes clear that the children were more than just peculiar. They may have been dangerous. They may have been quarantined on a deserted island for good reason. And somehow—impossible though it seems—they may still be alive. 

A spine-tingling fantasy illustrated with haunting vintage photography, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children will delight adults, teens, and anyone who relishes an adventure in the shadows."

Welcome to Night Vale 

I once saw a theatre friend of mine wearing a shirt or some kind of merch from this podcast, which is also a book series. He didn't explain it at all. Today I'm giving the floor to Amazon, once again, to explain the plot. 

"Welcome to Night Vale . . . a friendly desert community somewhere in the American Southwest. In this ordinary little town where ghosts, angels, aliens, and government conspiracies are commonplace parts of everyday life, the lives of two women, with two mysteries, are about to converge.

Pawnshop proprietor Jackie Fierro abides by routine. But a crack appears in the standard order of her perpetually nineteen-year-old life when a mysterious man in a tan jacket gives her a slip of paper marked by two pencil-smudged words: KING CITY. Everything about the man unsettles her, especially the paper that she cannot remove from her hand. Yet when Jackie puts her life on hold to search for the man, no one who meets him can seem to remember anything about him.

Diane Crayton’s fifteen-year-old son, Josh, is moody and a shape-shifter. Lately, Diane has started to see the boy’s father everywhere she goes, looking the same as he did the day he left when they were teenagers. Josh is growing ever more curious about his estranged father—leading to a disaster Diane can see coming but is helpless to prevent.

Diane’s search to reconnect with her son and Jackie’s search to reclaim her routine life draw them increasingly closer to each other, and to this place that may hold the key to their mysteries and their futures . . . if they can ever find it."

Good Omens By Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Courtesy of david-tennant.co.uk

Okay, I'll admit that even I know this one. This is a book featuring an angel and a demon who are trying to stop the end of the world. This is a TV show many have loved and suggested. Given the book and TV show may differ in some respects, I still found a plot to copy, this time from supersummary.com. This is only some of the plot. I'll let you look further into it if you are interested. 

"Aziraphale, an angel, and Crowley, a demon—adversaries since the Great Fall from the Garden of Eden—have been living on Earth and attempting to steer humanity’s moral course. In those many millennia, however, they have grown fond of life among the humans and developed a tenuous friendship with each other. One day, Crowley receives a delivery from two fellow demons: a basket containing the infant Antichrist, who will gain access to his full powers when he turns 11 and trigger Armageddon. Crowley is charged with overseeing his placement with the American Cultural Attaché, Thaddeus Dowling. Due to a mix up at the hospital, however, the Antichrist, Adam, ends up with the Young family in the fictional village of Lower Tadfield, Oxfordshire, England."

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

A booktuber I know read this one and loved it. It was a thick book, though, so keep that in mind. I am yielding the floor to goodreads.com to explain the plot. It was a novel of whimsy and atmosphere, if I remember correctly. 

"The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus performers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead.

Written in rich, seductive prose, this spell-casting novel is a feast for the senses and the heart."

Conclusion

And with that, I leave you to contemplate what goes on your next book shopping list. I know some of these are not everyone's cup of tea. If you are interested in any of these novels, I'll let you peruse the link list below. I am leaving the Amazon listings in those links for anyone who wants to support these authors. 

The Night Circus

Good Omens

Welcome To Night Vale

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children

American Gods

Shepherd Of The Hills

Where The Crawdads Sing

A Series Of Unfortunate Events

https://www.shortform.com/best-books/genre/best-weird-books-of-all-time

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

End of year TBR Update

It is the end of the year and I am looking at my TBR (To Be Read) stats. Today we're looking at how I did on my TBR, what I could do differently, and other stats based on my TBR Excel sheet. Let's dive in. 

I began this journey because one coworker asked how many books I read in a year. I kept a log all 2023 long, detailing how many were read-it-or-unhaul-it challenges, TBR between my husband and I, vacation TBR, and what wasn't a TBR. I also kept track of what books I decided not to finish (DNFed) and what I finished. This year was me getting a feel for how much TBR to put on my list without being too ambitious. 

What To Change

I am adding more books to my TBR list from the start. About three a month was the least amount I finished, thus that's what my 2024 TBR is going to be based on. I underestimated how many books I could read in a year. It turns out I need a longer TBR.

On the other side of things, my husband and I didn't sit down and listen to audiobooks as often as I'd hoped. I have to shorten that aspect of my TBR for this reason. The same goes for the vacation TBR, in which I finished three of the four books during our vacation and one outside of it. I'm sticking with three from now on. 

