The Introverted Detective: Women and Appearances

Women have makeup and trendy clothing marketed to us from an early age. We're taught by each other and the women around us that we should care what we look like. The men? Not so much. Today we're talking about why appearance seems to matter so much more in female society.

Courtesy of Stocksy United

What are women shown in media? Easy answer, what we're supposed to model. This is a problem. The female standard is fickle and constantly changes as time moves forward. We used to wear corsets, but now we're trying to achieve that silhouette by exercising. In many ways, the new standards promote unhealthy lifestyles and behavior.

Let's not mince words here. We need to address the elephant in the room. Whatever we wear we get judged, either by our peers or society as a whole. Men are visual, yes, but that isn't a reason to use that phrase as a mental battering ram. Men will be staring at you whether you are in jeans and a t-shirt or a bikini on the beach. They are programmed to pay attention to women because otherwise no one reading this would be born. My husband would think I was worth a million wearing a trash bag. While you shouldn't be parading in the nude or posting porn, it is equally true that we shouldn't have to be covering up in 90-degree heat for fear of judgment.

Unrealistic Standards

Victoria's Secret models are not the norm. Models in magazines have been edited. Society has expected us to have a flat stomach for a long time. Mine isn't flat and no amount of Zumba once a week will change that. Shakira may have one, but most of us haven't been belly dancing for most of our lifetimes. The point is that we're given unrealistic standards to follow by edited images. I've stated before that society screws men and us over by telling us to dress sexy. We then get judged for doing just what society said to do. Unfair is an understatement.

We are shoved into the beauty standard the minute we enter the school system and the outside world itself. Look back and see how many peers taught you to care about your hair, face, and body image. I revert back to tomboyism, especially now that I'm married and my husband is already impressed. I have no need to worry over how I look unless I'm going to a cosplay convention, wedding, funeral, or book signing. Do I care? Yes, I still care, yet I will never understand what drove my peers to wake up early and put on makeup every day.

As mentioned before, there are certain standards of beauty that need to die in a hole. One is a flat stomach, another is needing plump lips and butts, and the worst one of all is the need to be the trending body type. Gibson Girls are a shining example of a trending body type that is not healthy. Wasp-waisting is not safe and should never be attempted. All those I listed can cause self-esteem issues, bulimia, anorexia, and medical after-affects from injections. Please, you are beautiful the way God made you. Don't go getting surgery to fix what isn't broken.

Courtesy of Pinterest

Speaking of unfair standards, let's talk about fickle fashion. Because we have boobs (which really aren't just decoration) we have different rules. Those with large boobs never win. Those with practically no boobs never win. Nobody wins because fashion dictates what gets sold in clothing stores and it never stops changing. Most men don't have to deal with arbitrary rules and opinions on coverage and what is or isn't showing. Also, men don't have to deal with that in the leg department, either.

We are expected to look nice. Men can wear about anything to a school dance (especially in a rural area). Women have been taught they must wear a dress. Go ahead and think back or observe your school dances. Try to name one female that wasn't wearing a dress and makeup. If you can't think of one you aren't alone. We are taught to look good in public. We are also taught what is appropriate to wear by our community. Depending on whether you are Amish, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, any other religious community I forgot, or have no religious background it changes. Our authority figures and peers teach us what is acceptable. Hollywood also gives us a standard to follow. Unfortunately, it sexualizes many women into being mere bodies to admire, like we aren't people. Marilyn, as we can see to the left, is one example of a sexualized woman who was exploited for her body.

