Being Invisible In Plain Sight - Soft Voices Lost In A Loud World

 Creative introverts or people with unique perspectives might all have a shared experience of being invisible in plain sight or not being taken seriously. At my old church invisibility was a reality every youth group meeting and I felt it didn't matter whether I was present or not. I'm not alone in this. I can even point to a movie reference - Alan from the Barbie movie. Let's talk about this. 

Courtesy of Vulture.com

It's happened to me before. I'm trying to tell a story. I'm coming to my point. I had a point. Someone interrupted and now the subject has flown off the table and into the trash can. Were they even listening? Maybe one person was. I'll now seek the lone listener out and talk to them alone. In fact, one on one is better than a group conversation because there is less chance of interruption. The person who interrupted? They won't hear my voice. The person who listens will hear my voice far more than the person who didn't let me finish. That's why some people say "why don't you talk more?" and then don't get our viewpoint verbalized in their general direction. 

To clarify, you can say "let's table this, I have stuff to do" to me and other introverts (depending on culture and country). "Let's put a bookmark in this and continue it later" in genuine honesty is not an interruption I am disturbed by. In fact, it reflects respect. You care what I have to say to the point you want to focus on it later. That's miles apart from someone walking by and the person speaking to me flying off to run after them without an "excuse me, let's table this". Courtesy. It's a real thing you need to heed.

Alan from the Barbie movie had a lot to say. Had he been heard, the whole film would have changed plot. No one listened to him. He sided with the Barbies and even the Barbies didn't really listen. The video below will explain it better. 

You'll see exactly what I mean by invisible if you watch the above video. We do so much, know so much, and foresee so much only to be brushed off. It's been said that INFJ personalities in particular have been accused of "causing problems" by bringing up what could be a future problem, then they watch as people go headlong into that same problem. The problem could have been solved early on if the rest of the group had listened. I don't think only INFJs have that issue, but it's been said that type is prone to this situation. 

It's no wonder we don't speak up more often when no one listens. I'm not saying the whole world is against you. It's not, especially if you've found your tribe or found family. Or your family has always been there for you. This is not a reason to say "battle stations ready!". Please don't. Find your tribe instead. Where do you not feel invisible? Where do people care about your voice? Prioritize them and move on from the ones who don't seem to care. And sometimes when you do that, they start to miss you. Strange, isn't it? It's like you were the wind and now they missed the breeze.

Do people realize they hurt us by not listening? Maybe not. If I'm honest, I know some of the people who brushed me off weren't trying to be hurtful. Some of my peers have come to the conclusion I didn't care about something because I was quiet. I've had that said to my face before, sometimes with an "I was wrong" attached to the end of the sentence. People find out how much you quietly care and are shocked. Most brush-offs are not hurtful on purpose. They may not agree in some scenarios and decide not to acknowledge your idea at all. That's more hurtful than anything else. While there are exceptions to every rule, I'd bet that many are just stuck on themselves, like us humans tend to be. 

Humans focus on self more than you think. We think about what is best for us all the time. Catch yourself doing it. You'll find you do it all the time without thinking about it. When a voice says "You're wrong" sometimes we tune it out. Introvert or extrovert, you do it. Don't say you're a paragon of virtue. You're not. You're no better than anyone else. And while I'm at it, everyone can be wrong about something. I will not claim all my ideas or your ideas are the best ideas or they are right. We're human. We all do stupid things. That's why Jesus is coming back. That's why Jesus came in the first place. We can't do it right despite all our attempts to do so. We're sheep. If you've worked with sheep you understand that being called sheep is not a compliment. They are stubborn, stupid, easily scared creatures who follow the herd even off cliffs. Jesus came to stand at the edge of that cliff to stop us from self-destructing. End of soap box. I'll get back on topic now. 

Traits of introverts that cause some people to not listen could be that you don't agree with the rest of the room. You could easily be steamrolled by everyone else validating a take on the world you don't agree with. That's when I'm tempted to say goodbye to a group and walk out. Some individuals have walked out of places because no one was hearing them at all. This scenario is an example of social deviance, where your perspective doesn't fit the group's mentality. Personality type aside, it can happen to anyone. We react by either becoming one with wallpaper in silence to avoid the rejection or speaking louder and deciding to go rogue. Going rogue is generally because we feel no one else is on our side. We may even want to prove ourselves and make them see they were wrong. Beware of the creatives that suddenly stop talking. They've decided they are wasting their breath to verbalize their thoughts, especially if they are ignored entirely. They will leave if you don't remedy the situation or you don't validate their thoughts and feelings. 

Or you have a creative mind that connects two things together that no one else connected. Trying to explain that and getting "what?" and looks that say "are you nuts?" without the words will shut down ideas fast. That's why some introspective individuals stay quiet in places they don't feel safe. I have read peer reviews of my ideas in class only to find they thought I was off base, which hurt. They didn't understand. They were not trying to be hurtful. I know that. But yet, those words can silence introverts in large groups faster than anything you know. Again, beware the silence.

Being cut off has a special section for a real reason. Some of us creative individuals take a while to land the ending. Some of us get to the point. Others have abstract ideas that require some clarifying questions. When you do say something it means you have a thought so important it is urgent. When someone asks a question and you answer it with an answer they didn't like, and then they cut you off, that is a special type of silencing. It happened to me in a college class. It was hurtful. Just because you get an answer that isn't what you expected doesn't mean you should cut someone off. Let them finish. Then move on. Courtesy should be heeded. 

While I understand class time is an issue in many classrooms, teachers should remember that if they want people to share in groups they need to encourage a safe space to share. Cutting a student off when their ideas don't match the group is going to teach the student their ideas don't matter to the teacher or the group. If you want participation in class, you have to create an environment where they can share their thoughts. Unless those thoughts are ideas on how to murder the world, I don't think it does any harm to hear someone out. Yes, you do have limited time, so if you desire to make sure all the class shares around the circle have a courtesy phrase to use, such as "We only have so much time, so we need to move on to the next person". This phrase is a great way to say their ideas do matter, but we need to move on to other ideas. This is a courteous way to validate and move on, or get someone to land by summarizing their ideas. 