What I added to 2024's TBR is a "reader's choice". This is a chance for me to not read a pre-planned book and pick one based on my mood. Given what I wanted for Christmas/birthday this makes total sense. I have several books I intend to read, some even intended for review on this blog. Also, mood reading is totally acceptable and I can skip a darker book on my TBR at any time, should I need a lighter vibe or a smaller novel. 

What Worked

I, for the most part, wrapped up my TBR before all the holiday stuff took over my time. I like to wrap up projects before the holiday fun steps into my schedule. Christmas, New Year, and Thanksgiving are for family and fun, not personal hobby goals. This was ideal and I'll try to shoot for November for the end of my reading year again. I think I only had two books I planned to read in December. One of them was rather long. Both of them were technically read-or-unhaul books. One was a quick DNF.

Read-it-or-unhaul-it is a challenge I needed dearly. I'm putting it in my TBR plans for all of eternity. I have too many books I don't read. I am a book dragon. I need help. I will forever be acquiring free and donated books. In other words, this makes me pick up and read those free romances I'm afraid to crack open and consider whether I will read them before I even pick something up. It gives me pause at book sales and donation piles. That is a good pause to have. If you aren't sure whether you'll read it, maybe don't pick it up. I still have to learn this lesson. The challenge helps. 

The Data

First, we begin with how many books are in the TBR and how many were not TBR. This is the full number, counting what didn't get read. 

Next, we come to how much I actually read of my TBR only. I was doing great in all the categories except reading with my husband. That book number is going down for the 2024 TBR. 

 When it comes to the form of books, this is what I ended up reading. I read a lot of audiobooks and physical books this year. I also learned that I am not into staring at screens while I read. This means my impulse reads are physical and not ebooks. 

Lastly, this is what the months themselves looked like in reading numbers. January, October, and February/August are my best reading months. This is also the month I finished the books. This graph won't reflect when I started reading it, just the month it was completed. Some of these were just thick books I didn't have as much time for or felt intimidated by. 

After seeing all of this, I will also tell you exactly how many books I DNFed and how many I finished. I finished 44 books and DNFed 4 books this year. In total, I picked up/attempted 48 books. I now know how many books I can read in a year. This will give me a good number to keep in mind for future TBR lists. 

If you are reading this and you have never made a TBR before, see this blog to learn more about making one. 

If You Intend To Try TBR/Book reading logs

If you are going into the new year with a TBR for the first time, this section is for you. Here is what you need to remember when creating your list. 

First of all, it is yours. It should be manageable for you and not be too long. The first time you do this it may be too short or too long, but you can adjust it for the next year. Also, no one has to do any reading challenges. Every TBR should fit the reader attached to it. 

Another thing to consider is that a book doesn't have to be on your TBR to be read during that year. The TBR list is what you plan to read at some point in time during any given year. When another book you just got has all your attention, it is totally okay to read this one instead of the next book on your TBR. In the same logic, it is totally okay to skip a book until you want that vibe. Your books can be read at any time of the year. You can read them in any order you want to. Your TBR , your rules. 

You are going to adjust it. It takes a trial year to figure out what works. In my case, I had too few books on my personal list and too many I tried to read with my husband. Take into account how much time you have and how thick your books are. Thick books can take up to a month if you decide to take them on. When reading with a buddy (husband or friend) keep in mind how long your buddy takes to read. If someone takes forever to read a book don't plan a high number. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Read It or Unhaul It 2

 I have done this before, and here I am doing it again. I will randomly pick three books from my unread books list to review. If I like it, it stays, but if I don't, it leaves to go elsewhere. Ready?

I explained it before. I'll quickly fill you in for those who have yet to see the first Read It or Unhaul It challenge. 

1. I pick three books (from an Excel sheet list of unread books) using a random number generator.

2. I read those books and review them in this blog post.

3. I decide whether they leave or stay in my library. 

For those concerned about where the books go, you need not worry. They get donated to used bookstores and donation places. I don't throw away books; they just don't stay in my personal library. If I am reading an ebook it simply gets deleted if I don't want it. 

 Knights and Rogues - a medieval romance sampler by Claire Delacroix

Courtesy of the-bookreview.com

This book is a romance sampler written to show off the first books of the author's romance series. According to the "Dear Reader" letter, this will let you know what series you'll like best between five different romance series. It is not all the first book, just a few chapters. 

