The Introverted Detective: Abusive relationships in fiction

Culture gives us lots of relationship examples, but these are the ones you shouldn't be following. May you never be in these situations and if you are get out now. If you are stuck somewhere in the DC universe, the Twilight universe, or a fanfiction go find Dr. Strange and he might be able to help.

Abuse can be verbal, physical, psychological, and financial. Basically, anytime you try to control someone's behavior, harm someone in any way, or mentally mess someone up on purpose. There are subtypes, but that is the basic definition of abuse. The dictionary definitions are to misuse, treat someone cruelly repeatedly, and speak and insult someone or about someone. That is what I'm running with for this blog.

Fiction can sometimes show abusive relationships to be romantic. They are not. It is not healthy. Today I'm going to highlight some relationships that have been romanticized by fiction but are really abusive. We'll start with the most known ones and go from there.

2 in 1 - Twilight transitioning into Fifty Shades

Guess what Fifty Shades of Grey came from? Twilight fanfiction. We're going to group these together. Basically, possessive relationships with creepy stalkers who watch you sleep are being declared sexy by these books. The fanfiction took it even a step further by adding a whole lot of physical harm into it. Is this okay? No.

Why is Twilight abusive? Look at Bella's self-esteem and Edward's power over her. Her perception was literally that she was lucky to even be near him. She's drawn to the dangerous boys, unfortunately. She's also attracted to danger and violence. Then we get to Edward, who isolates Bella from others. He messes with her car, too. He coerces her closer to him by getting a commitment from her early. Jealous, possessive behavior such as tracking her reveals him to be a predator. Both of them cling to each other to an unhealthy degree.

Courtesy of Pinterest
I could have used lots of quote images to prove
that Fifty Shades is dumpster trash, but this was
less vulgar than some others.

I know that Fifty Shades of anything is painfully obvious why it is abusive, but let's converse about it anyway. It is porn. It also illustrates vividly a man dominating a woman using BDSM and pain. He is Edward on steroids. Ana is raped in some parts of the book. Apparently, even those into BDSM claim that it isn't BDSM, but pure abuse. They don't like this book. Think that one through. The book blames Ana for everything. The message of "abuse is the fault of the victim" is painfully, cruelly visible. I wouldn't buy this book for anything less than a penny. I'd rip the pages out and make it a book safe (repainted cover and all!).

Harlequin and Joker

Again, I don't think I have to say much to make it clear why this is here. She gets beaten by the Joker and comes back for more time and time again. I don't think proving your love should involve jumping in a pool of acid. She started as his psychiatrist and fell in love with him. The writer that wrote her portrayed a relationship she had gotten out of, so if that tells you anything it should tell you not to follow in Harley's footsteps.

Did Harley get away? In some comics, yes. Poison Ivy also bonds with Harley and hits the Joker back. She hits him hard with words and threats, after he is wrapped in vines. She threatens that if he hurts Harley again she'll plant thorns inside him. She intimidated the Joker with every word in her arsenal. The only reason she didn't kill him was that Harley still loved him to a degree.

You

This one isn't as common. Put simply, a guy named Joe Goldberg works in a bookstore and manipulates Guinevere Beck into dating him. He also stalks her. It was supposed to be a satire to point out this relationship was wrong. It wasn't taken as such by some. Joe is a monster with a charming face, which reminds me of Ted Bundy if I'm honest. The show itself is realistic when it comes to the portrayal of Joe. Most in abusive relationships need space from the relationship to see the abuse, and abusers make it their goal to not give them space to think. The show actually messes with your head as an audience. This is a charming predator if you need a mental picture. It starts well and then there is isolation from friends and jealousy. After that condescending remarks and subtle digs come into play. This subtlety was lost on some viewers (as it is often lost on victims of abuse within the relationship).

The pattern you need to see in this is the sweet side of Joe, then the nasty side coming out at a flip of a switch. After this, there is the "forgive me" and mock-working it out that happens. Repeat until the relationship ends and this will continue to be accurate. It is likely to be all too real for real victims of abuse. The audience has even been swayed, despite the actor who plays Joe telling them the character is evil.

Conclusions

What we see in You, Twilight, DC comics Joker and Harley, and Fifty Shades has all been sexualized to varying degrees (either by the intention of the writers or the audience itself). In that spirit, I'd like to say that emotional abuse is incredibly subtle. Not only that, but abusers justify themselves (as proven by You) in their own minds. The Joker, when left to talk, makes shocking sense at times and can sway someone. The cycle of abuse creates other abusers in some cases. The character Christian Grey is revealed to be abused by his mother (which while sad, does not justify what he does to Ana). Hurt people hurt people.

My point is simply this; if you find yourself acting like any of these characters (victim or abuser) go get therapy. I'm going to leave the numbers for abuse helplines here for you. Most importantly, if your life is in danger leave and run.