When introverts and creative individuals give up there are people who will notice. Others are oblivious to this, only focused on themselves and the world around them. The introverts who give up really don't care at a certain point. We've tried to say something, tried to scream into the void, but you won't listen. What's the point in wasting energy? We stop talking. By the time this happens it is too late to get their thoughts unless you do some serious work in including them and giving them space to talk uninterrupted. At this point they may leave at any time. Drop a class? Walk out of a meeting? Decide to stay home from a social event they usually go to? Not go to that convention for work? Yeah, all that is possible. If this is a work situation they might quit. Sometimes employers find out all they did behind the scenes and clamor to have them back. Sometimes their work still goes unnoticed even then. Either way, they got tired and stopped fighting to be heard. It's strange to hear that people miss you when you felt invisible and ignored by them. Most times, the introvert or individual that was ignored never comes back. 

You want another film example? Mirabelle. Mirabelle is the epitome of how I felt at our old church. Mirabelle from Encanto knows exactly what is going on, tries to scream it into the void, is unable to stop it despite all her work, gets blamed for it despite her trying to fix what abuela is ignoring, and then is proved right at the end. She gets an apology at the end, but not everyone does. She walked away and the family had to find her to apologize in the first place. When someone is too tired to fight anymore and you suddenly see someone walk away you might be able to fix it, but you might not. Mirabelle is someone I empathize deeply with because I've felt her emotions. I knew from the start of the film she was the black sheep of the family (I'm not, but she was in the film). So was Bruno. Let's listen to the black sheep of the world. Let's listen to the Jon Snows and Tyrians of the world (while they are sober, obviously). We need perspectives that not everyone agrees with. The ones who are on the social fringes see what many don't want to.  

I'm going to say it again. Beware the silence after someone has tried to speak up about a crack in the armor or any ideas. Alan and Mirabelle are prime examples of someone seeing a broken system and trying to fix it. Mirabelle kept on trying to the end. She could have pulled a Bruno and let them all fall. Would anyone have blamed her? No. But she rogued it. Alan joined the Barbies to stop the Kens because the Kens did not listen to him. It could be argued that Barbies didn't either, though, but the point is that Alan was going to leave. People who find they waste their breath to speak their ideas and perspectives slowly stop talking. If you notice this, do something. Repeat their ideas and point them out in the discussion. Announce "so and so has something to say" when they get brushed off. It will discourage brushing off their ideas to have them repeated and spotlighted. Maybe some of the ideas are bad, but if they feel heard the good ideas will come out into the discussion with the bad. 

What you can do when you are brushed off

In some scenarios, you might want to leave, but in others you can simply speak louder. You can also harness the power of your extroverted friends to get your voice heard. That's a real tactic. Group conversations are hard. I know. Knowing when to leave and stay is a matter of how long they have ignored you. If you only got ignored once or twice in large group discussions, but you are heard most of the time it might not be a leaving situation. When it doesn't seem to matter what you say or do that's the neon sign to leave. Small groups of people, like tiny five person groups, where people don't really hear you (and you could be anywhere else) will illuminate whether you need to speak up more or you are not seen. 

If you don't fit into the group's unspoken rules and seem to break them at every genuine action or thought you have that's the neon sign to find another tribe or group. You don't need to stay where you are a square peg in a round hole. When you are not wanted somewhere you have the free will to leave (depending on whether you actually do have the opportunity to leave). In situations like classrooms you might not be able to do so, though. My best advice here is to find the people on the fringes and make friends with them. They might feel the same way. Suffer together is not a fun phrasing, but it fits here. When you can create your own tribe, do so. 

Speaking up is a real thing. It's hard. If you need an ally to spotlight you, phone a friend. Good friends may even do this without you asking. I have a friend who used to ask my thoughts every class group discussion (especially in group projects). It was a way to include everyone. Some people do this naturally and are in tune with those who have a softer voice. They are amazing. If someone is doing this for you and others respond to the ideas, you don't need to leave. Your voice is being heard by someone. When you are spotlighted and ideas are constantly brushed off, you should definitely leave. Only one person is hearing you in that specific scenario. Become friends with your megaphone friend aside from the group dynamic.  

You may never get an apology. Accept it. Mirabelle did, but maybe you won't. Not everyone realizes what they've done to you. It could require a heart-to-heart conversation to make someone understand. I've done that before. It is worth it with individuals in large groups, especially if you can't just leave. Help them understand whenever you can do so. If someone responds indifferently you should just let them be. If someone responds with empathy and realization, you made a difference. 

What others can do to help

Are you trying to help the invisible creatives and soft voices? Here's your spotlight. What you need to do, first and foremost, is find out who has trouble jumping into discussions. Also, who seems to not speak up despite their faces clearly saying they disagree. Or, someone like Alan who speaks up and is steamrolled over. Who is on the social fringes? Find them. Listen. Make a new friend. Yes, you'll find some odd ducks on occasion, but everyone has value to a group. All perspectives should be heard. 

Once you've done that, pay attention to when they want to break into the discussion and spotlight them. Ask what they think and repeat any ideas of theirs that get ignored. It makes them a part of the group to highlight them at appropriate times. You'll learn the silent ones have a lot of ideas to give. They may even prevent a disaster when brought to everyone's attention. 

Don't spotlight introverts too much, though. There is a balance to this. Ask what they think when they clearly have something to say. It is written on someone's face when you have urgent things to discuss. Choose that moment to ask their thoughts. When their body language says "pay attention to me" you should pop the conversation in their direction. 