The first one follows a widowed noblewoman from France to Scotland. It is an enemies-to-lovers romance. I would honestly say it is probably dirty romance. I expected nothing less of this book if I'm entirely honest with you. It was kind of good, up until the moment the main man showed up in the first chapter and the female lead started losing her strong resolve. Strong female character energy abruptly became our main lady thinking about our main guy's hands. All of a sudden chapter one decides that the presence of one Scottish man means she feels desire. I can tell by chapter one I'm not into this first series. The writing isn't bad - it's better than some other romances I've encountered - but I'm not into it. The first chapter turned me off to it. I skimmed the second and third chapters to find it wasn't bad, but I was still turned off by the first chapter. 

Before I decided to DNF (do not finish) the book I tried one more sample. This is multiple series in one, and the point of it is to find what you like, so why not? Sample two is a series following warriors in Scotland (a theme I found) who have mysteries attached to them. Again, the writing isn't bad. My complaint is that a strong woman lead will see the man lead and then suddenly go weak in the knees. I wasn't shocked about it this time. This time I was indifferent. It is also a dirty romance. While I have no qualms with some dirty romance (depends highly on the storyline itself and whether the sex is the whole book or only a few scenes), I need a strong storyline and characters with it. 

All things considered, both have a main character that has strength and kept me reading up until the main romantic lead showed up. Then our main woman suddenly went weak in the knees and it killed my interest. Strong woman energy should go all the way through, not disappear whenever our male lead shows up. Sample two at least had some history between the characters that made this make sense, but sample one did not. I have DNFed this sampler. 

The Gray and Guilty Sea by Scott William Carter  

Courtesy of Bookbub.com

I gave this ebook five chapters to impress me. It both did and didn't. It is about a rather cynical, retired private investigator. His wife died during one of his cases and he moved into a coastal town. The whole thing has a darker tone to it. He finds a dead girl washed up on his property. He's not a ray of sunshine. I was a bit bored. The story is slow-moving. I've read worse, though, so keep in mind that five chapters in the writing wasn't bad, just too slow-paced for my taste. I stopped reading after the fifth chapter.

It wouldn't be fair to give this a star rating because I never finished it. It was too molasses slow getting started to truly keep me interested. I'm not saying this is a horrible book. I'm saying it needs a faster tone to keep my attention. The whole point of this challenge is to determine whether the books I picked up at random are staying in the library. This one is not. I DNFed it. 

    

Courtesy of Biblio.com

 The Winning of Barbara Worth by Harold Bell Wright   

This book is a western focused on reclaiming a dessert and a young woman who was found in that dessert as a child. It has some romance in it, but I wouldn't say that was the focus of the book. The dessert and Barbara Worth's influence are the focus. The book was written in 1911 and reprinted. It is a 4 out of 5 stars for me. I was never bored, nor was I ever considering putting it down. This author has never let me down. This novel became a movie, just like his novel Shepherd of the Hills. Let it be known that a novel from 1911 can still be an excellent read. 

I'd also read Shepherd of the Hills if you are curious about it. It is a very odd read, but an excellent choice. The book and movie differ in plot in that case. I don't know about Barbara Worth's movie, but I have a feeling it might, too. Read the book. You'll thank yourself. 

Do you want to read it? Great news! It is in the public domain and read out loud online for free. I will link the three parts of the Librivox recording to this video below. No need to buy this one if you aren't sure. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGA1ZTd0dl8&t=14709s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0jBCpoIaKw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx3Bx7kPef8

Conclusion

Today's read-it-or-unhaul-it challenge has one winner and two unhauls. I DNFed both unhauls. One DNF was a romance sampler that didn't come through on the strong woman front it presented. The other was just moving too slow, way too slow. I lost interest. If it had moved faster I'd have kept going. The winner of this challenge is clearly the book from 1911, The Winning of Barbara Worth. It was a thick book, but it was worth it. Harold Bell Wright has never let me down. 

I do this challenge because I am a book dragon who needs to read what I have on my shelf. I also need to make room for more books on my shelf, books I know I like. This challenge makes me pick up those romances I got for free and those books I picked up on a whim. If you are like me, you should try this challenge. At the very least, you start to think before you take a book from a donation pile. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

My Lady's Choosing - a review

 I found a book at Dollar Tree. It is a choose-your-own-adventure, only it is a romance! This is my review after I have gone through every possibility in the storyline. Onward!

