First of all, we need to consider that people come from different regions, countries, homelives, and traditions. We are raised uniquely and with different personalities attached. Normal to one person can be abnormal to another. I can point out lifestyle choices that make sense to me, but not to others raised in cities. Even in the same region habits differ.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as
"a: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern: characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine
b: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, procedure, or principle"
As well as free of impairment or occurring naturally.
From this, we can glean that normal is meeting the standard set without deviation and being without impairment. By this definition, I can already see that asylums (which hid the 'abnormal') functioned based off of societal standards that were broken already. The standard is not always good, nor is it always bad. Some standards have a reason, in fact, most do. It just depends on the society setting the standard whether it is good or bad. Can you name the unspoken standards you feel the pressure to adhere to?
Misconceptions
Psychology Today says the two misconceptions for normal are a poor understanding of human variations and an assumption that the average of the population is socially 'right'. This means punishment of the people who deviate is inevitable. Deviants (or abnormal people) have harder lives. I can name many examples, like minorities or those that question the normal standard. I felt this way in some social groups. This doesn't mean 'anything goes', but does mean we need to understand that social variations make our world continue on rather than constricting us to an eternal minimal standard.
Courtesy of Reddit
I looked into asylums and the cold war era and found that people who were not quick to take up 'normal' got put into the asylum perfectly sane or got marked part of the Communist party. This explains why the 1950s were so cookie-cutter (fear). It also explains how a lot of people got out of the asylum via appeals once their rights were returned to them.
Psychopathic behavior or misunderstood behavior?
There is a disorder that literally is someone only caring for themselves, but social deviants also got the term psychopath applied to them. In 2004 it was suggested they assess normal and abnormal by the 4 Ds; deviance, distress, dysfunction, and danger. It also has to be considered through the lens of that place and the culture. Deviance in this scenario has to be viewed with that in mind. Distress has to do with stress levels. Danger is either a threat to themselves or others (or both). This person could be starving themselves in order to commit suicide or violent towards others. Dysfunction explains itself - basically, can they function well? You get the idea. Abnormal behaviors can be categorized as disorders (in some cases they are and sometimes they are not).
Normal is used as a form of measurement. It often does discourage people when we say success in areas such-and-such is normal, especially when they struggle to keep up (me in math as a kid). Humans have different talents, perspectives, beliefs, and ways of viewing the world. My view of the world is not yours, nor is yours mine. You may not value what I value or have seen what I've seen. The point is that not all social deviance is bad. Serial killers are a whole other issue, of course, but the extremes aside we are all raised in different ways to value different things.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
If you have ever wanted to track your reading for the year this is the blog for you. If you ever wanted to make a TBR list this is the blog for you. Even if you wanted to create a card catalog for your library, I'm here for it. Let's dive in.
Courtesy of shilpaagarg.com
Today I will explain how to do three things: making a card catalog for your personal library, making a TBR (to be read) list, and tracking your reading for the year. I personally use Excel for all three, but I will add some other options in case you don't want to use that. It is also a viable option to open a notebook and handwrite your personal logs. You can access them offline if the power goes out when something doesn't depend on your battery life and technology.
Card Cataloging Your Library
The first thing you need is time. Take a day and do this. Plug in some lofi or play some Pandora while you sit and log your book collection. Depending on whether you have one bookshelf or five, it may take all day. After you have the time to sit, stand, or walk around doing this, your next step is to take an Excel document and put in several columns.
The first column down is going to be the title of the book, the next is the author, and the next is what form of book it is (audio, physical, ebook...). I personally mark what app it is on (kindle, kobo, chirp...) for easier finding. When you get all this down (pull up that lofi and take your time) go ahead and mark what you've read and haven't read if you'd like to keep track of that for the future. You can even put the unread in their own category on another page. I took the master list of all the books and created individual pages for the form of book (physical, chirp, kindle, kobo) for easier tracking of what I have and don't have. Organize it by whatever category you want to (mine's by title alphabetically). Mark your master list "master list" and mark your categories as what they are on the tabs of the Excel sheet. You can arrange them by author, genre, or any category you choose. Do what works best for your tastes.
Alternatives to this include actually buying a barcode scanner and scanning books into a program. You can organize it from there. The only downside is buying the scanner itself and then the books that don't have a barcode. For more on this method, click here.