Ignored statements should at least be acknowledged. Don't agree? Just say so. Tell us we were heard. If you shut down everything, though, you'll shut them down. Talk about the idea, at least. If it isn't a good one we were at least a part of the discussion. Being ignored will drive them to stop contributing. Maybe when you hear them out you'll like the idea. 

Creatives sometimes take time to land. Ask questions to help them land and make sense. Try to understand. Make it a discussion. Even if you don't totally follow, you tried. You listened. You made an effort. We will talk to you in the future. We were seen and heard.

Now for the odd ducks on the fringes. Not everyone there is an odd duck; in fact, you have the Sherlocks of the world socializing there (Nerds and geeks). When you do see a disturbing idea or two, or five, or ten from just one person say something to someone. This is how you find the dangerous individuals in the world (fringes or not). They are the ones you should never ignore and always pay attention to. It pays to listen to everyone. You'll find the people who aren't fully safe before they do something destructive and dangerous. When you listen carefully to people who are ticking time bombs, you'll prevent bad things from happening. Also, listening can give you an indication of whether they are a hazard or simply have a weird perspective. The differences between Luna Lovegood and Tom Riddle are distinct; one is clearly harmless while the other is not.

I realize not all of us read or watched Harry Potter. I will explain what I mean further. Luna Lovegood is a lovable eccentric character who is loyal to her friends. She's dismissed as kind of crazy. Tom Riddle becomes Voldemort (the main Harry Potter villain). Tom Riddle was disturbing even at the orphanage growing up. He was not a lovable eccentric. The Lunas in the world are great friends to have and will always have your back. They are on the social fringes for having a strange perspective on life. Tom Riddles are socially distant because they give off dark, scary vibes. You'll know the difference when you talk to them. Believe me. 

Sources:

3 Signs You’ve Been “Introvert Shamed” | Psychology Today

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Review of Nancy Drew Mystery of the Seven Keys

I played the newest Nancy Drew game! Today I review it for you, without spoilers. 

Courtesy of progameguides.com

Overall, it was much better than the last game they put out. It was beautiful, well thought out, had optional mini games, had the choice of classic and modern movement, and was a puzzle game (not just a living novel). Because I played this in almost one go, I suggest you pace yourself. Hubby and I fried our brains puzzle-wise. We stopped at the near end game and finished it later because we'd played it all day. Take your time. The puzzles are not as easy when you fry yourself, or easy at all. We cheated through some of it. I intend to play it slowly on my own to test whether the puzzles themselves or I was the problem in some cases. It is a lot of puzzles and talking to suspects. Don't forget to call people in this game. 

I loved all the call-backs to the old games. They have pictures from old games in the cafe. They talk about her old cases. They even include puzzles and reuse music from past games, remixed. I loved hearing the familiar music and seeing reminders of previous games. Her Interactive obviously listened to us when many said they wanted the older game style. I liked the choice of classic or modern mode. The familiar images and puzzles made me like the game more. They fed our nostalgia. 

The Game Aspects

Characters are beautiful. They also move like real humans. They all match the dialogue in real time. I had no lag on my laptop. The phone characters are amazing, too. We get helpful Ned back - hooray! Nancy actually talks to him differently, assuring him he's just as helpful as the Hardy Boys. Ned also admits they really do have resources he doesn't (Zane, for instance). I like this healthy exchange of dialogue. I don't really play these for character drama, so I loved to see the relationship growing for the better. It's like old times again - when Ned was almost always helpful and loving. Voice acting was on point for all the characters, who felt like real people when you spoke to them. Let's get a round of applause for the talent behind this game, every last one of them (from programmer to voice actor). 

Courtesy of adventuregamers.com

The puzzles themselves were of a higher challenge level, like Silent Spy. You actually need a walkthrough on your first playthrough. Like Scarlet Hand and Midnight In Salem, you have the issue of not knowing what to do at moments. Or one task is not expressly stated on your task list. The hint system is great for this and is built into the game. I love that you can use a hint system again. You'll need it - especially if you do what my husband and I did (attempt to finish it in one day). This game is great, but some puzzles are less intuitive and we wish Nancy would have said more out loud to help the player at specific moments. Again, please note that we may have fried our puzzle brains and we could have been the problem. Still, when we came back to it, it was still hard. You'll need help at times. 

I played classic mode. We figured out way late (at end game) that we could hold the right mouse button and look around. I think they could have said that in the beginning. Keep this in mind when choosing the mode at the beginning.  Also, we didn't catch the entire room in some places because of this mode and our lack of knowledge on right-clicking. I love that they included classic mode, mostly because it feels like the old games. 

The storyline is amazing. I'd suggest going into it blind. It is a fun, not overly out there, story with fun characters to interact with. The story had thought behind it. You can tell it wasn't a last-minute script. It all comes together at the end. If you do something specific you'll find an extra scene, too. I didn't, but I know that because of an award you can get. I called Ned at the end of the case and got an award. 

Holy Mini Games Batman!

Mini games are usually quite fun, but what I discovered about making latte art is this; it was so much like Shadow At Water's Edge name painting I did not like it. The rest of the coffee making? Fine, but I'd rather skip the latte art. Also, the book had you going all over it to complete the coffees. In my personal notes I intend to simplify the whole book into what buttons to hit and how many times. 

Mini game two is the puppetry. Radek's notes are truly an awful mess. I understand that's the puzzle aspect of it, but we need a bit more notes to get it right without ten tries. If Radek expects an assistant to understand "she....." without reading his mind he should do it all himself or have a permanent assistant to help him. With that said, many had issues with this. We looked on the forums to find that forum had been flooded with this puzzle to the point of a warning to "not write duplicate questions". We were not fried at this point, either, so keep that in mind.