Courtesy of Pinterest

This book does not take itself seriously. This book is, from the character descriptions alone, hilarious. They took four main types of romances and put the stereotypes and common plots in every category. The humor here is amazing. This should not be treated like a serious drama. This is a reading-slump-breaker and an "I don't want a serious plot" book. It's an easy, light read purely for fun and good laughs, though I wouldn't call it pure in content or read it in public. 

To talk about the greatness of this novel, I need to talk about everything you can do in it. Spoilers are here. If you want to experience it first, stop and come back. I'll wait. This book is so much fun I'd save this page and come back if I were you. I'm not kidding. Don't spoil this. 

Now that all the people who didn't read it left (cough cough, last chance to not spoil it, cough cough) we move on. 

Your choices

What are the choices? You are a regency lady of 28 years who needs a man or you become an old maid. Your choices on a large scale are a hunky Highlander humanitarian, a bad boy who can't keep his shirt buttoned up, a trip to Egypt with your best and only friend (that can become sapphic), and a witty suitor. Yep, they put all the stereotypes of romance novels in. 

Your first choice can lead to an ending, where you run away from the woman you work for. You then sell yourself and die of syphilis within a year. Oops. That's the first ending you can hit. The only other choice is to go to a party with your awful employer. Because you have no prospects until you do this. 

To get to Lord Craven (bad boy shirtless) and Lady Evangeline (Egypt) you have to choose between Highlander (Mac) or Witty Suitor (Benedict) first. The bad boy, gothic man is a choice you make after one of the suitors doesn't shake out. Lady Evangeline (Egypt trip) is a choice you can make after you receive a letter from Lady Evangeline inviting you to Egypt or you see her in person. You can't directly choose these from the start. Warning on Egypt, though. If you don't want lesbian romance but still want to find out who you can romance there, I'd snub Lady Evangeline at every turn.

When I say the main leads are not all the options I mean it. You can find bonus romances all over the place. Ollie, your long-lost love turned spy, is an option in the Highlander storyline. You can marry the postman if you flee from Lord Craven or choose the Vicar (not kidding, you can!). You can marry Kabal the museum director in Egypt or Fabien. You don't just have the main leads. Try the alternates out, too. This is the one reason I'd say you should still try Egypt.  

Warnings

When this book says, paraphrased, you can get it on or get answers, it really means that you'll get both either way. Sorry, this book isn't Pureflix. If you are reading my review to see if it is a sexless romance, let me tell you honestly - it isn't. There is sex no matter what you choose. Sex is also written to be comedic in this case. It is hilariously written and does not take itself seriously in any way. I have yet to find the word "penis" or "vagina" anywhere in the book as I read it. It is all euphemisms for those biological areas, all innuendo. 

Lesbian romance isn't everyone's cup of tea. It is not my cup of tea, to be completely honest. You do not have to go to Egypt at all if you don't want to, but here is how you can find all the not-lesbian romance in the Egypt section without going on a sapphic adventure with Lady Evangeline by accident. Simply put, turn down going on an adventure with her or help her make up with her ex (still ends up being lesbian kissing, but it's not with your character). Decisions that lead you toward snubbing her will lead you to Kabal and Fabien. Or they take you to other romantic leads in the book if you turn down Kabal and Fabien. It might still be worth going to Egypt for you if you like museum directors and Arabian men with green eyes. 

Overall Thoughts

I am giving this a 4.5 out of 5 stars. Why not 5 stars? I didn't ask for the lesbian bits. It is not my cup of tea. That wasn't for me. That being said (as I did properly read it all to review this book) every word of the novel was well written. I had fun reading it and it kicked my current reading slump out into space. Read this if you are in a reading slump and you'll kick that slump into next week. I loved it. I mapped out every decision to keep track of what I did and didn't do. I did everything. 

Keeping in mind this is primarily making fun of the romance genre, don't take this as a serious drama. They took common plot twists and aspects of every subgenre (paranormal/gothic, regency, sapphic, and highlander-themed), then wrote as many mini-romances as they could. It's cool. I'd pick another one up if I found one, provided the same people wrote it. I think they missed the romantic suspense genre. Maybe next time they could have a choose-your-own romantic suspense if they do it again. I'd read it. 

If you are into only watching Pureflix, sexless romances, a child or under 18, or don't understand satire, please leave this book alone. You have to know and understand satire to enjoy this novel. Please keep this in mind when suggesting this book to anyone. 

Do you want this book? Here is the Amazon link to the book itself! 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Do writing routines matter?

I have been thinking about what my writing routine is. The real question is this; do they matter? Let's dive into that. 

