We are all socialized to act a certain way in society, whether we know it or not. Gender, according to my Malone University gender class, is policed by those of the same gender. In simpler terms, if you don't act like your gender is supposed to act you get reactions you won't like. Women who don't act like women or men who don't act like men are less popular.
What women and men are supposed to act like in communication style is based on your culture. Some cultures preferred silent women and loud men, while others made women queens (Nubians-black queens) and gave them power. It all depends on where you live and how you were raised, or socialized.
This all starts in childhood, when your family and teachers teach you what is for boys and what is for girls. It shapes your view of what you should do in society. The kids around you reinforce the ideas, most times, and "police" this by making fun of those who don't fit or not including them. If you were unconventional you know how it feels. It stings emotionally. The point here is that you naturally want to be like the people around you at a young age, so you might conform (or if you were me, embrace the fact you can't fit). The average kid will change for their friends. You will naturally want to fit in. The unconventional may also just give up on fitting in.
For Boys Only And For Girls Only
The expectations of girls and boys are different. The label of boy toys and girl toys is based firmly on society. Dolls? girls. Trucks? Boys. Frills? Girls. Plain? Boys. (The last thing named is frustrating for those who want plain colors of t-shirts in the women's clothing department.) Point being, our society doesn't expect the same from both. Soft is for girls and sturdy is for boys is usually the standard. This is all modeled for us by families and society.
Communication is no different. With speech patterns, acceptable conversation, and accepted emotional releases comes a complicated web. It boils down to women being able to cry and men being able to express anger. Women are allowed more emotional release than men. This is taught by little boys being told not to cry early on, but yet allowed to yell on the playground. They are expected to be loud. Women, on the other hand, are taught social games like "house" in their childhood. They are given dolls, frilly stuffed animals, and teacups. They are taught more polite types of communication through these games, but it also gives more possibility of verbal damage from other women, as opposed to boys who fight with physical fists.
Female
Interacting with women is verbal, mostly, with body language that actively reflects the emotions of the person they are talking to. They are less direct, more polite, and most likely sensitive. I have, even as a female, considered some social circles to be minefields of unspoken rules. It takes some time to figure out what is taboo. Female speech patterns are more complicated, by far. We are more equipped for communication or administrative positions as a result. Women communicate for relationship maintenance.
There is a nasty side to this, as most women who don't fit the normal pattern know. Not all women psychologically bully, to be fair, but it is more common to psychologically bully in women than men. In my gender class several women and I agreed that we didn't trust our own gender. Women can be nasty to other women via gossip and complicated social rules. Not including so-and-so to a party can be done by any gender, but it is likely a woman may invite a person to a party in order to humiliate them. I am not trying to hate my own gender with this statement, but I am being honest. Women don't always trust other women.
Why do women backstab each other? It could be that women are competing for the attention of men, which we are taught to seek from childhood on. Yes, that is somewhat nature and less nurture, but many princess movies teach us to find a man. Barbie has a man, Cinderella has a man, even Anna from Frozen has a man. Ariel leaves the water for a man, even changes for him. This pattern teaches us to seek men and compete for them, thus any woman in our path could potentially take the one we want. Some women are known to home wreck, aka. steal men. Men can do the same thing, but women are blamed for it more often.
Male
Men, on the other hand, fight with fists and not words. They speak more directly. Men use less facial emotion, less mirroring. They speak to negotiate, win, and for an end goal. They take up more space than women physically in personal space. They like face-to-face. It has to do with dominance, in some ways. Men man-spread naturally (meaning, sit with legs apart). It isn't complicated. They say it like it is. Though some men have gossiped, I won't say most do. Complex communication is not what they are socialized to do. They are socialized to be loud and masculine. They are taught from a young age to be tough and act, to solve problems rather than talk about them. This is modeled for them by men around them. This communication style is also why some women, exhausted by the verbal thrust-and-parry of typical female communities, turn to men as friends. Simple is quite refreshing compared to the world of women.
How is action-over-words socialized? Well, look at the role models in the movies and books. James Bond, Die Hard, John Wayne, etc.....Action stars who get the girl at the end of the movie. On top of that, we have more military-style toys marketed toward the little boys. I have a previous blog that includes a description of "the man box". It boils down to being manly and powerful, or being outside the norm and being a sissy. Men are taught to be powerful and dominant. I'm not saying all of them end up like John Waye and all the rest of the action stars that act virile, but it is what they are presented with in media from a young age. I want to say that this is shifting, but I also know it somewhat isn't, so I'll say this; it may be shifting as gender roles for women shift, but the image of the muscled man taking action hasn't left.
Pictures:
The Other Sociologist
Terminology Coordination Unit
Syfy Wire
Sources:
https://blogs.unicef.org/evidence-for-action/what-is-gender-socialization-and-why-does-it-matter/
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