To Be Read (TBR)
Step one is estimating how much you read last year, or last month (depending on whether you TBR for the month or year). Don't bite off more than you can chew. All the same, if you do put too much expectation on yourself you can cut it down to a handle-able list later on. Keep in mind that longer books take longer to finish and heavy topics take longer to digest. You might want pallet cleansers (light reading) in the mix around heavy content. Take into account how much time you have to read in your daily life before putting ten thousand books on your month or year TBR. Holidays also take up the reading time you have. Make the list smaller around the major holidays, or not. Up to you.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Now, I pull up Excel again, but you can literally pull up a notebook, Word document, or notetaking app to make your list. Make it a checklist if you want. Literally, the sky is the limit. Again, though, manually written notebooks are immune to the power going out. On the other hand, you can pull it up on your devices easier from apps and online clouds.
On whatever you choose to use, write out the books you plan to read. In my case, I mark when I started reading in Excel and when I finished it. I am tracking how many I decide to abandon, finish, and start.
Tracking Reading
Why track how much you read in a year? In my case, my coworkers actually asked. I didn't know so I'm tracking my 2023 reading and will track every year onward. So far I've got about 23 books read and one book I chose not to finish (Game of Thrones was wrecking me). Maybe you want to know how much of one genre you read or make stats of your yearly reading. Up to you. Track what you want to track.
I used an Excel sheet, but you can pull out a notebook or note-taking app. Just like my TBR, I track how many I finish, but I also track what form of book I read. I put the title in one column, then three after that in whatever order you choose - finished, started, DNF (did not finish). The last column is the form of the book it is. I keep a few cells of the Excel devoted to keeping track of the overall number of the finished, started, DNFed, and what forms of book I read. I keep track of how many audiobooks, ebooks, and physical books I read in a year. This is an audiobook year for me, according to my data.
Other things you can keep track of are genre and whether you borrowed or owned the book you read. At the end of the year I'm probably going to post my stats on my blog for everyone to see. I'm doing well on my TBR and will probably go the whole way with it, adding more books to the list as I finish books.
Goodreads is also a good way to track your reading, which many people use all the time. I have an account but don't often go onto it. Storygraph, Italic Type, Bookshelf, and Bookly are also great options for you to explore. More on those here if you're interested.
Benefits of Tracking, TBRing, Cataloging
The benefits of tracking your reading are many. For one thing, you know you read a book last year by just checking your logs. In my case, I can now tell my coworker how many books I read in a year. It encourages reading to try to rack up the number on my reading log. The TBR does the same thing. If tracking genre or book form is your goal, you may find the genre/form of book you love the most by looking at your end-of-year reading stats, which helps you know what you like. You can even find biases within your reading log stats, towards a certain genre, author gender, or form of book.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Why catalog your books? Easy, to know what you have and what you don't, and remember how many digital books and audiobooks you have. You don't buy duplicates this way. Your relatives are less likely to give you duplicates because you asked for a book you already had. By keeping an unread list I can now pinpoint what books I need to read when I'm not reading my bucket list series'. I'm even taking on a "read it or unhaul it" challenge every few books or so, mostly because I am a book dragon who hoards. Ask my husband and my bookshelves. They will tell you.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Did you ever wonder if the aliens already invaded and they live in our houses? Our cats - aliens? No, I'm not at all serious, but let's talk about it anyway.
Courtesy of Pet Paradise
Truthfully, I need some posts that are easy to throw together and fun to make. Cats being aliens? Sure, let's do it. Again, nothing about this post is at all serious. I just love cats and think it's a fun idea that the aliens have decided to get pampered (conquer us by being cute). Others shared that thought, according to my Google search. Let's look at what I found on this conspiracy.
Proof?
A sci-fi horror movie had the same idea. The Cat or The 1000 Years Cat is a film about cats (and some other beings) being aliens. I'm not sure what level of horror this is. I don't know how intense it is. I just know I'm not the only being on earth to ponder the question.
One of my (not serious at all) sources gives me a list of when your cat might be an alien. Let's run down the list.