Speaking as a Christian, I was told to care about my appearance by mostly school peers. Church clothes are a complicated issue if you go from a casually dressed church to a formal church setting. Generations past will also hold different opinions on "appropriate" clothing. Every church holds a different standard, it seems. I had a habit of wearing what I wanted despite other opinions. As long as it wasn't obscene (and it seldom was) my parents and family let me. I did wear my running shorts to basketball one day a few years ago, though, and it didn't go so well. It does make men uncomfortable to wear skin-tight shorts (oops), so I made sure those were Zumba and running shorts alone from then on out of respect. I see no issue with modesty in churches as long as rules are applied equally to both genders. My peers at school often liked making me over (hair, makeup). At this point in time, I don't try all that hard to impress with clothing and makeup. You'll also notice that modesty is something built into my clothing standard because I'm a tomboy. I don't post thirst traps. I get enough DMs as it is.

What you do without thinking about why

Shave your legs, trim your eyebrows, shave your armpits, use anti-pimple skincare... All these things are done by me without thinking about it too hard. Why? Women are taught to shave the hair on their legs and pits. We are taught to not let a unibrow develop. We are taught to care about our faces. Do you stop to think about why you do your everyday beauty routine? Probably not. The double standard here is the fact men (minus a few) don't do these things.

You say "book signing" and I say "I need to pick out my outfit the night before". Why do I put on my heels, makeup, and my favorite black dress? When you stop and think about why women like me decide to put on a dress it has to do with public appearance. It also gives us positive feedback. I posted a picture (featured to the left) and got comments about how I looked "fire" (slang for good-looking if you aren't up on the latest slang). The positive feedback conditions us to put on makeup and a nice outfit when we want attention or want to feel good about our bodies. Ladies, whether we have our red lipstick on or not, I think we all look fire.

I value a clean house for multiple reasons. It is more of a mental health exercise than anything else. Many of us feel pressure to have a clean house as a woman. Why? Let's go back a few decades. The 1950s judged women heavily on their ability to keep a home happy and healthy while raising kids and doing all the cooking- and looking good while doing it. Women still feel pressure to be homemakers today. Times are changing, though. Your living space does have to do with your appearance and reputation. It still counts in this blog as an appearance.

Self-esteem

You wouldn't believe it, but I am insecure about my weight. Body image in most women is a real concern. We love parts of our bodies and feel insecure about other parts. My feet are not pretty. They used to be, though. Most women are definitely worrying about weight according to Psychology Today. The standard of having a flat stomach doesn't help our self-esteem.

Courtesy of Glamour
A Victoria's Secret model on the
street

Other women gender-police other women into looking the part of being female, so you can logically assume that comments on your weight, face, skin complexion, clothing, hairstyle, or any other aspect hold weight. Professionalism and dating require you to look good (circle back to me and my book signing). It impacts a lot of women who want romantic attention or professional attention. Makeup and antiaging products really sell the idea you need to look young (which comes back to the idea you are less likely to get a man when you look older). We compete with our fellow women, too. That doesn't help.

Gender stereotypes feed women young and old the lie that we need to be pretty all the time. The makeup industry thrives on women. Gender bias leads your family to give you feminine toys when you are a girl, discouraging the pursuit of masculine toys. It is reinforced by many people that females should care about the appearance of the home and be feminine.

According to The Guardian:

"Furthermore, constraining stereotypes have a negative impact on girls’ mental health, convincing them first that an ever more demanding paradigm of physical “perfection” must be met with apparent effortlessness and then that being “popular” – meek yet sociable – sexy but not “slutty”, sporty in a narrow, feminine parameter (not “too muscular”) are imperatives. This, combined with the ever-spiralling academic pressure experienced by all young people, understandably causes high levels of anxiety, which, when sustained over time, can lead to feelings of depression."

What we are taught by society teaches us to try to be pictures of perfection we can't be. Gender classes at Malone explored this concept deeply. Nancy Drew - my favorite fictional character - even embodies this in the original books. When the images of women onscreen show us sexualized women it doesn't help our self-esteem. Nobody wins this game. We aren't supposed to be playing this comparison game. Nevertheless, the comparison game spurs on the idea we need to make ourselves into a perfect woman.

Personal Challenge: Let's build each other up today.

I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have two five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page.