Courtesy of Dissolve.com

First, we define a writing routine. A routine is a sequence of actions regularly followed, according to the dictionary (Oxford Languages). By that logic, a writing routine is a sequence of actions you do when you sit down to write. Or stand up at a standing desk to write. Everyone has a different learning style. Everyone writes differently. It doesn't mean you force yourself to sit at your desk for five hours daily. No, that's not what this is. If that works, great, but not all writers worldwide can do that. It is personalized for how your brain works. 

Is it important? Yes, it is. This routine tells your brain you are getting down to business and will write no matter how far away your personal muse is at the time. Whether the muse (your motivation) is practically dead or actively dancing around your desk metaphorically, the routine tells your brain cells to start firing. A routine will kill your writer's block many times over. Now the only question left is "What works for you?"

Personalizing Your Routine

Lately, the Pomodoro method has my brain firing. I also have two part-time jobs that take up my editing and writing time. I fall into the category of a weekly writer. I can't set a few hours aside every day of my life because I have multiple projects going on and I work. For this routine, I carve out at least 3 hours of editing and writing (sometimes just one, other times both) during my week. This lets ideas bloom in my head between writing sessions. No burnout here! The only advice to heed with this one is perhaps having clear goals of what needs to be done, planning a day to write concretely, and having a backup writing day. I try to do one day of editing and one day of writing, never mixing them. Life happens. Have a backup day so you don't skip the writing session on accident. Outlines are suggested.

Daily writers pick up their pen or laptop once daily and block out a period of time to only write. It is suggested that you leave some ideas for the next session before you stop for the day. Also, backup days are necessary when life decides to intervene. When stuck, writing prompts are a great help. 

Writing throughout the day means you do a little at a time, usually when you have time. It's common to either make sure you write for a specific amount of time each day (added up throughout the day, of course) or mark out blocks of time during the day. Unpredictable schedule? No problem. You'll want to avoid editing as you go. Consider marking out time during your day, planning out when you stop and write, just because you can easily skip a session. Some people use dictation tools. 

Binge-writers are like binge-watching. You wait until you have whole days of time and go at it for a long time. You reach your set goal, which is larger than other routines allow, and then don't have to write for a while. It isn't a daily routine, per se, but it works for some people. Don't set goals that set you up for failure and make sure you take care of yourself. Don't overdo this. You might want to go over your ideas and brainstorm every week, lest your novel be forgotten. Writing retreats are great for this type of routine. You can plan out a retreat weekend each month if you so desire to. 

Hybrids of these routines exist. Do you know what works best for you? Great! Go for it. If not, though, you can try out the routines one by one. Hybridize your routine however you need to. Keep in mind how quickly you burn out, how much time you have on your hands, how distracted by life you are, and how much time you need to make progress on your novel or other written works. Writers don't write the same way.

What Routines Prove To Work

I can't go about this blog without mentioning famous writers and their routines. Being a full-time writer is also different from the small authors you see self-publishing (me!). I have two part-time jobs. Steven King and James Patterson only have one. Keep that in mind if you want to try these out. Maybe you don't have time to do these, but maybe you do. 

E. B. White's routine is done amongst the ordinary fuss of life. He doesn't listen to music, but can still go about writing while life happens around him. The idea is this; "A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper."

Haruki Murakami gets up at four am to work for five or six hours. He then runs for ten kilometers and/or swims for fifteen hundred meters. He reads, listens to music, and goes to bed at nine pm. He strongly believes in repetition and keeps this routine going for at least six months of the year. I can't do that. 

Ernest Hemingway writes every morning, stopping after he knows what is going to happen in the next scene. You make yourself wait until the next morning to write and keep the flow of ideas going strong. You don't completely empty yourself. Writer's block is not as common with this man, I'd imagine. 

Henry Miller wrote commandments for writing. I will sum them up. Work on one book at a time and don't think about your other ideas until you are done. Don't work according to mood. You can scrap the routine for one day, but go back the next day. Live life. Write first, life after. 

Jodi Picoult doesn't believe in writing block. She thinks it means you have too much time on your hands because usually, deadlines fix writing blocks quickly. "You can't edit a blank page." You can write and it won't always be great, but you can't edit nothing. 

I only included some of the routines I read about. They all vary. Some will walk on a treadmill (A.J. Jacobs) and write, while others literally rent a hotel room for a writing space only (Maya Angelou). Nathan Englander's advice is turn off your devices, to unplug while you write. Karen Russell suggests enjoying writing badly and making peace with editing or throwing out most of your draft later.