1. they want to taste you
2. they change from solid to liquid
3. look uncomfortable in their own bodies
4. watch you with freaky eyes
5. they study your technology
6. look like they are telepathically communicating
7. they try and imitate spacemen
8. investigate water and its properties
Five other signs your cat is really an alien may include mind control by demanding attention. You wanted to read a book, do laundry, and just game - and then kitty notices. They control your mind to pet them and you get nothing done. Another is the solicitation purr, which can manipulate you into paying attention to only them. We are powerless to their lovable purrs. They find our weaknesses daily. The next is mistaking boxes for the mothership. They think they'll be beamed home. Yet another is the cuteness of an internet cat that could get away with anything (like all cute small kitties). Last, but never least, is the ability to see what we can't and speak at it. Are they phoning home? We'll never know.
Did you know cats in Egyptian culture were given as gifts from the gods? Also, gods were pictured as cats often. Another bit of proof is the unexplainable nature of purring, which scientists can't explain. It originates in the brain, so it isn't a specific organ.
Go take a picture of your cat when you hold their ears back. Do you need more proof? I think not. Their eyes are so much better than ours, too, but only if you want to black and white images and night vision. When cats awake and run around they might get transmission from the mother ship. What comes out of their bodies is also just strange. Hairballs are proof of that.
Cat survival is off the charts. Jump from a four-story building? Yep, still alive. They land on their feet almost all the time because of their tails. They are amazing creatures. Also, if you die and you're the only thing to eat, they will eat you.
Invasive species
Did you know cats are an invasive species? Yep, they are aliens, in the environmental sense. To be invasive you have to be nonnative and do environmental harm to other species. Cats have caused the extinction of some bird species and go after many small animals (though many of us that have gardens don't object). Indoor cats are not a problem for other species according to studies, but outdoor ones are. The ones who go hunting frequently do eliminate some species in an area.
Conclusions
No, cats aren't aliens. No, this was not serious. I just wanted to be entertained by silly cat stuff. Now you are, too. I hope you and your cat are having a great day!
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
When I say beauty tips, I mean you don't have to get your wallet out for anything. These are things you can do with no product.
Courtesy of Clearclinic.com
Today is a day for a light topic and a good time. I found tips and tricks that cost nothing to do. Some of it should be common sense and a few things are little hacks that save you from running to the store. Most of them have to do with your skin.
Common Sense
Taking care of yourself overall is the first thing we should note. Everything is connected to everything else (mental and physical), so having good habits and health are at the top of the list. Drink water, eat meals...etc. On this list we find sleep is vital. Please sleep. It will not be good if you don't. It is also vital to manage stress and exercise.
Not smoking is great for you. I think we were taught this from a young age. Unfortunately, many people do smoke. It was found in a 2012 and 2022 study that wounds heal slower and skin cancer happens more often in smokers. Avoiding smoke, in general, is suggested.
Courtesy of huffpost.com
Sunscreen this summer is highly suggested. The sun does damage out on the beach and we should be using it. It is recommended to be put on every two hours. UV rays are out there. They do impact you. On a completely related note, we should be seeking shade and covering our skin with clothing during the hottest hours of the day.
Avoid using harsh products on your skin, unless prescribed. I think we've all seen some proof that harsh chemicals do damage, yet we still put on lots of hair products and skin products. It's better to use less soaps with sulfates and less products with harsh ingredients.
We've heard 'don't touch your face' all pandemic, but it truly does matter. There is an acne form caused by pushing more oils back into your skin and friction on your face. Don't skin pick. It isn't good for your face.
We have a professional's opinion saying we need to remove all our makeup from our faces at the end of the day. Don't leave it on your face until morning. It causes blemishes.
Not So Common
Sleeping on a silk or satin pillowcase is suggested because you can cause wrinkles while sleeping. It also helps your hair be less frizzy to sleep on satin or silk. I don't think many people know this. People with frizzy hair should try this.
Knowing your skin type is a good idea. Knowing what your skin likes and doesn't is even better. Based on your experience, you find what does and doesn't like your skin. Keep that in mind for the future.
Wash makeup brushes. I know not many of us actively do this one. Many of us even keep expired makeup and use it for years after. It can cause more acne and breakouts. Wash the brush that puts makeup on your face and go through that makeup every two years or so.
I have bad news for all those people who love hot showers (me); it doesn't help your skin. Short showers are helpful in hot water, but doing those long baths and showers we love so much isn't good. We are also supposed to pat dry instead of scrub dry with towels, as well as apply moisturizer afterward. I don't think many of us do this. It is suggested that lukewarm water be used.