Concluding Thoughts

Courtesy of adventuregamers.com

I put this game up with Silent Spy, where I also have to cheat to finish the game. It isn't easy. Coming back to it proved to me that you should pace yourself, and that you'll still get frustrated. The puzzle level is high. It has a lot of hard puzzles you can figure out, but some that aren't overly intuitive. Any alchemy is not intuitive. Blackmoor (another Nancy Drew game with alchemy) was better at clarifying instructions if I'm honest. 

All that being said, I loved it. I just suggest you keep a walkthrough up and ready on your first go around. I write cheat sheets down and will do my own personal one on my second go around, where I won't fry myself and kill my brainwaves. The story is amazing. Don't ruin the ending for yourself. I'll let you all go in blind like I did. I give it a 7 out of 10. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Modesty - what is it really?

 We've all heard the phrase "dress modestly", especially in a church context. The issue we face is how.  People have different definitions of "modesty", including some that voice their complaints to total strangers. This goes over like an atom bomb. Society has shoved us between the "be sexy" and "be modest" standards. Let's talk about what modesty really is. 

1925 public indecency - with bathing suits
Courtesy of Pinterest

Today we're looking at this issue from a Christian standpoint. You'll see scripture references and get the perspective of me, a Christian. If you don't agree with my perspective we can agree to disagree. Now that we're all on the same page, let's move on.

Modesty is referenced in the bible often, but we don't always look at the overall context. It's easy to cherry-pick verses to support your views. That's not what you are supposed to do. Any scripture listed in this blog has had the context taken into account. I have looked up commentaries and studied the scriptures myself before I put it in. Feel free to study what I have studied and dive deeper. 

We're also talking about how society is no help at all. From victim-blaming to fashion standards constantly changing, we are in a world that makes modesty almost impossible. Stores stock the fashion standard of the time, making shopping for modest clothing kind of awful. What's even worse? Everyone has a different standard for modesty based on culture and family. Oof. Let's dive in. 

Society Issues

First, we look at the elephant in the room. Victim blaming is prevalent in our society. Women who are sexually assaulted can get comments like "they asked for it by wearing skimpy clothing" when they come out and talk about it. I don't believe you asked for rape by wearing any type of clothing. Anyone who comments this or says this to a rape victim should grow some empathy and learn to keep their mouth shut. Your clothing is never an excuse for rape. The rapist should have had self-control; they are the ones at fault and should be charged in court. The crime of rape itself is mostly about power, not about sexual need. Nuns have been raped. Think about that for a minute. 

Courtesy of Preen.ph

Next, we talk about changing fashions. Every generation has a different standard for what is appropriate. If we went back to the 1800s or 1900s, all of us would be gawked at like we were nude. Why? Pants on women. It was shocking then to wear pants and be female. Now it isn't shocking to see mid-drift tops, but if you stepped into 1950 you'd be in real trouble. I think you see my point. The older generation's definition of modesty is constantly behind the current fashion, making it hard to be modernly modest and please both parents and grandparents. You can't. It's an impossible standard. 

We also have society setting standards for us. Even if you think you don't hold to that standard you've been influenced by it. We're all influenced by everything we see, especially what we repeatedly see. We're told, as the Barbie movie points out, we should be sexy but not too sexy. We can't do any of it right because we offend someone no matter what we do. Whether we offend our elders, the fashion critics, or our peers is the choice we're faced with. Society is broken. Face the truth. We'll offend someone at some point in time by the way we're dressed. 

Cultural differences are another part of this puzzle. Remember that half-time show where Shakira belly danced? I liked it, but many parents were shocked by her outfit. While I do think J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez) was vastly out of line to pole dance, Shakira was already known for her belly dancing. It wasn't that big of a deal to me. Her outfit was literally what her character wore in Zootopia (if you care to compare). Belly dancing is an example of a cultural difference. Many women worldwide belly dance and wear outfits like hers with added embellishments and longer skirts. Many people who had never been exposed to that kind of culture were offended. Different cultures have different standards, even when you look at different countries. What people wear publicly in Italy is not the same as what you can wear at a Christian college (as my one friend found out). This makes everything more difficult for women everywhere. 

What the bible says

We're going to start with 1st Timothy, which has a context many don't actually know. The city of Ephesus was the home of a goddess named Artemus, who allegedly helped women in childbirth by killing them quickly or saving their lives. She also, allegedly, was all about celibacy. (No, she wasn't into lesbianism, just to clear the air.) Many don't even take this context into account when they look at the controversial passage about Paul talking to women. The women were being sold sham information and believing it, converting their husbands to serving Artemus and selling it door to door to other women. Paul is not saying women can't be leaders or have to be silent; he is trying to fix an individual problem in Ephesus. In 1st Tim. 2:9 we get the verse on modesty. What we also know about the city is that wealthy women like to show off their wealth. The first point on modesty doesn't even connect to showing off body parts; it instead addresses women walking the streets in their most expensive attire to flaunt their wealth. If I had to say a moral of the story, it's that we shouldn't be showing off and rubbing wealth in people's faces. 

Courtesy of Quotesbae.com

1st Peter 3:3-5 is another one that isn't talking about the body. 1st Peter itself is a letter about how to live as pilgrims in a difficult, broken world. It's shockingly relevant. Chapter 3 is telling women who have unbelieving husbands to submit to them to lead them to Christ. The overall point is this; that the woman's godly character would show the men they married the light of Christ. Submit, in this case, should be connected to mutual submission of a marriage relationship (basically, love and respect each other). Submit doesn't have to be a bad word. Modesty here means that you have beauty from the inside out and you are not just a pretty face. Inner beauty from following Christ should shine out of you and be a beacon to others. Moral of the story, follow Christ and be a beacon to others with inner beauty. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 is the last one I'm putting in. Again, we are not so concerned with body parts showing as we are with actions. 1st Corinthians 6 has to do with lawsuits between believers (basically, how we're being watched and it looks bad) and sexual immorality. The modesty part of this puzzle is that when we sin sexually we sin against our own bodies, which (assuming we've been saved) are God's and not ours. The context here has a lot to do with prostitution and how people thought being saved was being given a license to sin (because you are forgiven of sins). You may have the right to do something, but it may not be beneficial. Being saved isn't a license to sin. In this context, you've given yourself to living for God's will when you are saved, so what you do with your body is part of living for Christ. We are to honor God with our bodily choices. 

