First, let's define attraction. Attraction according to the dictionary is liking, desiring, and finding someone to be appealing or pleasant. In fewer words, you find them pleasant to be around and want to spend time with them because of that. Nowhere in that definition does it say you have to act on it.
Physical attraction is the topic of today. I will not tell you how to act on it, just the subconscious signs they might show. Everyone is different due to personality and temperament, so this is not a body language bible. I am simply combining my research into one blog post. I would like to thank my friend Noah Able, Prof. Ann Lawson, Scott Yinglin, Spencer Lang, and my fiance Matt Baker for their help on this blog. (Thanks everyone!)
Eyes
The eyes are the window to the soul. I will tell you this more than once, most likely. Our eyes reveal our emotions, if we don't mask our emotions. There are several tells in eye contact, including wandering eyes and looking at lips, which is what we do when we want to kiss someone. This means they are soaking every bit of you up visually, whether they look creepy doing it or not. There are subtle people and not-so-subtle people out there, so it may be overly obvious or not obvious at all.
Speaking of eye contact, are they trying to keep eye contact going or purposely make eye contact? That's a tell by itself. Also, do they keep glancing at you and turning away? That can be a way to figure it out, but watch yourself on both of these. Both of these cues can also mean something else, depending on the emotion in their eyes. 100 percent stare is aggression, not attraction. 80 percent eye contact is attraction.
Here is a visual on what a friendship gaze looks like and what a more intimate gaze looks like, just for reference. Since friendship eyes rarely go past the mouth, you will most likely feel a different vibe from them when you interact with someone giving you an intimate focus.
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| Left is friendship , right is intimacy |
Physical Touch
This one seems rather obvious, but I'm digging farther into it. The most common places they might touch you are the arms, hands, shoulders, (men only) chest, or your lower back. For men, I'd say the shoulders or chest would be most common, but for women lower back is a thing men tend to do.
Why the lower back? As a small petite woman, I have been touched on the lower back more times than I can count. (It may have to do with my stature, being 5'1" to 5'2" and all, but I'm not surprised by this touch at this point.) Some men don't even know why. There are some people who see it as protective and a way to say the man is there to support you. Some say it is to comfort, too.
Touch is a brave thing to try. Some may be smooth with it, shy about it, overly forward, or even make it look natural. It happens on accident sometimes, too. If it was an accident you will know by the "Oh, I'm sorry!" expression on their face, whether they say those words or not. They will then rush to remove their hand. If it was on purpose they will linger for more than a few seconds. Some don't mean anything by this touch other than "great job!", so watch for that. Don't make something out of nothing.
Psychologists actually mapped intimacy with touch. From hand to shoulder intimacy goes up, same from upper back going lower. Handshakes are not intimate, almost always professional.
Other Signs of Attraction
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| Intimacy zone |
Proximity is a major sign, unless you are in a subway or a bus crowded to the brim. Like I said, don't
make something out of nothing. To be in your intimate zone of space you must be 18 inches or closer. They can "lean" in, step closer to you, or sit next to you in the intimate zone. Close car rides where you stuff 16 people in a van that holds 16 (and add luggage) is not going to count for this sign, keep in mind. What counts is if they have ample space to sit and decide to sit in your intimate space bubble. If they choose to stand in your intimate zone you may have an admirer. First though, get a sense of how close they are in normal interactions. They may be a close talker.
The rest of these depend purely on the person you are analyzing. This is where you need to do the detective work of observing their normal postures, faces, and eye contact to make sure you have a base for who they are normally. Once you do that you can watch for signs of being excited, giddy, abnormally shy or goofy, and generally heightened. Their voices may go lower or higher, also. If they have short conversations with others usually, you should watch how long they converse with you. They will want to keep the conversation going, if they like you. They will want to spend more time with you and seek you out. People point their feet toward their focus and who they are attracted to. Watch their feet. Men tend to do legs-apart because they are open to you. Men also show thumbs to show confidence.
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| The head tilt |
Their posture may give the message of "notice me" with things such as showing off their bodies (neck), touching collar bone (women), head tilt and batt eyelashes (women), being macho (men, obviously), anxiety behaviors and losing focus, and having fantasies. If they are fantasizing about you (in good or bad ways) it will be evident by eyes and how animated they are talking to you. They will also be trying to put their best version of themselves out there, no matter the gender, whether they succeed or not.
Do they have overly thoughtful compliments and pause before they compliment you? That is a major sign. Do they emotionally invest in you as a person? That's a sign, too. You may get a sense that when they ask about your weekend plans, your life, and you as a whole they could be fishing for your relationship status, that is, if you didn't already tell them about it. Some don't come across well while doing this, while others can do it and get you talking about your weekend plans with no hesitation. (The difference between these two reactions is how you approach.) Age, life experience, and other things will be different everywhere, so keep that in mind. Some people may just snoop you online (whether they tell you or not) for your relationship status, because when it is written online you don't really have to guess, unless there is no online presence.
If you want more information check my sources below! There are two fantastic youtube links there that are from an actual dating coach. Please check them out if you want more clarification on anything. Keep in mind the videos are aimed at women, but I'm pretty sure both genders may do some of what he describes to some degree. Do your own research. Don't be afraid to check my facts.
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| Because why not |
Sources:
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/know-someone-attracted/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnl7WX0Y97E&list=PLFjISbJTp_zg-AsZ8xqUTRR7JwmQUAI6G&index=3&t=0s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NS9rqsDn_Gg&list=PLFjISbJTp_zg-AsZ8xqUTRR7JwmQUAI6G&index=4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ5PF0zqQ4s
Pictures:
Science of People
Beyond Ages
Quora
Arnold Zwicky's Blog
Body Language Project
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