What you eat matters, according to experts. Processed foods are not good for you and natural foods are. Dairy in excess isn't good. Everything is connected. Your skin will care. Sugary foods are also not beneficial.
Smile! No, really, this is the tip. If you want to look younger you should find a reason to smile. Laugh over some dad jokes on the internet. Go spend time with friends. Smile at a child because they're adorable.
Courtesy of drgrubb.com
Proceed With Caution
This section is specifically the ones that involve makeup and hacks. I would be cautious toward any beauty hacks in the world. Some of them don't work. Think before you attempt. If you try it and it doesn't work at all, comment so I can remove it from the blog post.
Broken nails happen, but you can do something. Cut fabric from an unused tea bag into your nail shape, apply a top coat over it, and file down.
Your eyeliners or lipliners may break or melt on you. If you notice crumbling you can pop that into the freezer for 15 minutes. That will allegedly fix it.
Lipstick used as a blush? I know, but hear this hack out. Do it at your own risk. Rub it onto your finger and dab it across the apples of your cheeks for a natural flush.
Glue sticks can be swiped lightly over your eyebrows (white or clear) and combed out for a feathery soft look. Try at your own risk.
No pore strips? Easy, let a thin line of Elmer's glue dry on your nose and peel it off. Again, try at your own risk.
For perfect cat eye, it has been suggested that you place a spoon where you would draw a line and trace it with your eyeliner. This may actually work.
Forget to buy more shampoo? No worries, try baking soda - at your own risk. Mix it with water and wash with the paste you created, then rinse. You can also use this for toothpaste (which some people actually have done).
To exfoliate lips you need nothing more than a washcloth and warm water. This is the safest one you could try, in my opinion.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
This one is a bit of a joke for kicks and giggles. Can we find proof of time travel in old photos and other goodies? Let's go hunting.
Courtesy of Cracked.com
Today we're going to look at some photos. I have chosen a few of them for us to view. The rest are in my sources. Before we go there, let's talk about the possibility that it is or isn't possible to travel through time.
According to one source, it is possible to travel through time - just not to change it. It suggests that anything you try to change would be altered back in order to avoid a paradox. The grandfather paradox is the idea that if you kill your grandfather by going back in time you're never born, yet, who would kill the grandfather? According to physics events could move in a circle and the ducks would all come into place to correct the paradox. Something would always get in the way of you killing your grandfather or your grandmother would already be pregnant to prevent the paradox.
Richard Muller maintains that since we are forever creating the future, we can't go there. He says time is expanding to create the future, thus logic says we can't get to the future because "now" is forever in the way. It all sounds very complicated and simple at the same time. He's written a book about it. He's studied Einstein's work to come to this conclusion, but so did the previous paragraph's source...so believe what you want to.
Another article I found maintains the viewpoint that time travel is breaking the space-time continuum. They think that articles of past and future were dropped and people got whisked to different time periods on accident temporarily. What? He has a whole bunch of pictures to prove it, allegedly. A woman was also found with modern shoes - and she'd been buried for at least a thousand years! Andrew Basiago tells about project pegasus, which is allegedly government-funded time travel experiments done in secret (allegedly during the 1960s-70s). The jump room was apparently where this all happened, where a device that allowed time travel used to exist. No proof has surfaced of this room. There is also a story of a hotel being stayed in (the couple finding it oddly old-fashioned) and then it not existing (and the proof going missing). Another incident involved a stranger getting a tap on the shoulder just in time to save him from being run over by a truck (and the stranger showed up just in time, too).
The Pictures Worth A Thousand Words
Before we go on let's talk about Photoshop. You can bet your boots that Photoshop is likely to be the culprit in some photos believed to be time travel proof. I need you to remember that even way back when they painted on negatives and portraits to make waists thinner. A good artist could take a portrait and make it look real.
1. The 1962 World Cup
What you need to notice is directly in the middle of the photo at the bottom. Is that a flip phone? It sure looks like it to me.
2. 1928 on the set of silent film "The Circus"
Is that a woman talking on a cell phone? In 1928? Maybe not and maybe so. The world may never know.