Conclusions

If you thought the bible was going to say "cover thy boob-crack" and "skirts should be knee length" you were wrong. It's about actions, inner beauty, and not shoving wealth in people's faces. Live for God as a Christian and you are acting modestly. Really, at the end of it all, what you do with your life should matter more than your clothing. That doesn't mean you go nude or break the public indecency laws, but it does mean you act and dress responsibly. 

Society is broken. We know this to be true. While society has many clothing standards, they shift with time and many standards come back around later. My advice is to live for Christ and be a beacon of inner beauty. Let that guide how you live and honor God by your choices. Oh, and maybe don't flaunt wealth. Because we all hate that. I feel like that last one is common sense. Society has no idea what it wants. Honor God by making choices based on what He guides you to do. God doesn't change His mind every decade like society does. 

Below is an absolutely horrible, but so sadly relevant meme. I found it and thought it was relevant enough to be here. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

How To Write Unsettling Characters

Unsettling characters make your audience think and get a little scared. Let's look at how to write those characters. 

Tom Riddle  - Courtesy of Pinterest

Examples of unsettling characters are some Bond villains, Federov from the book Argylle, and Tom Riddle from Harry Potter. If your skin crawls a bit when they enter the room or scene you've got an unsettling character. How do you write that well? That's today's topic. 

Be aware that the ending of Where The Crawdads Sing is spoiled in the the section "unreliable narrator". You've been warned. 

General Creep Factor

You need to make your reader squirm. A character needs to set off alarm bells for your protagonist. First, we need to know what creep factor is. Simply put, creepy means a threat is perceived. They come in all shapes and sizes, from trying to cop a feel during a conversation to a smile that never reaches their eyes. But not all creep behavior can be helped because maybe they just look unsettling and are fine. You can come across as creepy and not have sinister intentions.

You know what's unsettling? Unpredictability. If I can't predict you it sets off warning bells in my head, especially if you have a dark vibe. If your audience can't predict them it is a great way to start. As long as you don't fall into the pothole of making them predictably unpredictable you're doing great. Even better if societal norms are thrown to the wayside.

Themarysue.com - Alastor from Hazbin Hotel

Show them they are creepy rather than telling them. Have someone step farther from the creepy character in the scene. Have people avoid them. Let the natural alarm bells ring. Make them wonder what they are really up to, like Alastor in Hazbin Hotel and Bill Cypher in Gravity Falls. 

Some creepy features do, in fact, reflect mental illness. Please know this when you write the character. If you don't want to reflect a disorder, you need to make sure you aren't imitating one in your character traits. Be aware of what disorders are out there, such as depression, anxiety, autism, OCD, BPD, etc...

Standing too close and not respecting boundaries makes people vastly uncomfortable. You might also add weird expressions and fidgeting. Obsession makes people squirm, too. 

Now, avoiding eye contact can mean many things but it does make people squirm. This is highly situational. Be careful with this one. I don't make good eye contact and introverts everywhere have issues with this. It's actually the opposite that makes me squirm - which would be too much eye contact or unwanted eye contact. I suggest having someone make too much eye contact, rather than not enough.

Emotion is a big thing. Having someone void of emotion, showing too much emotion, or expressing the wrong emotions in the current situation (for example, laughing at the body at a funeral or smiling too much at a funeral) is a major creep factor. When emotion doesn't reach their eyes it is unnerving. 

Most of us who are perceptive have a thing, where we play dumb to knowing more about someone than they think we know. When someone knows more about you than you told them it comes across wrong, thus it is on this list. It is creepy if someone knows a lot about you or only knows about your interests. This is a major reason many perceptive people play dumb when they logically deduce things about you in passing. 

Another thing writers do is observe people. Hobbies like people-watching and bird-watching hit the creep list because being watched is not something many people like. I don't think birds care, but some of the population of humans definitely do. It's another reason to do the above as a writer - play dumb. However, when your character doesn't it will up that creep factor.

Courtesy of Collider - From the TV series You

I need to say this to clear the air. People watching and stalking are not the same. Sitting on a park bench enjoying the city vibes while thinking is not following someone home or obsessing over them. Many of us sit in coffee shops enjoying the conversation and taking notes on what would make a neat character description. We are not, under any circumstances, following the patrons out to their cars and tailing them home. If you do that you are stalking. Stalking is one great way to make a character creepy. Another twist is if you note all their interests and obsess on those. The You series is a great example. 

If a perception of reality doesn't match reality, but the character doesn't care or insists it does you've got a good creep factor going. The scariness of the twisted perception depends on the situation, world, worldbuilding, and generally the character's interests. The sky is the limit with this one. The people with twisted views and perceptions of reality make everyone back up a few steps. 

Subtle Creep Factor

Need subtlety? No problem. Here are a few traits that might help you create a more under-the-radar creep. It might be more realistic to life. 

Are they simply too calm under pressure? Yeah, that's weird. Or they snap and go back to calm. I knew someone who did that. It was kind of scary. 

Inappropriate smiling is another one. Did someone smile at a phrase that they shouldn't have? Take note. This, with added traits, can be unnerving. For example, if someone seems to know more than they say and they smile when someone says a particular phrase you upped the creep factor. Again, the trait of knowing too much about something is going to help here. Especially if they shouldn't know what they know.

