The Introverted Detective: men writing women

For fun, I am going to address men miswriting women. And I'll talk about how not to do this. I will also be doing the flipside of this eventually (women miswriting men). Let's get into it.

I'm going to begin by showing you a video I find absolutely hilarious. It is women writing men. Buckle in, ladies and gents. Get ready to fall off your couch laughing.

Today's discussion is on how to actually write the female human. We're going to start with mistakes to avoid. We'll also discuss the sexism. If you have read (Ian Fleming or otherwise) men writing a female character as if they were fantasizing you understand. I do love James Bond books, but simply put, I'd like to shake Fleming for writing the phrase "silly b*tch" in a book. Do I still love James Bond books and collect them? Yes, but that's because they are otherwise great books you should pick up at least once. Fortunately, only Fleming is sexist. The other authors drop the sexist tone pretty dang quick.

Common Mistakes

The appearance of a character being their personality is one mistake that can be made. Rule 1 of a character should be making their personality strong. I'm not saying you can't care about what they look like, but characters drive your plot. A character whose personality is their boobs, hair, curvy body, or purple eyes isn't going to drive your plot anywhere, except maybe into the charity shop where women dropped it off after they stopped reading it.

Over-description of any female body part is a bad move - especially if it is a female perspective you are writing from. We don't stare at our boobs in the mirror. We don't look at ourselves any more than you do. The only time I stare at my boobage is when I'm feeling self-conscious about how much I'm showing, which is a tip for any male writing a woman. If you aren't sure if you over-described it, hand it to a woman and have her read it. Don't mention boobs. Those are normal to women and don't get much of a thought in our minds unless we're shopping for bras or dresses. Stop short of adding "she was a (insert cup size)" or "her breasts spilled out of her dress like two pillows". Too much of that nonsense and you lose the female audience entirely.

The concept of someone being the support character is not a bad thing if your character has a plot of her own and can stand on her own. The point here is that the female should be able to stand on her own. She's not a prop. She should be her own character. She should do more than serve the male characters. Let's be real, no women in your life only live to serve men unless we're talking about prostitution and slavery. Women free of both those things have their own lives, opinions, and thoughts. Your characters should do the same. I know slavery shows up in stories, to be fair, but even then she should have her own thoughts and dreams.

Female friendships are not shallow. While sometimes you do get backstabbed or talk about men, that isn't all we do. It is also a good guide to give personality types to your characters. INFJs, for example, will have a small, tight circle of people in contrast to extroverted personality types. Women who are close look out for each other fiercely. Women talk about other women, life events, what they have for dinner, and when they'll next come over to hang out. Give your friendships depth whether the character is female or male.

Beta Reading is the act of getting outside feedback for your writing. Men who write women need to do this every time. Seriously, bite the bullet and have a woman do it. I hate the process as much as you do, but it's worth it, even just to get a good view of how your writing comes across. It makes sense to you because you wrote it. A woman may read it and not agree. It's a reality check if anything. It should be on every writer's editing list to do this at least a few times before publishing. It'll keep you off lists like the video above.

What it comes down to at the end of the day is what George RR Martin has said: "I Write them as people." Start with a person, not a woman or a man. Just a person. I observe and create characters, personally, so start with that if you have no idea where to begin. Logically deduce and fill in holes where you need to. It isn't hard to write a person. You can do it. I believe in you.

Sexism

Some of this comes from the time period a book was written (1940s, 1950s), but you'll notice that it hasn't actually stopped. Sad as this is, I'm going to talk about how to avoid the sexism in your book. It may have crept into your words and maybe only the women noticed it. I'm not kidding. I also implore you to get a beta reader who will notice this stuff has crept in. In a patriarchy of good and bad patriarchs you'll get some ideas spread that you may think are normal, yet shouldn't be. There are literally whole groups on the internet that hate women. Don't think our society hasn't absorbed some of it - even the women in your life. The way we think of our role in society is influenced by our society. Think on that for a bit.

One way to avoid some sexist language is to try using gender-neutral pronouns. I know this is more of a grammar thing, but it may help you. For example, the terms fireman vs. firefighter, and not assuming the gender of an occupation are ways to smoothly use nonsexist language. It puts both genders on the same playing field. Need help with that? Try this link here. Also, this one and this other one.

Going with the subtle language above, most of which proves the patriarchy is still alive and well, don't refer to a grown woman as a girl. If you do choose that term, though, you'd best refer to a man as a boy. Even that playing field. Parallel your terms for men and women, girls and boys, ladies and lords, etc... Depending on when your book takes place it may also be good to have your character not refer to a couple as Mr. and Mrs. Adam Smith. The alternative is Mr. Adam Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith.

If you wouldn't say it to a man, don't say it to a woman. There is a whole list of phrases that are man-focused, such as "you throw like a girl", "man up", "grow a pair", and the list goes on. There are also phrases for women that get thrown around by men (and I'll admit that women do the same to men, so let's not blame only men for name-calling). These phrases include "sl*t", "wh*re", "asking for it", "easy", "loose"', "b*tch", and a few others I won't list. Don't refer to women as slurs like this. If we did the same to you in your books you wouldn't like it, either.

Avoiding stereotypes about women should be a great start to not writing sexist statements. Not all women are homemakers and not all of us care excessively about looks. We're taught to by society, in fact, we're also taught that men are what we should all be chasing, but when you start reflecting on this reality it starts to make you wonder what we've been conditioned to believe. Women have been taught by many sources that relationships and the home are the female sphere. Women have a glass ceiling in the workplace and sometimes do twice the work because they come home to what is known as the "second shift", which is taking care of kids. Stereotypes will get you nowhere in your writing. Break those and be original. Women have also been shoved into the category of being children at different times in society, and even today when you look at ads it shows up. If you want some more info on this, check out this link here.

A Note For Historical Fiction Writers

When it comes to historical fiction I completely understand that this is sometimes unavoidable, especially if you want to make a point about how women have been treated by society. In this scenario, I would show how women feel about their roles and talk about that. Have a woman be offended by being limited by society, show a woman battling over whether she should enter the workforce during the Cold War, and reveal that a woman isn't entirely happy after WWII has ended and she has to re-enter the domestic sphere. You can include characters that say sexist things to your female characters as long as you have the women realistically react. I'm not saying you can't write a Frank Burns (MASH reference) into your storyline; what I am saying is that women shouldn't be described as "silly b*tches" and be referred to as lesser than a man (unless your character is an outright donkey on purpose). To establish men as being superior to women as normal is damaging to society. Historical fiction is one thing (accurate history is not always pretty), but casually dropping the idea that women are mostly pretty objects and should only serve men is not healthy. Women are people. Write them as such.

When in doubt, call some female beta readers and have them read it. We know a realistic reaction when we see one. We can help. Call on us for feedback on your writing. We'll do that for you. If you had blatant sexism and badly described women we'll call you out on it and gently lead you down the path of good writing. I don't want to see you on a list. Ask us about our lives and we'll share real experiences you can base your book on.

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