I started this blog to get attention drawn to my writing career, not my love life. I seem to be getting a few more random DMs these days from people who didn't read my bio. Word to the wise, I am married. Today we're going to talk about how all of us should respond to the people who randomly DM us online.
Courtesy of YouTube
People with a blog or any consistent online presence may get random direct messages (DMs) from strangers. Celebrities (of which I am not one) and other people with larger names get the odd letter or odd message at times. I didn't think having a blog, with a bio clearly stating I have a significant other, would lead to unwanted flirtation DMs, but here we are. I am not going to post pictures of these DMs for the sake of privacy and my unwillingness to humiliate others. I will leave the roasting to those YouTubers who do it for comedy.
Unwanted DMs
What are unwanted DMs? Any strange human who contacts you in a creepy, flirtatious, or unsolicited way. In other words, you didn't ask for their contact and they made contact with you. The unsolicited messages that help my writing career, or are related to posts where I asked for someone's help, don't count for my definition. Those were prompted by other posts, as opposed to Mr. X over here who says "your profile picture is cute" and he wants to get to know you.
I have found multiple other women, almost exclusively, who get these messages from their social media. Yep, it may be because I'm female. Both genders surely get these, but it seems that women get more of them. I have had only one female contact me like this, only one, and they respectfully left me alone. Some people did stop after the courtesy message I used to put up. This message basically said I am on social media for my writing career, I stated my current relationship status (married), and said I wasn't interested. The majority of the six or so decided to leave me alone. Only three tried to keep messaging and got blocked immediately.
I put myself on TikTok for future book promotion purposes and I have gotten four unwanted DMs as of the last time I looked, all from Facebook and not TikTok. So many guys I don't know have friend requested me. That is why this blog post is going out with my project update post. Click here for my update on my novel.
What you could do
You see all these online personalities roasting these DMs. I could literally take a picture and post it all over my blogs, but I refuse. That is an invasion of privacy. You'll notice that the YouTubers generally edit the names so they are not viewable. This is why. While it would feel good to really expose the creepy men on the internet I doubt it'd do that much good. I'd just be dropping to a new low. Experts say this only fuels unbalanced individuals. Don't do it. The fire doesn't need to be fueled by a response.
Chat them back? I could, but no thank you. Just because one person chatted with you doesn't mean you have to return the favor. The internet allows you to ignore them, a blessing I take advantage of. The silence they get in return douses the fire.
Send them the rejection hotline or any other false phone number? I have been tempted to. Yet, that would require chatting them back. So no, I won't be doing that.
The best option
Some feel that messages must be returned, but do they really have to be? No, not when it comes to unsolicited, unwanted flirtations. The best option is to leave the chat alone and/or block them. I have decided I am no longer sending courtesy messages. Crickets and ghosting seem to work just as well. Don't waste your time when you get these DMs. I certainly don't have time to waste, and neither do you.
The truth is that they want a reaction, much like gossipers do. Ignoring it is the advice experts give. In the case of harassment, you can directly message them to leave you alone, which is probably what my courtesy message served as. Again, the block button always works. Instagram will even let you delete a message before you open it. In the case of someone legally stalking you, call law enforcement to report it and go from there. I have never been stalked by any of the random DM senders I've encountered, but I also don't put all that much personal info out on my blog or my social media. Internet safety is not just for kids.
Examples of unwanted texts
Should you not understand why this is distressing, let me give you a rundown of what some women have received in the past and present. I have not seen the worst of these, but I did for sure get asked if I needed a sugar daddy. He got blocked. The block button is my best friend in this scenario before they get even one message past that. I'm not posting my own DMs. I don't let them get past "you're cute" or "hi" before I block them in most cases.
One scenario that women get is a "hi" message and then dick picks or unwanted selfies. Another is the "you're so pretty", "your name is so beautiful", and "Can I get to know you?" line. Nothing good comes of responding in all scenarios, as even a polite rejection can get a violent, cussing response. Distressing? Yes, especially if you respond. Don't give them the fuel for the fire.
A Courtesy Message
I suspect my blog may or may not have attracted some of those DMs and for that reason, I am putting out a courtesy message. If you have questions about my current novel and want to DM me, state your business in the first message and I will respond. Family and friends are also free to DM me anytime. I am leaving this warning here for anyone who intends to DM me with anything flirtatious. The recent four messages I received and the friend requests from strange men seem to make this message necessary.
I will be straight with you. Do not direct message me if you don't have a writing career-related purpose or you intend to slide into my DMs. I have to be friends with you outside the internet or you have to clearly state your intentions for me to respond, especially if I don't know you in person. I will no longer be putting out courtesy messages individually. You should read my bio before you hit send because I am married. Consider this your courtesy message. Expect crickets and silence when you do hit send, and expect to be blocked if you start with any type of flirtation. Thank you for understanding.
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