Courtesy of Crime Wire - H. H. Holmes

Being too friendly is something you'll want to add if you have an H. H. Holmes character around. The real H. H. Holmes was too friendly with women particularly. He's an excellent, real-life example of someone who is too friendly. Those that turn the charm to 12 out of 10 are usually just appearing friendly; your character can have this trait and be a serial killer like H. H. Holmes. 

Unnatural phrasing is a weird one, but many of us notice this when it happens. The character has to be a natural speaker of their language for this to work. The basic idea is that they don't talk like everyone else, but instead phrase things oddly. 

Lack of sympathy or empathy is a major red flag, as well as nonchalance toward death and suffering. That can create a scary character by itself. Insisting on getting what they want on top of this is going to create a villain faster than ever. 

Either taking everything too seriously or not taking anyone seriously is also a great way to add some creepiness. Peculiar hobbies, attitude, and attire also add to it. Maybe they also have some event or trauma in their past that created their odd outlook on life. 

Having one trait that is off-putting and a few that at least appear normal will hide this character if you need to hide them until their time. Suspense and mystery novelists should take note of this method. 

More Than Traits

Your character traits are not the only creep factor here. You can literally use their descriptions to create the atmosphere. For example, I can say "Valentino leered at Angel and forced him against the wall" instead of "Valentino shoved Angel against the wall". Both are the same event, except one paints Valentino in a darker light. The vague description doesn't paint Valentino as a creep. Valentino is an excellent example of an unsettling character. 

Words like "coerce" instead of "compel" are good for painting the character as a creep. Use words that make your audience uncomfortable. This is when you can make your readers squirm at mere descriptions of actions. Be creative. 

What the unsettling character knows is just as effective as everything else. If they know too much about our protagonist you get the feeling they stalked them. When they appear matters, too, because only appearing when our protagonist is alone or vulnerable creates atmosphere. 

Consider limiting what we know of this character. Alastor, for example, has an ulterior motive and we don't know who is forcing him to help the hotel. We have limited knowledge of his backstory at best, so it creates questions. People get uncomfortable with what they don't fully understand. 

Courtesy of kenhdaotao.edu.vn

Hidden personas help with this. Maybe someone has an outward appearance but is just acting. If they drop their mask a few times in front of a select few you add to the mystery. It might be worth having someone be a really good actor in public and making them drop that persona when off guard later, only to pick it up immediately again when someone gets a bit creeped out. 

Look at real life. Look at real serial killers, real stalkers, real criminals who did horrific things and why. Preferably, I'd do this mid-day with a palate cleanser afterward, like a comedy. It depends on whether this stuff falls out of your head or sticks like super glue. Serial killers and homicides are no joke. 

A Word of Warning

I'm repeating it again, just so you don't make the mistake of demonizing the mentally ill. Don't paint the mentally ill in a negative light because they have some features perceived as creepy. Different isn't always a bad thing. 

Many people who make less eye contact, watch birds, enjoy observing people, and own reptiles are not bad people, but these are all traits that have "creepy" connotations. Lots of individuals in the world do not perceive social cues as well as the average population, so maybe standing too close is not something they understand. Autism makes it hard to make eye contact, for example. Awkward people who don't necessarily know how to socialize or have social anxiety aren't magically going to understand the art of conversation. 

Don't demonize the neurodivergent on accident. Your story could reach millions. You never know. 

When Your Protagonist is Unsettled 

The emotion is key. We need to know your protagonist is uncomfortable around this person and senses a threat, whether it is or isn't a threat. Play with this if you want. Maybe someone isn't a threat and their "safe" person is the real threat. 

Your internal dialogue when you sense a threat is not always rational. You just want to get back to safety. You only want to get away from this person and are hyper-aware of the threat. Have your internal character dialogue play off of that. Have them think of strategies to get away. Make it clear your protagonist is scared of someone. 

Unreliable Narrators

This is a clear scenario where your narrator is the unsettled protagonist. This is when your main character's story can be skewed in one direction or the other. They can outright lie. You can lie to your audience and plant the truth along the way, where you can find it when you look for the real evidence. 

Unsettled protagonists who don't know what is real or fake anymore are unstable. In some stories, you can blur the lines between reality and fantasy to heighten suspense and fear. What your narrator sees is not necessarily what everyone else sees and hears. 

We are already biased when we tell our stories, but this type of narrator is a bit more intense than that. Do we even know who they are? That's the real question. You can establish they are liars. And maybe, like Atomic Blonde, you wink at the audience with the last phrase of the movie "I'm glad I was convincing" (looking the audience in the eye). Establish that they sometimes embellish the truth, or there are things they can't say. 

Omitting information is lying by omission, but it works here. Maybe you don't have it all. Perhaps, parts of the story don't add up based on what you have. The reader will pick up on all that. You may even have our narrator sidestep questions about themselves. What you don't say speaks volumes, too. 

Motivations being clear as mud make readers unsettled. In this case, your narrator can be clear as mud when written right. The reader wants to understand them, so they read on and continue trying to make sense of the motives. Eventually, they might come to the conclusion their narrator lied to their face. 

Is your narrator playing dumb? It's possible. Make them smarter than they seem. Reveal this intelligence slowly. Where The Crawdads Sing does this by making our character seem innocent when she isn't. The evidence is all there, but you are not looking for it because she's playing dumb. 

Courtesy of frontrowcentre.com

Secondary characters can catch your narrator in their lies. If the secondary character mentions that our narrator did something way back when and the narrator tries to brush them off it sends a message. You can see this in Atomic Blonde with David Percival.

Add some unpredictable actions into the mix. Put the character of our narrator in question. Make readers question why someone would do something after saying what they have and doing what they have. Make the reader think. 

Narrators don't all have to be evil. Maybe they have memory gaps, can't tell fantasy from reality, are going senile, going insane, traumatized, struggling, trying not to spill family dirt, or justifying their perspective in an event. They are telling what they perceive as the truth. This means not all unreliable narrators are villains. 