Some have come to the conclusion it was a hearing aid being held up to her ear, not a cell phone.
3. 1860
What is this woman holding? Is this a cell phone again? This was from 1860, so quite possibly not, but still looks like it. It could be anything, really, so believe what you like.
4. Marilyn Monroe
Apparently, someone wanted a selfie with Marilyn Monroe, but is that a smartphone in their hand? Is it a mirror? A digital camera? Her eyes look like they are on the screen. It could be a mirror or a screen.
5. Celebrity look-alikes from way back when
I'm going to show you some disproven and questioned pictures that look like they could prove actors time traveling. The Nicolas Cage one has been messed with, for reference, and the same is possible for all of them.
Nicolas Cage
Conan O'Brien
Eddie Murphy
John Travolta
Matthew McConaughey
Peter Dinklage
Most of this is probably just genetics at work. Seriously, I look just like a relative on one side of the family and the resemblance is uncanny. My grandparents showed me her picture. It isn't unlikely that genetics could do this type of thing.
Conclusion
This one was just good, clean fun. I don't know if time travel is wise, even if we could do it. I'd advise we maybe don't. I think it'd do more harm than good. What if you can't get back? That would be concerning. What if you go too far or die? Oops. At any rate, let's not mess with our own heads any more than we already have. I'd imagine it'd get messy socially. How do you explain your 2023 perspective to the people? You might end up in an asylum.
Create a great future for yourself out there, readers!
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Everyone who knows me well and sees me at work says "How can you read so much?". To this I say anyone can do it; you just have to know what you like and don't like. A good story can have you sitting on a couch or chair for hours on end. You'll look up at the clock and realize that the time just melted away.
Courtesy of inclusiveteach.com
Warning: reading can be addicting! I'm not joking. I have shelves of books all over the apartment, double stacked in two layers. And furthermore, I don't have enough space to put more shelves until I move into a house (at which point my carpenter father has plans to make me a book chair). I also read all of the book types (audio, ebook, and physical versions).
Today I'm going to get you started on your book dragon journey (whether you have your books stored in the online cloud or they are double stacked on shelves). There are three types of books; you have audiobooks, ebooks, and physical turn-the-pages books. Genres of books fit all different kinds of people. We'll talk about that, too.
Genre
Do you know what you like in TV and movies? Take that preference straight to your local library. Seriously, it is that simple. You can even try out some different genres and test the waters on all kinds of books. Don't like horror? Try suspense or romance or historical fiction or fantasy. Try it all out if you have the time. It might surprise you what you like.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Genres go under several umbrellas, which then become more specific subgenres. I'm going to give you the umbrella genres and let you explore from there because the number of subgenres here could go on for days. We start with Nonfiction (informational) and Fiction (made-up stories). Nonfiction is anything factual, like biographies, history, crafting how-tos, and cookbooks. I think we can safely focus on Fiction without anyone getting confused about that.
Fiction goes into Action/Adventure, Children's, Classics, Comics/Graphic Novels, Young Adult, Fantasy, Western, Thriller/suspense, Historical Fiction, Horror, Romance, Science Fiction, Short stories, Poetry, True Crime, Mystery, Coming-of-age, and Drama.
Again, what you like in movies and TV can be a guide to what you might enjoy in books. If you don't know if you like it, go visit a library. Test drive it until you know what you think. Test before you buy. My own published book is in the Carrollton Libary System.
Where To Find The Books
Libraries are a wealth of resources. Here's to them! They house 3D printers (some, not all), computers for those who need them, normal printers, crafts and activities during the summer months (summer reading programs), kid's rooms with coloring books, mini museums (for some), books, DVDs, audiobooks, ebooks and audiobooks online, and nice librarians who can help you find or library-loan any books you could need. Be kind to your local librarians today!
Did I mention library apps? Not yet? Well then, let me introduce you to Libby, a library app for ebooks and audiobooks from any library connected to the app. You only need your phone number or library card to rent them right from your phone, tablet, or laptop. All you need to do is find the free app to get started.
If you love the book and want it, try Amazon's Audible and/or Kindle (Amazon in general) for good books. Another app for good ebooks and audiobooks is Kobo (lesser known, but just as good). Look up used books online for great prices, especially when you are on the Barnes and Noble or Books A Million (BAM) websites.
