Friendship and attraction - Are we attracted to our friends?

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 Attraction to friends? Being drawn to certain people? It's real. The very fact you want to hang out with your friend is a nonromantic attraction.  Let's get into it. 



Attraction can be platonic or romantic. You heard me, non-romantic attraction. The reason you want to hang out with your friends of any gender is attraction. Attraction means wanting to be near them. There are different levels of attraction and romantic is just the highest degree of it. 

Today I researched attraction in friendships - and I don't mean cross-sex friendship issues. I mean the actual concept of wanting to be near someone. You like seeing your family, your friends, and your significant other, which are two types of attraction but the same concept. 

What magnets us to other people

Familiarity is what we want as humans. Exposure effect is seeing someone over and over again, increasing our comfort. This connects us over time. Think about family here and how we connect with family. Most of us don't romantically attach to family, but still give affection to family. 

Similarity will immediately get you a friend at a convention. No joke, I've done it. Shared interest will connect us as humans. Most humans that draw together have a shared interest, or meet because of a shared interest. Think about all the nerds (I include myself) who read the same books, watch the same movies, and like the same genres in media. We naturally become fast friends with people who love the same fandom. 

Opposites might attract, but not always. Personalities sometimes balance themselves out. Complimentary traits -like outgoing paired with quiet - happen. It's kind of where the extrovert adopting the introvert comes from. Other traits can also be complimentary; this is just a good example of that. 

Physical cues and body language have a say in who you befriend. Attraction physically does impact who you draw near to. If someone has positive body language we also notice. Open and friendly versus closed off does make a difference. 

Emotional openness is a big thing. Someone who truly listens and sees you will immediately attract you. Feeling valued as a person makes you want to spend time in their presence. It's something to remember if you want to make the world a better place. 

Types of Attraction

Physical attraction is obvious. There is physical touch involved, so the desire to be touched. This isn't necessarily sexual. There is platonic touch (hugs, pats on the shoulder). 

Emotional attraction is attachment based on personality and naturally vibing with them. You feel a desire to learn more about them and get to know them for more than their physical features. This creates a deeper relationship with them, whatever the relationship might be. Long-term relationships of any kind tend to last longer with this type of attraction.

Romantic attraction is desiring a relationship with someone. This does not include sex. You simply want to be more than friends. 

Sexual attraction is wanting sex. This is so self-explanatory that I'm not going to go further on this one. I think we all understand. 

Aesthetic attraction is seeing someone/something as visually beautiful. This can apply to people or art. We go toward what is appealing and pretty. Humans are simple like that. But it can also be deadly when something is poisonous or dangerous, yet very pretty. You just want to look, not touch, in this case. 

Intellectual attraction is bonding over someone's mind and thoughts. You seek opinions and advice. Learning from someone, for example, and being drawn to their knowledge is an example of this. Some have to experience this before they experience other attraction types. 

Things to ponder

The halo effect is finding someone physically attractive, then finding them attractive in other ways because of it. Being aware of this effect might help you see someone as they are, not as you wish them to be. 

It is good to be aware of these attractions. You can think through any relationship and see what types apply. For example, multiple friends are intellectual attraction and emotional attraction, which then makes them aesthetic attraction and physical attraction because I like who they are as a person. I want their hugs, their personalities, their thoughts on life, and to see their faces. And I'm not talking about romantic attraction here because it does not apply. Try it with your relationships and see where this takes you. Analyze it. 

When we don't understand the complexities of attraction, we only see it as sexual or romantic. That isn't true. I think we need to re-evaluate our society's views on attraction and relearn what it means to be attracted to someone. You are attracted to your friends and family, just not romantically. 

Society also influences what "beautiful" means. It sucks, but society can't make up its mind. Especially where women are concerned. Our media does influence us. What society calls "beautiful" does show up in media and images frequently seen.

Our experiences and childhood frame who we find attractive, as well. Depending on how you were raised, who you are, and what you have learned in life, it will influence who you draw near to. 

Sources:

Why We’re Drawn to Certain People: The Psychology of Attraction

What Are the 6 Types of Attraction?

The Psychology of Attraction: Why We Fall in Love with Specific People

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Morrow is released! This novella is the story of two women writing a family history for the Morrow family. They find a nasty secret while researching. Will they survive their internship? 

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