Lastly, make it believable and not too far out in left field. Based on the sanity level of the character, what are they likely to do when they act out? What do their struggles compel them to do? Keep it credible. An unhinged character will go farther than a straight-laced high schooler. 

The Uncanny In Writing

Uncanny things are familiar, but off somehow. It's wrong and you might not be able to put your finger on why. You can use this to create an unsettling atmosphere. 

Deja Vu is a repeated event. Take that and change the repeated event endings up. If the reader asks "did I see this before?" you succeeded. 

Liminal spaces are transitional spaces. Think in between places emotionally and physically. When trapped here it feels wrong because you need to move on. Put fewer people where there should be more people or the reverse to make something feel off. You can also make a place a simulation. 

Dopplegangers, exact doubles of other people, can create uncanny very easily. Simulacrum look or behave like an image. an example of this is in Dr. Who, where store dummies move. Put this in and you'll scare someone. 

Direct communication can be uncanny. Who knew? Have a character speak their mind with dark thoughts. It can create atmosphere. 

These are all techniques that don't always stray in the horror direction. Try it sometime. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Sources:

How to Write a Creepy Character Realistically – All Write Alright

Writing creepy characters in a subtle way that doesn’t spell out what this person is capable of. : r/writing (reddit.com)

How to Unsettle Readers (Writing Emotion: Unsettledness) — Shirsten Shirts

8 Tips to Writing Unreliable Narrators - Writer's Digest (writersdigest.com)

How To Make Any Story Creepy Using The Uncanny - Writers Write

The Bridge Table Murder of 1929

 I'll give you a hint; it never happened on a bridge. Let's talk about the woman who murdered her husband over a bad game of bridge, and if there was more to it than a slap in the face in the middle of a bridge game. 

Courtesy of sonofabandit.net

We're in 1929. A woman and her husband are playing bridge with another couple. The woman makes a bad call and the husband slaps her across the face, despite an audience. The game ends. The other couple goes home. The woman shoots the husband and gets off with self-defense after a trial of national popularity (1931). She lives on into to the 90s and the whole event fades into obscurity. Bridge Table Murder? What's that? 

Today we're talking about it, not only because I need to know headline events from the 1930s for my time travel research, but also because I'm fascinated. Shout out to Jim, my coworker, for putting this on my radar. Thanks, Jim!

Some Background

September 29 in 1929 John and Myrtle Bennett played rubber bridge in Kansas City. They played with their neighbors, Charles and Myrna Hoffman. John Bennett was in the habit of slapping his wife in moments of frustration. When they started losing the game a bad bid was made, causing John to do just that after an argument broke out between John and Myrtle. The neighbors promptly left. It got to the point that John said he was spending the night in a hotel and leaving. 

Pendergastkc.org

Myrtle got the colt .32 from her mother's room after all this. John went to have a word with her to find her armed. He ran into the bathroom and bolted the door. She shot through it twice, missing both times. He took the second exit into the hallway, getting to the front door only to get shot twice - and she didn't miss this time. This is the Bennett Bridge Murder. 

The Trial Itself

This was a case where the woman got off for the murder. She even gave statements that didn't match previous statements. "Tomorrow I'm leaving town" was spun as "I'm leaving forever". Her story? That her husband had told her to get his pistol for his suitcase, only she stumbled into a chair and wounded her husband. He grabbed her arm to regain balance and it mortally wounded him. She also claimed he was emotionally abusive and cheated on her. One of those I believe, yet somehow, I don't think this was an accident. 

Despite two bullet holes in a bathroom door and a body by the front door without a suitcase, she was acquitted. Despite four shots, two direct hits, it was deemed an accident. She got 30,000 dollars in life insurance on her husband. 

At the time bridge was a big deal. What the hand actually was is debated because the cards went flying, but my sources did have what it might have been. If you care about that you can go through my sources for it. The newspapers then certainly cared more about it, to the point that some thought his poor play was justifiable for homicide. The point is that John did not play as well as he could have, though that shouldn't lead to two bullet holes. 

Courtesy of pendergastkc.org

Conclusions

I don't think a simple game of bridge was the reason for this murder. Emotional and physical abuse was probably the more likely reason. Everyone has a breaking point and hers must have been that night. Some abuse victims do kill their abusers. The most horrible Agatha Christie deaths, not to mention the cruelest, were victims killing their abusers. Even in fiction the fact that an abuser can be murdered by a victim is present. 

That doesn't make a murder right, but I do think some of her story added up - just not the story about the accidental shooting. This was no accident. She'd had enough. A smart woman got away with murder to ensure she'd never be abused again. 

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Sources:

The Bennett Bridge Murder Case | Snopes.com

The most disastrous bridge hand ever dealt (kwbridge.com)

Bridge Murder case explained

Down One | The New Yorker

"What's the first book?" - Fantasy and Sci-fi

 I'm sure you've done it. Have you considered reading a series like Star Wars or Star Trek only to not know what book is even first? Here's the post you need to see. We'll dive into Star Wars, Star Trek, Dune, The Wheel of Time, and Ender's Game series to determine what order to read them in. 

Courtesy of Abe Books

To restate what series we are tackling, we have Star Wars, Star Trek, Dune, The Wheel of Time, and Ender's Game. Two of these I wanted to read, but didn't know the order of. Finding the books isn't a problem, yet I'm afraid I'll pick up a book and be terribly confused because I picked up book five before I picked up book one. I'll go into each series individually, starting with a basic plot overview and ending with a concrete list, or link to a concrete list, of books in the right order. 

Star Wars

We know the basic plot of the movies, yet here I am saying there is even more to explore. The main storyline is about Luke Skywalker and Jedi forces defeating the empire. The expanded world, and I do mean extensively expanded, creates many other storylines from before and after Luke Skywalker. I don't think a short paragraph would be helpful for mapping that, so I'm not going to try it. 