Buying books from hole-in-the-wall stores is the best! You see, families running a bookstore charge less for books a lot of times. I can highly suggest a few bookstores, including one in New Philadelphia, Ohio called The Bookman's Cafe. It has an attached tea shop. I can also highly suggest one from Mayfield, Ohio called Half Price Books, which sells more than books - games, video games, puzzles, notepads, and DVDs.
Book Types
In case you haven't noticed, the physical book is not your only option. All of it is reading. Don't let anyone tell you differently. We absorb books differently and in different situations. Let me go over the best options and the situations for you.
Physical books are good for when you have space and bookshelves, or you can't read screens well at all. I know someone who can't read the ebook form of a novel. Writing physical annotations in books is a habit for some, so if that's your game go for the paper versions. If you love to see pretty covers giving a room personality this is a great option. If you want a book that isn't affected by a power outage or lack of batteries this is perfect. Don't read in the dark, though; buy a book light or grab a flashlight.
Courtesy of Getty Images
Ebooks can be read on e-readers or tablets/phones/laptops. If you are constantly on the move it may aid you to keep books on a device for your train travels or waiting rooms. If you keep your devices full on battery this is great, but if you don't I suggest the physical book be your first option. Ebooks are also great options for those with no book space. The cloud takes up no space in your small bedroom or apartment or dorm room. You can digitally annotate your novels, as well. Highlighting passages and searching on your device for annotations is easy. You can also change lighting, font, size of font, and highlighting colors on some devices and apps. Tracking progress? Easy, it shows the percentage. You'll also never lose the book while you're packing and moving. As long as you have access to the cloud you have a book in your hand. In conclusion, you can annotate and carry your whole library with you as you go about your day. Just make sure that the device is charged or you lose access to your whole library.
Audiobooks are great if you have an mp3 player on hand, a cd player in your car, or even a tape player in your (ancient) car. You can also get adapters for whatever your audio needs are. I suggest looking into that if your car is old. Libraries have CD and mp3 options for this. Tapes of audiobooks are often in resale shops. Nowadays you can connect your library app from your phone to your Bluetooth wireless what-have-you. Best of luck finding tapes. Form of media aside, this is perfect for road trips that are long. I used to consume audiobooks rapidly when I was driving 45 minutes to and from work. It is also great for when you are doing laundry or mindless tasks. I find it helps me focus. I don't suggest tuning out the world entirely in some areas, so listen responsibly. Noise-canceling anything in dangerous areas is a bad idea; be aware of your surroundings. I don't suggest this for times when you need to pay attention to surroundings, but instead for places that are safe (running in the middle of nowhere, an apartment, your own house, or any place you are sure to be safe from harm). Summarized, these are great (for places you are safe) while doing mindless tasks and going on road trips.
Conclusion
Take this information and run with it, straight to your local library or bookstore. Local authors sometimes sell books at events or flea markets. Seriously, we can't do this without you. As a local author, I can attest to the reality that we are under the shadow of major authors, trying to sell books to people who don't know who we are. Take a chance on a local author or two. Take a chance on me, while you're at it. If unsure, check out the Carrollton Library system to read through the library copy.
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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.
Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him?
Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.
Bad romance, indeed. Let's talk about what some romance novels tell you is romantic, but shouldn't be.
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Today it has come to my attention that our romance novels tell us toxic behavior should be a turn-on - not all, though (just some). When I plugged "toxic traits in romance novels" into Google it immediately brought up the Young Adult (YA) genre. It's hardly surprising, with Twilight being YA, but I'm also going to talk about the books spawned from it (Fifty Shades of Grey and 365 Days). There are also erotica novels that just drip with toxic relationships. You already know it is going to be particularly bad when you pick it up.
We also need to make a distinction between erotica and romance novels. Erotica's point is arousal. Romance novels focus on a relationship between two people. Now that we've established that, we'll move on. The main difference is usually one has a plot (romance) and the other is unapologetic sex on a page (erotica).