Some of the takeaways from all these routines can be summed up. Physically pushing yourself is worth the effort. Move from your desk and keep your body active. Doing the important stuff (writing) is also a theme you see. The first thing the people do is write, instead of jumping into other activities and fitting it in. Embracing your struggle bus is another theme to think about. Do the hard work of editing. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Sources:

Do You Need a Writing Routine? - The Novel Smithy

The Daily Routines of 12 Famous Writers (jamesclear.com)

Horror Games I could Handle

I can't usually handle much horror, but, these games were really good. I could handle them. If you are anything like me, so can you. Let's review some games. 

Courtesy of Nintendoeverything.com

I'm not going to be playing FNAF (Five Nights At Freddie's) anytime soon, nor am I going to be playing Garten of Banban, Poppy's Playtime, or Bendy and the Ink Machine. I'm not that type of gamer. My husband will watch people play those, but won't watch them with me. The point of saying all this is to point out I'm a cozy, mystery storyline gamer. I'm a Nancy Drew gamer and a farming sim gamer. 

This makes it all the more impressive when I can play and enjoy a game labeled "horror". Not all horror is the same. Some games are just light horror and mostly comedy, like West of Loathing and Shadows Over Loathing. Others are more suspense-based and have a rich storyline that doesn't scare you as much as unsettle you, like Call of the Sea and Dredge. Dredge is a cozy horror if anything. There are also two Nancy Drew games with several jump scares all over, which include Ghost of Thornton Hall and Shadow at the Water's Edge. Those are personal favorites, if you can believe it. 

Dredge and Call of the Sea

Both of these have the same general vibe. I would say light Cthulu vibes would be an accurate description. Lovecraftian horror can go darker than ever, yet, I find these don't go overboard on that element. It is mostly adventure. You explore your environment and find out what happened, and when. 

First, we go into the cozy horror Dredge. You are a fisherman going to an island who needs one. You crash underneath the lighthouse and find an odd village of Greater Marrow and Little Marrow. You fish and upgrade your boat (preferably before you go out to the other island chains, hint hint) and pay off your boat debt. Once done with all that, you are compelled by a collector to go after items in each island chain around the Marrows, all with monsters. Be advised no item is ever easy to find or obtain. When you see it is merely a few lengths away don't just jump into the middle of the basin (another hint - don't learn the hard way!). Something is strange about the way the lighthouse keeper speaks to you and the collector. I urge you to think back on what the lighthouse keeper says to you. You'll find the tone of her words will change in your head when you play through it and finally understand what is going on. 

Courtesy of WCCFtech - Call of the Sea

Call of the Sea is a game of pure adventure and is not an open world. It may look like it, but it isn't. The premise is that you, Norah, are looking for your husband on the island where he came to find a cure for your disease. The island seems to give you a strange boost in health you didn't have before. You come upon letters from your husband and hard puzzles set up just for you. You'll understand why when you finish the game. Be warned the puzzles are hard. Pay attention to what Norah takes notes on to get past all of them. There are six chapters, which are six big puzzles. When taking a break from the game, I'd suggest stopping at the start of a chapter. Some smaller puzzles are "mess around and find out" - no blatant instructions at all. Others have instructions. It is more of a suspense if you ask me. 

Loathing

West of Loathing and Shadows Over Loathing are mostly comedic, with some horror elements. You are a stick figure exploring the area of Loathing and it is hilarious. I'm going to leave two videos, one of each game, to explain the games. They have one plotline each, but many many side quests. 

West of Loathing is a western. Shadows Over Loathing is themed on time travel issues and a shop that deals with cursed objects (run by your uncle who is missing). Your stick figure can stupid walk, obtain XP, fight enemies, and earn money to get better stuff. It is also a puzzle game and takes some brain power to complete. It's fun. You should try it. They are infinitely replayable.

Nancy Drew

Ghost of Thornton Hall and Shadow at Water's Edge are Nancy Drew Herinteractive games. In Thornton Hall you are looking for a missing woman who disappeared on a haunted property. In Water's Edge you are "on vacation", but not really. You stay in Japan and discover a ghost haunting is being faked. Nancy is never on vacation for real. She doesn't know how to relax. 

Both games are light horror in some ways and mysteries in others. It is hinted that Charlotte from Thornton Hall is not fake. I talk about that in this blog. Play before reading the linked blog. It contains spoilers. You can find out for yourself. Both games are puzzle-heavy and have jump scares built into the game all the time. Thornton has so many you can get an achievement for finding them all. Happy ghost hunting!

Courtesy of YouTube.com

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have four five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.