The sheer amount of books is overwhelming. Someone before me took this topic and made a good article about it, thus you can click here for an ultimate guide. What I found was not a simple list of books one through whatever number. Instead, we have eras and a distinction between legend Canon and a newer timeline (2014 and onward). This is horribly confusing for me. I would like to have a list of what order and just roll with that. The closest I could find was this page, which has a list arranged by eras. Good luck, young padawan. 

Courtesy of Giphy

Star Trek

In this series, many space explorers go where no one has gone before to both create diplomacy and fail at it (where the phasers come in real handy). It's set in the future with many alien races communicating openly with everyone else. Leaders such as Captain Kirk and Captain Picard made this series famous. I'm not even naming every leader at this point. The plot does not change with a new leader. 

There is a lot. I'm not going to lie and say "here, have this list" was what I found. No, in fact, the canon is not quite canon if I understood the source correctly. This whole linked website is a reading guide to different series of Star Trek books. Have fun!

Courtesy of tvovermind.com

Dune

The movies are a big hit right now. I have no doubt that you'll find the books out there in library displays and bookstores everywhere. The series follows Paul Atreides while he travels the desert planet Arrakis for valuable spices that control the empire. It gets more interesting from there. It's an older story than you think. There is an older movie, too. 

The series has more than one author. Frank Herbert has books, as well as Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson. The link I found gives you Frank's books and then the other two authors. The list is included in this link. It isn't nearly as complicated to find the order of this series. 

Courtesy of scriptshadow.net

The Wheel of Time

The plot is a complicated mix of time and powers. I'm not sure this book is something to be summed up in one sentence. I'm not worrying about it. You can google the basic plot and get a bit more information. I'm here to give you the order to read the books in. Maybe it is better, in this case, to just jump in and see if you like it. 

You have fifteen books in the entire series. It isn't nearly as expansive as Star Trek or Star Wars. It had to be continued after the author died. Fortunately, the notes left behind clarified for the next author Brandon Sanderson. Below I have the titles listed. My source for this list is here.

1. The Eye of the World

2. The Great Hunt

3. The Dragon Reborn

4. The Shadow Rising

5. The Fires of Heaven

6. Lord of Chaos

7. A Crown of Swords

8. The Path of Daggers

9. Winter's Heart

10. Crossroads of Twilight 

11. New Spring (prequel)

12. Knife of Dreams

13. The Gathering Storm

14. Towers of Midnight

15. A Memory of Light

Courtesy of insidehook.com

Ender's Game

This book follows Ender Wiggin, a gifted boy recruited into a military school to create leaders who can save them from aliens (Formics). This is a highly praised book in Goodreads ratings. I thought I'd have a concrete list when it pulled up a list right away. It also pulled up an article with three ways to read it. 

After inspecting the article I've decided to give you the article link. To sum up what you'll find, you can read it in publication order, series order, or chronological order. All have a list below the categories. You have a choice. 

Courtesy of The Movie Database

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.

Movie Review - 1925 The Gold Rush

 

 Today you'll see some of my 1920's research. Partly because I need content and partly because I need to watch more of these movies for speech patterns and reference. I'm hitting two birds with one stone, in other words. Sit back and enjoy my review of the silent film The Gold Rush starring Charlie Chaplin, released in 1925. 

Courtesy of Letterboxd

The Gold Rush is a silent film, starring Charlie Chaplin, about the Great Gold Rush of Alaska. Below is my review of it, mostly because I need to watch it for research and partly because I want to watch it and need an excuse. The movie begins with a card talking about the gold rush. It is mostly visual comedy, cards with words, and piano music. You can't watch it with your ears while working. Visuals are the film. You miss everything by not looking up at the screen. Keep this in mind with all silent films. 

Storytelling

As usual, they use music, cards with text, and silent acting to get all of it across. It proves you don't necessarily need words to get meaning to your audience. I honestly think we need to come back to this and revisit the talent of silent actors. 

It tells the clear story of a hard winter for three prospectors out in the wilderness, then a return to get the gold. It has action and comedy. Oh, and a cute dog. It's mostly antics. The antics were mostly physical. The acting clearly tells the story. 

Courtesy of IMDB.com

Later on, we see a woman come into play named Georgia, who lives in the town. Chaplin's character comes into the dance hall to see her. She has an unwanted admirer who gets really aggressive. She has no interest. She uses Chaplin to get away from the unwanted admirer. This is where the comedy gets a bit more ramped up, as his pants nearly fall down while they dance. A dog gets attached to him by a leash, then chases a kitten. The charming awkward protagonist gets the girl over the aggressive man at the end, when he is now wealthy. 

Never once was I confused. Never did I question what was going on. I knew what happened purely on visuals. The comedy gags were all good. 

Quality

Here we have the quality of the acting and the music. I'll also speak to the overall quality of the film and if I enjoyed it. The short answer is yes, I enjoyed myself. There was no moment that the acting wasn't on point. It was on point at every moment of the film. The action sequences were fantastic and the music always matched. 

I need to take a moment and praise the action sequences. The fight scenes were excellent in the cabin. I loved those. They kept it interesting. It held my attention fully. 

The music matched every single scene. It was impressive. Given this was often live music in theatres I'd like to see this live and not from a YouTube upload. I'd pay money to watch it. 

I never got tired of the movie, not once. I was all in. Chaplin was so adorably sweet. His comedic antics hit the bullseye every time. I'd watch another any day of the week. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. 

Courtesy of virtual-history.com

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I wrote a book! I am delighted to say that I have 5 five-star reviews up on Amazon now, which is amazing. I hope you like it, too. If you're interested in buying a paperback, hardcover, or ebook version go to my website link in this blog or click here to go straight to my Amazon page. 

Jack Thomas is running from a past case. He's hiding in Wrenville. Is his past case catching up with him? 

Find out in my first book, Wrenville, a stand-alone suspense novel.