Why This Is A Problem
It depends on entirely on why you pick up the romance novel and your age. To be clear, I do not read erotica but do enjoy well-written romance novels with good plots. Without it, I abandon the novel faster than Bella should be abandoning Edward. Young women's minds (especially when younger than high school) are shaped by what they read. If the example is an abusive relationship romanticized to be normal we're all in trouble. Young women chase what they find romantic. Adults picking up novels should know the difference between abusive and loving relationships (sadly, some don't). Some adults are also porn-addicted. Picking up a novel for entertainment vs picking it up to get off on it is a bold italic difference. Young men also figure out what is normal through books; The fact is most women pick up romances instead of men.
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As for why bad romances get read, erotica is a great example of why bad romances with no plot and lots of sex sell. People get off on the stuff. It is porn in words. Some people call it women's porn. Erotica is porn for sure, but I guarantee some author is making money on bad writing. The stuff shouldn't be out there. Fifty Shades of Grey is bad for you and horribly written. It shouldn't have made it past the editing process.
Sex in fiction has a place. I've talked about this before. One sex scene (less is more is a good rule) does not make something erotic. Read Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove series for sex scenes that are the most unromanticized I've ever seen. It may be part of the plot. When a badly written sex scene is thrown in at 70 percent through the book (murdering the plot in the process) and it lasts 12 pages the book becomes dumpster fire trash in my eyes. If it feeds directly into the plot itself (like in the Lonesome Dove series or Bridgerton) I'll keep reading. That is the key difference. Don't throw sex into a book without actually tying it into the plot or readers like me won't finish it. Also, Lonesome Dove is not a romance novel; it is about the Texas Rangers and the old west's unique rules. Not every book with sex is a romance novel.
Romanticized Abuse
Abuse romanticized into an ideal relationship is not good. We should not be striving to be Joker and Harlequin, ladies and gents. We shouldn't want to be like Bella and Edward. Or Anastasia and Christian Grey. Let's be real about this. It's bad. If you are reading this as an example it is a horrible idea. Reading it knowing a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one is a must. Though, to be clear, Fifty Shades books are horribly written and I don't advocate reading those specific books.
Controlling male leads are common in the YA genre and the romance genre as a whole. This comes with gaslighting, too. Another one is that love is the cure for trauma (not true, work out your issues). A rough background can get used as an excuse for horrible behavior. Fifty Shades even does this with Christian Grey. Forced sex is another abuse that gets glorified here. Stalking is another one that gets normalized in the book series You, which is a thriller genre book. Consent gets passed over sometimes in these novels. Pairing characters off - despite the fact they may have been more than okay on their own - is one trait that people forget about, as well.
If You is any example, we are in trouble. The filmed series fooled some of the audience into thinking the main character (who is stalking someone hardcore) was romantic and charming. If the more alarming aspects of the main character weren't picked up by the audience it illustrates that we normalize some stalking and pursuing behaviors as normal. That series of books is a thriller novel - not a romance!
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I'm going to go ahead and rag on Fifty Shades for a solid, thick paragraph. Ana is emotionally, physically, and sexually abused throughout the entire book series. Christian Grey stalks her before he even gets involved with her and makes it a point to control her life circumstances all the time. Another aspect of this is Christian's past trauma - which in no way excuses what he's done - that motivates Ana to try to fix him. She is also supposed to be purely submissive in this relationship while Christian has all the sexual power and sex he wants. Christian makes Ana dependent on him, preferring she not work and that he pay for everything because he wants total control (generosity is not his game). Ana even has to sign a contract with gives him rights to her body and time. She is his object. He buys her gifts to keep her with him, but never fixes the issues he has or acknowledges them. The video below is a theorist on Youtube talking about how Christian Grey conditioned Ana like he was a cult. For real, he totally did. Watch the video below and you'll see it clear as day. There are people who practice BDSM in the world and hate this series, calling it rape and not BDSM.
While we're talking about abusive male leads, let's talk about Edward Cullen, who isn't quite so bad, but literally inspired Fifty Shades of Grey into existence. In case you didn't know, Fifty Shades was a Twilight Fanfic. 365 Days was written because someone felt Fifty Shades didn't go far enough. The main man for those novels makes Christian Grey look like a balanced individual. All three men have control and jealousy issues. All three stalk our main female character. Edward Cullen, vampire or not, is definitely not who you want showing up at your window watching you sleep. Romantic? No, not at all! He could kill you.
Some books may be trying to make a social point in portraying abuse, awakening people to the realities of the situations that happen in real life. If our hero steps up and stands up for themselves you may be reading one of these books. The other side of the coin is that someone gets off on domineering over others. There are people with fetishes out there. The point is, a stance on abuse is important. Do they portray this abuse as negative or positive? It all comes down to whether they are glorifying abuse or portraying it (as in, showing what abuse is for real).
Stalking is a hard issue online, but I do have a blog on that subject here and here. These explain what legal stalking is. The first link is also about writing research and the line between that and stalking. I'm going to dig right into the thriller series You right now. This series is the story of Joe Goldberg falling in love and killing whoever gets in his way. Before the killing, however, he stalks his love interest. What is scary is his mindset; he thinks he's doing good. He did have a hard past, but that doesn't excuse his obsession-stalking. Long story short, one expert (Mary Reiter) has talked about how it parallels college campus stalking (thelantern.com).
Romance Tropes
The trope of the 'bad boy' character is part of Edward Cullen's personality. This trope also shows up in Grease and countless other movies and TV shows. This isn't just a book problem. The problem with this trope is this; a gentle girl ends up with a toxic guy. In this case, I'm not just ragging on Edward and Christian Grey. Character development sometimes comes at the cost of the female character. He's almost always dangerous with a checkered past. Often they are attractive (which somehow makes up for the bad situation?). The good girl he gets paired with feels she can fix him - a lie if I've ever heard one. In Grease Sandy changes herself, not the other way around. When this is portrayed as "cool" to men, it damages more than women. Men are taught this is how you act and women get taught that this is a healthy relationship. Damage all around.
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Abduction to love is here, too. 365 Days fits neatly into this. The main man kidnaps a girl for 365 days so she might love him. And then there's butt stuff and lots of sex. I watched a review of it by Amanda the Jedi. Don't, just don't. The review was enough.
The parasitic relationship of "all take and no give" is the idea that one character reaps all the benefits and another gets nothing. One person gets drained of life force. I can think of one nonromantic relationship where this is true; Rapunzel and Mother Gothel portray exactly what this is. Add a romantic element to this concept and it can get scary.
"Clingy partners" is a trope that should die. Constant jealousy is not good for any relationship. Unless you portray this as negative in context, it shouldn't be in our media - especially not for young men and women! Jealous partners don't make for a fun time. Any friendships you have may or may not die if you stay with this person.
Lying is a bad one, particularly if they lied about protection in bed. Also, cheating partners can go under this umbrella. Anyone lying to your face is not your friend and shouldn't be a lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse to you. Deception glorified is not right. Please, let's not put this under the heading of "normal".
Abusers in general are not to be glorified in fiction. Read that again. Abusers with fetishes are even worse. Cough cough, Christian Grey, cough cough! If you could take away their wealth and gifts and it looks like an episode of Criminal Minds you've found a bad-boy-rich-abuser romance. It's abuse. The "love martyr" trope feeds right into this by having a character stay with an abuser.
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"I can fix him" is the last thing you should be teaching young women. I say young women because it gets aimed at women primarily. Men are taught they don't have to change by the "bad boy" standard. Women are taught they can make him change by their behavior. Your behavior is your responsibility. Take responsibility, ladies and gents. Teach your kids they can't fix someone. Please end this trope.
Bullying someone you are in love with is not how you show your affection. This trope is done by many books and movies, too many to count. Pulling pigtails in the classroom shouldn't be cute. Stop this when they are young. Don't glorify this in fiction. We need more ladies and gentlemen out there.
Loving an idealized version of someone is potentially dangerous. It leads to blind love, then creates a relationship off-kilter from reality. People shouldn't be idealizing real people. Yet, this trope lives on, creating more problems. It even feeds back into the abuser trope and love martyr trope.
Stalking to love is a bad situation. This is someone stalking one person and the victim finding it romantic. Bella does exactly this in Twilight. Edward literally watches her sleep through her window. No, just no. We don't need to teach young adults this is acceptable.
After all those toxic tropes, I'll bet you're questioning all the YA books you've read in your junior high years. I can't tell you how important it is that we teach our YA audience that abuse is not okay. This doesn't mean we stop portraying it; it just means that we take a negative stance on it. Writers portray reality, so it shouldn't be a wonder that it'll still show up. Let's think about the romances we absorb in our day-to-day reading. Let's read with our brains turned on.
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